bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126838
 14.04.2016
As a child, I was absolutely sure that the laundry room is a place where dishes are washed, i.e. a dishwasher. And when my mom threatened me to throw all my toys into the laundry, because of the mess in my room, I didn’t understand the meaning of this action and what was terrible about it. But I cried because I thought that was what my mom wanted me to do.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126837
 14.04.2016
I remembered the story of how I drove in the first coupe of a placard wagon and at the time of the lack of network in the train created a roasted wifi network rzd wi-fi free, because the conductor did not want to give me a cup without tea. In general, I never turned it off until the whole car approached her about this waya.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126836
 14.04.2016
Aunt of Gas
You can still endure when you talk about your sex life at work.

But when you start thinking about the sexual life of your children at work, it’s beyond reasonable.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126835
 14.04.2016
zzz: You can think of a catastrophe film about how this house moves to Irtysh.
YYY: It is difficult. There you need to stretch the action for at least half an hour, and can not the house drive to Irtyš for thirty minutes? This will no longer be a catastrophic film, but a relentless story. Here the main character woke up, melancholy mourned from horror for ten minutes, brushed his teeth, poured the cactus, ran out of the apartment, returned, because the stove did not turn off, went down, waited until the house moved to the Irtysh Shore, so that the passing part did not go out.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №126834
 14.04.2016
>>>If women could express this in words, what would a man want to hear?

They said to me, “Marry me.”
I agreed, ch Almost 30 years together. and pss. There were two cats.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126833
 14.04.2016
I take my first-class son from school, very excited, confesses in the box:
C is Mom! I happen to happen today (!) Sasha in the forehead! with a shoe (!) I went. He was crying. I accidentally apologized.
I (on emotions): If you accidentally hit him in the forehead with a shoe, he must lie on the floor!
C: And he was lying! We played with spiders.

I found no more words.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126832
 14.04.2016
I support the unchanging backbone. People who do not understand that the same biological species cannot have different breeding strategies in males and females.
If the animal adheres to promiscuity - then both males and females, and if it creates long-term coupled relationships - then also all species. There is no eight-legged Argonaut with a harem, or strong family pairs in bees. So men who love polygamy, I recommend to carefully look at their children, if not enough.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №126831
 14.04.2016
Alexander, good day!
- Tell me, personal data is specified or under contract?
Good day! by one.
Alexander, man or contract in general?
and yes.
This is how we live...
FireLine

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126830
 14.04.2016
Name of
1 Full name COMPANY WITH LIMITED RESPONSIBILITY "CORPORATION OF AUTOMOBILE PARTS"
2 Abbreviated name LLC "CORPORATION OF EVIL"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №126829
 14.04.2016
X: You probably have something like @echo off there (I can be wrong here) And the squeezed shift when loading causes ms-dos to ignore autoexec.bat
Damn... Damn... Damn! Blowing up!! And I started with the simplest - with the tracking of the DOS loading process :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126828
 14.04.2016
About Yandex.Navigator... Yandex.Yamok is not there, but there is a voice recognition. I found out recently.

So here. Now the navigator has made sense. He will not only be able to send you a response, but will also servicefully set the route!

[ + 24 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126827
 14.04.2016
I am a practical person, with almost everything in my backpack. I go to work in the evening, there are guys I know, they discuss something very fiercely, almost to the point. It turned out that the pneumatic battle was spelled. I quite quietly get a couple of multi-titles (multifunctional passages, who doesn't know), while they drink beer and chew dried calmar, one this mushroom between the teeth stuck, lint in the backpack, get a thread with a needle (the bracelet of the shaft at work), well, and an epic file, someone said that hungry, I get a sandwich. I promised to set up a monument.)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126826
 14.04.2016
The request for service is registered under the number No (orthography preserved):
Application Again!! to
Employees have access to %PROGRAMM%, but do not understand the instructions on how to unload and subload documents. It is not necessary to carry out these operations together with the employee of the IT department, since employees cannot carry out these actions independently.
I attach the instructions.
Solution: Users were resettled, trained in Russian language and mathematics for consistent reading and execution of instructions.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126825
 14.04.2016
Neradence: I was asked to come tomorrow in a ‘pretty’ form and for some reason included something white in the ‘pretty’ appearance.
I have only two white t-shirts: with the "fuck apple" and the penguin who eats the apple, and the painful inscription about Valhalla that "die in the battle." The word fuck is there, too.
The question of the day, fucking: what is more decent? by ROFL:

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №126824
 14.04.2016
by Habr
XXX: Reported that whoever breaks the password - good guys. But how did they find out that this guy has anything to do with the intelligence services? Strange this.
YYY: I think Google can tell more about a “intelligence hijacker” than the FSB itself. He can tell: what diet the special worker’s wife was on, what broke up in his car a week ago, what porn the worker preferred when he woke up yesterday, what his son smoked in school, and why his sister had an abortion.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №126823
 14.04.2016
You are a prophet? The provider?
yyy: I can think and use the theory of probability

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126822
 14.04.2016
Sss: I started working at school at the age of 19. There was a problem - to get to school, the staff did not allow without a change.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126821
 14.04.2016
My daughter’s kindergarten is over. There was a meeting on this subject that a colleague missed. I went to the garden and put it before the facts. Children in their graduation go from the garden to the institution, where the graduation will take place, attention, on the LIMUSIN! After graduation, they will be at the nightclub.

How the majority agreed, I’m not sure.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №126820
 14.04.2016
Modern high-ranking politicians imitate patriotism much more plausible than high-ranking prostitutes - orgasm.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №126819
 14.04.2016
Classes in the mine-explosive case were conducted by the “invited star” – Colonel Vinodov, whom we called “Bond”, for his manner of appearing: “Vino...dov. Colonel Vino... “ In fact, he taught at the military school, but the school "leased" from our part the field, and part "leased" a teacher from them.

I don’t know who invented this clever scheme, the combat or the school leadership, but the fact is that we taught this subject at the level of higher educational institutions of the Ministry of Defense, or even better, because Bond loved to say, “I give you a more in-depth program than the students, because they will be officers, and to lead from a distance, and you in all this with your hands.”

The first lesson took place in the classroom. Bond, presented in his corporate style, put a diplomat on the table and, wiping his hands began: "In the Japanese folklore there are very interesting and original monsters. For example, Sagari is a horse head hanging from a branch of a tree in the forest. Sirime is a ghost with an eye in his ass. Hitosume-Kozzo looks like a bald and one-eyed boy, and Hoonade is a ghostly arm flying apart from the owner.

I will not say exactly, but there is a suspicion that the reason for the appearance of such strange creatures was that the Japanese early enough to take the powder from the Chinese. So, the theme of our first lesson: "Security techniques in the handling of explosive substances."

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