bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109570
 18.02.2015
Keep this rose and give it to someone you love.

Maybe I’ll leave it to myself.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109569
 18.02.2015
Is that what you have for "family"? What is " ALL EXPENDITIONS HALF!"?!?!?!?! Or some Yegop model, or you have no "Family" - and so - voluntary-contractual relations: you drink me, I cook your soup!
and...
What’s wrong with half money? Such horrors that people need to be deceived. They’re not good, they’re not like you, right? Why would you write your ideas about marriage in the benchmark?
You are probably not yet 50, and behave like grandmothers on the bench. They are drug addicts, they are Eurogay. by Tifou.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109568
 18.02.2015
Lorana: Those inclined to mysticism say that people dream of those who constantly think of them. The gelatin monster, the army of aloe rockers, the blue glamorous cloud, the facade of the Admiralty, you are... seriously.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109567
 18.02.2015
xxx: when on websites when I see the text "Remember me"
I always want to add "young and beautiful"))

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №109566
 18.02.2015
Why did you put up with the guy? The girl, after all, humiliated him very sophisticatedly, in fact, in an open text told him that he was not in bed. I just didn’t say it directly. So it can be understood.
— — —
I’m surprised how genders see everything differently.
I would have said this to my ex...
I thought it was fucking in all corners, and there was a modest vibrator, who could not fix anything but me.)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109565
 18.02.2015
Q: You and I are smart people with higher education now.
A: Yes, how could I forget?! to
A: I have the technical, you have the economic. We can create our own country.
A: What damn is it for us?
Q: From a technical point of view we can, but from an economic point of view we don’t need it!)

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109564
 18.02.2015
There is a tennis table in the hallway. In the afternoon it is tightly occupied by uncles-enikeys (they, apparently, have little work at this time). Uncles, firstly, loudly, emotionally and mattly comment on the game, secondly, somehow despise personal hygiene and deodorant, and minutes after five intense games the smell of sweat in the hallway is such that the eyes tear. When the boss is in place, he drives them (he smells in the office), when he is not there, he has to cope with his own strength.

My colleague, a tough pre-retirement lady goes out into the hallway and intelligently addresses the players: say, forgive me, and what religion do you adhere to? "What is it?", the uncle asks. “Yes, fucking, I can’t understand why you don’t believe in deodorant!”!" – a member of the Board of Directors. Two days of silence in the corridor, neither the mouth nor the sun. The main thing is that the colleague does not go on vacation soon.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109563
 18.02.2015
Okay okay?

What’s wrong with half money? Such horrors that people need to be deceived.
===
In my humble view, at the cost half, the ass will not give, sorry for my French))
— — —
Give or not give in the ass in this case depends on whether this lady loves in the ass or not. And if she doesn’t love, but gives because you pay her bills, it’s called differently. If you like this model of relationships, the flag is in your hands! )))

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №109562
 18.02.2015
- 285th, go to the street X house XX. At the entrance of X fight on the forest cage.

Time has passed

285th on the spot (through laughter)
Three friends are put to death, crawl through a friend, crawl, can’t get up, the tenants and thought they were fighting. They can’t even take their hands off the floor.
Two of them have a passport, check the data: Barsukov Yevgeny Exkovator, 67 years old... Mukusev Vasily Petrovich 69..., the third is simply Vzhik. He is called these two, and he reacts to that name. By the way, call an ambulance, or this horse's horse is now moving, the balls are dropped and is unconscious.
A further brief explanation about the Excavator and Vzhik.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №109561
 18.02.2015
Everyone who sees and everyone who hears has taken note of my words:
Run out of the system, don’t believe in miracles. by admin.
Kesha

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109560
 18.02.2015
V means Verdana.
yyy: ah, and the square means that the font is not supported
xxx: guess, that is, the square of Malevich.
yyy: not that coding?))

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №109559
 18.02.2015
A young 31-year-old who can still meet his love.
You can believe this at the age of 18-20...And you tell this goat, who is building a knight out of himself, what she found! Come into the coffee shop beautiful, shining, (already with flowers) and say:"Thank you, I met the prince of my whole life!" And look at the reaction. He will stumble immediately - he will realize that a fool has crashed from the hook. After that, of course, you will have to repair the note at the service. Better a broken heart than a broken heart. Well, and if you will sincerely be happy and congratulate - respect and respect, really a Knight! But again, it will immediately disappear from your life. Because to be a knight with an engaged other man's lady is not sporty and uninteresting.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109558
 18.02.2015
I will open your eyes:

Why did you put up with the guy? The girl, after all, humiliated him very sophisticatedly, in fact, in an open text told him that he was not in bed. I just didn’t say it directly. So it can be understood.
— — —
In fact, girls are not ashamed or embarrassed to be self-satisfied, even if there is a guy. Guys don’t stop shaking somehow when they have girls, so how much worse are we? Sometimes, you understand, you want to discharge, and a man is not at hand. and what? Business for two minutes. About the quality of sex with a man or his sexual abilities it does not say.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109557
 18.02.2015
My father is upset, roaring on everyone. He ordered a shepherd’s beat from the master. Classy, woven out of skin, clicks loudly, but one thing: with the beat came the instruction, one of the points - "do not hang on the beat." He was offended as a child because he was not allowed to play in Indiana Jones.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109556
 18.02.2015
Every war ends in peace. But not forgiveness.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №109555
 18.02.2015
The Question of Life and Death
It was in the Salas Steppes. A film about the Civil War. Summer, heat under forty, dry steppe, deadly sun. Complicated battle scene - the white attack, they are cut off with machine guns. The director of the film, as was initiated at the time, agreed with the nearest military unit, and at dawn a company of soldiers was brought to the site. At three o’clock they were dressed, dressed, armored. Then the assistants placed "whites" in a chain, explained how to fall correctly, and that in no case should you look into the camera.
When the sun began to burn, the director arrived. With pleasure looked at the ready-to-fight mass and asked a ritual question to the brigade of pyrotechnicians:
Cooley, can we start?
No of course! He was cooled by a pyrotechnic. There are no condoms.
It turns out that the main "munition" of the cinematographic warfare consists of a rubber "product N2", into which a red paint is poured and a small plastic electro-detonator with thin wires descends. Then the condom is tied with a node and glued with a patch to the canvas, which in turn is glued with an even wider patch to the body of the "white guard" under the gymnast. At the right moment, a button is pressed, a gram of dust in the plastic detonator explodes, and through the fresh hole in the uniform beautifully fly bloodshed, and sometimes even smoke and flame.
How many times have I told the directors to buy condoms and they don’t itch! I have everything ready,” the pyrotechnician concluded his educational speech, pointing to the headquarters of the funnels, the wire moths and the badge of blue “blood.”
The director instantly boiled and covered the director of the painting together with his administrators with a lot of words that at the time were considered unprinted. Having completed all this with a promise of unimaginable car, he gave a deadline for delivery of condoms - ten minutes.
The administrator Marina, a two-meter-high and eight-pound-weight virgin who was responsible for such a record, instantly found herself in the studio "uazyk". "Wazik" crashed from place and moved in a cloud of white dust to the nearest town. I didn’t have time to slow down near the only pharmacy, as Marina had already taken off on the doorstep. The ranks of old ladies were overwhelmed when a massive girl of greenery-growth broke into the shopping area - steamed, red, stinking, as if running these several kilometers, on the sweaty face of the divorce of gray dust.
A question of life and death! The girl cried, suffocating. I beg you! Immediately, without a turn.
The grandmothers were scared. Marina pushed her head into the window:
I beg you... The question of life and death... Urgently... Hundreds of condoms!
An elderly pharmacist, frightened by screams of life and death more than others, fell into stupor. Mechanically, like a robot, she pulled out a cardboard box from the lower compartment of the closet and began to brake out bags on the shelf, counting them one by one.
The Woman! Marina was desperate. I beg you! Count it faster! There are soldiers waiting for me!

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №109554
 18.02.2015
Who said that the well-being of Russians depends on oil and gas revenues? Who are those liars? Income of members of the Gazprom board increased by 43% while profits decreased by 35%.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109553
 18.02.2015
There are vacancies.

Leading PHP programmer
...
6-day working week, the possibility to work beyond working hours.
A flexible schedule.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109552
 18.02.2015
And with many compilers you won’t even understand what happened.
"Attention, the area is not accessible."
"How is it so difficult? There is the same field!"
"Yes and"
"Maybe it’s too smooth... Wear skirts."
"The Mistake of the Right Corner."
"What is the mistake?and "
"Feet: not found."

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109551
 18.02.2015
The more I go to the store, the higher the price.
Maybe it’s all because of me? O_O

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna