bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №125316
 11.03.2016
to the tattoo. Guys, it seems that the "master" speaking here lives at the expense of poor parents. Who provide him not only with food and clothes, but also with tools, room, and everything that the child will want. Well, here is such a glamorous boy "artist". And the original message to raise your level for someone else’s (customer’s) money only convinces that. Have you not noticed these big letters "I owe you all!11 and 11?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №125315
 10.03.2016
"Senator Ted Cruz defeated Trump at the primary in Idaho".

He probably did it cleverly. The slogan: Vote for T. Cruz!

A bunch of enthusiastic ladies voted, thinking they voted for Tom Cruise.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №125314
 10.03.2016
[0:37, 10.03.2016] Government: What happens if a whale bites a centaur or a minotaur?
[0:41, 10.03.2016] Pashah: The Horse
[0:42, 10.03.2016] Government: Or a wolf horse?
[0:54, 10.03.2016] Yang: The Wolf Horse or the Bulldog, ah
[1:15, 10.03.2016] +375 29 688-22-60 : There seemed to be a question of biting, not fucking. Why do you have such strange versions?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №125313
 10.03.2016
A black man with blue eyes? The naive children.
After Harry Potter, who was not given the branded Emerald Eyes, about which seven books are spoken, are you still waiting for something?

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №125312
 10.03.2016
I am looking for vacancies for work. Found "Engineer-developer of blocks SU KA". The description of the vacancy perfectly corresponds to the title :)

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №125311
 10.03.2016
“No, of course, your lecture about the 1870s and 80s was very interesting, but, you know, as you look at ladies in such dresses, you feel that there is a growing class protest inside.
Do not worry. In 40 years they will be killed.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №125310
 10.03.2016
As a child, my sister and I loved to arrange surprises for my mother, then prepare some, in our opinion, gastronomic sensation (apples with mayonnaise), then decorate the wallpapers with plasticine... but we arranged a real bottom floor when we recorded on the dictionary as we oram bass, in all the throat. We put our "debut" on all the volume... on calls and SMS. The SMS came in the night, and everyone was upset.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №125309
 10.03.2016
"RAN demanded from young scientists to submit to the contest discettes 3.5"

Thank you for not being scratched on the barrel.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №125308
 10.03.2016
To close this project is like slaughtering a cow carrying golden eggs.
The cow? God, what else do I not know about the standards of development in this office? No, don’t tell me, I’m afraid I’ll like the answer even less.

[ + 16 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125307
 10.03.2016
Read the composition of the current mayonnaise - it is safer to lick the uranium bars.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №125306
 10.03.2016
xxx: briefly about the Wachowski family: in vain an old lady is waiting for her son at home.
YYY: She will tell you, she’ll scream :))))
XXX is sure!
Nnn: Maybe she always dreamed of a daughter, and the sons sacrificed themselves.
I wanted this dog all my life.
Fish in the Aquarium
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY
CCC: and you are talking

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125305
 10.03.2016
I decided to buy hinkali for dinner, hanging - not the worst option for a single man.=) I went in okay, approached the refrigerator with peelings, strawberries and hinkali... and I see like a girl (year 5-6!) Takes the hinkali from the refrigerator and begins to lick them, to suck. Lick one hinkalina and throw it back into the refrigerator. “This is a little shit!” I immediately wished to eat, I wanted to take an aluminum scarf - which "freezing" in the bag is loaded, and tear the girl half. Her daddy was around. All he said, noticing the workings of his daughter - Stop, sweet, the throat will get cold.



The little girl did not care. And here, she takes such a small hinkalina, looks at me, and completely squeezes it into her mouth. Fingers are pushing. I... and both! Can not pull out! It came out something like everyone's famous bulb with a light bulb. The little girl washes, pulls Daddy for the trousers...



In short, 10 minutes later, people gathered near the victim: the guards, the store administration, just the robbers. Collectively, they decided to wait for the chinchilla to melt.



I did not wait for the final. I bought sardines, pasta and went home.

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125304
 10.03.2016
Dear friends, if you got bored on the evening of the weekend and you don’t know what else to do, then DO NOT consider putting Linux on the computer, if 1) this is your first acquaintance with this OS 2) you definitely need to sleep 3) this computer will definitely need in the morning. 4) you do not have a suitable distribution of screws at hand... But about red-eyed jokes to understand started:(

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №125303
 10.03.2016
To help the seeking story about "beings in the aquarium".

You are right, it’s not Lem. Author is George Martin. The story is called The Sand Kings. The pseudo-intelligent insects, which should be kept in the terrarium, and which can fight, build cult structures, in fact - a whole civilization. And all this can be monitored (and indirectly controlled) by the owner of the terrarium. In "Sand Kings" it is told how the not-to-measure cruel and self-confident lover of exotics "educated" his caregivers and how it ended. A terrible story, I have to say.
I hope it helped.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №125302
 10.03.2016
In our organization, as in many in general, there is also a tradition to congratulate each other in the team on February 23 and March 8. On the eve of the women's holiday, our strong half traditionally handed us flowers and the main gift - a maxi with the logo of our company.

The only difficulty faced by men is to guess the size. My colleague was very upset when I got a 50th size. She breathed up, saying, is it not clear that she is ready for spring and wears the 46th.

But even more dark I met her after the holidays. At home, she moved Mike. She is just her.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №125301
 10.03.2016
by 19783. Suppose I got tired of getting a tattoo. And the master instead of doing and, in the extreme case, just warning that here the tattoo will quickly erase, and out there in a few years will look no ice at all (the body is aging, ah), begins to stand out. And this is what he will not do to me, and this is what he does not want, out of that he has colic teeth start, and from this hair in the perineum fall out... No, well his, such a master. Improve your skills in mannequins.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125300
 10.03.2016
xxx: because the cowboy man is actually unkillable
He has thousands of avatars all over the world.
yyy: as with that nyyarlathotep))
xxx: yes, but his followers need to perform some kind of Cow Ritual to revive it.
XXX: We are disturbing
Not because we are good.
Because the ritual is real.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125299
 10.03.2016
Sister Wachowski: The creator of the “Matrix” changed gender following his brother.

Now it is okay. No any distortions.

Matrix has you!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125298
 10.03.2016
Russian mat is such a free stress detector.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №125297
 10.03.2016
British scientists conducted an experiment... Well not quite so. I did the experiment myself.
Its essence is this: being behind the Iron Curtain, I’ve heard many times that on the other side of it women are actively fighting gender inequality. And if you are a German, a French, or, God give me, an American, give up a seat in the subway, open the door, or just smile, she will immediately call the police and complain of insulting her female dignity, sexism and sexual harassment.
It is clear that testing this hypothesis involves considerable risk, but science requires sacrifices – and I decided. For many years I have been in trouble, being in the middle of feminism and political correctness. Sometimes I do just desperate deeds, for example, paying for a coffee of a little-known colleague or lifting up the stairs a heavy bag of the first meeting.
Young, mature and "newly young", thin, feminine and "very feminine", beautiful and "interesting", all races, peoples, languages, religions and professions - even one offended!
Everyone for some reason only smiles in response, even Mormons, Orthodox Jewish women and Muslim women.
But I do not despair and continue to experiment.
All with a celebration!

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