bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №136281
 26.11.2016
Sorry for me, Sasuke
YYY in request refused
This function is not provided in this model Homo Sapiens Sapiens.
We hope for your understanding.
The function is "Sarcasm"
Apply Yes / No
XXX N
YYY in request refused
Reason: Yes key does not work in the interface
The interface is not very friendly.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №136280
 26.11.2016
Explain logical operations on a clear example. taken from Habr
Oh my God, you are so wet! Bringing you hot drinks?
A cup or cup. You can both.
Do you need sugar?
Sugar and a spoon. Sugar is useless to me without a spoonful, and vice versa, if the sugar is over, you can not walk for a spoonful.
- Will we pour you into a cup of tea or coffee?
Tea and Coffee. If you mix it, it will be ugly.
Lemon or milk?
Lemon and NAND milk. I would love to drink tea just so, from the addition of lemon or milk I will not give up, but not both at once!
–...
Oh... the waitress! Have you not slept? Say “Yes”!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №136279
 26.11.2016
We have to give the task to the test tomorrow, so move button'am!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №136278
 26.11.2016
Talking to a friend about the future, he admitted that he was confused: he does not know what to do next. I’ve always had trouble finding the right words to support. I see a lamp burning on the street. It pushed me to the thought, I am so delightfully stretching, with a happy smile (the necessary words are found) I begin my speech: "You see, the lamp is burning? Imagine that this is your bright future...." And in the meantime, the light goes out. and silence. The friend says: "Well, thank you". So my debut of the great speaker did not take place.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136277
 26.11.2016
The crew did not allow the Russian world champion in WBA and IBF boxing Denis Lebedev to interfere in the conflict with the aircraft on the flight Los Angeles-Moscow.

One of the passengers after the take-off suddenly jumped up and started screaming that he would kill everyone, began to shake his hands. The crew could not handle it, but Dennis Lebedev offered his services.

Looking at the boxer and the debosher, the stewardesses decided that it was better not to allow such contact.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136276
 26.11.2016
Do not spike out your altruism - they can catch up for it.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №136275
 26.11.2016
Another story about the Missouri disaster.
The disposition is the same: the 90s, one successful Internet provider, Misha.

The eighth day of March, that is, the seventh. Two-thirds of the group is female. Those men who managed to get rid of work, smoking and porn sites were occupied:

Organization of a festive table (two monitors at the Gazeli office went to the food market).
Purchasing gifts (the deputy director personally jumped into his Lanser and went to friendly wholesalers for perfume).
And also - flowers (Misha was sent on foot to the florist, the goods of the florists in the district were - like naked in the bathroom). My mission was somewhat blurred: to buy the best flowers. The military knows that the wording of the order should not allow for discrepancies. The army chief did not serve.

The table is covered. Group in anticipation. The ladies are dressed, beautiful, red and radiate fluids of happiness. Sissamins look carnivorously at the battery of bottles, then at the ladies, then again at the battery of bottles. There is no mice. These are all mobile phones from the kindergarten. And then it was exclusively a business VIP attribute. Therefore, to find out what traits are wearing Misha and where exactly - was not possible.

The clock ticks. The expectation is replaced by mild nervousness. Ladies are missing. Sisadmin has saliva, like a dog tightly attached to a sausage store. The boss gives a bucket, good gifts in place. And the flowers... Well, will this Misha ever appear? Then we give.

Congratulations, kisses, toasts and fun. Missy is still out.
Another toast from the boss for the gentle violins of our friendly collective. Even more fun. Michi is still not, but it is not so critical anymore.
Dances, hihi-haha, me-husband-chet, again toasts Missy and the flowers were forgotten.

Walked a lot. The deputy director even had to come back from home at midnight to release six employees from the monkey, where they were caught for vocals, choreography and other afta-paths near the subway. Among them there was even a whole puppy...

March 9 was a bit cloudy. Some of my colleagues obviously hid their eyes. Part of them smiled. Someone was banally red like cancer. Someone combined all three qualities (who was in corporations will understand). The Sisadmin brought something into their room in a large bag and locked themselves there.

About Misha and the flowers, if you remembered, not before lunch, if not one circumstance. The female part of the team in turn approached Misha and knotted him in the cheek. Misha was obviously confused and pretended that he wasn’t there. On the fact of this phenomenon, an emergency investigation was conducted, which revealed the following.

Misha knew where there are the best flowers in the capital and the surroundings. He went to the station, sat in the electric car and went to the greenhouse somewhere or to Sergeyev-Posad, or Dmitrov (now I don't remember exactly where, somewhere north of Moscow). They said, “The best of the best.” The fault themselves.

On the way back, he managed to confuse the direction and went away. Back to Moscow, he returned at night with a huge bunch of flowers, picked up on the track by sympathetic long-distance drivers, because the last electric car was going somewhere not exactly where it should be.

Realizing his guilt in front of the team, he went to work the next morning, handed flowers to ladies from the service shift (providers are also working on holidays), learned the addresses of the other women and for the whole day traveled them all (!!!)Congratulations to the flowers. In this he, indeed, helped one of his colleagues with the car, because on the subway Misha would not have time.

By the way, the flowers were really fresh, fragrance and absolutely elegant. And almost not hurt by the logistics target.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №136274
 26.11.2016
Elton John refused to speak at Trump’s inauguration. “Here’s Pidaras,” the elected president of the United States thought.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136273
 26.11.2016
xxx: Sberbank Advertising: "We want to share with all those who want our knowledge about how much the Russians spend and get". Facebook intimidatingly placed next to the group’s advertisement "I rubbed".

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №136272
 26.11.2016
xxx: Lord, here are: 1. bilinear forms? Those who have at least one singular number. Those who have a jordan shape? Those whose norm is consistent with the norms of any pair of linear spaces.
YYY: I also want to make me such a pearl!
zzz: Divide an imaginary unit by zero. You will see the trigonal space in the form of a broken oscillograph.
XXX: And now I want to be so pissed.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136271
 26.11.2016
They say, on the website of the insurance company you can write an e-sago on an e-blank.
There is also a bonus system - each user receives an e-point.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136270
 26.11.2016
From the bird forum:

A: A couple of pigeons nested on our balcony last summer. The bird grew up, and the couple remained guarding their place. Since then, I have dismantled the balcony from the excess dirt and every night I feed them so that the other pigeons don’t see. My couple comes for breakfast in the morning and jealously protects the territory from other pigeons. I would like to watch the puppies again next summer, but I fear that the place has already become a dining room for them, not a shelter. Last year I didn’t feed them while there was a nest to avoid attracting other birds. How to make the balcony attractive to raise puppies for the next year?

B: Fill the balcony again!

[ + 26 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136269
 26.11.2016
sail2017, you either do not know the topic or a provocator.
Giving away the islands means making our now-Inner Sea international and accessible to the U.S. and NATO. So - to give enemies approaches to the bases of the Pacific Fleet.
Teach the match.
Or just look at the map.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136268
 25.11.2016
Designers in the United States refuse to sew dresses for Trump’s wife. One refused and called on colleagues to do the same. One came up.
You won’t like those Americans ?
The idiots)
I mean, they are all so politized.)
XHH: Something tells me that this one is a visitor
The Chinese had to go, they would have made her such a dress muddy overnight, it would later be transformed into a coat-bar with a refrigerator and heater.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №136267
 25.11.2016
XXX: I feel like I have grown up. Previously my parents called me and said, “Look, what kind of candy we bought!” And now they say, look what we bought vodka!

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136266
 25.11.2016
There is a legend that if a vampire bites a person, he will also become a vampire. brought a cat. So this drawing bites me and now I always want to sleep after work.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136265
 25.11.2016
Nico_S> I turn into a lion in the winter
Mary_not_hair> oh mystery... and how?
Nico_S> I want to sleep 20 hours a day and get someone to eat

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136264
 25.11.2016
Warrek Minosh: Heard today a funny dialogue of a boy and a girl (P - lives in Moscow, D - in the suburbs in his house)
(P): "Actively agitates and calls (D) in guests"
(D): "States" - You said at the Tarakan house, I will not go anywhere.
(P): "It is not lost" – and you have mice!
(D): Mice are more sympathetic and fun when you hit them.
P: What is it? O_O
D: What is it? and :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №136263
 25.11.2016
The provincial city. The Winter. I am a fifth grade student in the second shift. At 5 a.m. after class, it is dark as at night. When I returned home one day after class, when I walked out of the school gate, I was shouted:

You hear little! I turned around - in front of me stood a big guy without a hat in a tightly stretched shovel.

Are you smoking? He continued.

I noticed under his eye a "lamp" while he barely stood on his feet and smelled a stink. He pulls his cloth with broken goats to squeeze my hand.

Do you have a strain? He asks me. I don’t quite understand what this is, I answered no at all.

My name is Leha Lobov, I am a pyjama of men. I betrayed that strange guy. I stood in full shock and didn’t know what to answer.

If you need someone to find me, I will fight for you. After these words, the drunken Leha walked a wandering walk on a dark street. I never saw him again. I have never used the services of the ghost.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136262
 25.11.2016
xx: I wonder, but what do the lines of the witch code look like if the developers are Poles? A whisper?
yy: Polish written very easy to understand
ZZ : Aha you see //kurwa - meaning a complex section of the code

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