Q: What is your main quality?

and Lenin.

The lazy people are usually fat, and you are thin.

To be fat, I have to eat a lot, and I am lazy.

I recently changed work. Prepare for this thoroughly.



1st He warned the boss, said he was not pleased and asked to take action. received a refusal.

2nd I updated my resume and started sending it to interested vacancies.

Three I updated and updated my portfolio.



After a while, I found a vacancy that was very important to me. In the description of all requirements I pass, conditions me satisfy. I decided to call them. Neither letters nor calls were answered. I called them all week. and nothing.



After a few days, I got a good offer. I wrote a statement, worked the deadline and moved to another company.All goes well, I have been working for a month.



There is a call, an unknown number. I raise the phone, and the little girl begins to talk about the fact that they are looking for a man for a job and they looked at my resume on some site.



and further conversation. I am I, D is a girl.



Q: Are you still looking for work? I am from such a company.

I: No, I’ve already found a new job.

D: I looked at your resume, I think you would have approached us. Have you checked our vacancies?

I: Yes of course. I never wrote to your company and called.

D: Probably our eichers missed your calls (I named them all week), and the emails probably went into spam.

I: Well nothing though. Anyway, I am already working. So the question is no longer relevant.

D: Yes, I would like you to do a test assignment for us. Let’s say you need to make a design of 3-4 landings. Write us to the mail, we will send a description under each landing. Photos, text and other materials you are looking for/writing yourself, the work must be submitted within three days. I think that is enough.

O_O I am in shock

I: Sorry, but I’m already working. I am not currently considering any new job proposals. Plus, to make 3-4 landings, without materials (text), so quickly will not work. Especially since I work, I only have time at night.

D: This is your choice, we have a lot of people looking for this vacancy. You missed your chance.

And knocked the phone.



I have not been called to work so hard yet. So I am a little in shock.

The story took place more than 30 years ago. A young father, at the time a 20-year-old boy, was entrusted to walk with a newborn son. The young dad decided that walking in the courtyard is not interesting, and the air is not so fresh. And then he took the baby on his hands and went into the woods (we have places in the city where the forest goes straight to the residential houses). And here the child fell asleep from the fresh air, Daddy became bored, and then once a fungus, and then another. The hands are busy. The decision came quickly, it was necessary to pick up the shirt, but where did the diet go. And behold, he found a dry place, grabbed the leaves and laid it. Covered on top so that it does not freeze. Let the mushrooms gather. He said he had already gone home, but remembered that his wife without a child would not let go, went to pick up where he left him, and not there. There is no place for it at all. I understood Han. Everyone has run away, no. The baby fell asleep and gave a voice. This is a mushroom. Now he’s a grandfather, I don’t know whether he trusts his grandchildren or not.

It was years ago when “fast dating” came into fashion – a format where a man of 20 men and women, equally, in a cafe communicate each with each other in a circle. for a few minutes. Then the signal changes. (For those who do not know)

I just divorced and a friend invited me to such an event so that I could "go away".



The first lady, I fell clearly "non-formate" for this event - she is over 40, and it is stated that girls up to 28. Men up to 31. (I was then a little less than 30, and my peer-to-peer friend looked like a student-income.)



We talked and obviously did not interest each other.

Next, by the signal, at the table to this lady sat my friend.

After another signal to the transplant, an unknown guy sits on my seat. I look through the eyes of my friend, he is not there.

After the event ends, I start calling a friend. He only answers the next day.



Friend, have you broken up? Called and dropped...



– You know, I sat down at the table with that Oksana... Well, that adult... Well, they didn’t even start talking. She takes my hand and says, “Let’s get out of here? Would we sit quietly in a cafe? Or you can go to me right away..." And while I was thinking for a few seconds, she moved me over the table a hundred backs... a hundred backs! And I look like she is so cute and cute. That straight “Mom Stiffler” is resting... And you know... It was probably my best night... And a hundred bucks and a hundred bucks in Africa.

One day I go to work, on a service bus, I see a familiar car (toyota caribs, such few in our country). I call a friend, I say Andrew where you are, he says at home, I drink tea. I ask where is your car?

It is in the garage.

What number do you have.

He is such.

I watched everything come together. I told him to go here, named the address. It turned out that some idiots opened the garage, stole a car, drove, listened to music in the yard until the acum sat down. and abandoned her.

Shakerezada said, “Medicine has reached such heights that you don’t know where you’re going to die.

A story of five facts, one assumption, and one spell of hope.

The fact 1.
On April 16, 2018, the official website of NIA of Uzbekistan published the Decree of the President of the Republic: in connection with the 73rd anniversary of victory over fascism, EVERY participant and disabled of the Second World War in Uzbekistan in a solemn and festive setting will be awarded a monetary reward of 5 million sums. The expenses related to the implementation of this Decree will be incurred at the expense of the Republic of Uzbekistan budget.

The fact 2.
Uzbekistan is a crowded, poor country that does not trade in huge amounts of oil, gas, metals, forest, mineral fertilizers, etc. Wages are low there. Five million sums, or 38.5 thousand rubles, or 618 U.S. dollars (by the market rate of the moment) - there is, neither much nor little, four average monthly salaries.

The fact 3.
On May 7, 2018, the official Internet portal of legal information of the Russian Federation published the Decree of the President of the Russian Federation (No. 195 of May 6, 2018 "On single payments to certain categories of citizens in connection with the 73rd anniversary of Victory in the Great Patriotic War"), the essence of which is reduced to the one-time payment of 10 thousand rubles to veterans and disabled veterans in Russia and the Baltic countries.

Fact of 4.
Russia is not a very poor country. It remains the world’s leading exporter of oil and gas.
Four average monthly wages in Russia - it is almost 162 thousand rubles (the latest data of the State Statistics - February 2018). from 40443 rubles.
The country hosted the Olympics which cost several times more than the three previous winters combined. The expenses of the World Cup in football and small fools of the type of dogs flying on business jets Corgi will not be counted, because we are talking about documented facts at the moment.
For example, the program of creating the domestic limousine "Cortez", which was very useful on the same day, May 7, during the inauguration of the President of the Russian Federation, cost the budget 12.4 billion rubles (this is only for 2017 year, not counting the expenses of the current year).

Fact of 5.
The funds aimed at the development of the presidential car (apparently after the fleet of armored Meresedesov-Pulmanov developed a resource and turned into a weddar with gauges) would allow to pay EVERYONE of the survivors to the present moment 97 058 Russian veterans and disabled OVs amount equal to 127 thousand 758 rubles 66 copies.
Counting with the veterans of the three Baltic countries - 123 thousand 461 rubles 70 kopecks.
If you add the initial tenth from the generosity of the Russian President - then you will get a sum, not so terribly far from the Uzbek indicator of four average wages.

Assumption and shy hope:
I believe that the Russian President was pleasant and comfortable to drive 250 meters in a new car through the Kremlin during the inauguration.
And since he now finally has a car, I want to hope that in a year, by the 74th Anniversary of the Great Victory, "some categories of citizens", the number of which in a year, unfortunately, will again decrease, will receive from the country not a humiliating payout, but a sum, finally, at least partly worthy of their feat, our people and our memory.

- Yes, the youngest son on the spot, the older one, e-e, I don't see...
Dad, I am here!
Oh yeah there is. My nephew is here, my niece too. A cook, a maid and a guard.
All of it?
Apparently yes. The meeting of the Government is open!

At the dawn of the formation of Yandex Taxi, I worked through the company - the switch,, Capital Express ", which is still alive today.

On the driver support phone was a girl Anja, who could be called with a small problem, but hang on the phone for an hour or more - she loved to talk and wash the bones of everyone and everything.

her story.

She sits at the computer and follows orders. He sees that the driver has accepted the order, but does not move from the seat. He calls the number, as it turned out, the passenger, and asks what line he is standing in place, rather than driving. At the end, a lazy voice replies that he has changed his mind and wants to cancel the order. Anya cuts him up and, literally:

“Well, fuck, I raised my ass and went!”

At the end of the wire they reluctantly agree and put a phone.

Anja realizes after a minute that she has confused the phone numbers, waits until the driver finishes the trip and calls him to understand the scale of the crime.



The driver told the passenger:

"I thought about going to business, ordered a taxi, but while I was waiting, I was lazy and changed my mind.

Suddenly a phone call, wondering why I don’t go. I explained.

In response to the mat and under the end, "I immediately raised my ass and went!"

And then I realized I had to go.”

He resigned from the SS. For 25 years I did not get a little bit (which I did not regret afterwards). I come to the military department, to the retirement department, papers, certificates, certificates... The aunts are bored, they began to list me, how much I lost, not reaching 25: -

Do you know that you will not have a free sanatorium and resort service?

I know.

Do you think the pension would be higher?

I know.

Do you know what...?

I know.

and...

Yes I know.

And finally, a check shot from one of the aunts: "Those who have served for 25 years rely on a free orchestra from the military commissariat at the funeral... do you know how offensive it will be?"

An installor came to work. Three installations went normally, from the fourth did not give money (the customer paid in cash).

Vassula for the money.

I took my salary. And not completely.

You are on salary. Salary at the end of the month.

I need money now.

Vasa decided to say goodbye. No one needs surprises.

Call in a week.

Are there any installations?

There is, of course. But not for you. We are not working with you.

Here are you fucking. I will not give the perforator.

Okay you was. Take it to the grave.

The perforator for 18 thousand was withdrawn from my salary.

Call in six months.

Jake and Hi. Now they will call, give me a characteristic. I am prepared for work.

I call, I give a character. Vasa calls back and quarrels.

Glad you realized what a person you are. Or the perforator wanted to get you back.

In a week, a summary falls on the mail. Vasa is looking for work. The main qualities are responsible, reliable, honest.

An ordinary bastard is one who does not hurt just how, but strictly in order.

The older brother told me. He was fascinated by electronics, the good in the USSR in radio retail stores were stuck, pay, do what you want. So here. His neighbor called on him to turn on music. What he had there – radio, magnetophone, records – was not the point. In short, the debt. Brother read magazines (“radio” and so on.He moved his brains and consulted someone. Eventually, a device appeared, now called a glue. So the test! Now he is waiting, not waiting for the neighbor to wrestle his charm. I broke. My brother gave up his device. He says, even heard, like after the music suddenly “pshshshshshshshsh”. The neighbor cut off the sound. After a while he cried again, but quietly. God is with you, listen. And then I went back to all the power, shit. My brother turned on his device. A few times again, and so on. The neighbor knew that his brother was intelligent in radio technology, so after a while he turned to him. The further dialogue:
Listen, what kind of shit? The equipment is class, everything is wrong, but as loud as I turn on, it immediately cuts off, interference from the speakers goes, only "pshshsh" is heard. I listen loudly, everything is okay. and help.
The half brother:
What are you, stupid? KGB surveys are everywhere. As long as the music sounds normal, you’re heard, and as you’ve rubbed on “all,” you’re hiding something, well, like a spy. You have already been calculated. Do you want to see?
Crying to Mother! What to do now?
Just don’t turn on the music loud and that’s all.
Since then, everything has been calm in their house.

Who built your house? It worked great...
Oh the pimples!
– to?? to
They hired workers to lay the foundation. They digged, filled and left. The stoneworkers, they came asking: What stones the foundation was poured? The walls were laid and gone. I used to do stuffing, they too – what kind of stuffing did they do? And so on. It turns out that the house was built only by pedorras...

I bought weights in the bathroom. Now I always know exactly how bad I am.

Oh the precision! You weigh before, you weigh after, you weigh after, you deduct – you are ready.

Yes, it is even easier.

Last night I went to the bathroom, and there was wet, water on the ankle.

I remove the curtain, I see that the cranes are broken and the water cannot be closed.

In this second I understand everything: that you will have to pay the sanitary, there will be an offensive bill for water, all the neighbors up to the first floor will be flooded.

And this awareness scares me. I recover and wake up. Honestly, I’m so glad that it’s just a dream, I’ve never been.

It is at such moments that you realize that you are already an adult.

The year 2010. Good acquaintances moved to PMZ abroad. Finally, while I was available, I was ordered a photo session of my family – parents, daughter and son. In some part of the shooting, he made silhouettes, asking his father to kiss his daughter, age 6. He refused to incite the anger of the pedophiles. I was stunned by my father’s fear. I pretended to understand his phobia and continued to film. Later, I shared this misunderstanding. And what do you think, one woman was convinced that my dad skillfully hid his pedophile nature from me. In the Ohio. and twice.

There are a lot of stories when a taxi driver forgot to follow with a customer at the specified address and just went where he needed. So here is one story of a friend, the end was unexpected for all the characters of this event. One weekend, after a lot of drinks, a friend decided to order a taxi and go home. Everything was as appropriate arrived a taxi driver (in a personal car) and went. In a few minutes, two people: a taxi driver and a friend had different life events. Story 1 (friend): I wake up in some car, maybe with whom I drank I don't remember, I try to get out, the doors are closed, well I opened the door from the salon, I go out, the alarm sounds. He thinks I’ll wait, smoke, there’s a guy flying on me and begins to bump... Story 2 (taxi driver): worked the second day, very tired, went home to sleep, my girlfriend wakes up at night and says your car is opened (our food), well, I’ve flown out. Two unfortunate people met. It is unclear after how long they realized what connected them.

We somehow in the yard could not agree on how to divide, because we were an uneven number. But here came the bomzh (clothes torn and dirty, hair planted and folded, the roof swollen) and asked for fifteen rubles for beer (2003). They said to him, “You stand at the gate, if you play well, we will buy you a bottle of port wine.” Gianluigi Buffon and Peter Schmeichel are nervously smoking around the corner compared to this bomber. To pull out the "dead" balls, steep up in the folds... Except that on the sword did not sit. This is for a bottle of baggage, not five lams of euro.

Sometimes you don’t want to do anything so much that you don’t even want to do anything.