bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №157933
 25.04.2022
Home cat - noble man, taken from the street 2 years ago.
He went home and here a black creature came out of the basement and whispered complaining.
I called home - the woman came, looked - we take.
From the first days the toilet only in the bowl
Then I thought, I was apparently taught.
It is mid-April and the snow has fallen.
Wife says, walk with him on the fresh snow.
I went, bought a necklace with a leash, attached it, I took it on my hands and then the nightmare began.
How he wept, how he wept!! to
I say - that it was already in his life - apparently the former "owners" threw him out on the street, the cat's memory makes it feel, apparently he thinks - again they want to throw him out on the street.
Never went so.
Be kind to those you have taught.! to

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157932
 25.04.2022
Why are Jews always at war with Arabs?
Monika, it’s all about jealousy. The Jews envy the Arabs that they have oil.
And the Arabs?
And the Arabs envy the fact that Jews live better than them, despite the lack of oil.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №157931
 25.04.2022
I am military.

I met a girl and invited her to a date.

I’m sitting, she’s talking about herself, about me, and I said on the Morse alphabet machine on the table, “Sweet.”

She looked at me and said, “You too.”

In Moscow! The girl! and Morse!

I get married!

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №157930
 24.04.2022
This winter, I got courage and decided it was time to let my older six-year-old daughter walk in the yard on her own.



One day she comes out of a walk and tells me:

I played with the boys, there were no girls today, so I made friends with the boys. We played bats and ran from the mountains. One even invited me to get married.

What did you answer him? I asked with curiosity.

My mother did not answer him. I just sat on him and went on him from the mountain.

Why then? He was hard, probably.

Let them know that marriage is difficult.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157929
 24.04.2022
If the enemy soldier fights to the end, he is a fanatic.
If he is yours, he is a hero.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157928
 24.04.2022
We are going to cruise in the near future, for the first time on the ship of this company, and in addition, after the pandemic, the rules are constantly changing, so we go to the thematic online forum of passengers of this company in search of information. The contingent is overwhelmingly American-British, with a minor influx of Europeans. A Swedish man asks:
“I’m going to sail on this ship for the first time, I want to know if there are Russians among the passengers? I’t want to, because it’s a discomfort to be with them on the same boat and to see them enjoying life at such a time.
The answer below:
“I’m going to sail on the same ship and I’m an American Chinese, and the Chinese, as some people know, are guilty of spreading the cowboy. Well, you know: China, Wuhan, flying mice... And I’m much easier to recognize than the Russians, so I wanted to warn you in advance for the event that the presence of Chinese enjoying life on board may cause you discomfort enough for you, God give it, to cancel the trip. Or I had two years of that shit already enough, and in the cruise I would just like to rest.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157927
 24.04.2022
A well-known photographer cut half his credit card Tinkoff for condemning the war by Tinkov.
And his camera was not broken by Nikon for condemning the war by Japan.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157926
 24.04.2022
The night. I wait for the train. I didn’t take food from home, I thought I would buy it at the train station. But all the bullets were closed, in the train too, with a bullet. Hungry and unhappy, I went to the upper shelf. And here I see a modestly dressed couple, sitting below, whispering. The woman offered me a couple of sandwiches. They were uncomfortable because, well, it was too simple food. They took six sandwiches and divided them into three. How grateful I am to them so far!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №157925
 23.04.2022
No matter how much you sell the past, you can’t buy the future for it.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №157924
 23.04.2022
The teacher took a grenade. Four seconds of life. Submission of Yuri Lelyukov

On November 29, 1983, Yuri Nikolaevich Lelyukov, senior lieutenant of the reserve, teacher of the primary military training school No. 2 of Ivanichi village of Volyn Oblast, was killed. Vojenruk shut down a combat grenade brought into action during the lesson, which was among the training property received from the military committee, and thus saved the lives of twenty-six students.

After the publication on February 26, 1985 in the newspaper “Komsomolskaya Pravda” sketch “Four Seconds Long in Life” Yuri Lelyukov was awarded the order “Honour Sign”, the department of NPP and physical training of one of the pedagogical institutions achieved the assignment of his name. After his death, the training grenades began to drill.

The day was clear, dry and cold.

Teacher of primary military training of second secondary school Yuri Lelyukov looked out the window and took one of the training grenades from the table.

— Attention, — he said to the twenty-six guys sitting in the classroom. — You have long asked to show the principle of handling a grenade. I hope this thing will not be useful to you in life, but nevertheless: listen, watch and remember!

So, so: to bring the grenade into a combat position, you need to press the trigger lever and pull out the ring - I do it. Now, if you let go of the lever, we, in the training grenade, will just click, and in the combat will give up cotton, and the smoke will go. There will be four seconds until the explosion. Throw a grenade, not a bag. So I let go of the rope...

What if I stumble? Someone asked fun.

The leopard smiled. He let go of the rope. Cotton broke out and smoke went away.

Twenty-six girls and boys did not realize at the very first moment what happened.
I hardly understood what happened, at the very first, moment, and Lelyukov himself. A grenade in class? Stupidity, absurdity and absurdity!

He was still a military man. The senior lieutenant of the reserve... Smoke went away. Four seconds and that’s all. We need to save the children. What to do?! Throwing a grenade? Further from yourself? where? There are twenty-six couples in the class that do not yet understand the eyes. The grenade. The Eyes. The grenade again. The eyes again. And suddenly the window. Of course the window! There was only half of him. “Nothing guys, nothing. “Don’t be afraid...”
Below, in the school yard, with a goose, precisely cut off, the six-year-olds walked out for lunch.

He barely knocked at the door. And I must have realized immediately that I lost another moment: well, of course, there, in the corridor behind the door of the office, there were children. The school was tight, and from time to time the parties were exhibited straight into the corridor. And it was foolish to knock at the door – not having time...

He turned to the class with his back, stepped into the corner, uncomfortably bended and tightly, intentionally pressed a grenade to his stomach. Trying to say something, only with force exhaled from the lungs of the air...

They say he was a good teacher. He said he had no problems with discipline in class. It is said that these classes listened to him, shaking their mouths. He walked out of the classroom always surrounded by the kids. I was going to build a Tyr at the school. I was going to organize a handball team. He was going to do a lot by the moment when, looking out the window, he took one of the training grenades from the teaching table and said, “Listen, look and remember!”

The explosion stunned the class. In the silent silence, the snow fell from the ceiling. In silent silence the stands fell. And in this dumb silence, the astonished ten-class students stumbled at the door.

All of. Twenty six people. The living.

Stand up guys! What about Yuri Nikolaevich?! to

Three of them returned and took Lelyukov out of class into the smoke. Now, Yuri Nikolaevich, they said, now, another minute...

Teachers fled to them. The doctors fled. The “Surgeons”...

The eight-year-old Alesia, a year-old Jurassic, became the widow wife of Larisa.

It happened on November 29, 1983. Every year on this day the students of those two classes come to Ivanichevskaya secondary school No. 2. They enter the classroom, where their last lesson of courage and humanity was spent by their beloved teacher and where his portrait hangs. They go to the cemetery.

The museum of Yuri Lelyukov has been operating in the school for more than twenty years. Among the numerous exhibits is a school magazine, opened on the same page and pierced with fragments of grenades. And also hundreds of letters that came then from all over the Soviet Union. In many of them are poems written by people who have never seen the teacher, but worship his feat.

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157923
 23.04.2022
The European Peace Fund has allocated a billion euros to Ukraine for arms purchases.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №157922
 22.04.2022
The lawyer’s cat responds to the “claim-claim”.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №157921
 22.04.2022
When in the 1990s the first Chinese pneumatic machines, shooting five millimeter plastic balls, appeared, I had a toy store.
And enter the store two classic bandages in adidas and leather.
I noticed those machines. I explained how to charge, lift, and shot in the wall.
One of them takes this machine from my hands, repeats my actions, and I reflectingly extend my hand - I take away the trunk that he accidentally directed to me.

I have it from the army. I pulled out more than a year in the guard company, and before that served in the military unit, in which they were well educated according to the statutes and so on... Literally physically I cannot - neither to send to someone even a toy weapon, nor to stay on the line.

Well, now I took off the shell, and he is looking at the sides - what to shoot. In the wall, it is not interesting.
The second puts his hand:
Shoot it!
I warn you:
Do not have! It hurt!

He is smiling:
The plastic? Shoot it!

He is shooting. This shakes the palm.

Purchased by machine.
For children, or for fun.

And the safety of gun handling – even if it’s a plastic tire – I’ve trained my vendors for the entire 20 years as I owned this store.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №157920
 22.04.2022
By 2022 everything will be clear. Let’s the next!
No more, this is the last.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157919
 21.04.2022
In my investigative existence, one day it was fun.

So I assisted the court. and honey. The expert. And she is such a fragile, cute, miniature girl. The carpet slides along and across, the eye does not blink (well, it is understandable, a day for 10 bodies to open up, it has already popped). And then I was distracted for a moment, and she was jealous! I think shit! What a living! I turn, and she with a blood scalpel points to the sleeve of the corpse. And on the sleeve is a lonely silver wet.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157918
 21.04.2022
One day I had to get information from my colleagues. He sent an Exel table and asked to fill it. Would it seem that something could go wrong?

So these frames printed the table on paper, entered the numbers, and dropped the scan. I thought they were mocking, but not. They didn’t really see the problem, but most importantly, a different solution.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157917
 21.04.2022
I better not give advice. I will return them immediately.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157916
 21.04.2022
Yesterday I went for business to the Shushara village. I wait for a friend at the supermarket. Here to me, wandering, a man, characteristic of the outside, is heading. Apparently, either a bomb, or a very close to this social element. And, accordingly, the intentions with which he went were clear at first sight.

Can I turn to you? (He started out kindly)

Let me guess, about money?

No is! Do not think! I have money!

Having said this, he pulled out a bunch of coins from his pocket... Then he thought, and sadly continued, “But I need more!”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157915
 21.04.2022
Russia’s only high-precision weapon is television. It affects the brain, even if it is not.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157914
 20.04.2022
The xxx:

What do parents think if you don’t take the phone?

99 percent are dead.

1 percent - other



YYYY :

*1% - you are dead by them

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