bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №94272
 21.02.2014
I assumed that we would try to ruin the Olympics, but in such a way as Ukraine...

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №94271
 21.02.2014
Take up arms.
My child is 7 years old, 1 class. Early year expectation.
at a certain time, on the phone of the child, whispering, a contact is made with the name "Father Christmas". (The phone number of your friend) The text is discussed in advance. And now comes the moment of the "unexpected" call...
First, the child sticks into the phone and tries to understand who is calling, then he will respond and understand that his eyes and knowledge of letters have not failed him. A short greeting, wishes and so on. The Santa says that he has already come to him, but he did not find and therefore left the gift in a certain place, where the child, of course, finds it. while the child is doing the gift - we wipe the call and contact from the phone.
Do not forget to bring a camera or camera. The head is guaranteed.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №94270
 21.02.2014
Friends were talking:

X: Would you kill and rape? Are you sure what is in order?
Y : Of course! I am not a shit rapist. I am a noble necrophile.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №94269
 21.02.2014
D: Well I’ll go to the audience.
I: With God
D: On the physics ah x))))
I:Tada with Newton

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №94268
 21.02.2014
and demanding:

In modern interpretations of classics, I am most stressed by two things. When Carmen is played by a 16-year-old girl and when Conchita is played by a 40-year-old grandmother.

To remind yourself that all theatrical art is on condition, go to the Japanese Kabuki Theatre. After him, Carmen C. Conchita will appear to be relatives.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №94267
 21.02.2014
Maila’s surveys are very indicative.
Here is, for example, whether the chopsticks are correct:
Yes – 10 %
No – 82%
I don’t know – 8%

The second question is where you come from:
Russia – 82%
Ukraine – 6%
Belarus – 4%
Other CIS countries - 8%

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №94266
 21.02.2014
I went to the girl here recently, we were going to the cinema. Well, she, like any decent girl, naturally is not assembled, I wait. Wear around me with clothes, then with shoes, then with a fan. Everything is almost ready, the last strokes. Suddenly brakes next to at full speed, a little bit of the heels did not stumble, and slides himself on the forehead "Oh, the pad should be changed, or the shower will be!" And breaks into the bathroom. I’m standing in such a shy place, I’m not a moralphagus, of course, but this is somehow too much... From the bathroom a minute for two, then silence. The door opens, the girl comes out with the crooked sleeves of the dressing suit and with the dividing key in beautiful legs. "Pardon,” he says, “I’ll be hairy now and I can go."

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №94265
 21.02.2014
Q: What is this dumb?
I didn’t sleep entirely :(
HHH: What is it?
The teacher’s phone was always ringing.
I have the same melody on the alarm.

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №94264
 21.02.2014
Where is xxx?
He sits in the CPS.
Is it like he was going to pay taxes?
I registered through the portal. He arrived an hour earlier, first he was sent to another office, then to the other floor, then the statement from the site is incorrect. He stood by, gave up. And when he was asked to evaluate the work he sent them to the shit, and when they called the guard and sent him there... now he thinks about his behavior...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №94263
 21.02.2014
From the hub to the article on high-voltage experiments at home.
> luck was used as a method of caution :)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №94262
 21.02.2014
From Kubica:
>> The habit of the people to cardboard RPGs and anime written in a wicked language without signs of intersection.
>> A good book is simply not able to accept - it lacks a window with the number of ammunition, hit points and exhibition in the corner of the page.
> This is a good idea for e-readers. "You have assembled five pages. Level-up and plus one to literacy"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №94261
 21.02.2014
xxx: I have a mature business plan when they will prohibit swinging underwear, open a sex shop
xxx: And there to sell "erotic jewelry, in the form of female underwear (synthetic)"
xxx: And at the bottom of the assignment "Not Destined for Long-Term Wearing"
XXX: Now I’m waiting for conditions for business.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №94260
 21.02.2014
You have strange children, god. My mother, as a child, also promised to give me an internat.
After a brief explanation of what an internship is, I had a picture in my head: it is a place where there are many children and at least adults. The gift of fate was decided by my five-year-old being. And on another parental threat I shouted joyfully - Ura!! At the Internat!
I was not offered to go there anymore :)
Could I have struck the psychic of my parents?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №94259
 21.02.2014
In general, you will need to advise to name some training room "Inquisition". The field of images disappears.
-"The Inquisition" You will lose weight from one of our trainer types!
-"Inquisition!" Burns fat much more efficiently than its competitors!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №94258
 21.02.2014
It is difficult to explain to the relatives of the girl that the sounds from the last room (very emotional worth noting): "Yes, here; -No-no, don't rush; -Let's go again; -How fast?!" - these are attempts to open the castle, master level, with two spikes, in Skyrim'e = E

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №94257
 21.02.2014
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To blame the pics and offend the needles is great, but what ear are the synonyms given not in the direct meaning of the word? Russian is narcissistic.

YYY: You can defeat a vampire by hurting him in the heart with an asshole.

XXX: So came the Twilight.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №94256
 21.02.2014
You can imagine, she said she would start dating me if I didn’t smell like a dog, and I’t be a drug addict.
You are not a drug addict.
That's a dog from me and it really smells.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №94255
 21.02.2014
I walk past the children’s playground. Children are playing a war:
Paf-Paf you are killed!
No, the Nippon! There are 15 HPs left.

O_O

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №94254
 21.02.2014
I knew! They are like that from birth!
My son just picked up a plane. Well, how to gather... In general, he has a corn-plane designer - wings, fuselage, chassis, tail, propeller. And all this on the wings.
So he gathered everything well and forgot his wings. I told him that he would not fly. I thought, went to myself.
He returned and joyfully showed his "miracle" - one wing on top, only up with his legs, and the other under his stomach.
But! The main! How reliably and carefully wrapped with scotch))

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №94253
 21.02.2014
I live in Germany, and so it turned out that at work I listened to a conversation of two Germans who complained to each other that their national team failed at the Olympics in Sochi. Yale refrained not to lament "And the Germans in general are not lucky in Russia..."

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna