bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №126478
 07.04.2016
The dress code. worked in school. One day the inspection commission arrived and after the inspection took the director an excuse for the appearance of the employees: some young teachers saw knees, and one in the pants "evidently drawn buttocks." The trousers, by the way, were classic and of dense fabric. And the one who wore them stated that she was ready to walk in ballowers, but at the expense of school.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №126477
 07.04.2016
Flight from Frankfurt to Moscow. After landing and stopping, the people naturally jumped up, ignoring the staff’s calls to stay in place. The doors are closed, people stand tightly pressing to each other, balancing hand luggage on the back of the seats closest to the passage and breathing gently into the back of the front – the usual picture in general. In the tail of the plane only I and a young girl with a three-year-old child. Among the people standing in the passage, a well-dressed, elderly woman is disturbed. She turns, moves from foot to foot, pushes the passenger in front of her. Finally, he can’t stand and screams to the front of the cabin: “People, go ahead!”
The boy opens his eyes wide and asks, “Mom, and the door has already opened?” Why don’t we go out?"
Mother says the doors are closed. And what does the aunt then push?", asks the little girl, "she is afraid that she will be taken back".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126476
 07.04.2016
The question of the "Comfortable" height of the heels and length of the shirt. I have 2 points:
1st How many collages and sweaters I spent on chairs in school and universe - not to say. The budget for the collots had to be simply put into the monthly expenditure. I gave up and went over to the jeans. The shirt is up to your knees, only as long as you stand, and when you sit, it immediately strikes.
2nd I don't know who is comfortable with these 3-5 cm, but I can't run after the child for 4 cm, and it's hard to stand in the electric car, and with a quick walk, the legs turn. I look at my husband's shoes - heels not higher than 1.5 cm. In winter, it is quite thick, but the gap between the heels and fingers is insignificant. Like on my shoes: footwear - 3 cm, actually a heels +1 cm. We look at children's shoes: before school it is equally flat for both boys and girls. And on the teenage girl has already spread from quite flat to 5-7 cm. At the same time, the boys continue to walk on their heels at 0-2 cm.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126475
 07.04.2016
Religious people believe that the justice of God is stronger than the power of devils. This is not a fact.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126474
 07.04.2016
In England, grass is cut for two hundred years. And in us, in three years, it will be displaced by a truck or a parking lot.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №126473
 07.04.2016
I suppose, all these Vikings with their long patches were the other pudders!

Wow: And in the Masai generally the longer the hair - the cooler the warriors, and the women shave naked :) It is interesting what will happen to those who will have the courage to call them gay in the face.

Zzz: And in the ancient Greeks, homosexuality was considered more cool than heterosexuality, because "the union of souls and minds and true love", and the foolish babies just produce the romance ruin. And these educated men wore exceptionally short hairstyles. I begin to suspect something.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №126472
 06.04.2016
The question arises – how are bikers dressed in the United States?
— — —
Since cyclists do not listen to the opinions of others and do not read all the shit in interest, they dress as they want.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126471
 06.04.2016
I sat as a horse, yesterday gave the regions the source of the software one, so that they compiled it and implemented it, so to speak, on their servers. I give the source. Lines have many different types. Shorter in the morning I get a ticket - your softine type does not work. Lease to understand. and there the aithishnik, the mother of a wicked man got caught, he decided to look into the code first. I saw the line #define OPTIONS_FILE "/etc/billing.conf", decided that #is a comment, and I typically forgot to remove it, the shorter this word "commented" the line

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126470
 06.04.2016
I am a pretty big woman of size 62. You are a fat grandmother. How high should I wear a coat at work? Or maybe I’ll stay in the brown pants?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126469
 06.04.2016
No one will go to a piercing doctor.
Why then? If he is not a kind of unwashed punk in the shirt (it is, it is inappropriate), and a normal person is long hair in the tail, himself in the coat, etc. Explain what is worse than another of the same, but without hair? I don’t understand these stereotypes.
Yes, no one will go to such a doctor. Do you know why? No one will employ him as a doctor. A teacher, and a lot more. This is wrong and ugly at all.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №126468
 06.04.2016
The cost of the profession: for their own corporate cook cook themselves

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126467
 06.04.2016
Application to HELPDESK:
xxx: Please give you access to the ass of Yana Bedulina \\192.168.7.10\users\Bedulina

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126466
 06.04.2016
In the country of
The personal hunger
A huge background
and unemployment. This is such
Here is oxymoron.
Workers are full, and
Do not work (

This is no longer a personal hunger, it is a personal dystrophy.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126465
 06.04.2016
The husband breaking black socks in pairs after washing in the washing machine:
- Again one remains... - and continues thoughtfully, - somehow a number of them must be washed.
I love this man.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126464
 06.04.2016
Added

In transport and in general in a crowded place, the backpack should be removed and carried in your hand, which you are trying to show. Plus, this is also safety - from the backpack on the back can steal things, money and documents, and you will not notice.

And your invisible backpack is willing to push me in the subway, on the escalator, in the electric car, etc., because you do not notice it behind your back and do not feel its dimensions. Especially when you need it.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126463
 06.04.2016
The long hair of men.
I lived in Turkey for a year with hair long to the shoulder. No soul has even asked me if I am comfortable or if I am not hot. The country is quite homophobic. I may have been lucky with the area. But in Russia, people of the same level of education from a similar background did not give me rest, demanding that I cut my hair, bringing the argument one "elegant" of the other.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №126462
 06.04.2016
I love psychologists. My wife and I were constantly arguing about who is doing more at home and who is sick. Shortly before the divorce did not arrive, and what would be extra not to do, they both got into the management of the farm and grown with dirt and dirt so that the straight acted some formed.
Go to a psychologist, talk, consider so and so and he grit, like - come in a week, with a list of the things you did at home and what you noticed from the affairs of the spouse(s). So what am I? Such zeal from both on cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, etc. No one ever saw it :) Literally, the vacuum cleaners and plates were picked out of their hands, so that they could put a hole in the head. As a result, they agreed to divide the household equally, so as not to be ashamed before the doctor. What a joke - only understood at the threshold of the office, a week later :)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №126461
 06.04.2016
Ovulation: If primitively 5% of advertising shields are replaced by social media. The advertisement - about such - at first it was such and showed the smallest embryo, only with eyes.

With eyes like potatoes. To end up looking at these pictures.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126460
 06.04.2016
XXX: started a dry hunger strike - I drink only dry

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №126459
 06.04.2016
Just just. There are two men at the entrance, smoking. Nearby, the cleaning officer / palace gastarbayter smashed. The men discuss and discuss the chiefs, the work and the country as a whole - the shit job, the shit life, the shit country! Then they throw the cigarettes on the ground, although the garbage in two steps and go away. Immediately the cleaner picked up the cigarettes behind them and cried out, "This is not a fucking country - you are fucking people." ahh

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna