bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123774
 31.01.2016
We play with the children in the table video "Play the parents". Question to children (read): "What do they usually say after the bath?". The children thought... The wife says, “When you get out of the bathroom in the evening, what do your parents say to you?” Sss..." Children of the Choir: - Sleep!!! to

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №123773
 31.01.2016
In the harsh 90s, the local meat combinate was curious. One worker decided to blur the sausages to the New Year's table. Theft was treated strictly and the inventive woman did so. The intestines were wrapped under the clothes, and the blood poured into the milk bowl. The border passed unburned, came to the stop, stands, waiting for the trailer. And the weather was like straw, cabbage, strawberries, lavins from the roofs. And from the stop roof came down a lawn, knocking down an unfortunate sausage from its feet. She lies, ohates, in the blood slurry (from the beetle), the intestines from under the coffts out of the clutches! People in panic, wreckage, someone behind the ambulance ran. The woman exploded and ran away from shame. Thank God, no one has lost the gift of speech.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №123772
 31.01.2016
xxx: Polish samurai))) Chot rju
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №123771
 31.01.2016
Since recently, I have taken the rule: before starting a discussion about the situation in Syria, I ask the interlocutor to show this country on the map.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №123770
 31.01.2016
This story happened 10 years ago, I remembered and decided to share.



Then I finished school and went to university.

Mother comes home and tells me that she met the mother of my friend, whom I saw literally a few days ago and learned that:

1st He found a job in a foreign company.

2nd They pay a lot of money there.

Three He bought a costume for $15,000. (I remember it was 10 years ago)



I was surprised to see him about a week ago and he didn’t say anything about it. I call a friend and find out how. It turned out:

1st He wants to find work abroad after university.

2nd I found a job for the summer.

Three He hopes to raise 15,000 in the summer, and generally wants a lot of money in the foreseeable future.

4 is At the exam, the jacket for the nail was stuck and it would be better to pick up a new suit.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123769
 31.01.2016
My youngest, first grade, brought homework from school. From her words, you need to learn the "New Year's Song".

Attention, question: Which song were asked to teach first-class students?
No is?
The National Anthem of Russia!!! On New Year's Eve, the clock beats 12, and the National Anthem of Russia sounds - according to Zlatan, so this is the New Year's song.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №123768
 31.01.2016
I can not.
I told my brothers that I was on a business trip.
The family asked to bring him from Germany a gasoline - they are cheaper there!
The second (he has today DR) asked to bring him Maine Campf from there. To my question – you don’t know German – there was a brilliant answer: bring pictures – so that it’s clear!
I have roasted for 5 minutes. I have not had that for a long time. I imagined coming back to Russia with a gasoline and a tomic of Maine Kampf for children.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123767
 31.01.2016
News: Ian McKellen called for the boycott of the Oscar because of the fact that there are no gay in him
YYY: Well, it’s a drunk... I’m also calling for a boycott of the Oscars because this year there’s total discrimination! There is no Russian!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123766
 31.01.2016
The winner of the annual prize is announced. O. Bender "The Cheats and Cheats of the Year"-2015.

The first prize was awarded to the project "Eat like at home!".

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123765
 31.01.2016
Vasily Gavrilenko: The light switch broke. I bought a new one and reinstalled it. by Sam. Electricity did not kill. There was no fire. Everything works.

Valery Tsurkan: I changed the wiring two years ago. I searched where the old wire came out of the apartment, but never found it. When I started drilling the hole, I immediately found it. Fun and fun with fireworks.

Vasily Gavrilenko: So first it was necessary to twist the traffic jams, and then to drill! It makes a smart face

Mikhail Babkin: With twisted traffic jams is not interesting :))) Adrenaline is not that!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123764
 31.01.2016
by Artem Kliatchkine:

Painting from below:
In the evening, in the winter, a group of Krishnaites stands on the Great Cover. The men in warm jackets and sweaters under the harmony of "Hare Krishna". Nearby the girl - blood with milk, hair, Pavlovo-Posadsky T-shirt - distributes Kṛṣṇa sweets.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123763
 31.01.2016
As is known, from January 1, 2016 the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation introduced the article on criminal liability for adding palm oil to products: from five to 10 years of strict regime. Paragraph 2 of this article - from 10 to 15 years of strict regime for not indicating in the product composition of added palm oil. More than two hundred managers and chief technologists of food industry enterprises are placed in investigative isolations.

A to A!!111 - with such a shout, one of the large foods jumped onto the bed.! to

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №123762
 31.01.2016
A friend of Kamchatka celebrated the divorce like this:
He gathered a batch of eight friends, climbed the volcano (an active volcano, steep) and threw the ring into the jello.

In my opinion, it is worth getting married to then divorce by throwing a ring into a volcano. A good idea for domestic tourism, probably - a honeymoon in Kamchatka.

How boring is men’s life.
One Day in Life: Divorce
And then for this, you have to get married and have to endure a tail and a tail for a few years.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123761
 31.01.2016
by Faq. 37 years. A school with a gold medal and a red diploma. I teach English in the universe. I do rehearsals. I run a circle in the kindergarten. I do exam and diplomas. I work as an interpreter, including a synchronous translator. Do you think all? Not even a fig. I do a manicure and nail enlargement. Making Mehendi and Aquagrim. I make textile toys on order. I copied.
My cousin, who graduated from PTU in the specialty "Accounting", earns twice as much as me, working three times less. Welcome to Saransk, the capital of Mordovia!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123760
 31.01.2016
SMS from my husband:
Oh, it’s a strange feeling when I don’t know if you’re approaching the house or moving away from it.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123759
 31.01.2016
XXX is:
U.S. and British intelligence agencies hacked the control program of Israeli drones and watched videos of Israeli drones flying over the Gaza Strip and observing certain areas of Syria for free (without paying for a subscription). Apparently, as a result of this hack, it was again revealed that Israeli drones were flying with rockets and firing them. In principle, Israel is not the only country where drone videos are stolen. Iran is also suffering. To judge Americans and Britons should be on the line of copyright protection. No one has the right to watch a paid video for free.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123758
 31.01.2016
I was told, “If you don’t eat the shells of bread, the wife will flatter.” I then started eating the shells with great pleasure, investing in the future.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №123757
 31.01.2016
to this:
What was the name of a book in which the power in the country has been seized by a gangster, all the newspapers are lying, people are so accustomed to lying that they call a cat a dog, and those who try to tell the truth are caught by the police?

Gianni Rodari, The Magical Voice of Jelsomino. Very relevant in modern realities.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №123756
 31.01.2016
TS: There are adequate SMS services, it is still the easiest way to pay. Everyone has mobile phones, but no electronic money.

Per I am now collecting downsides...I didn’t believe my eyes until I saw it myself. Some temples collect donations through SMS copies. And it turns out that you donate 40 percent of the commission to your cellular operator.)

In what ways do temples differ from fraudsters?

Yyy: You cannot engage under any circumstances.

Zzz: You know, maybe not in the topic, but now I remembered. I once saw a picture-call with the inscription "Let's rob the temples and give money to the poor!" and a comment-response "Why? They will bring them back.”

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №123755
 31.01.2016
I liked a girl at school. She fought with the boys, taught me to smoke, to drink alcohol, could lubricate my nose. One day a maniac came to her on the street, after 5 minutes the maniac remained with a broken leg lying on the asphalt. I thought she would grow up, what would happen to her?



I met yesterday. He works as a rheumatologist of SMP.

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