bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124294
 12.02.2016
Nature does not tolerate emptiness: Vasya, pour!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124293
 12.02.2016
Turn off your TV.

Throwing the TV out of the hotel window is an old rock and roll tradition, and few have been so famous for such outings as Led Zeppelin. Former manager of The Edgewater Hotel in Seattle, James Bloom recalled his meeting with the band’s manager in 1977. Robert Plant and Jimmy Page set a record that night: five dropped TVs. In the morning, manager Richard Cole, who had not yet known what had happened, came to pay the bill for the accommodation. Bloom, nervously swallowed, told him that he was forced to take from him an additional two and a half thousand dollars — five hundred for each TV.

Cole was not even surprised: he just counted the money and was about to leave. Bloom, who was a fan of the band and fascinated by the rebellious rock and roll lifestyle, decided to finally ask him: “Forgive me, Mr. Cole. I’ve heard of such things, but I’ve always thought it’s all nonsense. Can you tell me what it’s like to throw the TV out of the window?” he turned and replied, “There are things in life that you have to try yourself.” With this phrase, he counted five hundred-dollar bills and gave them to Bloom: “Hold, friend. Do it at the expense of Led Zeppelin.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124292
 12.02.2016
I bought a book "This will not be taught in the auto school", came home, lay on the couch, opened the title sheet, there was written "Everything about room plants"...

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №124291
 12.02.2016
krolchatina: I have a manual on the car that from a safety point of view you need to sit away from the steering wheel
u81: "... for greater safety you should be as far away from the steering of your car as possible, and it is better not to approach it at all..."
Krolchatina: avoid driving your vehicle at all costs

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124290
 12.02.2016
and the apartment is in a residential house, the residential house is real estate and is not built spontaneously. They will not be able to dismantle it without displacement.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hope and hope. My friend had a garage. in the garage cooperative. Formulated, registered and made according to all the rules. With fairly decent payers - well there is a Colonel of the FSB, a well-known lawyer in Moscow. And then one day one guy went to another and brought him money - and suddenly it turned out that this garage was self-built, the papers were issued in violation of the law and generally clean your glands while the bulldozer was on the way. They decided to act and in three years won twenty-two trials out of twenty-two. They got moral satisfaction. And in the place of their garage now stands the Krasnoselski Ashan.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124289
 12.02.2016
Larki, government... You say, if I rented a cow, and it is a state, then the calf which she has to be born is whose?! to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №124288
 12.02.2016
The chief asked the firefighter Andrew to hang the sprayers on the official UAZik. I asked. He asked. He promised to impose sanctions!! When this did not work, in an ultimate form it was brought to Andrewish what the boss would do with him (on six sheets, with a clean handbook) if the UAZ would be without sprayers in the morning. The boss, with the words of the type can when they want, sits in the car....There the chief eye delighted two rubber carpets, with the rectangles creatively cut out of them. Ston stuck with the boss in his throat, and the non-normative vocabulary, having overcome the wazy space, shattered the walls of the garage.Andrew was not punished (the order he executed). And the boss stopped abusing the offer to apply wisdom. Because it is filled.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124287
 12.02.2016
I decided to buy my sister’s husband for 23 all kinds of snacks to beer. I walk around the store, suddenly among the dishes a small package of meat-tasting wheels (apparently the buyer left). I read the description: flour, meat... "Not bad", I think. Next: "Contents oils that give your pet’s wool gloss and silkiness".

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124286
 12.02.2016
by Yandex.Direct

All types of cartridges.
Laser and jet. Black and colored. All the brands. Quality and fast.

And as an avatar - a photo of a triple column and colored flomasters.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124285
 12.02.2016
I want to raise a topic that we all know literally from childhood. We will talk about chicken eggs. I look forward to your advice on how to optimize the process.

Yyy: I’m optimized – I just tell my wife, she’s cooking. and all. Or even better - the wife asks in the morning: cook, say? I say AHA. And no timers, screenshots and anything else.

xxx: Yes, with such a device as a wife, anyone can become a great chef :) No, not our way.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №124284
 12.02.2016
xxx: Where to download this Jewish folk song, about the harm of sala?
YYY :? O_O
xxx: Well there sings more in the world "Salo - the grave, salo - the grave..."
yyy: So no one has sung it yet... hold your "Hava Nagila"

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124283
 12.02.2016
I take a taxi on PalPosad, in the basars:
Taxi driver 1: I’m in the steel!
Let me go, Vivian.
Taxi 2 (silent and sluggish): and I am in the woods.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124282
 12.02.2016
(On the article with the idea of collecting wind energy not directly, but by utilizing the vibrations of trees)

vitus_wagner: The amount of watts per dollar invested may be less, but what an invisibility.
By invisibility in our latitudes, this can be compared only to the micro-GES built into the beaver dam.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124281
 12.02.2016
I never paid attention, and then I thought. Any dog rushing to his business should only shout, “Dog!” She stops with a questioning look. of any dog. Verified for years. Not everything we know about them, oh not everything.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124280
 12.02.2016
The cat is very afraid of the vacuum cleaner, but nevertheless, when it turns on, I quote: "Fig knows that this shit in the mind,, doems all of his food."

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №124279
 12.02.2016
Yesterday taking the daughter from the kindergarten heard the charming conversation of mommies)

Based on the dialogue of the grandmother, one of the girls hardly plays with her and does not do homework. He is constantly sitting behind the compass. When trying to ask for anything - answers "I can't distract myself - I'm in the danze".
In general, the grandmother stumbled into a cowboy, arguing that: "In our youth we didn't have such a figure - and now I didn't play yet." She wrote on her account that she is 18 years old, sending old photos of her daughter to potential guardians.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124278
 12.02.2016
Don't forget that we don't have an organizer, everything spontaneously, you can clarify the details with the commander, print a leaflet of 15 thousand copies independently printed.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №124277
 11.02.2016
My daughter 12 years old. His love intrigues began in the first grade. But about that later)



A year ago, the tribe began to make friends with a classmate. Flowers were given, cared for... But the girl could see little, she offended him. A love triangle. From this geometric figure, the niece managed to slip. After a while, the abandoned girl realizes the epicity of her offence and asks for her back.



One of the many attempts looked like this.

In the evening, the tribe rolls on the couch and walks through the internet. In the famous social network comes a message:

“Hello, what are you doing?”

“Nothing,” the nephew replied.

“I have a question, very serious.”

“Well.” He continues so laconically.

“Tell me, do you see me next to you?”

After reading the message, the gentleman puts off the phone, looks around, presses his shoulders and cuts the answer:

“I see the couch, I see the pillow, I don’t see you.”

Cold-bloodedness, relentlessness and a drop of sarcasm. I definitely have something to learn from him.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124276
 11.02.2016
I was in the elevator with my neighbor.
Are you going to marry?
Nea
and what? Young, thin and tall.
What do you do here, married?
and yes! exactly! Young yet! Nothing to do there! The Young Man)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124275
 11.02.2016
I work in a large company. There is a man sitting in the corridor. What he is doing, I have no idea. Every time I pass by, I see him playing or watching a video on YouTube. For a long time I wondered, “Why is he still sitting here? Why has he not been fired yet? He is useless.” Yesterday I learned that he was the son of the general.

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