bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 42 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №44852
 22.03.2011
If God wanted to make man circumcised, He would have created.

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №44851
 22.03.2011
Death threat
In the restaurant of the House of the Actor one night at midnight there was a terrible fight: against a dozen overtaken everyday people stood... one person. But this man was the world champion, the great Soviet boxer of the 1960s Valery.
by Popenchenko. Therefore, the attackers flew away from him with a wind like kegls. And suddenly from a distant table arose the artist of the Taganka Theatre Ramses
Jabralov is thin, small, completely defenseless. Actually
Ramses was not going to take part in the fight: he just wanted to stop somehow these screams, poisoning him the legitimate three hundred grams after the show.
He hardly raised the healthy floor vase that stood in the corner and broke it on Popenchenko's head. He collapsed, like a choked, and the police who had just arrived carefully brought the ring master out of the square.
The next evening, an unusual tense atmosphere reigned in the restaurant: everyone was waiting for a breakdown. And indeed, around midnight he entered the hall.
Popenchenko with a shaken head. He looked around, found who he was looking for, and headed to the distant table.
Ramses stood up to meet him in all his almost childhood, stumbled with sad, black eyes in the champion's nose and in complete silence clearly said:
Next time I’ll kill her!
Popenchenko, from surprise, wandered, embraced Ramzes with his famous colouches, splashed onto the neighboring chair... and made friends with him until the end of his short life.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №44850
 22.03.2011
Money ruins people – so we are mostly good people.

[ + 74 - ] Comment quote №44849
 22.03.2011
I didn’t want to wish you a good morning today.
He is: Why?
I dreamed you changed me. Two times!

[ + 86 - ] Comment quote №44848
 22.03.2011
At work we move to the use of licensed software.
When attempting to download a Windows 7 update, Internet Explorer declares that it does not trust the Microsoft node and blocks the downloading of files. I don’t trust him either, but frankly.

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №44847
 22.03.2011
I had to raise my husband at 6.30.
The alarm ringed, “Sasha, wake up!”
The second time: go, Sasha, get up!
Third time: it’s time, let’s go, it’s time to go! It is half eighth!
And at that moment I realized that my husband had left for a long time, and I shake my two-year-old son so he would get up to go to the airport.

[ + 99 - ] Comment quote №44846
 22.03.2011
The child’s logic:
A little 5 years old approached my mother with a clean disc that took from a pack on my desk and asked for a marker.
He wrote Shrek 5 with a mark on the disc and brought it to his mother: “Let’s look.
Mother: He will not work.
Small: - Strangely, I saw my dad write the title on the discs and then we looked at them right away.

[ + 111 - ] Comment quote №44845
 22.03.2011
"Because of budget cuts, they combined mathematics with physical education" (c) Simpsons. I guess I know what Fursenko’s favorite animated series is.)

[ + 103 - ] Comment quote №44844
 22.03.2011
A sweater is such a warm wool clothes that a child wears when his mother is cold.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №44843
 22.03.2011
Commentary on Navalny's post:
"Alexey, please correct the shit on the country. It is offensive."

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №44842
 22.03.2011
No, well, I am surprised... For comparison: you read a fairy tale, you want a unicorn with all your soul. I found. And after some time: and the horn is short, and the pearl does not shine, and swings while riding, and the color could be lighter, and magical dust for 100 km spends a lot... And in general, Why is he not a Pegasus??????? to

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №44841
 22.03.2011
<N9COF> I remember how in the subway decided to climb on the armor with my feet
<N9COF> and hang on them like a bikini head down
<N9COF> only I did this procedure
<N9COF> how did the mint approach me))))
<N9COF> and asked what I was doing
<_XXXL_> what did you say to them?
<_XXXL_> is it possible? )))
<N9COF> No, I said I didn’t do anything
<N9COF> and they said the tag no longer do
<N9COF> so now I always owe something

[ + 70 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №44840
 22.03.2011
Q: Have you watched the news?
Are you talking about Libya?
Oh yeah yeah yes. And know what it looks like?
Man fell and was injured. To him rush to help "friends " and begin to knock barefoot in the stomach and head. "You, boy, do not resist, we will help you"
And now we will treat you. We are your friends, we will help you.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №44839
 22.03.2011
Rice: What year are you?
Tagged: 1999
Re: How old are you?
The Mason: 15

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №44838
 22.03.2011
Why are the warning papers about the possible descent from the roofs of pebbles and snow hanged in such a way that to read them, you have to approach directly to the place where these pebbles are most likely to fall?

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №44837
 22.03.2011
It’s very sad when a fool thinks he’s clever.

[ + 54 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №44836
 22.03.2011
XXX: So you are her?
Yyy: A gentleman will never insult a lady with the details of their relationship.
XXX: Okay I understand you.
yyy: I can only say that she sucks amazingly!

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №44835
 22.03.2011
I go to the market with my mother, carrying bags. Arrived at another booth. A grandmother is trying to slip between us and comes on my foot. I, seemingly about myself, but it came out loud, I say, “I’d apologize!”
The grandmother turns around and says, “Sorry, please!”
Mom, hearing all this, turns to me, “How are you not ashamed?”
Grandma: “But I apologized!”

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №44834
 22.03.2011
Blood elf: What is it about?
Leon: about personal life
Blood Elf: What is it?
Leon: personal life is the hernia that prevents you from swinging

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №44833
 22.03.2011
In my university, the dreams of weak and stupid administrators are dropped from the 10th floor to the debris of old servers and routers.
And recruits are left for a night without food alone with an unsettled server.

Chuck

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