Athletes to the board!
Why is I? :( is
Okay, then on the list. Athletes to the board!

He declared war on the mice in the office and initiated the workers to dissolve the poison at every corner.
The next day, the mice reacted.
I go into the office in the morning, a dead mouse lies on the table next to the bowl... so it fell in time for me to get in the bowl before death!!...

The mother of my young man:
I: Listen, what is your mother’s name?
It is neon. Everyone calls her Nelly.
I am not? I also have a aunt Neonila, but we call her Nina.
He says: Give it up. I call her Neo.

From Twitter @interesno_vsem:
“The largest squid weighing 50 kilograms, caught by fishermen from Ryazan. That’s 7 kg more than the previous record holder lied.

@nuzlgul: What are the most stupid phrases you’ve heard or pronounced during orgasm?
...
@net00n: “Oh, the hot went”

I pulled my hat and opened the scheme. A suitable designer looks at the diagram on the monitor screen and says:" How is this 3D model moved into a 2D projection?". I’ll say to him:" I’ll show you a projection of the watermelon, I’ll open up your brain at all :)"

The nobility bought the pink horses she had long sought.
A tribe goes into the kitchen and gives to her mother:
I invented names for horses. This is a whirlwind and this is a whirlwind.

A film about Shakespeare. The comments, after viewing, are full of negative reviews and mutual insults among fans of high-quality film industry. The final commentary lightened the situation:
The xxx:
The Century of Popcorn! Coca Cola is time! All the show, all the art to the ass!

The XH Tracker:
The topic "Books on the Protection of Intellectual Property" was moved by the AAA moderator from the "Literature" section to the "Humor" section.

I just put the bricks, that’s why I can’t eat at all. and hungry.
Suitable for colleagues:
Eat my sandwich.
I can’t do it, it hurts. I even got the sauce...

I am now famous in my department.

Valera comes to chat
d0lboiob: Valera, have you watched the movie “Gay Say No”?
Valery: No
Fuck it...
d0lboiob: Yeah, no parso, now ours come, get someone up
...
*taseg comes to chat
Valera: Stas, have you watched the movie "Gay Say No"?
Staseg: What are they saying?
Tagged with: "no"
Valera: The Suco!! to
d0lboiob :D

Hello, there’s a lot to come to us!
Answer: Oh that is cool! Who are you at all?! to

What does the fish symbol mean on the car’s luggage?
yyy: sect, free stone makers, forbidden to swim, fishing club
Zzz: The Witnesses of YAHAZA!!!! to

From the forum about Phobos-Grunt:
This shit could not fly away and fall now is afraid :)

In the head of her, no-be-yes!!! In the paper sheet, this is...

From the Fire:

I'm writing a lecture for the kids on Friday. And you knew that if you swallow plutonium, it will be less toxic to the body than, for example, the same caffeine, although breathing plutonium is no longer recommended - carcinogenic, and it is more toxic than tobacco. It is less toxic than ethyl alcohol. And with Uranus it is better not to bind at all, it is a general cell poison in its pure form. Therefore, if you have to choose - swallow plutonium, from getting it into the body through the esophagus no one has died, except for 26 cases of overdose (it is delicious, what?But as you know, abuse is not important than good does not lead. What is a Plutonium Overdose?

Halik: Today for the first time in half a year opened the cover of the system and understood where the trash is removed from the basket.

A wife with an education of a sexologist and neurologist most professionally fucking her husband's brain.

Yesterday next to the bus a woman spoke to someone (seems to be with her son):
-...Ruslan, do something, clean the snow, go to the movie...well usually when it’s boring, you have to do something, get distracted...well with the team to the movie...come up with a common activity...Ruslan, how can you talk about these people, you’re working with them!...Ruslan, come up with something, you’re the manager!

The Kamchatka Internet is so harsh that it is cheaper to remove a prostitute than to download porn.