I lie in bed with a girl. She grabbed my member with my hand.
The girl:
How long I have not seen you!
I am :
and two days.
The girl:
I am not talking to you!

XXX:I recently learned that, it turns out, the first thing my father did when he returned from the army - me! on the first day literally. Maybe I’m like that... right?
HYYY: HYYYY in the meaning? Maybe...
XXX: patient in the sense)) two years waited for his hour

Mail fires: "Client Sberbank gave birth to a child right at the box"
I’t be surprised if she was pregnant.)

YYY (0:41) : I recovered by one and a half kilograms

YYY (0:41) : after 2 weeks

XXX (0:41) : have you swallowed one of the nets?)))))))))))

Life is not a movie, there will be no remake.

Salad - Combridge
In our squadron served a "salabone" by the name of Polykarpov, our grandparents were terribly envious of him and referred only to "you", but at the same time treated him with great sympathy, and everyone was happy to help the guy to master himself in the new army environment for him. He had to explain elementary things, at first he didn’t even understand the difference between salads and grandparents... Well, a man is far from all this, what will you take from him? Two more years ahead, we will be able to...
Polykarpov himself was a small, ridiculous eye-catcher, spinning with a solder in his workshop all day long. The only thing that rescuingly distinguished him from the rest of the salads was the title: Polykarpov was a lieutenant-two-year-old.
Of course, we frequently kissed him in a friendly way, not without that.
They once advised:
- Comrade Lieutenant, our Colonel, recently debilitated the Adjunct,
He is also a 2-year-old leiteha and is now a combridge without an adjuvant. Ask to
to him, there lafa, ride yourself on the commander's car and no fuck
Do it...

When a combridge came to us in the workshops, everyone ran away to watch this scene and Polykarpov was like this:
Comrade Colonel, let me report: I want to be yours.
The adjuvant. I just dream...
Combridge was a foolish man who understood where the wind was blowing from. He squeezed around us with a fierce look and replied:
I’m not a general yet, I’m just dreaming. To our common regret,
Colonel does not have an adjunct, but if I suddenly become a general, your
The candidate, I will consider first.

Another time we found out to the lieutenant that the combridge’s son was a naval officer.
(which is true...) and the old man loves to listen to songs under the guitar, especially about the sea (in fact - the very type of guitar, his wildly raced...) The lieutenant broke the instrument, rehearsed from the very morning and when the combridge, bypassing the part, looked at us, we were on the "shuher", whispered to Polykarpov, that it was time for him to sit in the smoker, sang:
Sea-sea, the world is bottomless.
The colonel went in, pretended to be necessary, walked around the territory, gave a couple of valuable instructions and finally stopped near the lieutenant. Standing up, listening to the foot, even with a singing a little helped, and as soon as the last chord sounded, carefully took the guitar and silently without emotions half it about the iron mushroom.
The lieutenant was not offended by us, the officer was offended by the soldiers, it was the last thing... But we respected him for his desperate impudence and courage in the face of the chief. Not everyone is given it, and after one occasion everyone began to call him "Combridge".
On the day of the Soviet Army, a parade was held in a part, but Lieutenant Polykarpov was mentally no longer in service, but on vacation, yesterday he "passed" the officers for leaving and today immediately after the parade, he must run to the station. Mood is great.
Combridge spoke something brave-reconstructing, suddenly seeing the smiling face of our lieutenant, stopped his report and cried out: Comrade Lieutenant, and you are apparently not interested in what I am talking about?! You have something funny there! Tell us, we will laugh! You are silent, you just laughed!! Per you think that the brigade command - once spit and I am here before all the fools!!? Well, try to command yourself, and I will laugh at the side! Why are you silent like a red lady? Lieutenant Polykarpov!! to
and I!
Get out in the middle of the square and take command of the brigade!
There is!
The lieutenant walked out, looked at five hundred people and said:
A part! be equal! and calmly!! Listen to my team: I’m going today
short-term leave to the homeland and leave the colonel older than myself
of Ershova! Goodbye to comrades!

And some of them said, “Thank you! Television by Rick! The N-A-T! »
Polykarpov turned and, without turning, went to his workshop for the suitcase.
To the honour of the Colonel, it must be said that he was a generous man and the only consequence of the lieutenant's actions was the loud whistle of the combridge on the whole part.

According to sociologists, as a result of the Russian anti-corruption campaign, the population of London may increase in times.

<of J> Olya, never, you hear, NEVER! Do not drink coffee in the morning. You will not fall asleep until lunch :)

Sweaters, sweaters and beards

We at the DJ club connected a notepad to the reinforcement and columns of 2.5 kW each. They play a shooter. Gualt is such that the Battle of Kursk smokes on the sidelines. And these two fools are discussing how to get the equalizer out so that Kalash sounds more realistic.

by g.

Los is a friend from Norilsk.

The hamster was finally buried.
Or-hor: So did you get it?
The type of that. In November, the hamster died, well, decided, in the morning we buried, and so - in a glass bowl was placed and taken to the balcony. The husband was upset, went to smoke on the balcony and then forgot to close the window behind him... in short, from the evening there was snowfall, at night everything was hidden, and from the morning they hit the frost and all this came up. called the masters, they said - the door must be broken... and we just moved, money at zero, decided to wait until spring... so all the winter and spent - with a view of the dead hamster from the window. The guests didn’t believe us at first, they thought we were joking.
or-hor: O_o
The guests are less likely to come in :)

I can not!! The candidate sent me a resume!! Excerpts (word to word):

Professionally
Skills and knowledge:

A rich imagination that doesn’t match everyone.
the standards;

- epistolar practice - as a method of knowledge of mechanisms of being;

influence on the subconscious;

- easily metamorphosis into any creative body;

I have a great potential of comprehensive and specific knowledge;

- confidently and effectively jongle with stereotypes of the masses and personalities.

Why are you so sad and tired?
I am sad! I am tired!

XXX: The weather was awful. It would be a beautiful princess... So, at two o’clock at night, she eats a sausage.

There is also Dr. Haff in the doctor’s stock. A series about the hard life of an American psychoanalyst.
A psychoanalyst? Do not persuade or persuade.
He is a good psychoanalyst. In his office in the first series, a patient was shot.
That inspires optimism.

I argued for a long time with my friends that I would become a police officer.. I went to the Academy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, and here is such a fool :( I will not argue anymore!

xxx: "Residents of the depths will be able to find Dmitry Medvedev at their entrance" (c) News on Rambler
You go out here to smoke in the entrance - and there Dmitry Anatolich....))
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Dialogue with the guard at the hospital
I: You can go to the N room to help the patient carry things.
Guard: Yes, you can, put on a bagel, fasten the width and pass.

Returning from a trip with a companion. The train. Almost at midnight. He writes something on his cell phone. Then comes the SMS response. He is rugging. It turns out he wrote to his friend: "Everything is okay. There is no money. A peaceful night. Toughened Laminated Safety Glass. "
And only he accidentally sent this message not to a girlfriend but to his former boss with whom he had a normal friendly relationship. There is a response from him :)"Nothing! The case corrected! On the phone you threw 500re and 2500re on the map. How can you - so give" In the morning on the phone really was 500re)))

Currently I am on the bus.
The boy holds a figure of iodine.
Ukrop: and explains to mom that if daddy will be angry it will be bad :-)
Rancor: The Beautiful

Application to the Technical Department:
Users cannot access the laptop.
Answer: It is sad...