bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №158095
 27.05.2022
Hohoho, I, being a 9-year-old boy, generally without a look, because my mother was crawling from morning to late at night to pay for the rent of the apartment, met a man's neighbor, aged 55-60. I loved going to visit him. There were chess and plastic cable fish, and he had a real metal machine at home! In a single! And he taught me to make some clever spare parts on it. by Mark Pavlovich. I don’t remember half the teachers in school anymore, but I remember him as my grandfather. And although we lived nearby for only a year and a half, I went to visit him often afterwards. I don’t think I’d let my daughter go now.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №158094
 26.05.2022
Remember, money is taken to borrow, not to give.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №158093
 26.05.2022
Santa Barbara in Russian. Or an Indian melodrama. Whoever wants a story for a tearful series – take it, give it.

There was Alexander Stepanovich. He is still alive now. He is cool, but fair. Of those who managed to emerge from the dim wave of the nineties with good capital, reputation and almost no blood on their hands.

He had a son Antosh from the first marriage and a daughter Varenka from the second. His first wife did not differ in morality, and for her time he took his son to himself. The raids increased, finally the former sold the apartment to muddy realtors and disappeared, and Anton finally settled with his father.

The guy turned out to be interpretative, with his father's grip, the behavior of the most exemplary. Stepanic wanted to send him to study in London and then adapt to his business, but Anton showed his fatherly character, refused to leave and went to psychfac in his hometown. He still lived with his father. And why not live, space is enough with excess, feeds deliciously, relationships with a mother-in-law are normal, with a sister - it's better not. A happy family, no clouds on the horizon. Stepanic only stressed that his son has no girlfriend. Then came the trouble from where we did not expect it.

Stepanych returned home in the middle of the day and went into his son's room, something he needed there. My son at the institute. And here he is, sitting on the couch. On his knees, he has a whirlwind. They kiss. And hands in such places that there are no decent explanations, some are obscene. She is 17 years old and has just finished school.

The first reaction is understandable: the daughter blew up, the bastard hit it to the blood. Then the question:
Did you protect yourself, fool?
For now, I will keep her. And in the future, of course, I understand about bloodshed.
What is our future? You have no future. You collect things now and disappear forever. On Colyma for gold, in the taiga for cones, in Chechnya as a volunteer. The country is big.
The Warner:
Dad, don’t have to! I’ve loved Anastasia since I was a child and I can’t live without her.
You can be as cute. And you, beautiful, for the next five years, the route is one: school is home. And I’ll put the governor to you so that she doesn’t do any nonsense.

As if destroyed. There is no trace of happiness in the house. The complete darkness. The daughter does nothing, she sits all day and looks at the wall. In the institute failed, instead of composition wrote a thousand times the word "Antocha". Once, when the governor did not follow, the veins cut, another time the pills swallowed. And it will lead the matter to the end, the character of the father.

And here Stepanic receives a letter from the former. Anyway, I lie in the hospital with cirrhosis of the liver, the last days on Earth I count. I decided to finally repent with you for all the evil you have done to me. Know, you fool, that the son of Antonchenko, whom you took from me, is not really your son. I was born by Jorique, do you remember Jorique? Live with this now.

Yes, they had in their youth a neighbor, Juric, a beautician and a puppet. He also went into business, but didn't turn there, ran into the bullet. I thought Stepanic. Three days I thought. He ordered me to find Anton and bring him. He says to him:
“Now there is such a DNA test, a blood test determines who is a relative or not a relative. I agreed, we’ll give up tomorrow.
“Father,” says Anton, “but if it turns out that I am the son of Juric, then there is no incest and Varenka and I can get married, right?
It goes out, yes. Stay with me until the answer comes. But don’t touch Varenka, just tell her not to hang her anymore.

After a few days, Stepanic returns home happy, as in previous times. It has 32 teeth. It shows a certificate, it says: family relationships are excluded.
“Here,” he said, “how well it all went. There is no bloodshed. Live quietly, my son... that is, I’m probably already a cousin.

According to this certificate, Antosh issued new documents, in honor of Georgievich. As soon as Varenke was 18, they married. They really lived the happiest people in the world. Children only could not have had for a long time, some incompatibility was found. But nowadays, with money, that’s not a problem. When time began to push, Varenka gave birth to two wonderful babies from an anonymous test tube from a sperm bank.

Only this series does not end. He has a second season.

of our days. Stephens under 70. Anton for 40 years. Something made him feel bad. I checked for leukemia. About treatment doctors say: there are several rather hopeless methods and one reliable. A bone marrow transplant from a relative donor. Here are only the relative donors of Antashi Yok. Mother and Joryk in the grave, Stepanych is not his father by blood, Varenka is not a sister, children are not children.

Stephanie thought again. Three days I thought. I went to the hospital with Anton:
I don’t know how to tell you. But I have to say. I lied then. The certificate was forged. I am actually your father. So ask the doctors where I am here to check for a transplant.
Dad, don’t worry about it. We knew it long ago. I did not know, but I suspected. Therefore, they did not bring their children. We came up with incompatibility, and we protect ourselves for the rest of our lives. Varia has already passed tests, her bone marrow is right for me, soon surgery. Everything is normal.
Nothing for yourself. When did you guess?
On the very first day you came so pleased with this certificate. I am a psychologist and I know you from childhood. If it were to be found that I am not your son, would you rejoice? I would only think that you were taught the horns.

[ + 36 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158092
 26.05.2022
What do you know about cognitive dissonance?
- This is when in schools parallel physics and biology teach Orthodoxy.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №158091
 26.05.2022
Once I was irresponsibly in love with one guy and decided to experience the effect of the Pavlov dog on him. Every time we met, I offered him his favorite candy. After a while he began unconsciously to rejoice in seeing me, but after a moment the joy was replaced by surprise: he clearly did not understand why he was so happy to see me. I swear it was the most insidious and ridiculous experiment in my life.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158090
 26.05.2022
xxx: The boss once shared that our employee told her that he was taking a hospital leave because he had a scarring (inflammation) on his ass. I sent a photo of the ass as a confirmation.



Oh my God!! 🙈😂😂😂

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №158089
 26.05.2022
My husband has a foolish trait of writing foolish justifiable legends where they are not needed. For example, we are now actively engaged in furnishing a new apartment, and periodically call with the manager, but yesterday we could not answer him. I'm going to call him again tonight, my husband is like this:

"You tell him that we couldn't answer that we had a small child here, we walked with him, and then we went to the store, and we had packages of food, so when you called, we were busy with our hands, and then at home we made dinner.

I am :

No, I will not say anything.

The husband:

Yes why?

I am :

Because he has this information!

I call the manager and tell him:

Good night, sorry for not being able to answer you, can we talk now?

Good night, no problem, we can talk about it now.

And all, and no excuses, with a bunch of unnecessary information.

I’ve actually noticed that a lot of people start to justify themselves where it doesn’t have to. The husband thinks that I am like this, cheating on strangers, and I don't understand what the cheating is, if you don't drop out the person's ears of excuses?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №158088
 25.05.2022
I have a constant dispute with my wife on this topic. Either smoothly shaved or with hair. Sex with the eggs is not pleasant.



Have you tried with your wife?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №158087
 25.05.2022
I am sometimes frightened by people on Picaba...I think they can find EVERYTHING!



They can find everything except a girl :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №158086
 25.05.2022
Those who came to Russia are those who came and those who left are those who left.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №158085
 25.05.2022
The empirical rule:
A useless thing that has been lying for more than ten years and thrown away will necessarily be needed within two weeks.
From the latter: a couple of baked bacon of non-food alcohol - just started to hold on the balcony, poured into the toilet before the covid.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №158084
 25.05.2022
In Australia, meeting a black cat is lucky.
Because a cat is the most harmless thing you can find in Australia.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №158083
 24.05.2022
Talk with a friend.

Yes, now people are more open-minded about sex than they were 10 years ago.

And don’t tell me, now we’re gathering a group of people for 10 per hour.

Even less... there will only be one girl to agree to find.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №158082
 24.05.2022
Life Hack for Parents: Tell less interesting stories than your spouse, so that the children ask him every night, rather than you tell them a story before bed.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №158081
 24.05.2022
To whom God wants to punish, He gives more seriousness than reason.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №158080
 24.05.2022
The Russian Foreign Ministry permanently banned US President Joe Biden from entering the country. Finally, the Russian entrances will be clean and dry.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158079
 24.05.2022
I haven’t been on electric car for 20 years. Here the need forced, I went to work in the governorate, sat in the electric station, eat. Slept in large. I went on the composition, not much of what I found a toilet, so there was still toilet paper in it. True, she looked like she was cooked in a bouillon and bitten by mice on one side. But it exists, that’s the main thing. Twenty years ago I hadn’t dreamed of that. The RJD is growing and developing.



yyy: First time and immediately brown code

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №158078
 23.05.2022
Old age is when nothing goes to mind. There is one boring path.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158077
 23.05.2022
The old story.

A spring inspection of the officer. In the fire control cabin on the layout of the terrain sweat I do not remember already, it seems, the captain, the commander of the battery. One task failed shamefully. Started the shooting from a short flight at the close location of the positions of "our and unhappy". But for some reason he liked General Gamov, from the district. And he decided to give him a rescue circle:

Captain, the enemy division opened fire on your battery. But you have everything: their coordinates and any ammunition, as much as you want. Your actions? You have already been caught in the wreck. They cover now.

The captain in the cabin of the orchestral glass propelled through the helmet. But he was educated in school and knows that only a regiment can suppress the fire of the division. He has a battery. The captain, reddened by tension, beggingly looks at the half-can, but he, knowing the solution, only licked. Gamow repeats with emphasis:

You have all the ammunition and a lot of it. The weather is windless!

The boarding face of the captain in the helmet is illuminated by a spark of guess. And he, pressing the barrel with his left hand, and waving in tact to each word of his right, begins to mourn on the whole class. It is heard directly, not through dynamics:

- 77 - Third, a super-caliber nuclear shell ХХХ.7ХХ, a special charge. Primary target yyy, main direction, left ZZZ...

In the classroom, besides the officers, I am a sergeant behind the machine guns, and two soldiers from the garment on mailings.

Gates cannot withstand:

Stop and shut up. Go out of the cabin! Naked from the field! You will go to court and I will go to the tundra.
That is th. The captain was ready to start a nuclear war because of the next title burning with a bright flame.

by PS. Who is interested in the correct solution of the task. The captain had to deploy two guns on each of the three batteries and with a fleeting fire, almost without targeting, to smoke their positions with smoke shells, blind them, so that they and their landmarks (induction points) and spare (colimators) could not see. The weather is windless, smoke falls on the carpet. Immediately remove from the fire position.

I told Ost.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158076
 23.05.2022
No matter how McDonald’s will now be called, the main thing is that the toilets will open again!

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