bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №107930
 09.01.2015
<xxx> good morning behind the window -17, and in such days I actually feel that Crimea has joined Russia >_<

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №107929
 09.01.2015
He wants to give something, but is not sure. You tell him that okay, you want a pink little vibrator for the clitoris. And he pulls a huge pink anal block and tries to push it into you from scale. When he asks what it is for a shit, he answers insultingly: “Well, she’s pink... as you wanted it!”

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №107928
 09.01.2015
Bo2: A acquaintance is cooking "saraj" (on new buildings), a neighbor comes and let me - my refrigerator has just burned up, prepare the grandmother. Next, the second approaches - I have a telecast, you got caught, guy...
What he answers - go..., I have a welding machine from a gasoline generator working, and I have not connected electricity yet.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №107927
 09.01.2015
She rolled out on the couch in front of her husband's bas with his dry socks:"And now we play Mahjong!"

[ + 29 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №107926
 09.01.2015
Comments on the video "A resident of the Murmansk region captured the northern light on the camera"

Vincent L'Arc - Glory to Murmansk! Photographer of Glory!
Gopov Her - Photic has fallen!
Alexey Zhukov - Who does not freeze, the Hindu! northern light above all!
Dmitriy B - Photographer comes, order is set!
Alexander6523 - The cloud away! Let the light look!
Sammael1984 - Snowflakes do not die!!!
fedosize - Not everyone today can watch the northern lights.Rather, not only everyone can watch, few can do it.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №107925
 09.01.2015
Refusal to marry always ruins the relationship between a man and a woman.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №107924
 09.01.2015
I go in an aeroexpress, and in front of me a young family couple explores the relationship. A quarrel on all the rules: here is the whistling by the phone (to a man), and the pulling out of the bags (to a woman), and a light mess (to the two), and screaming on the whole car: “Dumb... goat... you went... I will go and take my son...” (women), and tears (women), and a mournful silence (male). In general, the usual scene, average after a long vacation between tired people, one of whom is in an existential PMS crisis.
I was talking on the phone at this time and the interlocutor, hearing all these cries, asks what is happening.

And I answer him loudly, that is literally in my eyes becomes one free man more, you imagine... here is literally 5 minutes and all, well, plus 2 months for divorce... and I am here so first in line, ah... no, I don’t know about their property... yeah, the child is, one... yeah, it’s not scary, it’s only 25% of alimony from p/p... yeah, cute... yeah, like...

The couple stopped and watched me. I said this and smiled at the man. And the man smiled to me in response, and when he moved from his wife to another row, he turned to me a couple of times and we still smiled to each other. His wife cried a little more, stood up, nodded to me in contempt and moved to her husband, where something began to gently whistle and kiss him in the neck. When they came out of the car, she held him firmly under her arm and looked at me a couple of times.

I am a fairy. I saved a couple from divorce.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №107923
 09.01.2015
A priest who came to a small village asked the boy how to get to the church, where he would read a sermon in the evening.
After the boy showed him the way, the priest proposed:
Come here tonight and bring all your friends.
Why Why? The boy asked.
“I will tell you how to get to heaven,” the priest replied.
You are joking! The boy laughed. You didn’t even know how to go to church.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №107922
 09.01.2015
From the discussion of the film "Computer"
Why is all the fiction, which is filmed in Russia and before, in the USSR looks the same - the guys in the fire slaves of Zaitsev are joking about some landfill with suffering grains?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №107921
 09.01.2015
I heard Harry Potter cat. How could they carry a stick in their pockets? 12 inches is 30 cm! And there were more genuine sticks...so what? How is it to wear pants in your pocket, to sit behind the roof and not to break? The pencil to wear very uncomfortable, I tried. Or were there special pockets under sticks in the mantle? What about the knives?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №107920
 09.01.2015
XXX: How did you meet the New Year?
YYY: Yeah...eat salads, watch salads and sleep...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107919
 09.01.2015
Yes, the cat on the book should only put them in this way, wondering why did she not do it?

of elementary!
It is a cat! She was just lazy - to bet on someone, to run for someone... Not food, not a threat, even a toy - well, and let it go slowly...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №107918
 09.01.2015
If the parent is forced to explain to the child the dirty, it means all the previous years he has grown livestock from it.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №107917
 09.01.2015
Author of Neologism:
The girl wrote about a child with a tablet and outright nothing about the sound from the tablet.

Obsequently! The root, the root salutation!! to
The class!! to
I will use "obsolute" instead of "violet".
"I am very happy"
Thanks for the unknown!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №107916
 09.01.2015
Doing a pregnancy test is the most powerful means of calling monthly.
Jessy

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №107915
 09.01.2015
If you do what you know well and like, but not for money, but for people to try, then in a year in your hairdresser for a month will be recorded, right.
====== is
This applies to any case.
It is a pity that such behavior is very rare.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №107914
 09.01.2015
Visits to ancestors. I went into the kitchen, my wife and my mother quietly cuddled under Futurama.
I remembered how my wife, then my girlfriend, who was very cautious about the future mother-in-law, for some reason went into the kitchen and found my mother crying for the cutting of vegetables under the series about the dog Fry. They then cried together and now do not spill water :-)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №107913
 09.01.2015
Una: (after flying) And I suffer - I need to sleep - and I have that time in my head (

Offline: Do you know what to do? In short, such a thing, you lie down, close your eyes, and it’s as if you look up and down, they quickly get tired, and this deceives the body, causing it to think that it’s tired too.

One: I will try it.

Offline: At the same time, you can think of some completely illogical and outrageously stupid hernia, like a turquoise elephant sitting on high-voltage wires and playing a saxophone. You can imagine such nonsense. The fiction is that this usually happens to your brain in a dream and it adjusts to it very quickly.

Offline: Truth is a minus... First dumb rushing over a turquoise elephant, fucking he, orb, on the wire, could play on the ground. and :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №107912
 09.01.2015
Talk to a friend who is constantly nursing his nephew:
Damn, all children have sex, but you don’t have it because of children.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №107911
 09.01.2015
Bad mood, depression, no appetite.
I will help you with your appetite. Say three magical words: "I am on a diet". Verified many times...

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna