I never learned Python. Every time there appeared a suitable task that can be solved by scripting and refining skills, in the first search results was written "perl will cope better". But I didn’t learn perl either: it really did better, and solved the task faster than I had time to remember the syntax.

Called from the weight and body correction center, I was on some machine, all at work, asked - "You send three letters or you will go yourself?" Goodbye, hanged the phone.
And I sit down and worry that I am somehow ignorant.

X: Girls, in order to like modern guys, do not need to dress and paint like a tank. And you need to wear a helmet, a tank driver’s uniform, smell the sunshine and be very deaf, and slightly injured.
Y: Fuck, I got up from this picture.

My brother went to work for the first time. (He was 20 at the time)
Of course, you had to go through an interview, but first fill out the questionnaire.
All as usual: FIO, date of birth, etc.
So in the column "family status" he wrote "son".
The staff member, reading the questionnaire, smiled and asked: - Do you have a son?
The brother answered calmly, “No, it’s me.

He was taken to work, mistakenly accepting a sincere acknowledgment for his excellent sense of humor.
This story has been remembered for many years by the whole family and every time to tears :)

We celebrated the birthday of one of my friends. It was in August and it was cold at night. One of the guests named Lecha, weighing 120 kilograms, was pretty tired and disappeared from his eyes. After a while, his snoring body was found on the hamac. It was dark and the temperature fell quite low. We, by the way, were already walking in jackets, and Lohino’s body in a T-shirt glowed with its navel and swallowed the leaf with its snoring. Our attempts to bring him home ended with nothing but a mat through a dream. I didn’t want to leave it so much even covering it with a blanket. He could just fall out of the hamac and don’t let God freeze. Three men stood above the body and tried to find a way out of the situation. It was all very simple, in one sentence. A girl came and whispered to his ear, “Lohah, do you want sex?”

The body reacted quickly.

Go home, I will come right away.

The spell worked instantly, Leha got up and went into the house, lay on the couch and fell asleep there. We stopped and went on to mark. In the morning he remembered nothing.

"A man stole a stick of sausage from a store..."
Father Fedor, is it you?? to

You are old, you remember that old thing!! to
Is that what she should answer? I am 33, she is 27. School to God!! to

There is such a movie, "The Ugly" or "On the brink of madness", there is a moment: an adult man and a young girl are in the car, they begin to discuss a song playing on the radio, the man says: I do not listen to modern songs, what the girl answers: from what age she is modern, she is four years old.

My wife bought kefir.
It’s been three days and she’s not drinking.
Should I drink kefir?
No, don’t drink I’ll drink.
Five days have passed, the expiration date has expired.
I will throw out kefir, the expiry date has ended?
WOW : No! I make something.
Another week passes.
Kefir tried to kill me, I threw him out!
I need to buy a new one.

Canakau: So he’s normal, what are you?
Diamond: Well, for example, when we went to the cinema, everyone took popcorn, and he brought a bowl of peelings.

Or there was a thrill too.
One man had a bot.
And another bot.
He accidentally said "bla" not himself, but through a bot.
Then the second bot played the first. by Mat.
The first bot activated self-defense. He broke up and played the first boot.
The third bot saw that the first bot was played.
And denied access to the pool of bots, to which the second bot belonged.
This was seen by a boat that guarded the pool of bots.
He gave the SU command and threw the second bot out of the network.
And that bot had a shared host with the owner of the bots.
The owner was thrown out of the net.
This served as a signal to launch the script "Dead Hand".
It was called so because the administrator of the network was a student.
Script was the administrator of the services and watched that no one of their owners was thrown out of the network.
If this happens, it disconnects all users.
It disabled all users.
This is what happens if you say "Joke" inadvertently.

Intercepted in transport, grandfather (D) and teenage girl (P)
D: She sits in her phone, she doesn’t see reality at all, what generation has gone?? to
The little girl calmly lifts her eyes from the phone.
Q: Grandpa, the reality in my phone is the same as it is outside it, just I have the option to choose which one is better, and you don’t – here you’re angry.

The man who missed the most charming girl, you yourself write that you looked around and felt magic. What other clues do you need that she likes you?
Whoever is more interested takes the first step. And "I will only approach if it first makes it clear that it will not go away" - this is exactly what is called "the weak" and "the loser".

by dc93
The Playboy? Without a naked?

Pornography is something.

The circle is closed:
8 is

Does that mean his weakness? No, even the strongest person in the world needs an impulse to act. Dear girls, carry your usual clothes and find a moment to pick it up in time. In the worst case, you will only lose your shirt. Well, and a decent guy will follow you, no matter what. Hundreds of years method. The man who stumbled his fate yesterday in the electric car...

Need an impulse to ask "what time"? Can I invite you to a date and give you flowers? Do not defend the cloth. He is not guilty of anything.

Oh, and a couple of months ago there was a mess from the girls complaining that the question is "what time?" is constantly followed by a continuation for the purpose of dating. You will decide, right?

As I remember now, 8 years have passed. I went to work in the office, and there was a director by the name of Rogulin. And he was constantly saying "the swirling horns". And he had a name for the spending. My favourite phrase is "Ebias little".
I still remember...

The press service of Nikita Mikhalkov began to add to the blacklist of some journalists and bloggers. Who had the negligence to ask anywhere for prohibited topics:
What are you paying for "tax on bulldozers"?
- Where did the money spent on the fast food network go "We eat like at home!"?
Why do you refuse to receive the prize? O. Bender "The Cheats and Cheats of the Year" 2015?
and a number of others.

Figures on the blacklist are not allowed to participate in press conferences of Nikita 1%, premiere shows and presentation of new projects. When they visit a café "Eat Like Home!", the price for meals will automatically increase by 146% plus 1%.

The unmarried girls. Never follow the advice of your divorced friends.

A colleague (man), a small troll, walks and taps to the staff with provocative questions, to then undermine who we are not all like we should. He approaches me and asks:
Imagine you have everything you want, but I have twice as much. What would you wish?
I answered:
Third size breasts and three children.

The Rose! Do we have something to drink?
There is. The tea is Ceylon.
Something stronger?
Take a new bag.

by George Zotov:

I arrived on my first day in Dubai.
immediately to meet. and returned. Hunting something to eat, before the plane only 2 yogurt finished (the query does not go). I ask at the hotel - what do you have here in the district for food? I am so happy – "McDonald’s" sir. No guys, thank you very much. And what more? I went to Inet. There is a type of pizza. Oh well well. Thirty dollars sir. No, somehow go out.
The people are angry. Go look further. Well, sir, if you are a non-characteristic European, and a strange psychic, there are nearby rides for poor gastarbayters. We have a neighborhood like that. But you will not eat it. We had a man from Russia. I ordered this too with sadness, and could not eat at all. We helped him, we ate. The portions are small, yes. You still want (I feel like people are already buriing me), sir? Here is the menu, look at it.
I look at the menu. Indian and Chinese food. The heart played. Going somewhere is lazy. Are they delivering? Yes Sir. Even one sandwich for a dollar, and then deliver, and delivery is free. We, the gastarbayers, are the poor people. Okay, I ordered a batter chicken (a fan from India) and chicken in Manchurian. And fresh cakes. Dinner was valued at 8 backs. Food arrived in 20 minutes.
I tried to eat it all night and left it for the next day. God, if these are small portions, what are the big portions?