bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96872
 18.04.2014
Subway777: By the way, this morning saw an epic picture. I stand as usual on the back seat and look into the back window. The car stops at the lighthouse and close to it stops Kruzak. A 25-year-old woman is sitting behind the wheel. I and a few of the passengers started smiling. Then she gets something out of her nose, eats and the tram just goes off the rust. She noticed it and turned away.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №96871
 18.04.2014
My wife has gone out today. We get up in the elevator home and she me (very serious and even, I would say, worried):
You just have to love me today!
What is it?
- Yes, I've been delayed for a week... so you have to dismantle it for me, well, or fix it, so that I'm sure...
- O_O

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №96870
 18.04.2014
A: I usually bit the berry with my teeth and sucked the juice out of it. There was no taste in the banks!! Many people still do this in our village.

Damn I’ll go to your village.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №96869
 18.04.2014
You will work until 21:00. I don’t like it, get fired. But keep in mind, finding an organization in the city where it would be as good as us, treated to the staff, will be difficult.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №96868
 18.04.2014
binary.animal bar at home - is something from the Strugacki area )
diggerimely :))) I have tried 100 times )) depending on the masculinity of the collection of alcohol, the drunk in which the time all the entho is destroyed takes massages from "night from Friday to Monday" to "fucking hell, where a whole week is done"))))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №96867
 18.04.2014
The non-Russian language

What do you think of "I am in prayer"? You do not know whether to congratulate a person or to sympathize.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96866
 18.04.2014
I work as a "English student" in school. Don’t believe me, you are overwhelmed! But not the administration, not the programs, not the children, but the parents! So I want to drive them out of social networks, forums, shake them stronger and send them to engage in children. Working, not doing things.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96865
 18.04.2014
Comments on the article on "smart" lenses

xxx: Many actually have a “photographic memory.”
yyy: Even automatic red highlighting - the price would not be.
zzz: I think they will do it, quite a google solution :) It remains to install bluetooth there, that would the interpreter in the ear suggest
AAA: It’s better to just have the current.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №96864
 18.04.2014
I’m in the bus, a grandfather and a boy 8-9 years old sit next to me and weave corn sticks behind both cheeks. After a couple of stops, the package with the delicacies is empty and the boy stretches it to his grandfather. He begins to fold it and put it in his bag. The boy, not long thinking, decides to wipe his sticky hands on his pants. The grandfather shouted angrily:
What are you doing? The unconscious!
All passengers turn their heads for a few seconds. The boy gets lost and becomes red. Then, with an outraged whisper, he said to his grandfather:
Am I unconscious? Why are you ashamed of me in front of everyone?

[ + 35 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96863
 18.04.2014
This is:

Shouldn’t you chew for him? For example, my parents told me quite early that knowledge is needed. In particular, on the example of wallpapers: "Yes, we will have you repair to do - here is the plan of the house, here is the length and width of the roll, calculate how much you need."... a fifth-grade brain to squeeze) - well, and the main thing here was to give a tie to reality. And then it just went.

I am a product of Soviet school and similar education.
I am 14 years old. Parents build a house. Buying building materials - the most exciting quests before that. In the weekend, parents are constantly absent, leave at night, come in the evening barely alive from fatigue. My job was to prepare lunch for their arrival. No one is upset about whether I can do it or not – a person is almost an adult, there is a cookbook, food in the refrigerator and in the shops, money in the box. There were no stamps in the house, the capacity of pots and other dishes I had to calculate using geometric formulas. And it was also necessary to make the optimal lunch menu, based on the availability / absence of meat / chicken / fish at home, what vegetables are currently sold in the vegetable store, and whether any deficient products are now sold in the neighboring gastronomy.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №96862
 18.04.2014
I like dialogue with spammers.

Q: Do you make money online?
YYY: No, but I can make a short sentence without mistakes.
Do you make money on the net?
yyy: even a tires instead of a defect would be appropriate, but the pursuit of perfection can not fail to approve

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96861
 18.04.2014
Discussing the new process of obtaining graphene from Habr:
xxx: What they will not come up with, just not to invent a flying board by 2015.
yyy: I would like to note that you can add to this car-sharing shoes, a smart jacket, and flying cars. There are only 8 months left.

[ + 30 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96860
 18.04.2014
by this:
I clarify:
It is ===
This is:

xxx: Guys, tell the part of Elder Scrolls, there you are still starting the game of prisoners.
_______
If I’m not mistaken it’s Elder Scrolls III, called Morrowind)))
It is ===
In Morrowind you are a prisoner on a ship. In Oblivion you are in prison. In Skyrim, you are a prisoner (a criminal) in a carriage.
— — —
Let’s talk to the guys who explain jokes!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №96859
 18.04.2014
And in general, to appoint a person responsible for the dispatch of news in a large and serious scientific organization who can start the letter with the words "Well, hello, kittens" is bold.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96858
 18.04.2014
My friend raised the mood:
I have a guy with a girl who has come in front of the window, plant their fat cat on a branch and mord as he slides slowly from there.
in the sense of coming from a branch with an offspring look
Then they finally fix it on the branch and photograph it.)
The Cat in shock"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96857
 18.04.2014
We sit and listen to the radio. Advertising of the pension fund and the 2015 reform, about the points.
XXX: Is it that the pension will be charged with bonus points?
YYY: Ugu, and pay it will be through sberbank thanks'ami.. so you will come in 60 for retirement.. and there - "You cool and long worked for Thank you!"

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №96856
 18.04.2014
In the universe there was one such smart woman, a graduate of the linguistic universe. Teacher of English. She was very proud that she was a linguist - we graduates of that university all suffer from this. There is no pride, there is pride. Fall down, we know English. I only faced her with my, IT-shna, sides, it was enough for me. Then the system folders will be deleted: "I wanted to release space". Then they will bring from her a system with a debris of the line in the drive - other ways to extract the disk she did not know, as it turned out, carved out the line until it broke. Once I stumbled upon her with a metal spoon to prevent something in the container with the boiler on: "And what, why not? I am not a hand, I am a spoon - a spoon of electricity will not hit!" She was upset when her reports were returned to her rework: "There is everything right!" Well, yes: out of 5 students in the group, 5 received the rating of "excellent" and 3 "good". I was somehow interested in reading what she wrote: the first word in the sentence was "duty"... After being fired from the universe, she went to school to work.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №96855
 18.04.2014
Do not expect miracles from life, life is a miracle.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №96854
 18.04.2014
A acquaintance told me.
I went fishing with three fishermen. On the night of the fire in the bushes left the first... did not return. The second one was gone, and he also disappeared. The third was the same result.
The acquaintance remained alone at the fire, waiting, terribly, the bear’s end... He went to look. I found.
Picture with oil: the first stands with cancer, the second lights his ass with a lamp, the third is forging something there.
It turned out to be the first to crash... a newspaper... in which fishing hooks were wrapped.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №96853
 18.04.2014
You will not find me like me anymore.
I’m not looking for someone like you anymore.

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