I decided to beat my boyfriend. I recently bought a new car, he cares for it better than me. The guy went to bed, I took the keys and moved the car to another yard. I put my keys back and went to bed. In the morning, MCH calmly goes to work, leaves the apartment... And after 10 minutes runs out with screams: “STALL BATT! The car was scattered!”

He begins to convulsively call my dad (he works in the police) and screams at the telephone that he said the car was stolen, etc. (Before that I called my dad and told him about the joke), dad played: I came with the guys and all that had to be done. I caught a whirlwind. I decided to stop joking about him and... “First of April!” We told where the car, we come, and the cars are not... and I will say!

This is where my dad started acting like a policeman! Asked me, the guy, looked at the place where I parked the car and already started to design.

My boyfriend is starting to crawl. It turns out, he heard that I took the keys and guessed. As soon as I fell asleep, he picked up and packed the car.

Morality: There is always opposition to action.

There are two evils in Russia: fools and roads. The second are bad, so that the first do not go far.

I was almost struck by one idiot on a pedestrian crossing today. And he not only did not slow down the speed, seeing me on the road, but also pushed out the window and covered it with a three-storey mat, saying how I dared to appear in his way. I was so upset that I forgot to keep track of the road. As a result, the car crashed one wheel into dirt on the side and crashed into a tree. I don’t even know how to comment on this: instant karma or a lesson in the style of “don’t get distracted by driving.”

At the meeting with the Deputy, a question from the hall:
"Tell me, the state, collecting my taxes, has pledged to provide a decent pension, free education and medicine. In fact, I have to pay for education and medicine, and I have to pay for retirement! And the taxes continue to collect me properly! So why such a state?
The Deputy, not for a second, did not hesitate: - You yourself answered your question - to collect taxes.

A young man came to work as a light programmer at our office. I put it on one Bitrix project. He did not like this occupation. He worked for a couple of months and then his dad helped him buy an ascensor car, drowned into some selfie. Our former colleague started riding on it, serving the village pool. I came to the department today to get a paper. There was a dialogue:

How do you feel about the new life? Better than us?

Nothing has changed. As I worked with shit, so I work.

The logical paradox is that the patriarch declared a “heresy” of human rights, and most of all our laws protect the rights of the so-called “human rights”. " the believers"
WOW: There can be several conclusions from this silogism. The first is believers are not people, the second is...
Yes, the first is enough! :D

In the 21st century courtyard. It came to mind to replace the expression "Woman of easy behavior" with "Woman of high resolution".

xxx: We even had an elite school, but we behaved with teachers just like assholes. Like any other school. How they endured it, I just can’t imagine. still ashamed. But our Obzhist, a retired colonel, made us like no one else. He found a way not to write to the controls. We wrote all the tests in anti-gases. Filming was allowed only by handing over a sheet. It was removed earlier for removal. And that, fucking, is funny - when the whole class is sitting in the anti-gases. And if you start to laugh - the glasses will sweat, not that the stove, your leaf of shit you will see. You start to mess with the wrong thing, it is very burning because with this breathing box you knock on the table or on the neighbor. In general, a great uncle, left very bright memories.

For those who are not familiar with the game:

Five, seven, and again five.
My favorite size.
Master of hockey.

It is 3 April.
It has been four months since itheppenze hanged like a mouse.
Remember to grieve.

When I had my first professional examination, on the question of a dermatologist "The stomach is clean?" I gladly answered "And how about, morning soap".

I work as a sysadmin at the ski resort, our general meal for the end of the season was heavily delayed, and so - that the whole general meal announced a strike, girls gathered at the entrance of the cafe, are sitting on strike... the bartender came, listened to everything, cuddled in the phone and with the words - "cuddle right!!!", included in the columns "Stand up the country of the people"!!! to

Wife: And the weather. Cacao is hot!
Cacao Co Co Co Co Co Co Co Co Co Co!
Don’t sing this shit, then you won’t get rid of it for a week!
daughter, with a ringing voice, to the whole hall of the Palace of Culture:
Do not drink, please.

“I haven’t bought anything from my clothes so long ago that I don’t even know what size I have,” my wife said sadly.

xxx: From the fact that, under the condition of the experiment, we have retrospectively reconstructed the simplest protogue that can only be in principle. If it has any predecessors, then they are NOT functional, do not bring any benefit to its carriers.
yyy: Many owners of simpler photoreceptive systems than your eyes look at you with confusion.

So who is meant for Brussels cabbage?
Oh yeah, leave your hamburgers at home, here’s what I really get from them...

Well, if you really know how to cook it, and you will not get a bitter slippery ugliness. I generally love all the cabbage and colored, and broccoli, and Brussels, and colrabi, and red, and cabbage, any... But I do not like sweet, as people open their eyes when I refuse chocolate or cakes. You’re on a diet, right? No is? Why don’t you eat cake?Yes, I don’t like your cakes, chocolate, cake, candy and other nonsense! Give me the clothes! Or the cheese. But she doesn’t eat, I’m a girl, girls have to eat chocolates and cakes.

1st We are introducing a transport tax to improve roads.
2nd Taxation of gasoline to improve roads.
Three We launch PLATON to improve roads.
4 is Good roads are dangerous.
5 is We leave bad roads.

The Profit!

How I became grey yesterday:
The wife washed his son’s soft toys (including those on batteries). He hanged it on the dryer and dropped it down to the little one. I’ve always wanted to play in Silent Hill and I finally got that opportunity.
About three nights. A tense moment. In the room from the lighting - only the light from the monitor, and suddenly in one of the toys, apparently something closed (or blinked), and from the far corner of the apartment a child's voice ring: "WELCOME!!!" Let us be friends!!and "

Practice shows that taste addictions do not arise in an empty place, but on the basis of biochemical processes in the body, so that health problems are just those whom parents violently beat just to demonstrate dominance, and not the opposite. A child who has the opportunity to get sweets more than once a year in honor of the holiday and on the condition of impeccable service, but really as a daily pleasant moment, will never get stuck on them and do not rush to nausea, as on a "harmful day", the harmfulness of which is not in the products themselves, but in such a sharp and short change of diet. The rejection of a child is not mythical caprices, but the absence of either hunger at all, or the need for something specific, or banally spoiled foods and / or the inability to cook them. Your child will be healthy if you listen to his needs. All these groomed grandfathers on the forehead are a genetic memory of the times when a family has seven or ten children and if they give birth to new children, no one will care about any particular thing, and no one has the possibility.

My wife’s father was convinced that a boy would be born (the ultrasound was not done then). When he was told that his wife had given birth, he did not even think to specify - who? I went to work, my son was born! Buried three days. Three days later, colleagues ask, what was the name of the son? To which the witness answers sadly - Elvira.