bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126158
 30.03.2016
I recently encountered a discussion of the feast label. Particularly liked the item "Inspiracy to refuse a meal if you are offered".

And here I was covered: I have been a diabetic since childhood. I follow a very strict diet. I usually don’t explain anything to anyone, I just don’t eat everything. However, in the guests is often some good soul, who "exactly knows" that this chocolate cake is not harmful, and even useful and in general diabetes is treated with herbs, they will now tell me how.

To refuse, fucking ignorant. And trying to feed a diabetic cake polite, right?! to

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №126157
 30.03.2016
Potter was crossing the river.
Seeing Potter in the Taze River.
Potter dropped his hand into the river.
Not about the Greek story.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126156
 30.03.2016
Alexander is
I suggest adding a priority "urgent" when submitting the application automatically receives the status "rejected" with the note "applications with this wording of priority are not accepted".

Alexander is
From the section "button "call the director foolish", by clicking which employee account is blocked and the window "you are fired for disrespect to the management of the company" appears."

I am
This is also a good idea, remember.
Useful in the helpline.

Alexander is
The typical trap. It is advisable with a confirmation window so that there is no “I accidentally pressed”.
“Do you really want to call the director a fool?”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126155
 30.03.2016
Commentary on the book:
The author is famous for the fact that excellent novels merge a little more than entirely in continuations. And this time it didn’t even freeze, it melted immediately. A strong couple.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126154
 30.03.2016
On the entrance door the announcement: " [something there in small letters] CARTON WITH US!!The brain instantly complements the phrase to: “Your potatoes are held hostage, if you don’t throw a suitcase of money into the garbage near the station at night, we will bury it in the ground alive.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126153
 30.03.2016
Livsi: Citizens work well for the state, and the state protects, treats, teaches them.

Cadaver: I feel like citizens are venting the state with their work for how it protects, treats and teaches them, especially the guards, doctors and teachers.)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126152
 30.03.2016
I took the medical examination. In the hallway a crowd of people, in front of the door on the chair a very elderly woman. From the door comes the chairman of the commission, too, very years ago, recognized her. And with the phrase "Here I am on you today" I went back. Group members, as it turns out.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126151
 30.03.2016
It seems to me that the best role of the main character "Titanic" would have suited Adriano Celentano. He was confused with a rich girl, and in the end he would save himself, and drowned her.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №126150
 30.03.2016
Many have started appearing fitness bracelets at work.
So the plankton was pumped to the phytoplankton.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №126149
 30.03.2016
X: Something terrible is flying there, and I go to work.
In this case, good socks from OZK.
X: This is what?
X: Omsk factory of clothes?

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126148
 30.03.2016
I called a taxi. While she clogged her shoes, closed the door, the taxi driver Anton Alexandrovich called twice to remind me that he was standing near the entrance. Late in the evening, a call from the same number again.

“Allo, Tatiana, this is Anton. I met you on a dating site. I call from the airport. I just returned from a trip. From Paris. Do you want to meet right now? We drink French wine.

“I’m not Tatiana,” I say, “the numbers are confused. You took me a taxi today.

- Oh, - confused taxi driver Anton Alexandrovich, - sorry, the mistake came out.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126147
 30.03.2016
Today at work, one acquaintance said thoughtfully:

It turns out that, Patriotism, is a scientifically popular and not too offensive explanation of why We should live worse than They.

He quickly left the office. Something I worry about him.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126146
 30.03.2016
And nothing that, according to the Christian canons, witchcraft, magic, guessing is sin?
What about those who are engaged in magic, were removed from the church, and sometimes burned on fireplaces?

and then! Good, all-forgiving Christians burned on the fires of competitors.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №126145
 30.03.2016
Windows... Very good that when connecting the phone to charge it switches all the active windows and asks what to do. But I know that almost everything can be arranged. I saw at the bottom of the dialog box a small inscription "choose the default action"Bingo! Click, I choose in front of the phone "do not perform any actions"- OK!
Now when the phone is connected, the screw still switches all the active windows and yes, nothing else is done. The handcuff.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №126144
 30.03.2016
What if I have specific tastes?
Xxx: I add cooked strawberries to the pizza...

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №126143
 30.03.2016
The Russian Post has a time machine.
It comes to me "Notice". But somehow "secondary".
I went to the post. I searched for five minutes - no order letter. They said that "the postman has not yet returned to the postman". Why "secondary" - did not admit; and the first notification was not.
I arrived in 4 days. There was not.

He left his phone. The next morning they called: “We had a computer failure, this letter you received in 2015.”

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №126142
 30.03.2016
Some spammers in the chat:

“Hello to you. You may be interested. We sell out the remaining hoodies. I have an inf on the wall. Write if anything, I will be happy to help, to suggest where you can measure and so on."

I: What is Hudi?

C: Pytes, switches, but only longer

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126141
 30.03.2016
Husband of a goat.
He approaches with a very serious face and asks, “Do you definitely not want to accept Judaism?”
I thought that a job in the historic homeland was offered, and just opened my mouth to the respondent "Why do you crack?", as he continued: "You get very good at drinking all the water".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126140
 30.03.2016
My father sneezes like the devil. Some nights seem powerful, and when they come, it is almost impossible to wake up or stop it.

Once, when I was a small shit, my sleep was once again interrupted by a snoring that penetrated the brain, I got out of bed and decided to try to stop it. Having realized that such a strong sleep could not be interrupted by peaceful arrangements, I struck the snoring bat quite strongly, after which he, still asleep, gave a sound of awareness of pain and the snoring stopped. The next night I woke up again from snoring and immediately went to break the silence, because now I knew what to do. As I approached, I immediately struck the same as last night, but suddenly my father opened his eyes. This was the first time I got puzzles.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126139
 30.03.2016
Coincidentally I met a parent’s family. In the morning, mom and dad collect the butter for work, the child turns around:
– Maaaam... Paaaap... I don’t want to go to the garden!
There are many stereotypical answers to this - "do not harm", "you are what, in the kindergarten is so interesting", "and here is a good girl Masha never capricious". But here the parents give out, without saying:
Nobody forces you to want it!

It is not necessary to complete all children's hotels. Respect them must be.

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