It is said that men only want sex. Do not believe that, girls.
They are asking for food!

A father whose hands are far from golden decided (at least once in his life) to do something himself. In my courtyard, he smashed a shredder and set it on six. The shredder turned out to be very small. We wake up today with our wife looking out the window - there the shaker tries to get into it, but can not even push his head into the hole. The wife hanged for a couple of seconds and said: "He probably made it for the flies."

The title of the mail:
Maserati will introduce three new models.
The commentary:
Who will be pleased?

I received a SMS:
The sun is my favorite! You can’t imagine how fucking I was that you didn’t take the phone. I love you.

I worked as an admin for a year and a half. In the employment record: guard. and smiled)

Take the camera to work tomorrow, I’ll go to work tomorrow.
A magical word
The action camera

He said, “How stupid you are!
She: No, I am smart! – and...
Is he all so smart? - ~ ~ ~ ~
She says: Yes, all of it! Even my ass is smart.
That’s why you think of her so often. :D

The husband yesterday says: “We need to buy condoms and Domestos.” Here is how her whole life passed before her eyes.

xxx: sent customers on Friday the 13th invoice at number 666 )) Let's see if they dare to go against the will of the dark forces and not pay it ))
Yyy: You would have given them a courier in a costume from the Cry.
HH: That is an idea!

Do you know that you are constantly being fooled? Yes, it is just you. The fact is that in the bottles with a shaving gel, a deodorant, broken cream (or whatever else you buy there) there is actually another bottle inside, much smaller! External is only for visibility. Don’t believe it – open and check!

I want to ask: do you have something for which you are willing to give your life without thinking?
For the Emperor!

xxx: I remember the caravan...My witness before the wedding told me a wonderful story about how her acquaintance jumped out of her jaw when she tried to take away a huge piece of caravan during her wedding to be most visible. And then, as soon as she was taken by the ambulance, she took her jaw "direct".

XXX: I am not stupid at all! I have a special mindset.
Your warehouse was robbed.

A whole storm of laughter and applause was earned today by a teacher who offered students who received machines to pass the exam to prove themselves.

It is unlikely that mammoths, especially mammoths, had large ears like modern elephants - such a thing terribly dissipates heat, which in the conditions of the ice age is deadly.
YYY: So that’s why the Negroes have a longer cock than, say, the inhabitants of Murmansk!

The Spring! It became warm.
There are two types of dogs on the street.
The first still walk in sweaters, and the second already in shirts and shorts

From Habr:

Dear colleague, you, of course, do not discourage, but be so kind to commit an act of killing yourself. As a way to fulfill my request, I can offer you any strong enough wall in the immediate vicinity. Also a very common solution to the problem is taking a lethal dose of poison. However, you can choose another way that is more convenient for you personally.

With respect,
The colleague.

Do you have any bad habits?
He: Yes, I’m kneeling in my nose when I kill people.

XXX is fun. The previous admin, it turns out, had a great sense of humor.
XX: The bosses in the postcards have a signature that they are gay and thirst for perversions (with variations).
YYY: Why are they not cleaned?
XXX: And they don’t see. It is a white letter. Only if you do Ctrl+A.
YYY: Yes well!
YYY: * went to set out the outlook*

On the turn to the doctor, I stand at the door, the lady tries to enter without a turn:
D: Just give it to me!
I: I just have to take it!
D: Let’s go in together...
I laughed, and the lady turned red.