It is even difficult to say who exactly – operas, trailers, judges or prosecutors – is the most ridiculous phrase: “If you are innocent, then you have nothing to fear.”
Interesting History of the Russian State (1)
(in a free translation)
In the last year of the reign of Catherine II in St. Petersburg came from Germany some influential prince distinguished by a beautiful exterior. He came not just so, but with the hope of attracting the attention of the aging Empress.
Well, that’s clear with what intentions he hit.
He was taken from his apartment in the palace and accompanied by an official of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (sic!He was a friend in the state language, who pursued him everywhere and always, performing the functions, whether a translator or a spy.
The Empress's favourite at the time was Prince Plato Zubov and he did not like this Teutonic foul much, especially since the German seemed to sympathize with Catherine.
At that time in the Izmailovsky regiment served as a lieutenant prince Shcherbatov. According to the descriptions of contemporaries, the real lieutenant Shcherbatov could well compete with the anecdotal lieutenant Rzhevsky, because he was a young man, and the tower was sometimes destroyed by him.
Well, here, once, Scherbatov sits in the theatre, in the first row of the parter, in a civil caftan, with a trunk in the form of a sucked rod and awaits the start of the performance. Next to him sits a German prince with a friend in the state. The first action ends and the anthrax begins.
The bored Shcherbatov politely asks the German if he likes the play and Russian actors. The overwhelming Teuton ignores the question. Shcherbatov decided that he did not understand, courteously repeated his question in German.
The German prince unfolds the pants, contemptuously looks at Shcherbatov and disgustingly says to the accompanying: “No, well, you in nature look at this pit, he dared to climb to me – the German prince!!! With your stupid talk!
You have presented, right?
Shcherbatov chokes from this greed, whispering in pre-revolutionary Russian: "Oh, you are a dirty German swine, in general, the rams are popped! Answer to the Bazar. I am a Russian prince!And with these words beats a beat... forgive the sucked truss, who transported the prince right into his swallowed rye...
An employee of the Russian diplomacy catches up the German and drags him into the then Intourist, because with a roasted rope into the palace it is no longer a camelfo. In addition, Zubov, who immediately learned about the pronunciation, (as always, the knock is arranged faster than the sound) hinted to the ruler that it would be inappropriate for a beaten prince at the court to torch.
The Empress, of course, regretted the prince, the next day, through Zubov sent a dear tobacco with her portrait and expressed extreme regret for what happened. (I imagine the tooth roaring on myself, expressing this regret.)
The German accepted the gift, but Zubov hinted that he understands where the legs of this story grow from and if there is a chance, then with Zubov he will flirt. On this bitter note, he left Russia forever.
The Prince of Sherbats (Sorry!) He was dismissed from the regiment and sent to residence at his estate, with a ban on appearing in the capital.
It is sad, yeah? But history has a continuation.
After Catherine, Paul ascended to the throne. He summoned Shcherbatov to St. Petersburg, appointed him to the same regiment and earned a high rank.
Some time later, Prince Plato Zubov, traveling through Europe, went to Berlin, where he was challenged for a duel from the evil teuton. However, naturally believing that he, under the duel code, does not have the right to fight for Shcherbatov, he sent the challenge to the latter.
Emperor Paul learned about this when Shcherbatov asked for a vacation abroad, and ordered to give the prince five thousand rubles for travel expenses.
When Shcherbatov returned to St. Petersburg, Paul met him and asked:
He killed a German pig.
– Killed, Your Majesty, – modestly replied Shcherbatov.
Source: “Tales of General Kutlubitskaya about the times of Emperor Paul” Russian Archive. of 1866.
Have you noticed that all deputies and officials who have been infected with the coronavirus return to their posts refreshed and suspiciously burned?
My wife calls me.
- The cat came, sat on the laptop keyboard and he went out.
I, realizing that the combination of switching screens was probably pressed, first tried to explain what icons on the keyboard to look for... Then I realized that it was a long time and said that I would come in the evening to see.
He calls back.
You can help everybody and you can’t help me. and all. I fixed it myself without you.
How is? I ask.
The cat sat on the keyboard again. Everything worked out.
Before the most quarantine, the husband fell into drunkenness after almost a 15-year break. He promised to encode and once and for all closed. And literally the day I want fate was next to narcology. I went to see if it worked. In response, I heard, “Yes, from 8 to 2 o’clock. Do you have an alcoholic with you?”
Today is not Friday, I know. But history is interesting. I sell gadgets from time to time, in various places, including Amazon. Interesting stories - the sea, but today is just the theater absurd.
I bought a laptop on Amazon. A laptop, like a laptop, is good, working.
I got a message from her today: “Good evening. You know your laptop is not working well. His buttons don’t work as they should. I went to repair - I was told that the laptop was broken and the hard drive was broken and everything was broken. Let’s decide it somehow, because a laptop is not a thing for five euros. It looks like a robbery.”
And it would be nothing, but the laptop she bought two years ago. Spring worsening is no different.
I remembered a friend, a former pathologist. Ask familiar friends:
How is it to work with Morpheus? Was there something dangerous?
And he answers them:
It was. In the mid-1990s he was on guard at night. They knock on the door, I think they brought someone, I open the door. I have a circumcision under my nose and are demanding to give a recently delivered deceased...
I stopped swallowing tea. Looking forward to something interesting and exciting:
And...? ? to ? to ! to
My friend continued:
And I gave it to them. I am a pathologist, not a fool.
When I was a student, I regularly drove a 31 trolley bus, the route of which was from Color Boulevard to VDNH. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8.05 a.m., the same driver arrived at the stop. A tough man in a beard and an unchanging blue Olympic. She called him Valeria. I was thin as a lion and challenging young. We already greeted our eyes and said goodbye in the area of the Theater of the Soviet Army, waiting for a new meeting after tomorrow. Of course, I slept one day. Of course, I quickly picked up textbooks, snacks, spare socks, a screwdriver and ran to the stop. It was 8.10. Valeria was waiting for me. The trolleybus was waiting too. When I closed the door, he smiled for the first time.
A friend told me.
Two Belarusians opened a business in Moscow. In banchers to work took, for the exotic, a student - Negro. The celebration. The hosts gathered their friends, covered the table (in the bathroom) - rest.
What do you do, Black, in Moscow?
I am studying for a doctor.
X: So you’re going to go to your Africa, what are you going to do? Opening a clinic?
H is her. I decided I was bathing.
Q: Do you think there will be demand?
Q: I think not. But, for that, I will take a job as a Belarusian banker, I will bump with my friends, ask him stupid questions and roast him.
Yes, but two different pizzas are better than one but more.
Yyy: Well, for example, Dodo pizza has a service for collecting the first pizza from different halves. It’s extremely convenient, especially when your second half doesn’t like seafood, pizza with pineapples, spicy, too fatty, “what’s only cheese?” and the other.
Zzz: Well, people with bipolarity are not so many.
I have a few stories about how the boys came to me. One of them still warms my soul. I was about 28 years old, then.
I have a motorcycle, and I ride it. Once after work, I decided to go to the toilet and buy home for dinner something in maca. I take off the helmet, and the boy runs to me and begins enthusiastically:
You have such a great motorcycle! Is it Honda? I have a PC, but it’s broken. Let me fix it and we will ride together?
Boy, how old are you?
16... So, I’ll fix it, let’s ride? ? to
I don’t like to ride with someone, I’m alone.
I went to buy a burger. I go back to the motic, and there on the envelope a paper with my phone and name, Denis.
Denis, know, I kept that paper. It warms my heart. And if I don’t give god I’ll remain a 40-year-old aunt with a bunch of cats, I’ll still call you and we’ll ride. You just fix your own.
Is white the color? The color. Black is the color. The clothes are colored.
yyy: Slowly put the washing powder on the floor and leave the washing machine.
One day I had to visit the Museum of Modern Art "Erarta" (SPb). It was so interesting that I decided to publish a book of reviews. The most memorable phrase was written by a crude child's handwriting:
“Tell me, why do you paint so badly?”
The children! I am so old that:
1st As a child, he wore socks under his shorts. Collies appeared a little later.
2nd My peers learned to write with pens. Our class was experimental, the first in the city to be allowed to write with balls.
Three When I was born, there was no vase. When I went to school, there was no. There were three brands of cars: Zaporozhye, Moscow and Volga. My dad bought the first Jiguli when I was already a pioneer.
4 is He collected marks with astronauts in live streaming as flights and marks came out. Not from Gagarin, of course, but about from the Coast. He cried when the Soyuz-11 crashed. Volunteer, Wolves and Patsayev
5 is The heroes of political anecdotes were not Putin and Trump and not even Gorbachev and Reagan, but Brezhnev and Nixon. The toilet in the pioneer camp was a white house, and instead of “go swallow” we said “call Nixon.”
6 is I didn’t scream on Alice Selezneva. When “Guest from the Future” came out, I was already an adult married man. Instead of Alice, we had Xanka from The Untouchable Avengers.
7 is As a child, I listened to gram plates and I remember the difference between the ordinary at 78 spins and the long-playing at 33. The first magnetophone appeared when I was already a student.
8 is On the first film Vysotsky, which I heard to the hole, there were no songs "Dialogue at the TV" and "Dear Transmission" - he has not written them yet.
9 is I remember not only discs, but also perforators and perforators. And even perfocards for 45 columns, with round holes.
What times have come – you sit in a telegram, you write a tape, you see a group with Stalin on an avatar – you open, and there – a forum of currency speculators.
On a warm day I went to the garden. On the way, I bought pears in the store. worked a little. I decided to eat one. While eating, Petrovich came out of the neighboring house. I know that three days ago he had a birthday. Several neighbors were “wrapping” with him. Probably not one day...
Looking around me with an awkward look, I noticed a pear. He swallowed and looked at a couple of his pear trees.
I decided to start the conversation:
Drop it, that is all. They flower! And I point with my hand, in which the bite of pear is pressed, to the tree.
Petrovich for some reason frightened, and in his eyes began to tremble. Again I looked at my pear, looked at my pear trees. And with a loud voice he asked:
What is the month?
Vladimir Soloviev posted on Instagram his photo in a mask. The first comment under the photo: "You are doing this with your mouth closed."
By the way, in films about the Wild West, robbers usually approached the entrance to the bank, looked around, put on masks and entered the bank.
Now before the "Five" I see the same shit)) Not the life, but the hero western!)))
At the time when there was no quarantine, there was a funny case. I live near the general school and on the way to work I meet crowds of schoolchildren. Going out of the house at the same time, I meet the same students. And here one day I heard one little girl 7-8 years old say to another: "Look, you see this uncle (pointing me), if on the way to school I meet him, then I am not late for the first lesson."
The journey is my purpose in this life.
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