I got a cat and finally realized I’t have children.

On the community wall a photo of the hydra (not mythical) and the first comment "Heil hydra"

Carl gives Clara a vibrator.
What if Clara swallowed in Carl’s clarinet?

My husband decided to help me with homework: he started to smooth curtains.

It turned out that I have a smoothing board not that design, it should be transparent from the bottom (!!!) And the iron!!Therefore, on my board the heat does not go down, but remains in the board and the curtains will not be smooth.

Then he burned, burned, and burned.
I needed a superclay. "A piece has flown away from the straw and it will soon fix everything"
The super glue was not opened, the instructions to it were small fonts.
But with the help of super glue, mattresses and pincet to pinch the eyebrows, taken from the manicure set, a rough Chelyabinsky man glued the oatmeal, put it to dry and, with a sense of duty, sat to forge the computer.
Uttug came to smell the cat, shaved, slid, she was thrown into the bathroom "wash the glasses". From the bathroom for a long time, the screams of the wounded leopard were spread half by half.
Then two of them laid battle wounds on the couch.

I am afraid to hang curtains.

There are a lot of "Girls"
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I appeal to the girls who have read the posts of the guys with the end "I marry!".
A girl should be kind, gentle, caring, able to cook, understand and listen, and only then a little (!) and fucking. The condition, of course, is necessary but not sufficient. If you understand the meaning of the last sentence, I will marry!
– – – – –
Do you seriously think that some interesting, non-standard thinking, independent girl on your first wife is rushing after you in the ZAGS, losing your heels? Be kind, announce the list that you will give in exchange for kindness, tenderness, care, tasting to your taste, understanding and willingness to listen to your tours on the wheels at a convenient time. Are your eyes like the cat of Shrek? Then the words "should be" do not fit in at all.

I: methane, ethan, propane, butane, pentane, hexane, heptan, octane, nonane, dean.
Wife (by education chemist-technologist): I see, you learned to count until 10...

I just don’t understand what the charm of this class is. You stand on the slippery floor and try to stand on two knives attached to your shoes, waiting for a fall, knowing that it is inevitable. And you will fall under the feet of a bunch of people who most likely hate you... And they also have knives on their shoes! (c) from the series Episodes about skates

Remember in Harry Potter, Harry always wondered if cats could see through the invisible mantle when Mrs. Norris looked at him? After all, they see, in the infrared spectrum, they see a warm body under the coat! And even if the mantle overlaps visibility across all spectra, how did they want to hide from the night predator? She has vibrations with which she feels the fluctuations of the air, ears with which she even hears their hearts beating, a nose with which she hears their smell, and can even feel what gender, age and state they are now (fear, for example), the organ of Jacobson is the same. Yes, the cat on the book should only put them in this way, wondering why did she not do it?

As a child, I got a book of anecdotes about Hodge Nasreddin in my hands. I remembered one joke.

He sends Hodja his son for water, gives him a bowl and lays the vine. The neighbors ask:
“Hodja, why did you loose the boy?
– So that he doesn’t break the bowl, – replies Hodja.
He hasn’t broken it yet, right?
When it breaks, it will be too late to crack.

But when my teenage son lost his cheap phone, I didn’t punish him. The neighbor looks at how calm I am and says:
My parents would have killed me.
And I answered:
What is the point of killing? You may think that a cell phone will be found from this.
The guy, thinking, agreed that it was logical.

All good and well-being.

The master came to hang the lighthouse. I asked for passengers. and Dala. I asked for a cross. and Dala. Pulled the striving. Well, a lonely woman, at home there are all the tools, up to the screwdriver. I don’t understand water and I’m afraid of electricity.
The indicator does not work.
I gave an indicator. Slowly the beast.
Do you have isolation?
Do you need a couple of hands? Can I show you how to hang the lights?
I was offended.

to this:
I watched the Soviet military film of the year 81, “Ours are burning.”
The tanks ended diesel, found gasoline... (approximate dialogue, not literally)
- our engines are not suitable (type density is not that)
violet, flooded
Kill the movements!
Add the oil and eat.
Thirty years have passed since the film was made (the niche has not changed).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

And this was one of the requirements for designing our tanks - the ability to fuel everything that is burning. At the moment, the T-90 tank can also ride on alcohol.

Cochets are immortal, while Ivanusks are fools.

xxx: Boys, and I believe that even if there is a third world war, the weapon will not be a virus, but something hotter.
YYY: The women!!? to
Zzzz: You broke my imagination.

Why can America and not Russia?
Because America gets South Korea, and Russia gets North Korea.

Remember the "more than six hundred thousand"?
So, I wrote about this on the Rosobarnadzor website and received an official reply by mail. I can’t help but share:
The main features of oral speech are the freedom and expressiveness of speech communication, the absence of preliminary selection of language means and automatic speech. The deployment of the idea into a connected statement and its implementation occur simultaneously, in connection with which there are reservations. Deputy Chief of L.V. and coworking.

In the past, my children’s first words were “Daddy” and “Mommy,” but when I watch my daughter say “Okay Google,” I hear a shift in trends.

I was beaten for three and four. I was beaten for the wrong look. I was beaten for a wrong word and a kind of bold tone. My mother beat me with a belt, a fist, and a palm if everything else was far away. Guess why I don’t love her?

Because children have a presumption of their own inviolability in their heads, which extends to the entire universe. Simply put, the persuasion of "albeit with me this will not happen".
— — —
HY is! Most adults have the same problem.

Probably the most epic pickup master (caved somewhere in the VK):
I will make horses and make my virginity cheap.
Thirty

Here, a five-year quarantine is offered, so that the child does not fall asleep with rash or watermelon.

Are you a drug addict?
If a child in childhood does not get sick, but catches watermelon in adulthood - complications can be almost fatal!
It is extremely desirable that the baby was vaccinated and became ill in childhood with all childhood diseases - they are not as scary to him as an adult, whom his parents protected, having held all his childhood in an incubator.

By the word, with me in ophthalmology recently lay a 21-year-old guy, who almost blinded (!) from watermelon, because he did not get sick with her as a child, but got infected with her just in the cafe, where the mother-in-law came with a sick child.