When I just got to work, the organization was headed by a very serious director, I honestly feared him. What happened, everyone was afraid of him.

And here among the youth of the firm (graduate students), including me, one comrade went on promotion and became the boss of all this youth.

And here I dreamed of a funny dream, which I told colleagues the next day and, in particular, this comrade (let username). From the first person.



I stop in the morning and wait for the bus as usual. Here I see, the director's office car brakes (he was driving with a personal driver), the glass drops down and he smiles so well to me and says - What are you standing here? Let me go to work, sit down. Well, it is unusual for me to see him like this, more often he insulted his subordinates for one or another piece, but I sit down, ok. We go with him, he tells me that soon the ZP will raise me (young man then in the firm badly received). He tells me what prospects open up in front of me, that he noticed me that I am an intelligent guy and I will soon become the boss. But there is one thing - before that, you need to get to know him more closely. (At this point the story username begins to roar in the voice, and I continue to tell)

“No, director, I can’t do that. Very bad, heartless7, very bad. Username has agreed. (In this place the username suddenly stops roasting, but starts roasting everything)



After the Director's son has not been there for a long time, the comrade became the boss more seriously, but he has not been spoiled, friends with him so far.

There was a case, took a practitioner (p). It is untouchable. One of the engineers replied:

Q: Are you a practitioner?

P is a trainee.

A: Who is in the profession?

A: The programmer...

(Beyond passes the bearded uncle (d), and throws carelessly)

A: You have to deserve it. You are just a grammarist.

P: Yeah, and who is that?

and: (deep breath) and this is our “tector”

P is? ? to ? to In the sense of “pro” – “tector”? ? to ? to

and: no... in the sense of “archy” – “tector”. Though you are partly right, Gandalf is still the one.

History of three years. July of 2015.

We got married literally yesterday. Late in the evening we return by car from the other end of the area (about 400 km). The trunk is filled with all kinds of gifts, cards, ribbons, and the back seat is completely filled with flowers. We go carefully, because the husband managed to forget the rights, and a bunch of passport. According to all the laws of evil, we are stopped by the DPS. The documents on the car showed and we long pretended that we are looking for rights.

Okay, I seem to have forgotten it at home. What is the punishment for this now?

Well, in the base you have to check first, suddenly you do not have them at all. (This is the second police officer.) Give me a passport, let’s look at the base.

I forgot my passport at home.

Give me any documents!

I, sitting on the passenger seat, realize that we have only one document with us: a fresh certificate of marriage.

Somehow, in all the hollow of the luggage, we find it, the DPS both read and smile. They discussed something on the side and said:

Go out! Happy life and flowers to your wife!



You would never have thought that a marriage certificate could be used instead of a driver's license or a pastor! Dear police officers, thank you! and :)

Ten years ago we all had an aska on our phones. We raced to install animated smiley, all-seeing eyes, anti-spam and so on. With the help of smiley, poems were written, with the help of the all-seeing Eye you could see those who are on the network, but are hiding... With the help of this same Eye you could see who is knocking on you, and how it goes through anti-spam.

Actually the history. I see a cute creature aged 15-16 knocking at me (I was 24 at the time, and I was not interested in getting to know her). My anti-spam question was simpler than simple - "how many will be five plus six, I will write the answer." (The standard question was – how is the planet we live on called.) The victim of education did not understand what the "writing" was and wrote "11". It didn’t work out... The second attempt was to “unify”. Again by the way. Gathered, and from the last forces issued - "one over the cattle"!!! We have never met...

For money and jewelry you can buy any product of labor. It is important that there are people who have produced this product. Money and jewelry are nothing.

In the autumn of 1963, Steinbeck and his wife visited Moscow, Kiev, Leningrad and Tbilisi.

Vladimir Pozner in a preface to the Russian edition of the American writer John Steinbeck's "Russian Diary" told such a story related to this trip.

By that time, he had a lush red beard (which is important for this case). Here is what he told me:

I went to the restaurant to see what they were selling. While I was standing, a man approached me and began to talk. Well, I don’t know a word in Russian, and he understood, put one finger out and said, “Ruble, ruble!” I knew he needed a ruble. I gave him. He put out his hand, said, stand, went somewhere, very quickly returned with a bottle of vodka, made a sign for me to follow him. They walked out of the store, entered some entrance, there was another person waiting for him. He pulled the glass out of his pocket, this cleverly opened the bottle, poured the glass to the edges, without piercing a drop, raised it, like a salutation, and drank a ballot. He licked and gave me. I followed his example. Then he poured out the third, and he drank. Then he puts out his finger again and says, “Rubble!” I gave him, he jumped out of the entrance and three minutes later came back with the bottle. Well, we repeated the whole procedure and broke up with our best friends. I went out, thought badly, sat on the side. Here comes your policeman and begins to say something to me. You cannot sit on the side. I stood up and told him the only sentence I learned in Russian: “I’m an American writer.” He looked at me, smiled in his whole face and rushed to embrace me, shouting “Hemingway!!!”. Your country is the only country where the police read Hemingway.”

Putin ordered to attract the best scientists to the country. The Prosecutor’s Office and the Investigative Committee are now trying to figure out which article.

In the corridor we left for a couple of days sacks with sand concrete for the dacha. The passage was not obstructed, and the dust that fell from them was washed off with my pencil immediately.

7:55 on the door.

A neighbor from our house, but we do not know from which floor.

S is Are you doing repairs?

I am. No is

S is Are these your bags?

I am. Are they disturbing?

S is and no. You have a repair! ? to

I am. and no.

S is Are these your bags? My batteries are cold.

I am. – to? ? to ? to and now. (I think you have a fox brain cold help than I can, touched our batteries - really cold.)

I have too. Maybe something happened at night. I need to call the UK.

S is Maybe maybe. Do you have repairs?

I am. is not...

S is These are your bags, right?

I am. “Madame, 8 in the morning, what specifically you want from me. We are not doing repairs. I am not responsible for the heat of the battery.

S is I wanted to know if these are your bags.

I am. and ours. This is for giving. Are they disturbing you? Remove the car like this.

S is They do not interfere. I am from the other floor. If these are your bags, do you also have repairs?

I am. No, I have already explained to you.

S is If not at you.

I am. This is so.

S is But the bags are... bags!

Worse than tolerance, only tolerance.

You have borrowed your “delicate soul organizations” suffering from the “arbitrary and harshness” of trade workers.

Dear mothers and grandmothers! You steal the most in the shops. One of the mothers in the child’s wheelchair hid five cans of expensive baby food in boxes, two bottles of cognac and a huge box of candy. Then the police soppy in the shape smashed - money is not enough, the child is third, the husband has escaped, sorry for me, forgive me and let go with the kidnapped! Another hid her three-year-old daughter in a backpack two bottles of expensive shampoo. Then there are tears, soap.

- All pay, no money with me, I can leave my daughter as a guarantee, I will definitely come back!

The grandmothers are more attentive.

You will do nothing to me! I am going to fall here and scream that you are beating me, and I will be believed, and you will be judged!

One such “God’s garment” at all stated.

Not with Stalin, I will not even be punished.

Even grandmothers like to pretend - a complete mess. Under the noise they collect both their purchases and another buyer. This is their favorite topic!

Is it not mine? I took the same bottle!

“Yes, grandmother, this bowl of caviar, four hundred grams, for three thousand six hundred rubles is yours. And two hundred gram chocolate for three hundred rubles per piece is also yours!

Even the finger twisted into the cashier ticks and speaks.

I come to you every day, you probably remember me.

Yes, Grandma, we remembered you already! You remember how you spit weight candy in your pockets and pull a couple of eggs out of the boxes and no longer hide them in your pocket, because you are taught by the bitter experience that someone of the buyers accidentally pressed you to the box table and the eggs in your pocket cracked. We also remember how you pierced a hole in a pack of expensive washing powder with your finger and slowly poured a little, so that it would be enough for one wash, in a bag.

Grandparents do not do this kind of stuff! If they are humble, they are humble. They take a bottle of vodka and quickly, quickly, quickly, until they have taken away, butterfly, butterfly - remove the mock syndrome. But if they were caught for this action.

And I will pay! Maybe I needed it urgently?

A young man with a huge sports bag, why do you carry her shopping hall? I perfectly understand you that it is so big that it will not fit into the storage chamber. Why do you go to the store with this bag? You can carry anything with this bag! Starting with our little cleaner who got your bag on the head. He didn’t even apologize, pretended he didn’t notice, or didn’t notice what was being noticed? Forty-five kilos, one and a half meters of height. The goods were removed from the shelf specifically. I am sure. And don’t tell me and the police that it wasn’t so displayed! I paid as cute. Everything was well seen in the camera.

A mommy with two completely uncontrollable children, who are carried around the hall, beating off the buyer and shop worker's legs, stumbled into a deadly struggle with the same mommy, whose child sits in a food cart and melancholy presses out the cheese with his foot through the sticks of that one. And when the little boy notices that not everything has sold out, he decides to get up in his entire height of a six-year-old boy. The car is driving, the child does not maintain balance and rolls his face into the shelves, the glass cover of the refrigerator! How the baby managed to catch our carrier, before the child managed to get hurt and suffer - it is just God's providence! not otherwise. And then there was a scream.

“You, pedophile, are catching my son!

Police took them all. The truck was then returned. He was crying.

“I’ll go home, there I have four sons, Jamila alone won’t be able to do it!

Don’t think I treat people badly. Ninety-five percent of buyers are absolutely normal, adequate people. We are always happy to see them, always happy to do for you a little more than you should! And we will help with the choice, and find the right amount, if suddenly someone needs a lot of some goods. We will call the cashiers for lunch if it's time. I myself, already as the director of the store, opened an additional box and pierced the goods by the buyer. I often heard it.

Glad you opened the box too!

immediately from the other.

He’s sitting there, clothes, and paperwork!

Please explain to me, insulting people, what are you expecting? Is it gratitude?! to

In a word, dear ones, the same five percent of the remaining buyers — debt! You borrowed with your hatch!

They borrowed!

A Russian came to a Jewish neighbor to borrow money. For a long time, he apologized for his anti-Semitism: he ripped his shirt on his chest, swore that he would no longer offend him, etc. The Jew was upset and gave money. Before leaving, the guest asked:
One thing I never understood, I...
Ask me! I have no secrets from my friends.
Pesach is the holiday of the exodus of the Jews from Egypt.
– Yes...
Why is it celebrated by Jews and not Egyptians?

The comparison of the real with the ideal ends in divorces and revolutions.

I work in a taxi. The client sat in the car.
I: Please cling to me.
Q: What is it? In front of Gaia?
Q: What is Gai? This is for your safety.
Q: Are you a bad driver? I will not go with you!
I got out of the car and canceled the order.

If a person creates greenhouse conditions, a vegetable can grow from it.

It is said that if you call a dog, it will come, and if you call a cat, it will take note. I have a cat, if I call him, he immediately runs away. Because if he does not run, the dog will run, and he will eat all the delicacies.

I tell my mom, say don't open to anyone, everyone goes.Elderly people watch different programs about the perpetrators all day, but they don't take the role of victims on themselves.At least many.Open the doors to pseudo-gas drivers, water pipers, etc.I can't be around always,but! I bought a police suit and hanged it in the hallway to look.It worked.We came, greeted and dropped.But 4 apartments in our house went on that day.Buy your parents the right headscarves.

Success is the ability to be in the right place at the right time.

Six months ago, a new restaurant opened in our small town. An entrepreneurial Tatar opened a shale and named it by his name - "U Mirzaya".

Like every thoughtful businessman, he put advertising expenses into the budget. For the first two months, promoters distributed leaflets on the streets, advertising banners on the fencing invited to go for a delicious snack, and SMM shoppers posted in the social network tasty photos of ready-made dishes. There were guests in the cafe, but Mirzau wanted something like this, so that the whole city knew about the ego institution!

After analyzing his budget and prices for advertising campaigns, he stopped his choice on the radio. Having come up with a few short, but tangible slogans such as: "At Mirzaia - delicious and cheap!", "At Mirzaia - all guests are happy!", he signed a contract with the local radio station. Literally for the day, a media plan was made and audio videos were recorded.

Everything went well until the next day the city heard a radio advertisement, where a well-established male voice spoke with feeling and arrangement:

The dog died – all the guests are pleased!

You pay too little, you pay too little!

The dog has died – now it is more enjoyable and tasty!

After these slogans went the address of the cafe and the phone. Advertising instantly became the city’s mem, and revenue in shale has almost doubled! Luckily with the name Mirza.

What does it mean to give parliamentarians a country average salary? So you can agree before you offer them to live according to the laws they adopt!

1: Somewhere I read that the scriptwriters of Santa Barbara at some point got confused in the characters and plot lines. Realizing this, they introduced a maniac into the plot, who gradually cut off all the unnecessary characters, without any motives, simply because he is a maniac.



The guys as much as they could.



In other words, are you confused? Couldn’t they see it all over again?