Anyone who has at least once studied and passed the theory of PDD knows that there is an insoluble situation in the rules of traffic.

This is when four ordinary cars arrive at the same time at the unregulated crossroads.

With the same road coverage on four sides.

Each of the cars gets an "interference to the right." In life, such a road situation hardly happens. but.



You’ll cry, but I’ve been in this situation as a passenger.

It happened in Mongolia. They also drive according to our rules. I don’t remember where we were going, but it doesn’t matter.

There were four cars at the crossroads. I am watching this pathetic situation.



They left in two seconds. I ask the Mongol, why?

“Whoever has a larger car, he has an advantage,” the Mongol driver replies to me. (There were two grasses and two grasses)

“Well, I can understand it,” I don’t lag behind, “but why was the one on the left passing first?

and E! You don’t understand the Mongolian rules. The one on the left is the driver’s test of what was on the right. We have so. Respect the age.

I work in a medical institution. There are not many fun situations, especially on the day of duty. And here is one of those, told by a brave gynecologist...

A woman arrives at night with a directing diagnosis: "A foreign body of the vagina." They take her to the gynecological examination room, the doctor looks, and there is a decent piece of fresh carrots, he pulled it out. He wanted to keep the woman under surveillance, but she refused. And here they sit in the doctor's office, the doctor makes her a discharge. He asks, “If it’s not a secret, how did you get the carrots there?”

Woman: "You understand, my husband and I drank a little in the evening and decided to diversify our sexual life, took carrots, cleaned, the process went! And then suddenly she broke in half... And a part of it remained in me.

After her following words, the doctor barely containing the attacks of laughter, pulled out of the doctor's office and remarkably rattled.

Woman: "To get the fingers of my husband was absolutely not possible and then he went to the kitchen behind the stove!!!"

I live in the private sector.

Long tried to get rid of the mice in the house, closer to spring they disappeared.

They were eaten by rats.

I recently returned from Iran. Stopped at the local through the site of caucherfing. So, a local couch welcomes me with my brother in the morning at the station. We got into the car, we were lucky. We communicate, and in the process of communicating in English she gives me: "We know that you are from Russia and you are drinking vodka there. You can’t buy or sell vodka in Iran. Well, if you really want it, my brother will buy it to you tonight.”

Of course I refused.

Here I write a post and I think if they were to come to me in Russia through cauchsurfing and based on stereotypes about Iran, I would say to them, "I know, guys, you are from Iran. In Russia, it is not allowed to shoot people with machine guns. But if you really want, I can get you to play CS GO for terrorists tonight.”

We decided with the family to ride to the country, smash the dust and generally see how there and what. It turned out that already now the people in the villages are full, including a new neighbor has lived there for a week.

Lyrical retreat: This neighbor appeared only last year, somewhere in July. I accepted to change everything, removed something from the hood. The main thing is to move the toilet away from the house. The place was chosen at the far end of the section in the corner. All the neighbors told him that it was not worth putting there - the areas in our shell are located a little under the fence and during the rain or melting of snow it is through this place that the streams flow, so that sooner or later its shit will break out and spread around the district, and the wood will quickly rot because of the moisture. He did not listen, excavated a pit, installed a classic "point", and on top of it, a "squeaker".

Today is Epic Feel. I hear the scream, the thunder and the scream. I go out on the street and see: the shrimp fell on our site by the door up, and in the place of the toilet... how would you describe... remember the cow in a pumpkin from "The Characteristics of the National Hunt", about which was the phrase "you want to live - you don't get so quick"? Our neighbor was such a cow today. The throne under him collapsed and he hanged over the abyss in an unthinkable acrobatic posture with his naked ass.

The neighbor managed to save, but to stop roaring over him - not.

Hopefully now the toilet will move to a more suitable place))

I was driving from work in a trolleybus and a guy was sitting in front of me. I got the phone, I called the number. “It started,” I thought.

Here is a bit annoying when you go a little quietly, and somehow someone is discussing their problems on the mobile phone. But this guy was just a unicorn.

He put on a loud connection.



The phone he held maneuverably, with the tip of his fingers, like the devils from a television advertisement hold a bottle of column or some candy.

Hello my cat! The guy said.



I was driving, listening to his conversation with a girl and glad that I was going out soon.

Cat, I am now with the boys. I’ll drink a beer and come to you.

The girl answers:

Just watch, don’t drink too much. Maybe you won’t get anything like last night.

And shrugged the straw.



The guy suddenly turned off the phone, turned red, pale and dropped a bag with some pieces under the seat.

The trolleybus slowed down, and I got up from my seat to go to the exit. The guy looked at me badly: did he hear or not?

I have heard, my friend! You have tried for it yourself.



I pointed to the bag he dropped on the floor.

Something seems to have fallen, I say. Nothing that doesn’t happen to anyone.

And went away.

Do you also sometimes think that the main feature of Windows is a Windows update?

I recently helped my friend move. He and his wife are always wandering around rental apartments, so he has no furniture and no household appliances. In general, we took all the nodes, boxes, cats out of the apartment and loaded them into the car. We gathered to go (to a new apartment) and then a friend’s wife remembered the magnets on the refrigerator. Gene Wurcha got out of the car and broke into the entrance. It was not his fifteen minutes, we were even bored, and at the same time we talked about magnetics - their Gene and his wife were endowed by friends and acquaintances who visited all sorts of journeys in many countries of the world. Gina came back and we went. Before pouring the magnets out of the pockets in Gene's wife's bag from nothing to do decided to conduct a revision of the magnets, in short to recall who which magnet suited them.
So, this one from America from Sani, this one from Turkey from Anka, Oh! The fucking! This from whom?
The Wife:
Which one?
- Belarus, Minsk, and also written ATLANT.
Show me
Here, on
This is the refrigerator!! A stupid piece! How did you manage to break it?
- The screwdriver was just in my pocket, I still think all the magnets are like magnets, and this one is glued...

Anti-Russian sanctions are aimed at certain Russian citizens, and our counter-sanctions are aimed at all Russian citizens, except for certain.

And do you know that any false statement is much shorter than its convincing and comprehensive denial?

Bananas in the USSR

The year is about 1980. And communism has already won, or is about to win.
I come out of school and write:
“The smoke! I went with the banana. It is 1278. Lunch at the table. Singing and singing in the shade! Pope”
On that day, my father went to the second shift. I, in my echo, keep a note of my mother, who was in the first shift, and I will go to stand.
I put 1 kg in my hand. And then my father was released from the robbery. For the ordinary reason that we could buy extra kilograms of banana.
The torso ticks painfully slowly. by 19:30. Through the shell they shut up. The “Majake” sounds like a trivial musician.

People start to worry, everyone understands that tomorrow, at the opening, there will be no bananas for sale. Everything will go by its own way, by the mud. The requirement is naturally formulated:
Work until the last banana!

An initiative group is formed to present an ultimatum to the Directorate of the Trade Center. The Directorate responds approximately as follows:
Fuck you comrades Hegemon!

Here it should be noted that a strike of bus drivers took place a few days earlier in Togliatti, which was by all sorts of BBC, "Free Europe" and other "voices". Gorky got the first number.

Such here. The row is worried once, the row is worried two... The calls to defeat the shopping center "to her mother" begin to spread. It is not 20 minutes as the representatives of the party committee come. After evaluating the situation, they give an indication fully consistent with the demands of the crowd and me, in particular:
Trade until the last banana.

We were “wrapped” around midnight. Mom, Dad, I’m three pounds. Three kilograms of wood fluorescent green bananas. Here it should be noted that my parents bought bananas for the second time in their lives, so they were experienced, in terms of bananas, consumers. We rolled these green strands into rolls and put them on the closet - "to reach", i.e. to mature. A few days passed there. And, miraculously, my parents got me yellow, soft, tasty bananas from my closet!

And here I, a twelve-year-old boy, go out with a deficient banana in my hand and a smile wide over my shoulders.
A neighbor, a 35 year old aunt.
Smoke, what are you eating?
Aunt of Light, this is a banana. We stood in line together.
They are green and wooden.
They were immature. Like tomatoes, they also come to the closet.
Aunt of Light said. - And we stood in a row for eight hours, at the hour of the night came home, tried: a tree and in the mouth hangs. They decided not to eat raw bananas and cooked them. A cluster succeeded. Everything went to the toilet.
And they are what they are!! Smoke, let me try it.

I gave her a banana. She leaned, carefully took the tip into her mouth, bite it off... and whispered, turning her face:
to melt! What a fool, but who knew?

A 35-year-old woman saw a banana for the first time. and c)

Deputy Speaker of the State Duma Petro Tolstoy suggested that Russians should be treated with oak bark and drink "Boyarishnik" instead of American medicines.
He proposed and flew to Germany for a course of treatment for hemorrhoids, which he received during his fruitful work in Douma.

If you imagine that you are in a fool, everything immediately comes to its place.

Call from the bank “***”.
I would like to offer you a credit card.
First, please tell me where did you get my phone number?
I cannot give you that information.
In that case, we end our dialogue.
Sorry, can I ask why?
Because I don’t want to start a relationship with your bank with a lie.

In response to the aggressive policy of the United States, Donald Trump will be banned from harvesting in Russian forests.

Strange journalism: they can be persecuted, but they cannot.

On the advertising board of Dutch supermarkets you can find invitations to any private courses – from playing traditional Japanese drums to yoga for babies. But what happened today was in a good sense different from everyone else.
The title was distinguished by its severity and concisity, leaving no doubt that the advertisement was written and the courses were organized precisely by a man - "Courses for Women. $20 for 8 lessons
(In the price we included included only the cost of materials). In 8 lessons you will be taught:
How without the help of a man to attach a shelf to the wall and the basis of using a drill and other terrible drills. 2nd How to hang a painting or photograph with the help of the previous lessons on the shelf knowledge. Basics of electricity. How to deal with the electrical shield, return to the working position of the tumblers when disconnected and solve other electrical problems without the help of a man and at the same time do not get a current blow. How to repair a broken bicycle on the road if there is no man nearby.
The other problems and ways to solve them (which you still have there breaks) by agreement, in the course of classes. If you pay another 2 euros per class - you have the right to drink coffee with one of us for breakfast and discuss, among other things, other cases of house breakdowns and ways to repair them. Bonus - you will be good at learning from us, we will learn how to spray the shelf or frame itself, we will look at your successes. We are not professionals, we are handcuffed older men who are boring at home at retirement and have nothing more to do.”
Useful courses, should be used for women to enroll.

“How can we keep your constitutional right to confidentiality of correspondence and negotiations if we don’t know what you are writing and negotiating between you?” I sincerely disagree with the FSBs.

The USSR was ahead of the entire planet. Already at that time, the sausage was wrapped in crafter paper, and the distribution of cellophane bags was severely limited.

Members of the Flat Earth Society greatly underestimate the fact that we are very lucky that the Earth is horizontal rather than vertical.