bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №123814
 01.02.2016
Now in the trains they are not afraid of drunk dumbels, but a crowd of schoolchildren, because they are singing, and the mother, and the whistle.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123813
 01.02.2016
This morning, the boss sent us to the roof to drop the snow and shed the pebbles. During the process, one of the beetles accidentally fell on his new car. The car was 50 meters from the building.

[ + 36 - ] [9 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123812
 01.02.2016
The first train from Ukraine to circumvent Russia has reached China. The trip took 17 days due to delays in Kazakhstan
No, noacho, you load eggs, old, tired chickens come.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №123811
 01.02.2016
I was 12 years old then. I decided with two friends (Valik, Vova) to go down and buy snacks. From the shopping I remember only lemonade and "din-don" (colored sweet pills), because it was they that made that day (and even a month). We sat in the summer kitchen, right on the carpet. Valik opened a 2-litre lemonade, and the wolf for laughter threw in it 2 din-don... Do you know about cola with menthol? So, forget, cola with menthol is nothing compared to what happened next. The cocktail was fired immediately. The current leaned to the ceiling, even though the bottle was on the floor. After a second, Vovchik understood the seriousness of his crush and decided to do the most logical, in his opinion, action.



In an instant, he grabbed the bottle and pushed it into his mouth. To his surprise, the "nuclear cocktail" continued to beat with the same pressure, but with one obvious difference. There were two streams...of his nostrils...he even had his head thrown back, from such turbulence. From such an unexpected "prevention of sinusitis" he ripped out a bottle. In his face was everything: shock, fear, pain, tears, confusion. I don’t know, of course, but this is the face of a man who has discovered the secrets of the universe and reached enlightenment. At this point, Valick and I had long been hysterical, smashed with my own tears and tears.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123810
 01.02.2016
About Google Maps
I live in the village. There are a lot of shells in the summer. The road ends five meters from my house. Then there is a slope (60 degrees).
Last year was an epidemic. Five cars (from those he heard waking up at night) were pulled with handles almost from the river (meters 150, if straight).
For a long time I could not understand what happened this year, until on Google Maps for I don’t remember what I wanted to see my site.
It turned out that some improver of the project removed a small section with the name of my street, and extended the other... across a river, a bridge (on two bicycles not to go away) and two slopes.
So I can say authoritatively - navigation on these maps - use))

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123809
 01.02.2016
I went to Obi.
I walk past the shelves "Roofing materials" with all kinds of fashionable Ondulin and other ruberoids.
In the passage are placed waters, in which the water drops from above after the melting.
It is obvious, ch.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №123808
 01.02.2016
xxxh: not much of what we have forms are tables in tables, so I need to plug a table into a table in a table and maybe make another table into a table in a table in a table...
xzibit щас finished from your comment

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123807
 01.02.2016
Pechkin: I can’t watch TV at all. There is no adblock. and :-/

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123806
 01.02.2016
>> It was later revealed that this woman, joining this company 10 years ago, created a document for herself and kept it all the time. Just one file! Here he is finished!
How she was looking for it remains a mystery.

We also had such a woman. How did she find the right thing? Translated the pages. The wheel. She was a very hardworking woman. However, in order to wait for her to get the necessary paper, she had to mobilize all her patience.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123805
 01.02.2016
The Seeking:

Good day! Please help me find the children's book, the names, unfortunately, I do not remember, and the search engine does not provide anything like this. In general, it begins with the fact that his uncle comes to the boy’s house (seemingly, his uncle was called Max). He seems to have come back from the east. The uncle brought a huge box and a strange red cat. In general, the uncle turns out to be absolutely not the one he pretends to be, the boy begins to be chased by the uncle's coat and a cat, which has greatly increased in size. Through the box, the boy gets into another world where there is a river stix, and there is a war between the morning master and the black lord (or something like that). The Lord rides on a two-headed unicorn (the horns of each head are connected). I already start to think that I invented this book as a child) I hope not, because I want to know what happened next.

Roman Kanushkin "Emperor of Shadows"

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123804
 01.02.2016
Nanotechnology, bleat, Skolkovo, Nakh, import substitution... was a day ago in the hospital. Almost all the tools, szuco, Chinese. And what is not Chinese, then some Swedish for hundreds of worthless money. Knives, screws and even hamsters! Their mothers, the Chinese! Iron bullshit on the handle - and that imported! Russia is on its knees, yes.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123803
 01.02.2016
In the guests of a friend saw the scattering of such small colored buttons.
What is Rubik?
Ugo
Why Why? Not to collect it, right?
I bought an epoxy.

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №123802
 01.02.2016
I work as a waitress at a premium restaurant. Today, during a walk, I went to KFC to buy a bucket of wings home. Once again I noticed how young people (and ladies too) climb out of the skin to look better, cooler, higher, etc.



And the restaurant where I work comes men and women – business owners, real estate owners, influential people and just those who can afford it. Sometimes they look even easier than I do in everyday life.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123801
 01.02.2016
Witch: I have digged the roof.
Knight: I was joking there.
Mag: And I burned up.
Master: Wonderful... burning shit around you. And you sit there for 7 hours...

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123800
 01.02.2016
With Geektimes:

PapaDen 30 January 2016 at 18:00
Do you care more about the users of your resource or rotor? Do what people like. The Internet has long changed, people need to take not only the content of the resource, but also pleasant design, thoughtfulness and prostate.

+15kolossus 30 January 2016 at 18:14
No, it is not worth taking forgiveness :)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123799
 01.02.2016
A district hospital, a man comes from a hammer, says he does not breathe, all in large moles. Right is not breathing. Photo by Pneumotorax. I send you to the kitchen to prepare. By the way, I have a weak vision, but I wear glasses only for precise manipulations, because in the main work I deal with optics.



I go into the dressing room, I wear glasses, my hands, gloves, syringe, troacar ready, I approach him and... I begin to faint... No living shit has caused me such disgust.



His whole body was not covered with moles, but with ticks!



I, having overcome the foolishness, ask, and does he know what the nevus on his body. Uncle negligently replied that he drinks a lot, often sleeps in the lawn and has nothing against pets.



They are God’s creatures, they will pump, they will crumble!

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №123798
 01.02.2016

Y: We have a calm child.
X: You didn’t hear him scream!
Y: It is not with me.
X: But here you offer him something when he doesn’t want it.
Y: He calmly tells me he doesn’t want to.
M: And you offered it again!
Y : Why? I understand from the first time.


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123797
 01.02.2016
The Friday. At work in the morning I approach the elevator - the line is no longer, only one from the neighboring department stands.
The elevator enters, we load, and here another rushing body crashes into the door of the building. The man from the neighboring department cries, “Come quickly, we’re waiting for you.” The man ran through the hallway to the elevator, and the neighbor put his leg to stop the doors that had already started to close, but failed. The door, having hit the shoe's nose hard, almost dropped it to the floor, but did not stop. The neighbor turned to the side at an angle of 45 degrees, the further fall was suspended by the fact that his shoulder leaned to the wall of the elevator near the control.
- Let me press the button - I say, pushing my hand between the neighbor and the controller and, going to press the button that blocks the closing of the door, second-hand I miss and press the one that closes the door rapidly.
The elevator crashes sharply right before the nose of the man who managed to reach the elevator, and we leave.
Two idiots are power.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123796
 01.02.2016
This is the career of David Spirit once every twenty years to film in Secret Materials.
No, he still read a poem in our advertisement!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123795
 01.02.2016
HH: Well, why all the nasty nonsense, and not this article?
WOW: Because this article is a nasty nonsense.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna