bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126056
 28.03.2016
There is such a lifehack that if you put tea bags in your shoes, it will not smell bad. It was decided to try. He left his bags for the night, gathered in a hurry in the morning, and instead of throwing those bags into the laundry, threw them into his bag. In the end, some wise man came to me in a bag, found this tea... and made it. and partition. He will know how to take someone else’s without demand.

P.S The shoes still smell.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126055
 28.03.2016
Can we go for a walk tonight?
XX: No, I planned to rest
We Can Together
XX: I Planned to Sleep
I can continue the thought...

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126054
 28.03.2016
I go, I work, I don’t touch anyone. Here I turn into the courtyard alone, and there is a whole bunch of lawns with such fragile ice. This white ice is so funny. My day was even better. I am breaking the ice on the slopes, wonderfully simple. I hear a voice from behind, “Hey, boy!” I turn around, a 30-year-old man is walking by the hand of a young son. The man points to the broken ice and says, “You are this, leave us a little too.”

I smile and say, “Of course, it’s not a question.”

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126053
 28.03.2016
Review of the book "The Fifth Wave":



In this vivid mixture of "Something", when everyone around is very suspicious, the text lives perfectly to the middle, and then the main character meets a man in the woods...



I have a theory that at this moment the author of the book was shot by a fan of the film “Summertime” and wrote it all by himself. Because phrases such as “His soft hands smelled chocolate” and “The jeans were very stylish to stretch the elastic butt” are much larger than the phrases “the ball scattered his butt.”

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №126052
 28.03.2016
of pedestrian transitions.
Through the road from work, a store, and we have a tail in the corridor, and everyone who goes to the store takes it, the cars immediately stop. Nothing in the store, we are used to it.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126051
 28.03.2016
>>>> or take all this matter by phone and send it to the local hybrid, with the question "for how long?". Let them produce a conditional reflex in drivers, displaying a patrol there.

I wrote it somewhere, I don’t remember. If you call the U.S. police and report that somewhere the car is parked incorrectly, then in five minutes an evacuator arrives. If you call the Russian police and report that the car is wrongly parked in front of your house, which has blocked your departure, then in two weeks the answer will come that the owner of the car was fined for wrong parking.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №126050
 28.03.2016
My colleague is a woman about forty years old. Behaves about like all the heroines of the anecdotes about the blonde together (the first couple of weeks was funny, then it became scary: she really doesn't joke!). In general, for her eyes, she is called - our blonde, although she is quite a chaten.

In general, our blonde again dampened something, this is discussed in the cigarette. One of my colleagues, without much hope:

Let’s tell her that these are still jokes, not instructions!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126049
 28.03.2016
The players of the Romanian national team will go to a friendly match with the Spanish team in T-shirts with equations instead of numbers. This is on the website of the Federation of Football of Romania.

As long as the opponent remembers school, we will drop a couple of balls.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126048
 28.03.2016
Tusy
As for health?? to

Onyutko
normal already)) all the weekend failed layer, quietly standing *CRAZY*

Onyutko
The cat was turning circles around me and trying to tick her leg in her nose: “Did she not die yet?” No is? Yippidy yi yi yippity yay.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126047
 28.03.2016
My ex-husband is a programmer. Sometimes on weekends from morning to evening hanged in a compass with a face expression of the type of "complex shield" - allegedly finished a very important thing at work and could not take part in the home life.

In general, he burned out of his own foolishness because of the habit of not closing the curtains. He was usually sitting back to the window, and in the autumn dawn his favorite computer toy was perfectly reflected in the glass.

P.S Especially for gamer rights defenders to live in the game: the problem is not what he played, but what he lied.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №126046
 28.03.2016
I learned to read at 4 years old. I immediately remembered a family story. My mother took me to the hospital. When her turn came, she left me waiting in the hallway. It was boring, sad, and I noticed a little book on the table. I took one and began to read out loud. After some time, my mom goes out and observes the following picture: people in a row are rushing over me, and I am all so happy with the attention received, with inspiration, line by line, waiting unknown where the guide on gynecology came from.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126045
 28.03.2016
I learned to read at 4 years old. And only because one girl from the whole group, Marina, was able to read. There were always a lot of boys around her and she read them books from kindergarten shelves. I also wanted to gain popularity.

And then, when I learned to read the slogans, I took the same book in my hands that seemed to me the most interesting. I started reading, and the book was not about what Marina was reading. It turns out that she could not read at all, but could fantasize by looking at the illustrations.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126044
 28.03.2016
IZh: Ambiguous title: “ISS crew successfully captured a space truck.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126043
 28.03.2016
Everybody knows this story:
Heavy and non-heavy
Life of a simple programmer.

After trying to put Android Studio and fifth (!) The captured BSO, invented the continuation:
On the edge of the impossible
Life of a programmer is complicated.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №126042
 28.03.2016
Russian musician Yuri Loza called the Led Zeppelin and Rolling Stones "weak" and unprofessional, and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards - people who are absolutely unable to sing and play.

XXX: The Fat Troll

yyy: fat troll on a small bowl

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №126041
 28.03.2016
dara_from_chaos: A month ago threw her resume on the vacancy "editor in book publishing". In the accompanying letter she wrote, among other things: you have there and there in the description - spelling errors. Plus, this is stylistic.
"You don’t fit us" arrived in five minutes. It was 😉 😉 😉 😉

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126040
 28.03.2016
Kricheck: I work in a tobacco store, there are all sorts of questions and not always adequate. But today was just a peak: the buyer (a young guy) was interested in the thickness of calcium foil in nanometers... o_0

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126039
 28.03.2016
Use of fragrances in marketing:
In a number of countries, especially in Japan, fragrances are used to increase the productivity of workers. With the spread of wood smell, a group of machinery workers starts printing much faster and with fewer stamps.
The comments:
A: Only one smell can help smell, the smell of money.
BBB: Here is it. Rubles are wood.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №126038
 28.03.2016
Information about the Internet Service Provider:

Good Internet, I will say, permanent, temporarily rarely no, I then cry bitterly. We all cry bitterly here when sometimes there is no internet. But in the speed of it, the people of the provider and we then start laughing loudly, knocking each other on the back, condemning - everything is fine, the Internet is now.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126037
 28.03.2016
The dialogue between a boy (P) and a girl (D):

Q: Sorry for you.
D: Go out of here!
Q: I apologized for you, right? No explanation for Nietzsche.
D: Okay, I’ll explain it on your fingers. No, fucking, so that you finally understand. You always listen to the shit, you look at the shit. As a consequence, you create a mess in life, because of which you constantly have some kind of mess in life. As long as I’m with you, this shit affects me too. And to me, imagine, do not mourn, and your mourning did not fall to me. So, either you stop doing shit, or get rid of it! Even if you don’t understand it, you fucking fool.
Q: What? O_O
D: What I needed to prove. Naomi has gone. The point.

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