bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123734
 30.01.2016
Discussion of books-panoramas, which are arranged into volume scenes:

HH: This is how, how can it even be invented?

Wow: These people just don’t do anything else anymore.

HH: Well, they are still alive.

They live, the bread chews. with the olive.

XHH: Judging by the price of the book - with ivory.

WOW: Judging by the price of the book, with black.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123733
 30.01.2016
The forum. Mother of 4 sons living in the UK - about children's music education:

A well-known pianist popularly explained to me that it is not necessary for Vane to become a professional clarinetist, that in general, the stoves are at the bottom of the musical pyramid and all are drunk. I was upset. :cry: Then went on: "Clarinetist career in the UK". Not to say that it is brilliant, but it is possible to live. Although I have long known that even those who play in the London Symphony are poor, and are forced to earn somehow :(. And here I see a vacancy: a clarinetist in the Royal Air Force Orchestra. I say to Fed:
A great place with a great salary! But I don’t want Vanya to work for NATO.
Feyenoord is phlegmatic:
And he will fake them and knock them off the rhythm!

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123732
 30.01.2016
LIKE: The 7th part of Star Wars somehow suspiciously resembles the hue parody of the 4th part. And in general, if Vader knew what kind of fool his grandson would grow up, he would have done a vasectomy. by Han Solo. The light sword.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123731
 30.01.2016
I raised my voice at work today. Signed for the notorious news - chose a car somehow, registered for a test drive, but never went. Today came a letter: say, congratulations from DR, all the goods, tr-la-la, below the link "get a gift from Reno".
You had a doctor a month ago.
This is the first pearl. I go through the link, and there... the link opens... the images loaded... the drum... "Download wallpapers from the Reno Logan in Offgenic quality".

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123730
 30.01.2016
I can help the sufferer:

Here everyone is very helpful to remember the title of the book, help me, plz. Once I read the book, I don't remember what, tell the author and the title!

Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123729
 30.01.2016
About midnight, the street, the lighthouse. He shouted emotionally on the phone:

“Ludmila, what kindness was it? There is no one on your computer!! to

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123728
 30.01.2016
With Lepra:
kpya3e: Moscow will significantly unload if the escalators will work exclusively down
eselikhov: kpya3e, I with a speed of 90 km/h
Tigerart: eselikhov, you speed with the angle confused

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123727
 30.01.2016
Cats are lovely. Soft, woolish, warm... and also mourning. They’re cute even when they’re crazy.
Probably, if there were no cats, a person would have already created them artificially, as an ideal object for relaxation and pleasures. Then they would be terribly road and accessible only to very rich. Free pleasure at almost every step. appreciate and enjoy.)

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №123726
 30.01.2016
Studying in school and university is similar to figure skating or art gymnastics. The knowledge of the elements, the purity of their performance, beauty and artisticism are assessed, and the final useful result is not assumed.
But work (in a normal office and not where fatigue is considered a measure of labor) is more like football or hockey. You can fit as beautifully and technically as much as you want and circumvent rivals. And you can score a ugly and untechnical goal.

Therefore, many graduates, coming to work, wonder why this boss is angry. They know so much, so tried, after work stayed, all the soul invested. Red graduates and nurses. So the boss is not evil, he just needs a goal, not a tapping tape.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123725
 30.01.2016
It was in 2003. Session and all other student problems. He was in the fifth grade, and was at five lectures in the semester. I don’t remember the subject, and the teacher too. Strict woman 45 years old. At the last gathering, all got automatically charged, except me... Tomorrow is the last delivery. and tomorrow!! I either surrender or go to the army. I am not something to understand, I don’t even know what it is about. I have 18 hours. 18 is! Study with 54 questions. There are 27 tickets. Fortunately, at that time, there were compasses. I got it all electronically. I am grateful to the students who killed this. I got everything I needed. I have 15 hours before receipt. I give up, I sit in front of the board, on the first party, ONLY! Not to write or crack! This is the hardest punishment for cold. Either I give up, or I forgive the universe in the fifth class. It would seem, the situation is deplorable, knowing that neither money nor gifts she takes. But... Having learned the 1st ticket in an hour I understood... There are 13 hours left (+food and road) before the delivery, and if to teach, then I have no chances. None of them!



Fortunately, I had a matrix printer! Matrix is his mother!! He is my savior and determiner of fate. What I do... I pull the tape out of it and send to print in 16 fonts all the tickets (protested different fonts before this). The matrix simply rubs the sheet and leaves no traces of imprint. But if you sit at the corner to the light, you can see everything that is filled there. This is the exit?! Salvation is simple! The problem is that he printed one sheet for 7 minutes, but it’s still better than learning. My matrix savior worked all night.



I signed every piece of paper on the corner with a number. It’s six in the morning and I’m ready. I know that I am waiting for an additional question, but it does not bother me yet. The first part before the front. Without a chance to give up, I pull the ticket... I see the number, I tell her, she pulls the sheet for me... I say my own, happy. He doesn’t believe it, but laughs and says, let’s see. I pull out (seems to be an empty sheet!) A sheet where everything is perfectly visible under my angle, but the reed does not see it. I buy my ticket in 30 minutes. I just write letters. And I surrender. She sits and looks at me. All the time. When I gave up, she smiled, “Let’s see how they say goodbye to the universe.” She read... a long time... and she had a question, “How did you do this?” Many people write that at this time they say that this was a question and I am free, but it is nonsense. I was so upset that I just got out of “writing.” “I watched you for half an hour. Writing was unrealistic. I don’t know how you did it, but promise me one thing – never give up engineering. This is the only way we can do the incredible.”



I am still bypassing all the problems on my way in astute ways that many do not realize. Yes, I don’t know my subject, but the universe teaches to survive, and does not give a straight path to life.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123724
 30.01.2016
About the Oscars:
Negroes and homosexuals—they are—always find discrimination where it is not.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №123723
 30.01.2016
The boy came to me, his mother left the family, and his father did not leave, but he was at work all the time. The diagnosis is serious.



Here he came to me. Sometimes we could talk a little about life. So the boy while walking, I repaired all the furniture in the office: there the screw twisted, here the lock was lubricated. I always thanked him.



He answered:

The paper teaches me everything. What he can do, I do too.

And here we have finished the treatment, standing in front of me and... stretching me a small hook key.

He said:

You can always fix everything in your life.

I almost got angry.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №123722
 30.01.2016
For weeks I went into the store of the Victoria network and saw one man standing near the freezer, where frozen shrimp are lying, and he heated these shrimp in his hands, thus melting them from the excess glazure, after which he put them in a bag. When asked what he was doing, he only replied, "The poor are frozen, I warm them up."



P.S He saved at least 200 rubles. And yes, he was drunk.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123721
 30.01.2016
Local electricity. A middle-aged woman said on the phone:

We have gone! Who is this "we"? Me and my suitcase.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123720
 30.01.2016
Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ð Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ Ñ  СчÐстÑÐÐμ для²²ÑÐÑ..., дÐÇм - ура!

Treplo: with Carlson’s voice: and you’ve got the coding flying

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123719
 30.01.2016
I’m in the bus and next to me is a girl (D) 5 years old with my mother (M). As I walked around the cafe, there was a conversation between the family:



D: Maam, do you remember this coffee?

M: Yes of course.

D: What did we do there?

M: We celebrated your birthday.

Do you remember what you and your dad gave me?

M: I remember of course.

D: And what is:

Response to Silence

D: Well of course, Maam!

I gave a microwave. And the refrigerator.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123718
 30.01.2016
XXXX: The winter jackets with a pleasant surprise in the form of a mint note in my pocket, left there from last winter for me have gone to the past. I went to the kiwi wallet, which I have not used for 3 years and found a thousand rubles forgotten there. It is pleasant :)

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123717
 30.01.2016
The vacation...

As long as I sleep, the alarm doesn’t sound.
I only go to the toilet and the refrigerator.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123716
 30.01.2016
HHH: And there are also offices and holograms.
WOW: Are the Holotures the same, only flat?
HHH : No. This is "marine cucumbers". They are just like smoked cucumbers, but they were embarrassed to call them so.
A office is like a hat that eats wrought ropes.
You can speak human language whenever you want.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №123715
 30.01.2016
Handheld 40-mm Hydra grenade from Milkor. It differs from “competitors” by the ability to fire in automatic mode, emptying a ten-charged store in 2 seconds.
YYY: I am curious why? In what situation can a fighter need to shoot 10 grenades in 2 seconds?
ZZZ: The Boss

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