She is really a super-aunt. She even has superpowers ;)

WOW: Yes I know it. Annihilate all the champagne in sight.

And then she turns into a bartender!

You are chasing. Berger is the one who laughs. What is the name of a man who sings and dances all the time?

HH: This is a Petruška. She annihilates the entire shampoo and turns into a peanut! >_<

AAA: Updated script to solve sudoku that was once written long ago
BBB is B?
AAA: 100% solution... 40 pieces per second decides (I found a base at 45k there)
AAA: Remembered the Matrix: left the monitor with the words "Now I know how to solve the sudoku"

A guard almost shot Queen Elizabeth II in Buckingham Palace.

The Queen of Great Britain has made a claim to the guard."

If he were to shoot, he would get a tough sentence.

My editor is a very responsible person. In addition, she is very emotional and impulsive, and such people have their own specific perception of the world. If, for example, I was on the subway today and I got on my foot, it means nothing more than that I was on the subway.
For Helena is different.
Oh my God, you can imagine, I was on the subway today! A nightmare, I got all my legs.
All the sixteen?

I look at last year’s code.
He is just like my life.
xxx: funny and ugly
XHH: and it improves over time

Smart people not only have a hobby, but also get good money for it.

The case was in the village. In the sub-chief collage, where we, six young specialists (four boys and two girls) in the rainy fall of the eighty-seventh sent the management of the native factory. This colloquium was so dull that if you imagine the ass of the world, and then find on this ass the most hidden and inaccessible point, this will be the village of twenty courts in which we end up. A night on a train, four hours on a collective bus on a road that had traces of asphalt, and another hour and a half just on the fields in the truck of a tractor "Belarus", with three bags of potatoes and two dead animals.
What is it? “Has a thick finger in the carcass of a pig and a pig,” Tanya asked. I will not go with the bodies.
They are not bodies. He responded by a tractor driver.
Yes! yes! And what then?
Your food.

We were settled in an empty house on the outskirts of the village. The rain did not stop for a day. Every morning of our new life began with the arrival of a brigadier at eight in the morning. A few words about the brigadier should be said separately. He was a man of middle age and about the same degree of intoxication. He was not a drunkard, not an alcoholic, it was just such a way of life. Neither sober nor drunk we have ever seen him, he was always in the same state. And every day, strictly at eight in the morning, he came and announced that due to weather conditions, the battle for the harvest was postponed indefinitely. Then we were given to ourselves. We just did not have fun. Cards, anecdotes, books, games - everything quickly ended and tired. And once after dinner, when we were sitting as usual and trembling about nothing, we talked about pioneering camps. Where and how they lived in childhood. And the lion said:
I liked the camp. We had a party in the camp every day. Today, for example, is February 23. And we went on strike all day, depicting the combat squad, singing military songs. Tomorrow is March 8. We congratulated the girls, prepared a festive concert for them, made some gifts, and depicted galantine knights. and so on. Shortly for the change we had time to celebrate all the holidays that are in the year. Including the New Year.

Shut up! Suddenly one of us said. Do we celebrate the New Year too?! to

Everyone laughed, but nobody took those words seriously. But somehow imperceptibly and involuntarily, this idea suddenly became full of real and clear prospects. Soon all the plans and roles were detailed. Since the morning, work has been over.

It was a hundred meters to the nearest tree tree, and an hour later the beautiful tree was standing in the middle of the cottage, relying on the ceiling, and emitting the incredible and unparalleled smell of the holiday. After that, even the most outspoken skeptics have changed their mood dramatically. We cooked, made decorations, cut snowflakes and garlands, painted patterns on the windows, and came up with what to make the costumes of Santa Claus and Snowmen. As a festive drink from Aunt Vali, two three-liter pots of village samsung were purchased, and several cans of strawberries. At the same time, as a bonus, she managed to kick out an apple girland for a while. After weakening a portion of the samon with strawberry and well water, we obtained several varieties of beautiful strawberries.

By eight o’clock, everything was almost ready. The table was broken by an abundance of snacks and drinks. The tree shone with lights and filled with bright jewelry. The music played loud. The girls at the stove drove the last marathon. Soon the celebration began.

What to say? Per a more bright, fun, and unusual New Year I will not remember in my life. There was everything, and New Year’s gifts, and Santa Claus, and “Yellow, light up!"and the styles on the table, and the chord around the tree tree, and even the New Year's disco. At three o’clock, we were silent. Not the last role in this was played by the authentically walled village self-driving.

At eight in the morning, the door opened as usual, and a figure of a brigadier appeared on the threshold. The brigadier took a step forward, opened his mouth for his traditional morning greeting, and so with his mouth open and measured. In the middle of the cottage stood a tree flowing through the fires. Under the tree, putting a bag of gifts under his head, and stuck his nose in a folded beard, Santa Claus slept sweetly. In the corner on the bench, she sang swirling with a snowflake. On the right side of the window was a table with the remains of a rich New Year's meal, all in serpentine and snowflakes.

The brigadier stood for a minute, then closed his mouth, approached the table, poured a glass of самогоon, and without a snack drank. Then, trying not to make noise, he walked around the room, looked out the window, admired the tree, sat down near Santa Claus, returned to the table, and poured it again. After drinking the second glass, he sat down, smoked looking at the tree, then cleaned the edge of the table, placed his hands with a cross, placed his head on them, and grabbed.

He woke up an hour and a half later, at a clean table. We sat at the same table and played cards, trying not to make any noise, so as not to disturb the peace of the collective chief. The girls prepared breakfast. The brigadier looked muddy, first to the empty table, then to us, then to the rest of the room, and asked with a whisper:
Where is the tree?
What tree? He asked Valer, handing over the cards.
The tree. The New Year. She stood here. The brigadier said in parts.
We looked surprised.
Was the New Year’s Eve here? I asked Valer. Did the cowardly rabbit not jump under her?
I did not jump. The brigadier said. Santa was sleeping under it.
"I too," said Lechka, "this kind of shit can be dreamed, especially if you are sleeping uncomfortable.
Good to fool! The brigadier said. Did I think you went crazy?
No of course! Valeria said and asked. – Victor Ivanovich, what is the number today?
The brigadier turned his hand with the clock, then said, "Tyfu on you!“He stood up from the table and walked into the middle of the house. There, for some reason, he looked first at the ceiling, then, more closely, under his feet, probably trying to find some confirmation of his words, but found nothing. Again, looking carefully but unsuccessfully around the table, he returned to the table and asked:
What to drink?
Maybe a champagne? I proposed a leopard. A cold one, right?
You will joke with me! The brigadier said.
Valera got out of the store a bank with the remains of the monk.
Silently drinking, the brigadier, not saying goodbye, went out of the door, and dissolved in a moist mist.
More in the morning, without any particular need, he tried not to come to us.

British scientists have established that at the price of a barrel of oil $100+ officials do not have time to throw all the babies, and the country begins economic growth.

Minsk Zoo accepts tree trees for animal feed, Belta reports with reference to the capital zoo. Trees that need to be removed should be left at the entrance to the zoo from Monday to Friday from 10.00 to 17.00.
- In needle legs contains a lot of beneficial substances, they go to the food of the copper. Do not hesitate to eat "colliecs" zebra, deer, camels. This is not the first year that we have such an action, many citizens are responding to our request.

I was in a clinic with a therapist (T). There, on the first day, a new nurse (M) ~27-30 years old, Toli Altai, Toli Cossack went to work. Beginning of working day. The nurse can not log in to the system, on the screen the inscription "wrong password". It causes sysadmine (C). The following dialogue:
Q: Here is your password (a combination of numbers, large and small Latin letters) on the paper, did you enter it?
M: Yes, but I’m not sure what’s right. Are there big or small numbers?
C: In the sense?
M: Well, I picked up big ones. The big eight is the shift + 8.
C: Shift + 8 is a star.
The surprisingly incomprehensible look of the nurse.
C: *Deep breath*...Next time write small numbers.
is leaving.
Q: And the numbers are big and small too?
M: Finally!

Q&A: Have you forgotten it?
yyy> No
yyy> I go
XXX> Where is it?? to
yyy>...the number of Hz

From a review of the English series "Faith":

Watched the first series of the 2011 British detective television series titled "Faith". I managed to watch the series in English in the original, which I even regretted a little, because the main character and some other actors have just a terrible British pronunciation, just sometimes nothing is unclear..."

A few weeks later, the timlid found a constant — the number of days per month. “Thirty.” February and so on.?" – we thought and added the bag to the tasklist. The next day we found the constant of the “months of the year.” “The 13.”

to this:
For violation of the law on silence citizens threaten to be fined up to 2,000 rubles, officials - up to 5,000, organizations - up to 6 thousand.

How much should I pay for ringing the bells at night?

As one of my friends said, looking at the furious Komsomolists, when we came to a closed rock concert organized by the Central Committee of Komsomol exclusively for their own: “See how easily the Komsomol icons fly away from their clothes when you listen to “Led Zeppelin!”

One acquaintance told: to them in the department came a soldier, who did not get a retirement. Why he left the troops, for a long time did not cuddle, but then told drunk. From the first person.

We served at the PW station. Quiet, no bosses, spare parts by helicopter. A year and a half in total. They are very warm Finnish houses. I was especially lucky. Neighbor of the house commander of the unit. The only anachronism is a glass of gene instead of a toilet. The channel broke! ! to Sanitary, of course not. I decided to show officer wisdom. He took the explosive package, blinked from the rod, lit it, threw it into the shell, covered it with a cloth and stood up (110 kg). Bumped quite, removed the shit, the genuine whole and clean. He did not have time to rejoice in his ingenuity, as the commander flew in an extreme state of rage, even saying nothing but matta could not. I pulled it into his variety, there is everything stuck, but the worst thing is that the ceiling is clean. Everything that was supposed to be there was on the back of his wife, who was all in shit and fainting lying on the half at the entrance to the toilet. 72 hours for meetings, as Russian diplomats, slight brain shock and here, experience was not enough.

Dinner with my husband’s older brother.
One night the hamster ran on the wheel, almost without stopping.
How sad to realize that even the hamster is in much better physical shape than I am.

My wife makes salads. I decided to count how much it ended up, it turned out to be seven. On the four.
I’ve decided to do so much...
She is not eating, I told about twelve...

I go into the offices of the employees and drive them out of their seats. Seeing me, the all-powerful director begins to whisper, “Wait, I’m now,” and the terrible headbone – to hurry quickly and rush. I occupy their jobs, the girls from the accounting office get up and out quickly when I go, no matter how busy they are. And while I am in their offices, everyone stands in the hallway waiting for me, nervously picking up the keys and supporting the walls. I am free to enter the door with the sign “I am everywhere, I have ALL the keys.” I look at people passing by and they start crawling along the wall when they see me. I am a superman! I am a cleaner!

rv3dmg:... My wife once calculated that I spent ten shubs on my hobby
A friend - that three tanks of spirits
I don’t like to drink in such a cottage. :)