I mixed the pasta for the pizza and realized that there was no filling. What to wear there. I look confused at the package.
I: Could you make a pizza with peanuts? :D
Brother: Come on, it is great! I eat everything.

My brother will be someone’s perfect husband.

The cat, anticipating the end of the world, sleeps in panic.

In the knowledge of foreign languages there is one small disadvantage: you begin to understand the texts of foreign songs.

I just want flowers.
Do you mean the amputated limbs of plants?
and yes. Those who smell.

A client comes to us, my grandfather, 65 years old. We ask him to come in 10 minutes, technical problems... He says, “Okay, I’ll go to the store.” Returns in 10 minutes, the face in red spots incomprehensible. And he - no, it was I that ate frozen cherries in the store, stunned.

Jesus promised to destroy the evil people, Thor promised to deal with the ice giants. And you know what? I don’t see ice giants.

In the apartment over us constantly run children... like a flock of elephants... run in the morning, day, night... I get up, eat, work, go to bed and they all run! If these fucks grow up and don’t become Olympic long-distance champions, I’ll be sorry I didn’t stifle them right away.

Klever: Happiness at work happened)) I sit and sing out loud. Here my colleagues look at me like he is... Well I say: I just love singing. Peter is scared at this point.)

Tomorrow is the end of the world, you know?
Yes, today you have to go out, try drugs and have sex with everyone in a row.
What if he doesn’t exist?
We will have a good day anyway :)

Diploma is like a girl.
First all the blood, the nerves, the strength and the grandmother will dry.
And then you protect him.

CHC
Lack of heart in the soul)

CHC
As if the cookies were removed.

What do you think of a walk in the Batonical Garden?
YYY: Will we collect the buttons?

Xxx: only in Russia could crash on a bustling crossroads in a towing thread (!!!) Between two lightheads

Jalin: On RBC now 2 news in a row:

1st It became known to whom Putin will give up his place!
2nd Tomorrow at 6 a.m. is the second coming of Christ.

Give up so.

May 21 – There are 224 days left of the year.
Have you read "To the end of the world"?and :)

My recently found in my phone contact "Free sex", called and asked my boss "...To pass on that bl*di who owns the phone to stay away from my husband, otherwise the rectal torture list. In the end, the boss has been afraid to say hello to me for a week.

Comment to News
"Scientists will tell Moscow about the evolution of the universe":
The 2030 year.
20 years of education reform. The report is delivered by Fursenko.
There is no education like this anywhere. I have traveled around the globe and I know!! to
Out of the room there was an outraged voice:
It cannot be! The earth is flat, objects heavier than air can not fly, and if anything will take off by the grace of God, it will break up the heavenly firmness!

A cleaner enters the information technology department and asks loudly: - Who can use a computer here? Everyone, without exception, responds in a positive way. The cleaner continues: - Then sit down for them, go to the Internet and look, goats, a site where they learn to use the sorting!

After the crash test of the new "Lada Grand" it was decided to install a catapult on it.

@ibo_voistinu: Some argue that homosexuality is a disease. "Hello, I can't come to work again today, I still feel like a pederast"