My older daughter, fifteen years old, approaches me and asks:

- Dad, how can you make money online, it is boring to sit at home in quarantine.

-Well, for you the most optimal option is to master Photoshop and stick hats for social networks and websites, you can draw.

- No, so not to study, but immediately start earning.

There is a variant, Yandex Toloka, called.

I register her, put the crack that no adult content was and give her an account to understand. A few days later, she approached me, almost with tears in her eyes, and said:

“Dad, I worked all day, worked and earned almost nothing.

Welcome to adult life, daughter.

The office where I work is guarded 24 hours a day. They work on a daily basis. There is one remarkable character among them. Uncle fifty years old, shouldered, with military training (like the former - not interested) and without a stomach, although work and sitting. It is remarkable that when any employee enters the office, he always stands up. Same with the exit. And if the employee is a man, then he still comes out of the table (a la reception), approaches and stretches his hand. Moreover, he is also greeted not like everyone, but with a compulsory bowing of the head and regardless of the position and age of the employee. It applies to everyone exclusively on the IO. When communicating little speaking, but always polite. At first it was a bit wild and even funny for me. But then I got used to it and now I know how pleasant it is.



So here. With the introduction of self-isolation measures, we men stopped greeting by the hand. It was not easy and not immediately. It was especially difficult to describe the character. A script that has been flawed for decades has failed.



Today I go to the office, this guard stands up, approaches me and stretches the sprayer with a disinfectant. He sprinkled on my arms and returned to his place. The script is updated and fixed.)

I remember one time I went down with a boss in Moscow in the subway at some accidental station. He stood up in the middle of the platform, turned his head and moved to the left for half a meter.

There will be an entrance!

I looked carefully, there were no signs.

“Wow,” I admirably think, “in so many years I’ve learned all the points on all the stations! Okay, at the beginning of the composition, there from the inscription "Stop the first wagon" somehow can be calculated, but in the center...

The train arrives and the doors are opened exactly where the boss has stumbled.

How did you identify the stop? I cannot withstand...

“Ty,” the boss wondered, “What’s on the street?

September, I don’t understand Monday.

Rain on the street! - explains to the unreasonable boss, - a crowd of people at the entrance of the previous electric train on a granite of wet traces showed. You need to be more careful!

After the introduction for citizens of mandatory local journeys from home to house with passes there and back, citizens finally guessed that it does not matter exactly what is written in a paper called the constitution.

Two large panda Yin Yin and Le Le from Ocean Park Zoo in Hong Kong first coupled after the announcement of quarantine, when all visitors left the park. Previously, the panda had been trying to reduce for 10 years

Everything you need to know about the future.

My husband and I came home from the store.
removed the masks. It turns out that my husband is not mine.
Be careful!

My daughter in first class. After the distance lessons, the teacher leaves 5-10 minutes. Information to parents and answers to current questions.

A classmate's mother: - We were asked to draw a basketball ball. Should we perform if we have a release from physical culture?

When my son was one and a half years old, I abandoned the wheelchair. It is difficult to carry it everywhere, there is no ramp, there are narrow doors, there are passages, and it is heavy. The child walked a lot, and already at this age he could withstand five hours of relentless walk, occasionally crawling over his neck.

When my son was two and a half years old, I went with him to the country store 3.5 km in one direction. A couple of stops for five minutes. I never complained, I never knelt. Neighbors were surprised, they and themselves would hardly pass that route, constant descents and rises.

A year passed. My son was three and a half years old. They came back from the store and he said, “Mom, I’m tired.” “How is it? You walked quietly and wasn’t tired?”

He looked at me, “Yes, I couldn’t talk.”

A friend may be unreal. There are no fake enemies.

She has a classmate Alice. On an online lesson, a teacher asked her to answer one question, beginning with the words: Alice, and call me, please.

The girl Alice on the compact activated her virtual sign from Yandex, which immediately boycotted her readiness to the whole class: I listen to you!

One of the boys reacted first: Alice, turn off the computer!

Following the cool chat, Alice flew out real - the voice assistant did her wet job.

My grandchildren study online. I ask the school administration to give money for new curtains and repair of furniture.

I will share another event from my prehistoric youth.In school, class in the 7th, before the Victory Day we all from the 7th to the 10th grade. They gathered from several schools and went to watch the movie "Boys". A rather heavy film about teenagers who remained orphans after the war and who lived in a children’s home. So, in this film there is a scene where one of the pupils of the kindergarten looks after a young teacher he was in love with.  This teacher goes up to the roof of the sarai to light up. He hurriedly pulled off his shirt and removed it. There is nothing underneath it! On the way to school, I sit in the cinema and watch naked female breasts on the big screen. The emotions of the storm, in the cinema, everyone is afraid to breathe.This moment lasted, a dozen seconds, but we managed to see everything we could. It is now I realize that the breasts were small, and in general so themselves. But then the emotions just shattered. When that moment ended, I looked at our cool girl who was sitting next to her. In such a blow and feathers would crash a armoured projectile. After a while, she died and said, "Then write me a piece on this film." So I want to say, under the USSR, "sex did not exist", but they were not the khanji. Now they are burning all over. Showed somewhat late, about the hour of the night on the channel "Home" the movie "Mr. Robinson", so they mocked the main character, the magnificent Zeudi Ariya breasts. At the hour of night! By the way, this film was also shown in the cinema in the Soviet times and nobody mistaken anything. And here I have the question, who behaves in the hange, the communists or the current “liberal and free power.”

When will you realize that the global threat to humanity is not viruses, but kind fools and idiots. And it is necessary to isolate them, not all in a row.

I once asked a highly educated audience an online quest:

I came across an astonishing biography. Who can guess, not Google, about whom it is:

Awards and awards in the Russian Empire
Order of St. Stanislav II of St.
Order of St. Anna 2nd St.
Order of St. Vladimir the Fourth.
in the USSR
Hero of Socialist Labour
Two orders of Lenin, two orders of the Red Banner of Labor
The city was named in his honor and has not yet been renamed.

The educated audience for some reason immediately remembered Count Ignatiev. This answer is wrong. He was awarded the following Soviet awards:
Medal "For victory over Germany in the Great Patriotic War 1941-1945"
Medal "XX Years of the Workers' and Peasants' Red Army" (1938)

Both awards are somewhat bullying, because Count Ignatiev did not take any part in the early twentieth years of the activity of the Red Army, remaining at this time in France and growing champignons. He also did not participate in the Great Patriotic War by age and distrust of the relevant authorities. Well at least not noticed and allowed to write a book.

I wrote about the absolute record holder in the combination of imperial and Soviet awards. The phenomenon is amazing. Owners of the Order of St. Stalin and St. Anna and St. Vladimir in the USSR was simply opposed to the title of Heroes of Socialist Labour.

Unfortunately, according to the results of the survey, he was unknown to anyone. Here is the funniest response:

Oh shit, who is that?! to
I broke all the tsarist generals and scientists with diplomats, the night did not sleep - who??????? to

Those who wish can try to guess by stopping reading. I extend the condition - you can google as much as you want, if some glorious or shameful historical name itself came to your mind, and you just deal with its awards in Russia and the USSR. This is a good way to appreciate the difference everyone else has with this person.

For a long time he lived in a profitable house on one of the most beautiful streets of Moscow. This street is small, short and unknown. Like a quiet forest river, it flows, hidden by the high crowns of ancient buildings, right next to the spacious dams of the Clean ponds. A rare cyclist will fly to the middle of it, how tempting the streets leaving it. I crossed her hundreds of times and stopped for a few seconds to look at her. But along the Chaplichin Street I never managed to walk. Yesterday confused the passing courtyards and stumbled upon the house with the board "HERE CHAPLIGIN lived". Who is this Chaplin? I was surprised, and I searched.

According to Wiki, it is “one of the founders of modern aeromechanics and aerodynamics.” I recommend reading the entire biography, it’s awesome.
HTTPS://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaплыgin,_Sergy_Alekseevich

He also managed to lead the main female university of Russia for several years, the so-called "Second MGU". And the CAGI, from which Soviet cosmonautics and turboreactive aviation grew. Some of his best developments became relevant only after half a century. A crater on the moon was named in his honor, but I kept silent about it in the quest not to burn. Where else will you find the man with the highest awards of the Russian Empire and the USSR, and also with a crater?

It did not survive the supercomputers of our time. But according to his formulas, written with goose pen and ink, they still work.

He cannot be called the father of space. It only helped solve the technical problem – how to overcome the resistance of our planet’s atmosphere. For the same questionable reasons, it can be considered the father of modern aviation. But she grew up on his formulas.

In this biography I was really surprised by something different. Chapligin became an orphan at the age of two - at the age of 24 from a cholera epidemic died his father, a man of command, a very poor man. And the quarantine was violent no less than it is now, with no fewer victims of the epidemic, and no fewer stupidities of the authorities. The widow was probably desperate. Not only from the loss of the closest person in the color of the years, but also from the future - who needs a widow of a speaker with a baby in his arms, in the midst of quarantine and cholera, in the dark corner of poverty of the Russian Empire? Who needs this child?

He had to be raised. Two years is the most responsible age. A new man has appeared in this world. He starts thinking, asking questions.

I do not know how she endured this, but in this unnecessary child she was able to raise a man who would make up the glory of both the Russian Empire and the USSR. Both countries are no longer with all their awards. But they left Chapligin Street, Chapligin City and Chapligin's formulas.

I wish everyone good health, perseverance of spirit and similar pedagogical success in the upbringing of their own children, thrown into the wreck. Quarantine is not the worst time to explain something important to them.

And of course, the day of space.

I remember how sometimes I went to work and dropped unnoticed, but to go to work secretly from the president - to this life did not prepare me.

Xxx: Can anyone explain that religion exists at all? Why do adults write it? What a joke?

Yyy: To die is scary is the first. It’s okay to just die as a process, but the very fact that you don’t become EVER the brain of a healthy person diligently bypasses. Someone says to himself, “Yes. There is nothing else" and lives for himself without thinking about the subject. And someone chooses a religion to their own taste and lives with the hope of death. In both cases, the goal is one: not to think of death as it is. Otherwise, you can go to the cottage.



Secondly, every religion is based on the concept of “justice.” In sentences because this concept stretches and stretches to any situation, like a Gondon. Typically, here and now, that bourgeois is eating in three throats, and the people are eating the last fox without salt, but in that world they will all be placed in places! Here again is a way to live and not to grieve for injustice. Not thinking about this topic. You can go to the cottage.



In the third, religion is a set of laws and rules. The most correct rules, because they were given by God, and who better than God knows what and where? Following the rules is good and pleasant. No need to make decisions, no need to doubt, no need to think. Thinking about the choice is difficult. You can go corn.



Well, and finally, religion gives the opportunity to understand everything at once, without studying or stressing anything at the same time. Every event has an easy explanation. For example, you are lucky in life - it is God helped. So they say, with God’s help. Well, the ways of the Lord are unconfessable, do not despair, man, so it was necessary. Again, the meaning of life is simple and clear, like a glass of light beer in the sun - live, follow the rules, glorify God, and do not look for another meaning - the cockroach will go.

Coronavirus was invented by Islamists. Thanks to him, now on the streets you will rarely meet women with an open face.

13 minutes that didn’t change the world

In 1939, there was a man in Germany who wanted to change the world alone. And he almost succeeded. His name was Johann Georg Elzer. He decided to kill Adolf Hitler.

Who is Hitler and why many contemporaries wished him to die, it seems that you can still read a couple of lines in history textbooks, so let's not go deeper. While the crowds were enthusiastically zigzagging to the Führer, Elzer saw in Hitler an upcoming tragedy for the country. Elder decided to stop it.

First of all, there were two questions to be solved – when and how?

From the first and simplest plan, simply to shoot Hitler out of the crowd at a rally, George refused. The plan was too risky and unreliable. He wanted to act. The bomb was more reliable. But where and where? The second question was solved the easiest. On November 8, 1923, Hitler attempted a failed coup, now known as the Beer Putsch. With Hitler's rise to power, every year a solemn rally was held at the Burgerbroukeller in Munich for the Nazi regime's bonz.

In November 1938, Elzer came to Munich and visited a beer store. It was the most suitable place. He had exactly one year to prepare.

Time and place are determined. Time to take the bomb.

Elzer was a simple carpenter and the issues of bombing were extremely distant from him. And what did he do? I went to the library. There he gathered a bunch of useful books and unwittingly took up theoretical skill in sapphire. If everything went well with the theory, where do you get the filling for the bomb?

The rapidly militarizing Germany built many military factories. On one of them, Elzer has been working for two years. He began to slowly roast the powder and take it home. George built a couple of bombs and conducted tests at his uncle's country.

Instead of a stunned grandmother, I heard a disappointing buch. It was a file. Elzerto was not a real explosive. Only by personal experience he was convinced that the dust explodes not ahti as.

“Hernia, not convincing,” said Elzer.

We had to look for alternatives to help.

I see the goal - I see no obstacles, was the slogan of Elzer. He demonstrably quarreled with the director of the factory, where he then worked and managed to settle into a stone-breaking house. There, of course, explosives were constantly carried out and the explosives were in ruins. Elzer glanced a little at the new place and began to slowly pull out of the warehouse explosives and detonators to them. How can so many explosives be stolen in a pedantic Germany, even in a period of strong totalitarian control? Oh, it was an entire special operation worthy of James Bond. Be careful: the warehouse was not guarded, the materials were not recorded, and Georg managed to open the castle with one of his old keys. and all.

Elzer conducted new tests and remained satisfied with the power.

The following problem had to be solved. Elzer knew the bomb had to be hidden in advance. Before Hitler’s speech, the Gestapo will close the hall and round every corner. We need a clock mechanism. Elzer again let go of the golden hands and smashed the timer. With German touch: the mechanism had a reserve course and a triple detonation system.

It was time to start the installation.

Elzer moved to Munich. He looked at the brewery and chose a good place – behind the tribune, where Hitler would be speaking, inside the column. How to put an explosive there? Time for the Stellar Mission. Every evening, George came to Burgerbrough, drank a glass of beer and danced with the girls. He went to the toilet and hid there. He waited until the beer shop closed and all the workers left.

George removed the wooden panel of the column and made it a door to cover the traces of his work. In total darkness and silence, for hours standing on his knees, he began to squeeze the depths in the column. At first, he worked with the shovel and had to wait until the automatic sludge in the toilet worked and did not silence the sounds of work. Then Elzer changed the tool to manual drilling and it went faster.

He worked every day for several hours, then again hiding, sleeping, waiting for more visitors to come and left as nothing happened. When the depth was large enough, he started slowly bringing the explosive there. A month of unstoppable night work was coming to an end. The last step is to set the clock mechanism. Elzer set the explosion at 21-20 and struck the clock with a traffic jamming so that no ticking could be heard. On the night of November 7th to 8th, he installed a clock with a detonator in the column and closed the door for the last time. Everything was ready.

In the morning, Elzer left Burgerbrookler for the last time. He picked up his suitcase and went to the border with Switzerland. During the day, the beer was cleaned by the Gestapo. They searched every corner and struck every wall, but found nothing. A year of unstoppable, diligent, faultless work has ended. It all collapsed in an hour.

On the evening of November 8, 1939, about two thousand people gathered in the Burgerbreukeller Hall – almost all of the old veterans of the Nazi party. At 8 o’clock Hitler entered the hall. Half an hour earlier than planned. It was ruined by cloudy weather. Hitler, in a hurry to return to Berlin, postponed and shortened his speech. He reads the speech from the tribune, and behind his back the timer counts the last minutes before the explosion. At 21.00, Hitler finished, said goodbye to his loyal supporters and left the hall. It was 21-07.

Exactly thirteen minutes later, at 21-20, the bomb installed by Elzer exploded. It collapsed so that the column was torn into pieces and the roof collapsed. Eight people, one civilian and seven members of the Nazi party were killed, sixty wounded.

At the same time, four hundred kilometers from Munich, Elzer went to the border with Switzerland with his suitcase. Everything went according to plan and he was completely calm. Suddenly the clock ringed and asked him to stop. Behind the opening of the laccan at Elzer found the badge of the "red front" and he was detained for search. George was still convinced that nothing had been heard about the explosion in the beer store. Therefore, there is no reason for increased vigilance in the guard. Unfortunately, he broke up entirely. In the workplace in the suitcase of Elzer border guards found several explosives. Which he forgot to throw away. George was arrested.

The Gestapo quickly compared one to the other and Elzer did not shut up. At no interrogation he conspired anyone, and as he did not try to beat the confession that he acted on the assignment of foreign intelligence services - Elzer stood on his own. He worked alone. I was only 13 minutes late.

Johann Georg Elzer was shot in Dachau on April 9, 1945. Twenty days before the liberation of the camp and a month before the end of the war.

In the 39th year of the interrogation in the Gestapo, on the question "why did you do this?“Elzer replied:

I just wanted to stop the war.

A bright memory, Herr Elzer. Sleep peacefully, the war is over.

It is written about the Primorsky End. But, it seems to me, geographically, the text is much wider, unfortunately:

Primorye authorities: - Yes, we have quarantine, self-isolation, and all that.
People: And what do we do?
Primary authorities: You cannot work. Sit at home.
People: Oh well okay. We buy a bucket and sit down.
The authorities of Primorye: - And tomorrow we will introduce a pass for walking through the city.
People: What is it?
The authorities of Primorye: Let the fucking know. There will be misses.
People: Okay, we are waiting.

Primorye authorities: No, we will not introduce a pass.
Do you enter or do not enter?
The authorities of Primorye: - We introduce, but later.
People: What do we do?
Primary authorities: Go with certificates.
People: Where to go?
The authorities of Primorye: - Wherever you want, go there, shit. But with certificates.
People: With what certificates?
The authorities of Primorye: Let the fucking know. Take some. That you do not have worms, for example.

People: And how to get the dogs out?
Primorye authorities: - Not further than 100 meters from the house.
People – Why?
Primary authorities: That is. And with passports.
With dog passports?
The authorities of Primorye: - Do you cheat, are you so stupid? Take the dogs too.

People: Where is the information? What can and what cannot? How many infected in the country?
PRIMORY: So why did you fuck us? We work for you and you are ungrateful.
People: What have you done for us?
The authorities of Primorye: - We protected you.
People – in what way?
Primary authorities: Oh, it is all!
People: What should we do?
The authorities of Primorye: "Well, do what you want, do it, and do it only, and do not hinder you from saving!

by Diana Udovchenko

She has a classmate Alice. On an online lesson, a teacher asked her to answer one question, beginning with the words: Alice, and call me, please.

The girl Alice on the compact activated her virtual sign from Yandex, which immediately boycotted her readiness to the whole class: I listen to you!

One of the boys reacted first: Alice, turn off the computer!

Following the cool chat, Alice flew out real - the voice assistant did her wet job.