A friend of mine went to visit a friend and stayed with him for a night. He was laid to sleep on a folded chair, where he was tormented until morning. The owner’s dog walked around all night and breathed. As it turned out later, it was her chair where she usually slept.)

Yesterday I had 4 years to retire, today - 9, and they say that it is impossible to return youth.

A friend is doing repairs, asked to install the door to the bathroom.

In the process, they talked: I would like a shower cabin instead of a bathroom, but I am afraid of a closed space.

I was joking:

All phobias come from childhood. Did your parents lock you in a closet for bad behavior?

She thought a little.

It wasn’t closed, but there was a case at the school.

And she told me that they went with the class on a march and in the evening, when she was with her girlfriends in the tent (brezent, the old pattern, it was still in the times of the USSR), classmates cut off the stretches and the tent folded on them. Then the boys walked on the perimeter to the tent and did not let them get out until the teacher came to shout. She said she had forgotten this story for a long time, but then she was very scared.



Of course, she did not get rid of the phobia, but at least she knows the reason.

Thus, seemingly, innocent jokes may appear in the future.

recently been abroad. Walk on the alley. Negroes sell sunglasses, black women show photos of hairstyles they can make, the weather is good... Two local cops meet, one of them says something to the diet and both start to run abruptly. The Negro instantly catches his healthy tablet with glasses, the Negro photos and takes away from the cops. Cops run after them, catch them, run in parallel for a couple of seconds...turn around the corner. The Negro continued to run.

I have acquaintances, an ordinary family: Mom, Dad, son 19 years old. I live in Canada, my father is Ontario Provincial Police Officer (extremely serious guys).



Since they are older than us (our daughter is only 4 years old yet), we sometimes ask them for advice in terms of upbringing. And they told me an interesting tactic of teaching a teenager to understand his actions and consequences.



When at the age of 13, the son was caught for the first time for smoking herbs, the parents did not arrange scandals and trips to the narcologist. The father was simply trying to teach his son the criminal code – everything in it about drugs, storage, distribution, fines, prison terms, and so on. I asked for the exam. Until I learned by the mouth - no hassles with friends and other life strings.



When at the age of 16, the son gave up the rights and asked the car to repent with friends, the father forced to learn the Highway Traffic Act - a set of laws on traffic and violations, specifically chapters on drunk driving, dangerous driving, what fines, what violations are criminal liability. I also had to go through first aid courses. Only with this certificate and the entirely learned laws the son received the keys from the parental machine.



And so on many other aspects of life: he taught the laws, criminal, administrative, so that he knew that you would be for it in adulthood. In short, by the age of 19, the guy became so familiar with local law that he had nothing to do but go to the Law School for a lawyer. This is the parental approach.

I was at the doctor’s (D) reception at home. She is multicolor. I decided to talk about the roots.

I: Can you tell us about your parents?

My mom is Russian and my dad is Chinese.

I am... a Chinese?

Have you ever seen black Chinese?

I try to remember.

Oh yeah... no...

Q: What kind of Chinese? ! to He laughs. Of course an African.

Why do you say you’re Chinese?

D: Yes, I just like to watch the interlocutor’s amazed eyes.

A neighbor came to me yesterday. I decided to take a loan for my daughter's wedding (about 3000 UAH), I don't work anywhere, I am engaged in handicrafting at home. The bank does not give without a certificate of income.

But there is an option without a certificate - they can call from the bank to work and give a certificate orally.

And since I have a fixed phone, I can help her and present myself as a "employee". I replied that I would not take part in such deals, and explained how this is called. I was angry and left.

Now he doesn’t say goodbye to me and probably won’t invite me to the wedding.

But the most interesting thing is that she offered it to other neighbors, but they managed to turn it up culturally. I am not grateful alone.

Women often say that men do not understand the hints. But do women themselves understand the clues? Here I watched with my wife and the reviews of concrete mixers, and the song "The concrete mixer interferes with concrete..." on the wall was thrown, even links to different concrete mixers in online stores were sent to her, but she never understood what to give me on my birthday...

4 years ago, our office, specializing in information security, picked up no bad Contract for the installation of cryptographic information protection tools and conducting certification of jobs with this most scary in the educational institutions of the region. My partner and I went to one of the schools of the region for work under the contract. The director of the school gave us the help of the teacher of computer science, what to put and what organizational issues - it's all with him. A strong and ordinary man with universal sadness and grief in his eyes. After completing the work, he took us to the school dining room for lunch. My partner, seeing in the dining room, took a glass and headed to it, which the computer scientist with indifferent calm objected:

I do not recommend drinking from there.

– to? ? to ? to ? to

- the refrigerator is open, you could spit there and suck and even snoop the shit... it is, shit, kids!

A man is born by others, but he must die by himself.

I recently went to Thailand and went on a trip to the Kwai River. When they left on the bus, the guide began to ask:
All in place? Look carefully, have you forgotten anyone?
One man in the back row was very upset:
You have checked every stop! We went faster, already want to eat, and to the hotel still to go and go!
The bus did not rush, and here we see that behind us from the last force rushes a motorcycle with three seeds, with two obviously Russian women screaming something very loud and shaking their hands. The bus stopped, the women paid with the motorcycle driver and entered the bus - it turned out that it was the wife and aunt of this man from the rear row!

MEPs called on Poroshenko and ministers to head the gay parade in Kiev.
Angry homosexuals don’t want to go alongside these piddars.

What would you do if you were a widow?

Man: I don't know, I usually don't imagine such nonsense.

I: That is, yesterday you imagined what you would do if you became a widow and never imagined being a widow?

Husband: With you, I’m more likely to be a prostitute than a widow.

In St. Petersburg and Leningrad region, many have Finnish Schengen visas. It is simple, fast and allows you to walk around Europe. But in order to get a Finnish visa again, most trips must be made to Finland. And ideally spend on its territory most of the time in the Schengen area (meaning to enter and leave through the Finnish border).

A few years ago, one of my former colleagues had a Finnish visa coming to an end and he pointed out that there were more trips to other countries. He decided to "drop the visa" and was going to visit Finland again. There was nothing to do there, so he decided to go there and back one day. Usually travelling through the border and having passed all customs procedures, he left a couple of kilometers and stopped. Should I go somewhere? I visited the country, there is a mark on the passport, what else do I need? He smoked, walked around the car, turned around and came back to the customs.

A Finnish border guard took the documents, stung his finger into the computer and somehow unhealthy revived.

What did you do in Finland?

I went to the store.

You spent 20 minutes in the country. You would not have time to go to the store, make shopping and come back. What purpose did you visit Finland?

The car was dragged into the box, forced to unload all the things. They smelled a dog. Then they began to break the car. Everything that could be quickly removed was removed. The doors were dismantled, the filters were opened, the reserve was removed, which the customs officer seemed to be going to dismantle, but changed his mind. We looked everywhere with lights and cameras. Then they gathered everything together, wished good luck and let go. In the end, I spent all three hours.

The acquaintance was very afraid that then no visa would be given at all, but submitted documents and received Schengen without problems. Now, while visiting Finland, he tries to get to the store and thinkfully shop in it.

I was 11-12 years old when we came to my mom’s birthday.

At the table, everyone said toasts and gave gifts.



My daughter, my mate, congratulated her mother and handed her a gift bag. Guests were asked to open and show what was there. Inside was a statue of a cat with a frog sitting under a tree.



Then the wife’s husband invited the guests to see their new repair in the bathroom, and everyone went there.



I stayed in the room with the woman and her daughter. Without embarrassing me, she said to her daughter, “Are you stupid? Why do I have this dumb cat with a frog? Where did you get that nonsense? Am I a kindergarten to give me that?”



The girl cried, left, and did not leave the room until the end of the party.

We met this girl after 15 years at a wedding of common acquaintances.

She and her husband gave a multi-wark and money. Her husband congratulated the newlyweds, and my mom's daughter's colleague probably repeated 5 times that they gave them a multivarka, as they asked that she was good, and they would need it. It was evident that she was very worried.



Love your children, and accept all their gifts with joy, be it a statuette, a drawing, a soft toy, or a craft of shit and sticks.

Russia is a place for excitement.

What do you know about times and customs?! to
You know nothing. In our school there was a grand scandal before the holidays: on the shift, a 16-year-old student seduced a 22-year-old junior teacher, and uncovered this sinfulness by a 25-year-old school psychologist, pregnant with the same young man. In what happened, the 30-year-old mother of the student does not see anything.

How do you know I am not a serial killer? Asked a passenger.
“The chances that two serial killers will find themselves in the same car are just tiny,” I replied.

What do you know about times and customs? ! to

You know nothing.

In our school there was a grand scandal before the holidays: on the shift, a 16-year-old student seduced a 22-year-old junior teacher, and uncovered this sinfulness by a 25-year-old school psychologist, pregnant with the same young man.

In what happened, the 30-year-old mother of the student does not see anything.

It was a few years ago. She was transported to the universe after her vacation to Moscow. I went to my grandmother to say goodbye. She prepared for her a dried trout (meat, melissa, to make tea) - all signed, wrapped in newspapers and bound with rubber. I say in a joke, say, in the examination will be arrested - they will say marijuana is lucky (and the daughter only with hand luggage). Here my grandmother grabs out one of my clutches and ticks under my nose terribly, expressing dissatisfaction with my insensitivity, says: It is written CHABREC!!!! to