It happened yesterday in Spain, during a vacation with the family on the coast. Dinner at the hotel restaurant, everything included. The Swedish table. I’m standing in line to pick up fresh cut ananas. In front of me, a 40-year-old man puts himself in his plate. On the other side of the table where sweets are laid down, my daughter picked up different sweets. I see that she already has a plate full of candy, I say, "Have it already put on, you will be carrying over the edge." The man stood by my back and thought it was me. He turns to me and with his eyes like a cat from Shrek: “Sorry, friend, but the pineapples are very delicious.”

He explained that the call was not for him, but for his daughter. We broke together :)

The pineapples were really delicious, I ran for the supplement twice.

Everyone is happy about their career and business success stories. I will tell you about my file.

He worked in a dining room and went from cook to technician. I have a good relationship with the owner of the business, retirement age. There were great prospects to become his founder, and then e. o.

And here, I have a brilliant idea - to sell the products of the dining room in vending machines. I found special ones that could heat hot food containers on their own and leave cold salads. He told the director, he found out the cost of renting in the halls of several business centers, estimated the cost of this device, and decided to take the risk, buying, to begin with, one device.

So, they installed, they launched. We went to watch this evening and ate almost everything. It is success! Rapidly reimbursed, the director generally takes all the funds from the dining room budget, that is, even from the salary fund and buys several devices for all the money, while there are no niches of freedom and competitors. There are office centers without dining rooms. Start and wait.

The next morning, the driver returns with bad news—of all the devices very few bought lunch. Only the first one is 100% satisfied. Well, we don’t think people have tried the summer, the holiday season.

On the second day, in general, they stopped taking food, except for the leader - the first, you have to unload and throw away all unbought food every day, and there are a few boxes... We load at a minimum, we go with the director to watch - there are no cafes or dining rooms nearby, the people walk with boxes. They tried to buy themselves, the devices were glucose and did not accept many banknotes, or from the tenth time. We pin the service center, the appliances repair in a hurry, we wait further.

A few days have passed and the situation has not changed. Again, we check ourselves - it does not give the delivery, it glutes and hangs. Again, we are fighting with the waiters. A few more days pass.

We are selling in the first place! Just one day, straight to zero. And on the day of salary to employees... no money, not to hold for something - in a couple of days the purchase of raw materials for the needs of the dining room. Because of the holidays, the revenue of the dining room and so on zero, there are no banquets.

The salary day. Employees stand in line and declare - without money we simply won't work.

We cut off the delivery time of lunch to customers (the lion's share of profit, and competitors down, and we are so far from the ideal and often cut off).

One day, all our customers are refused delivery. The chef and I try to cook something personally, we don’t have time.

A few more days pass, some of the chefs have already resigned - near full of food with conditions not worse than ours, they take the staff immediately. Rental of equipment. We have to dismantle them all, take them to our warehouse, and try to sell them (not done).

It takes two weeks - we just work in the dining room, the turnover is only enough to maintain existence (we do not pay the rent to the dining room with a small budget. of arrangement). Here is the call:

Hey, did you put the food machine in that center? Where did they clean? I loved eating there! And breakfast and lunch, and for the whole family took for dinner!

So, it turns out that only one man ate to the ouri from our machine))

In the morning program, we prepare a dessert.

- Melt a chocolate tile, add an explosive caramel (I hz what it is), put a strawberry on a spade, wrap it in chocolate. So that the chocolate freezes faster! Put it in the liquid nitrogen for a few seconds.

The final phrase is also amazing: - That's all, fast and delicious!



Looking around your kitchen, did not a thermos with liquid nitrogen collapse?

Our chief Tatyana Anatolievna has no right ear. She was cut off in the 1990s when her husband tried to squeeze the business. Her husband was eventually killed, and her ear was cut off as a penalty for not wanting to hand over the company’s shares to the bandits. The company was eventually destroyed in the 2000s by checks and fines.

Because now she leads an entire department of 8 young girls, there are often conflicts and misunderstandings. Especially when very young accountants lack knowledge or this knowledge is questioned by Tatiana Anatolievna.

And this morning I am going past their office. Tatiana Anatolievna flies out, knocks at the door loudly, then opens again and screams to one of the subordinates: "Bl*d, Yulia! What a X you are carrying! ? to You have a higher education! I’d better have my ear cut off so I couldn’t hear it. “”

I work in the same room with the guys who sell freon.

2 friends, known for more than 20 years decided to open a joint business, so they are working together.

There is a website with one phone number, and we posted an ad on Avito with another phone number.

Calling the main work number

Good morning, I want to buy from you 100 balloons of freon.

We only have 84 at the moment.

Give me a few hours and I’ll call you back.

It takes minutes 30-40 and the second number that was specified on Avito calls from this same number and offer us to buy 84 ballons at a price 2 times lower than wholesale.

At first, the scheme was not understood at all, but when they called back to the main number and said that they were ready to buy Freon, only he will need to be brought there and there and when the gazelle arrives, the money will be thrown on the card.

The essence of the divorce is the following, the scammer finds the seller and the buyer, when the gazelle with the goods comes to the buyer, then they call him and say that they would throw the money and start unloading, but in fact the seller does not even suspect that he just brought his goods which he is not going to sell below the market.

After the scheme became clear, the main number again calls the scammer and says that everything is ready, download the gazelle, as you arrive at the specified address, then call, the guys began to ask him for a prepayment for the car in the amount of 5000p, he answered for a very long time and said that on the spot we will solve all the issues, as a result dropped on the 2000p type card for the car)

Then he called us back to the second number and said, wait for the gazelle, it will be in 5-6 hours.

After 6 hours, we called him back and said that the gazelle has already arrived, the lucky man calls the second number and says that he would have dropped 310 000 r on the card because the gazelle is already worth it, and he can look at the goods.

Then we called back, thanked him for bringing us with such good suppliers and we bought the whole freon directly from them, though a little more expensive than we had agreed on the phone with the scammer.

If you knew that he started speaking there, and that we were pydors, and the statement runs on us, and that so people don’t work, and in general he wanted the best but in the end we dropped him...

When she was on the electric car, I thought:

God, let this monster pass by!

But she sat down to me.

Then it turned out that she thought that such a begemot like me would not stick.

Happy married for 20 years.

After work, he came home, ate dinner, smoked on the balcony and rejoiced at the coming summer.

My father calls. and rarity. Usually my mom calls and my dad doesn’t talk. He, like most other men, is okay.

Hello my son. Natalia came to Irkutsk to study, we will live 3 months. We stay here all summer without disturbing each other.



Natalia is my cousin. She lives far away and hasn’t seen her for 10 years. It happens, although it is not all right.



Tomorrow is holiday, I’ll come.



He arrived tomorrow. The cake, fruit and a bottle of wine. They sat down.

How are you, Natasha? (The Son of Demon)

Next year, I will be finishing school. Come to act. Gathered with the Woman in the Polytech, on the construction faculty.

Sorry, but who is the woman?

and oh. This is the story of a woman, too, I can say, son.

“You and Andrew (Natasha’s husband) only have Dimka.

So is so. A girlfriend is a son’s friend. Since childhood they have been together. She lived with her mother in a neighboring house. Then the mother of the man found, married. The child was born. In the meantime, she ceased to be needed. They did not find a common language. He still loves to bite. The woman began to run out of the house. Then I learn from my son that Zhenka has been sleeping on the lofts and basements for 3 months, completely left the house. I found it and took it with me. Washed, you believe, only 3 hours. His clothes threw him away. He has been living so for the seventh year. As a son already.

What about Mother? ! to

To put his mother to his son, Sereg.

He is my son already. I am responsible for him!

The boy will be fine.



was silent. I thought. I got a cigarette from a pack.

Let us smoke, brother.

They silenced.

The boy will be fine, I believe. My sister is a man!

In the seventh grade, a guy asked me to be his girlfriend, I wasn’t sure I heard him right, so I panicked and just said yes, which he gave me five and never turned to me again. Jamal, if you read this, on our 11th anniversary.

Autopilot has one advantage: it doesn’t drink.

Let my colleagues at the medical workshop forgive me, but this is a simple finding of the fact: having obtained a diploma, we are all, without exception, only larvae of doctors.
And only after going through long and sometimes painful metamorphoses, through the stages of development from the larvae to the butterfly, we become professionals in our business.
Well, or if comparisons with insects seem humiliating to colleagues - another comparison, eagles with diplomas, weak, stupid, not able to fly, we are trained for years to in the future evaporate into the sky of our insanely responsible profession skilled eagles and we already teach the next generation of eagles the subtleties of flight in the storm and wind.
The mature eagles carefully and strictly teach the eagles to first just move their wings, then let them stand on the wing and make a small flight, and then another, more complicated, and there, with the years, and the last flight, where they, having taught the young eagle to fly, to successfully hunt and land safely, give good for independent flights.
It is very difficult to be an Orly: endless hours of duty, heavy theoretical and practical exams, years of exhausting training, semi-military discipline, tragedies and triumphs - all this is necessary and can be carried out.
What is more difficult is constant communication with eagles, so superior to their eagles, that you start to doubt your abilities: can I fly like that?
The need for absolute submission, the irony and sarcasm of the instructors, their jokes, sometimes quite cruel, the atmosphere of obedience itself, at each new stage a light grandfatherhood and the repeated longing of the new recruiter in the new barracks...
This is the origin of the mythology of eagles: the legends about the smart eagle, which turned out to be smarter and more handsome than the mad eagles.
They are many, they are passed from generation to generation, very instructive, sometimes - funny, but always inspiring optimism and raising the fighting spirit of recruits of medicine.
To your judgment - one of such stories, which happened so long ago that I do not guarantee the complete truth, unusual for me - I am not the hero of this story, just a storyteller.
Grandmother, a pleasant clean old lady in a cloth, almost a lumpy grandmother from the Red Hat, has once again come up with severe and sudden allergic reactions, which from time to time become more severe and more dangerous.
So, first it was a rash, then a swelling of the face, and then the nose with the throat began to lay, asthma joined, her last arrival on the "Emergency" was generally on the verge of anaphylactic shock, barely saved in resuscitation.
I saw her there small, moved the grandmother to the ordinary department, afraid to leave home - the next episode she will not survive, unanimously decided everything...
And it happened: consiliums, lights of all unthinkable heights and titles, examinations of students, interns, residents, ordinators - nobody could make the correct diagnosis.
Two weeks later, the grandmother was seriously tired of it, she was tired of all this medical beetle, began to ask home...
You can’t, grandmother, go home and you’ll die.
The diagnosis is not...
It is clear that an allergy, it is clear that it is severe - and what causes it is unclear...
This happened in those distant times when dinosaurs like me were young: we didn’t have allergen tests.
Grandma, by the way, is absolutely healthy, with the exception of a strong allergic reaction to penicillin, in her youth.
And here comes our hero, a student of fifth grade.
The fifth year is not even an eagle, it is an embryo.
They are allowed a little: to watch the sick and not talk under the feet of adult fighters, all.
They are in the tail, the lowest of the lowest in the medical hierarchy.
Grandmother did not love him at first: tired of all this circus, having seen a bunch of well-deserved docents and professors and even one academic, she was not in the mood to answer the same questions a thousand times.
And he asked a lot of questions, bored to horror, he asked to describe all the events before the attacks.
And I found out a detail that escaped the attention of the lights: all of them happened at the same time, a half-day, after which the grandmother fell into the reception room.
A food allergy...
Why only at home?
Why is this not happening in the hospital?
Asked about the diet, nothing unusual.
No obvious food allergies.
And then the talented detective surpassed everyone in boredom: together with his grandmother he began to make a diary of food, what and when she ate, day after day, week after week.
And no matter how much the grandmother pressed her lips, he slowly and methodically made a list of the foods she consumed.
There was tea all the time.
And then I drank the tea and it started!
I sat down to drink tea and my throat began to swell!”
Allergic to tea?? to
He laughed at him, unheard of it.
Two - tea in the hospital does not cause such reactions.
The young man, of course, found out that it was most likely a food allergy — and now walk to play a sandbox.
He went nowhere, the conversations with his grandmother continued, she got used to him and even fell in love with him for his sincere desire to help.
And here, as a result of trust, the grandmother was engaged in this detective work, the first results appeared: the attacks began last fall, from nowhere.
She didn’t seem to have changed anything in her habits, but something happened, precisely in the autumn.
What do grandmothers do in autumn?
Salt with cookings and marinades, berries, mushrooms, cucumbers - all, as it is believed, from year to year.
“Yes, grandmother, what was unusual last autumn?”
"That kind of thing did not happen, the strawberry straw drowned, digested and rolled on a new one."
Sorry, what about the strawberries?
“How what? Yes, the mold has grown, I removed it and digested it, a good snack, I still hold it, I consume it slowly, there is a little left.
The air smelled eureka, holding his breath, the young genius of medical investigation asks the last, decisive question:
“Are you like you drink tea?”
“Yes, my son, I’m used to that.”
Holding his breath, with a gentle and gentle voice only - only the exhausted doctor asks:
“Can I look at the barley?”
“Why not, I’ll ask my neighbor to bring me.”
Then everything became clear: the digested snack retained traces of mold.
Remember your grandmother’s allergy to penicillin?
It opened up, half a century later - and, like an old mine, broke, it is believed, strongly, repeated allergic reactions are always worse than the original.
This is the story.
What happened to the Eagle-Wonderkind?
I don’t know, but somewhere there’s a fucking clever doctor who, in his infancy, tried to wipe his noses, or, more precisely, the sticks of the glowing eagles of medicine.

I would like to be a student in the American series of the 90s.

You are between 12 and 30. You are given hot school girls. You can drive a car and drink beer. Parents give you breakfast to school and money for pocket expenses. No need to work. If you work, then for exactly 3 series you will accumulate on a cool car. And most importantly, nothing changes. As long as the series comes out, you are a 10th grade student no matter how many years the series lasted!

The most important thing is not to be the guy who has been in a coma for 10 years and everyone has forgotten why.

I got TZ half an hour before midnight. Delivery time is the next day until 12. by 00.

In the language of managers, it’s called, “You had two days to work!”

Now the fashion went to extravagant names, hearing again in the courtyard the name of another Dobrinju, remembered a small case.

The acquaintances, or more precisely the acquaintance, decided to name the daughters Vitalina and Nicole. They are 8 years old, but only recently one of them complained, walking with my mother, that Dad calls them Vétal and Kolyan.

I was born on June 1 at 23:58, and my twin sister was born on June 2 at 00:03. Regardless of the difference of 5 minutes, each has its own personal birthday and individual gifts))

We had such a case at work.



A bus carrying children. Stopped the hiccups. Check the documents, everything is normal. He goes into the salon and looks around. He asks the children:

Are they all attached?

Here is a picture of the voice:

I am not attached.

The driver took his head:

How is it? I checked everyone personally.

The accompanying woman was also surprised, she herself caught everyone. When the parasite got out, a bad boy.



The result: a fine to the driver 3000 thousand, a fine to the official (mechanic) 30000 rubles, a fine to the organization 100000 rubles.



Pope Francis of Morocco (

I finally met my daughter’s boyfriend. I never thought the boy in class 10 would be higher and more muscular than me!But most offensive is that his beard is thicker, more beautiful.

I am standing in the shore at the Republican, drinking coffee, sluggishly leaving the pages of the book on my mobile. With orders of stitch, hunting to sleep, even coffee burns, but does not help to get excited. Immunity is already in progress.

A knock on my glass. A woman with a 5 year old girl. I descend.

Please help us!

What is?

- My daughter has diabetes, it's time for us to inject, take us to the sport please... We have drugs at home, and we don't even have money for the route. Please please.

I look at the girl. Dress, like her mother, is not rich, but elegant. It looks like something... poisoned. Probably, and really feelings are not important. Okay, I’m still standing, it’s hard...

and sit down.

I touch, run into the strip and run away. A woman gets a cell phone and calls someone. And asks the subscriber to borrow her money, at least five hundred rubles. I don’t hear the interlocutor, but the conversation turns out to be very short, and apparently ends with a refusal.

We go...

Sorry, can I ask you?

About what? I look at them in the salon mirror. She is crying. The girl, without saying a word, stared out the window.

Can you buy us medicines? In debt, leave your number, I will call you and give it.

How much do your medicines cost? A worm of doubt. It hurts... I am sorry. No money, sorry for this little dark child.

Three hundred rubles. Oh, thank you, thank you very much!

I slow down at the pharmacy, the mother with all her legs rushes there, quickly returns with a packet of some medicines. He is back in thanksgiving again.

When I landed them in the sports room, I, on the insistence of the woman, wrote her phone number. Of course, no one called me back. I struck and forgot.

The case was in autumn.

Spring, the morning hour of peak. I landed a client on the Green, I leave the courtyard - a woman is actively voting at the exit. I brake, turn on the emergency, drop the glass.

Please help me! I have a bad child at home, an asthma attack, and there is no money even on the road! Please take away!

The OP-PA All faces are known.

Where to take?

In his youth, in Frunze. She is, exactly she.

and sit down. Have you moved from sports for a long time?

From the sports? The woman is pretty confused. Milla, she is she.

I go with my daughter to a sports car. She has not only diabetes, but also asthma? Why are you silent? Do you say the PDN number, or go crazy? I will take the phone. Where did you crash? Stay up my mom!! to

did not settle.

The class in the 4th - 5th my friend Yuri gave a real sea binoculars.

Well, in order to test it as much as possible in the case, it was decided to go to the field where the geodesic tower stood - the highest available structure in the surrounding area at the time. The height was exactly 10 floors. Constructively, the tower had two "floors" - approximately in the middle there was a platform enclosed with fences.

Well, therefore, we went in there three, looked in turn into the binoculars and let the aircraft from the paper taken with us.

After an hour we got tired of this matter and decided to go down.

I went down the last and stayed on the middle floor, because I was caught. Accepted what?

And that it was already summer and green apples with unripe strawberries came to the grass.

Well, the boys down there are already standing and rubbing my heads, like go down.

I’m not tearing, I’m crying. You hide or turn away. “I will cast out.”

Well, one (the most astute) departed from the tower in general to the windy side, and Jurka decided to hide under a scattered bush near the tower itself.

Well, I looked up, strapped my pants, moved across the fence and relaxed the valve.

Honestly, I went to the opposite side of where I was hiding under the Yuri bush.

No changes to the wind.

In general, when Yurk, sitting on the grass under the bush, noticed that something dropped on him from a completely clean sky and that it was not water, he broke his legs across the field.

Without seeing the results of my actions, I continued to admire the sights that opened up.

Yuri has fled.

He ran as far as his feet glowed. He just ran by the wind.

It would be better if he stayed under the bush.

The wind normally sprinkled on him. straight in the course of its trajectory.

At that time, he did not get well.

“Spring,” as someone said then.

I had a schizophrenic neighbor. Not bitter but problematic. It wasn’t good to put him in a fool, but sometimes he went to bed for a couple of weeks. The relatives were waiting for him to leave the apartment by moving to a different world. Everyone thought it would be soon. The fact is that in addition to the shaft, he also boiled significantly, like this was the cause of the shaft. In fact, his anti-health was wild. The caterpillars walked and greeted by the hand. Then a grandmother began to talk to him. Washed it all there, it began to hold it in order. The grandmother turned out to be the widow of the general with a hefty pension and virtually moved. Behind her was another grandmother, and then there was a whole harem gathered. I think for a fist? And then I know from our neighbors that the one who has gone is a prophet. And all his nonsense about how he contacts with aliens, flies to the moon in a dream, and frankly hallucines on the blue of nothing but carefully recorded prophecies. Later, the ladies and younger people began to walk. I eventually moved, I don’t know how it ended, but I suspect the circus continues. I never thought that the blue odoring thing floating in the entrance was actually such a unique personality.

She was both stupid and lazy... and he felt needed and strong.