10 years ago I stood in the box at the train station. Behind me are two women and a boy. One says to the boy - don't go far from us, uncle will take you, hug you, tear off your hands and legs.

I am: 0 0

As a child, I wanted to work with animals until I realized that I would have to work with animals anyway.

Once in my life in the U.S. there was a difficult period, year by year, when I could not find a permanent job. I broke contracts – they pay for them very well, but it’s not mine at all. And just when I finally found a job, on the second working day I was summoned to the court as a potential jury.

There, as usual, a hall with a bunch of people, a judge, a prosecutor, lawyers with a prosecutor.

To begin with, the judge asked all those who have good reasons to refuse to participate in the trial to raise their hands. I also raised. He asked me what was the problem – I explained that I had been looking for a job for two years, I just found it and I was extremely unwilling to miss it at the beginning.

He asked you what, are you afraid that they won’t do this job without you?

I replied, on the contrary, I’t want them to know what they’ll do without me.

The hall broke. When the judge was able to speak again, still suffocating from laughter, he shrugged my hand at the exit and shouted - go away!

I am working with an elderly parasitologist, whose level of love with the profession is "Drozd".

She comes into our office and asks from the doorstep:

Do you want to rest in Zanzibar?

We fell in friendship.

The good guys! Lyudmila Victoria continued joyfully. - From there, a group of tourists with malaria returned, three have already died, a few more in resuscitation.

He laughed with a wicked laugh.

A few years ago, while at a music festival (Metafest, if any), I woke up closer to four o’clock in the morning on a carpet under a bush. The day before I spent until late at the stage, and in the morning the sun "overwhelmed" me asleep. Unchested, with pine corners in long curly hair and clothes, filled with yesterday’s dances, he went closer to the kitchen.

- Timsagetdin, Timsagetdin, go here: I will introduce you to my girlfriend - a friend from his tent called me.

“Here, get to know: this is Olga, my girlfriend, and this is my friend Timsagetdin,” he introduced us to each other, “Timsagetdin, by the way, doesn’t drink alcohol at all. How much do you drink, remember?

Well, about eight years, probably, I am proud and embarrassed at the same time.

“You see, a man has not drunk for eight years, and then he suddenly changes his tone, and you can imagine, Olga, how much he has drunk before, if he has not drunk for eight years, and still looks like an alchemy?! to

And let’s get even closer together around the new Yacht Usmanov!

The cultural capital is Peter. No matter how.

I parked 15 years ago in Brooklyn. The district is unique. Now he has lost his colour, and then there were mostly car workshops, the poorest shark offices (in one of them I worked) and a lot of sex shops and strip bars. These establishments were forbidden to open closer than a few feet from schools and churches, and there were a couple of neighborhoods across Brooklyn where it was possible. Lunch we went to the strip bar, there were at least edible hamburgers.

So, I try to depict a parallel parking in this cute area and slightly touch the pickup behind. I checked the damage, no damage counted. In Brooklyn, touch parking is a common thing, on both bumpers a bunch of markings, among which you will not find the new ones at once. Here comes the owner of the pick-up, a seven-to-eight ambal in a working combination, and asks who taught me how to park. I explain that nothing happened. The guy grows out of anger, drops on me all the scarce stock of English idioms with the addition of Spanish and climbs into the pickup for the assembly. Okay, I say, here’s my insurance, let’s find out officially.
Do I have your insurance? He is Oret.
Should I call the police because of the scratch? Give the police.
Do you fuck me with your police?
What do you want then?
First I want you to apologize.
Okay, I say, I’m sorry. It’s my fault, I’m really sorry it happened.

and all! This conflict ended. The man smiled widely, looked at the scratches once again, said "a fig question" and left.

Since then, I have taken the rule, a little bit, first apologize, and then everything else. You live in a cultural capital.

News of Science
In order to prove that it is possible to bread the steak, Skolkov scientists will put up a unique experiment tomorrow.
Allocated 5 liters of cheeks, two pairs of blades and 250 million rubles.

Today, throwing his socks into the washing basket, he asked something important to his household wife: "You know why your legs sometimes smell?

Why is? I asked my wife on the machine, just to get rid of me with my bats.

Because the ass grows! I tell her. Peterson scratched his teeth of jealousy.

The wife straight without pause without breaking away from the important thing: - In your case, dear, your hands should smell.

If before you had to prove that you are not a camel, now you have to prove that you are not a robot.

I have a neighbor, Sasha. I knew about him that he was a former nurse, but it did not hinder us from communicating. We congratulated each other on the holidays and occasionally visited each other. But two years ago he asked me for a debt of two hundred thousand - it was not enough for a new car. This made me think: the guy was sitting, then yes. On communication there are norms, but FIG knows them, these scammers. I said I would think, but I decided in advance that I would not take any risks.
The next week, I met him in a shopping center. They talked, shook each other's hands... And suddenly the unexpected thing happened: two adults went by with a bunch of children, apparently, the educators brought the contingent to the ice cream coffee some. Having noticed us, the system broke: the children started laughing, pointing their hands at Sasha and shouting: "Frog, Frog! “Uncle the cock!”
“I was in the dressed morning with my son,” he explained kindly to me.
That same evening he came to him and gave him the two hundred thousand. The logic is simple – he would be a scammer, would share the values of that world in which the cock is a concept known for what reason despised. And if he acted calmly, as a "civil" normal person, then he broke up with a criminal past. And I was not mistaken – a couple of months later I came to me with money and a bottle of cognac. After that, he talked and said, he sat down because of the wrongly signed paper in the accounting office, and he never had a relationship with the thief’s world, even despised him always. I think that measure is the most correct. How much more stressed are people who have never sat down, but try to follow criminal norms and laws (in the same avoidance of the "cocktail" topic). There is something close to her inside.

In Germany, designers, freelancers and creative people are paid 5,000 euros during quarantine. Because in Germany they know very well what will happen if an upset artist changes his profession.

I live in Budapest and went to a Russian grocery store. Dialogue with the seller.

Are you Russian or Ukrainian?

I am a Jew.

P. Then you will like this cheese (showing Adigean cheese)

Why do you think I’ll like him?

A 30% discount on it

How to simply hide the poverty of the present with tales about the greatness of the past.

Some time ago, the same car in the same place without special need was constantly parked with a ride on the sidewalk, which in itself is not good. But the fact is that in this place the sidewalk was extremely narrow (the historical part of the city). As a result, it was almost impossible to pass by the car on the sidewalk: it had to be bypassed on the road. It seems to have caused some inconvenience not only to me, but also to other passers, because one day on this car I saw the inscription "SUKA, PARKING RIGHTLY!" The inscription was made with a red lipstick right on the front glass. To be honest, I wanted to like the author of the comment on the same glass. I also want to note the universal gender-neutral appeal "SUKA", suitable for any driver of that car regardless of his gender (the appeal "MUDAK" would be true in essence, but could be incorrect on a formal basis). Since then, I have never seen that car on the sidewalk in this place again.

All my money goes to a psychologist.
What happened to you?? to
I married her.

I am an industrial alpinist. Clean up a budget organization. It was necessary to clean out of the snow a healthy straw that has not been touched since the beginning of the winter.

I cleaned half and went for lunch. While eating, I talked to the gardener.

I started counting how much snow I needed to throw. It was about 10 tons.

Yes, you have gotten.

Not me, but you. I will only throw it off the roof, and you will throw it over the fence.

I am... I am...

I had a friend who was 60 years old. Small growth, but rooted. He was always dumb, serious. He said little about himself. He worked as a master at the factory. But in the face obviously unfriendly. It is a fairy tale.

And one day it turned out that they sat with them at the table, talked about who in his youth lived, where he studied, gave birth, etc. Here his wife recalls: "I remember I was in the ninth month of pregnancy, something caught up, went to the hospital. Even the hormones prevent me from concentrating, the nerves give up, it is hard to walk, I barely got to the hospital, sat in a line. I go to the doctor, get up on the weights, and they don’t work. Doctor, how can you scream at me that I broke them! I have never felt so bad! She went home, her husband complained. He gathered his friends that evening. They went to that hospital, found this doctor, and fixed his weights.”

I propose to set up a monument on Lubyan Square “to the official taking bribe because of circumstances not dependent on him.”

I work as a waitress, and yesterday a woman came to us, who asked me to serve her, because she was advised by many of me, and she heard that I was very kind and a real professional, she even called the administrator to tell about it.
In general, if you have never invited your mother to work, I advise.