I walk through the courtyard. Young children play the popular childhood game 'daughters of the mother' all ages 5-6. The girl who gives the bigger roles - "You will be a dad, you are a mother, and you are a son of a fool."

In the continuation of the topic of childhood without computers, I will write here a story told me by a comrade. Many in the '90s had a parachute toys with a cellophane parachute, but my friend's brother was tired of falling down a soulless plastic soldier with a parachute, and he didn't think of anything smarter than mastering a parachute for a domestic rat. Before launch, the dome was repeatedly tested with a mass-size layout, and showed excellent characteristics, in connection with which it was decided to conduct natural tests.



The idea was the following, my comrade stands down and catches the testwoman so that she doesn’t run away after landing, and his brother drops her off from the balcony on the 8th floor. The plan was simple and brilliant, but something went wrong.



Whether the rat had a sailing capacity greater than the layout, or the side wind was too strong, or maybe the rat learned to control the dome and pulled over the roofs, flying a couple of floors, she sharply changed course, and rolled over the corner of the house. It landed on the shelf of the store, in connection with which it was decided to carry out an evacuation and rescue operation.



As I went up to the second floor, my friend took courage and called the apartment, the windows of which were on the roof of the store. With anxiety and fear, he told the neighbor who opened the door that a rat had fallen from his balcony, and now she is on the cradle. The neighbor asked if the animal was alive and if it was not biting, and having received the answer that it was not biting and went to look for it alive. To her surprise there was no limit, when she returned, she asked: "Is she always jumping from the balcony with your parachute? »



The rat was not injured, and after the jump to the parachute tests was not attracted.

Over the years, you start to succeed. Years of training.

Last week, the world championship of team chess was held in Astana. In the online broadcast, according to local laws, inserts were inserted with comments in Kazakh language.
As a result, by the 9th round, viewers of broadcasts had a new censorship insult - "Ke5", because, as it turned out, in Kazakhstan, "horse e5" sounds like "at-e-bys".

So we went the western route.
Is it how?
It is also forbidden to speak disrespectfully about sex minorities.

There was (and is now alive) a friend in the joint company. I went to a girl (let it be Masha) on a drunk and they had sex. Then there were other sex relationships with him and he picked up a specific disease (I don’t know the exact name). He healed and thought, “From whom?” And by simple calculations I came to the conclusion that from Masha. There is nothing better than obtaining evidence through experience. Thus e. Unprotected and without protection. Again, it is a bad disease. With this news he goes to Masha and they are undergoing a course of treatment. Well, cherries on the cake: they married in a couple of months.

Grandfather once told a story. It was a few years ago. At the time, he was just released from the hospital. I told with a smile. He was sent to the hospital, to the therapy department. He went to bed on Monday to have time for a test in a week. Since there was no room, he was placed in the corridor. The day lies, the second lies, no one approaches him. And on Thursday, a doctor runs through the corridor past him with a stack of history of illness, and brakes sharply. My grandfather asks, “Who are you with us?” He calls the name. The doctor is happy: here you are where we are, or I have lost you!

My grandfather took it with humor. The truth added that it was a pity that a few days spent in the hospital were wasted.

At work, one of her colleagues struck her memories of her sons and how she would like to have a daughter:

The girls are so dumb! Not like my boys. Bandits and hooliganes! Both are so crazy! One with a friend constantly because of all the little things dogged in childhood. They still do not live peacefully. I don’t even know if it will ever end.

I shake my shoulders with a philosophical look:

- Yes, many boys have this nature, just give a reason. My friend and I remember, because of the last gum, we fought.

and ha ha! That’s what I’m talking about,” she smiled to her memories. How old were you then?

I shut my eyes down:

Twenty seven...

Colleague: (ಠ_ಠ)

The gynecologist examines the patient:

Q. What is this horror?

P – What is wrong?

The 21st century in the courtyard... Why not shaved?

My husband did not allow.

Where is the husband?

P in the corridor.

The doctor leads a man out of the corridor.

The doctor turns to the man, pointing to the mouthpiece:

It is horror...!

The man looks and says unclearly:

Yes, the horror...

The grandmother murmured, and then said:

This is not my husband!

Achieving respect through coercion is violence.

Trolls before the Internet era.

A person wakes up in the morning, boring, especially nowhere to go, what to do in the head does not come, the mood below the plinth. Now well, went to the forum, talked about the ugliness, nobody sees you, they won't give you a moustache, except that they will get stuck, but that's not a problem, so after all.

And as it was before... Someone will take a bottle of hot water, remove a glass and the mood has improved. Another will remember what he wanted to write to the newspaper, get a piece of paper, a pen and: “Dear editorial!” And the third one will also write: "The head of the police department is like that! I am telling you that my neighbor...” it made me feel easier. A familiar situation? Even more would. And in the store, in the clinic, there will always be someone who needs to show his self, shatter everyone, embrace him. And if you can embrace a doctor, a nurse, a seller, a cashier, a hairdresser - in general, the day was successful. At the time of the USSR there were such "Books of Complaints and Proposals", there was a divide - I don't want to write.

In the mid-1980s I was friends with a hairdresser girl, of course, was aware of all the affairs in her institution. On that significant day, I came to her work with a rather prosaic purpose, to repair the TV, which successfully died away and didn’t want to show anything. On my shy proposals to call the telemaster, it was categorically stated: “You are a specialist or where?” It was in the evening, I was very hopeful of a good continuation, so I put the instrument, radio parts in my portfolio and went to the barber.

I went in, greeted, the male half of the clients immediately arranged a workplace for me. A chair and a free manicure table. I unloaded the tool, screwed off the rear cover of the TV, turned it onto the grid, pulled out the tester from the portfolio and started looking for a malfunction.

Among the clicks of the scissors, the rumbling of the cars and the swinging of the fan were heard explosions of laughter. I looked around. Some grandfather, in a jacket with several rows of prize blades, told something and showed it in the faces. The whole people had fun.

– Uncle Yuri, who is this fun grandfather? I asked Yuri Yakovlevich, the head of the barber.
“This, brother, is a legendary personality, our ‘diamond foundation’, you know, as we call it, ‘The Unbroken’.
- The fact that grandfather is heroic - it is seen by the number of prize columns, but why is it "unbroken"?
He’s my neighbor, we’ve known him for 40 years. He volunteered on the front. How he fought, you see. He was captured, fled, partisan, when our offensive, returned to the regular army. He ended the war in Königsberg. Coming home, and the family is not, all died - the square with the evacuated were bombed. He worked, married again, he had a good wife - aunt Nina, a good, died two years ago. Here he comes here once a month, will sit among the people, will beat the bikes, will entertain the people, will cut off and go home.
Uncle Yuri, why the Diamond Fund?
This is how all our students practice. After all, not every client will agree to have his student shave. And the Diamond Fund. We love and care for such clients. Okay, I went to work. What do you have? Is it?
Everything is fine, he will live, he will not go anywhere, he will last five more years.

I went deep into work and did not notice how my girlfriend approached me.
The day is gone, it will start now.
What will start? I put on the solder and turned around.
The elephant has arrived.
What an elephant?
The most ordinary, now, will begin to scream, then will demand a "painful" book and will begin to compile what all the villains around are.

Here I remembered. Once I went to the barber room, full of people, I waited for a long time for my girlfriend, it was boring, I entertained myself and the girlfriend by reading a "painful" book. Indeed, most of the records were signed by "Elephant" - apparently this is the name of the complainant. I liked one of the last recordings:
I visited a hairdresser number like that. The master cut me like that. After her haircut, I became like a goat.
Wick, did he write to you?
- He wrote on all, and this cattle base only goes here. At first he made statements on almost all the neighbors, and then on the neighborhood, such as why all the neighbors are still free, and the neighborhood with them in share.
How do you know?
This is my permanent client.
I’ll build it, what a fucking thing.
- Don't get connected, make a TV and go home, I baked the cake with maca in the morning, as you like.

I went into work again, the TV began to give signs of life, there was a sound and even the screen lit up. Changing the next lamp and looking into the hall, he noticed that the elephant, ignoring the line, sat in the free chair. The unwavering grandfather did not rush up and went into the hall.

It’s your turn, people are waiting.
I am without a line.
In the bathroom and in the bathroom, everything is equal. Stand up, I say, and wait like everyone else.
I was a warfighter, I fought.
You fought in a food warehouse in Tashkent.
“Yes, I’m, I’m going to show you this... Elephant begins to get off the chair.
- Show your grandmother, if there is anything to show, stand up, I say, soldiers of Tashkent, do not delay.

The elephant jumped from the chair, almost knocking off the master's legs, grabbed his stick and did not remove the sheets, on the road smashed the shaving device on the floor, rushed to take revenge. Soap foam and hot water sprinkled in all directions. The girls rushed out where they were. The deceased did not retreat. Intercepting his stick in the way of a rifle, the old soldier showed a class of stalk combat, the master of fencing on the stakes was immediately visible. In the hall were flying towels, shaving tools and matjugs. The girls were scared at the corner. The clients bowed in chairs, the men made bets and argued for beer. By defeating the elephant's weapon, the Unbroken moved to short attacks by rapidly striking the body of the elephant to the exit. Withdrawing, the elephant slipped on the shaving foam spilled by him. He crumbled, jumped up, broke the barrel from himself, threw it into the enemy, ran to the exit, splashing on the road into the roaring men. The unwavering man followed him on his heels, and it seemed he had time to look like him at the door. Judging by the thunder, the elephant opened the entrance door without the help of his hands.

At that time, the television was fully revived. It was the second series of the film Operation Trust. The winning song entered the hall:

So louder, music, play the victory
We have won, and the enemy runs away.
For the king, for the fatherland, for the faith.
We make a loud noise,
Wow wow wow!

The winner with all honors was put on his hands in the hall and placed in a chair. The haircut and haircut of the best master. Payment for the work was not taken, but gave a bottle of the column "Red Moscow". The men offered to go to celebrate the victory next to the beer bar.

I wrapped the cover of the TV, removed the tool in the wallet. Half an hour later, Vic finished her work and we left after saying goodbye.

P.S As far as I know, the elephant did not appear in this barber.

P.S to P.S A healing kizdudine leads to the feeling of any evil troll.

The people! Respect each other.

One of the main tasks of parents is to become unnecessary to their child.

A friend just told me. They in the dining room at work decided to take care of those who observe the fast: in the menu appeared the positions "borsch meat" and "borsch lean". At the delivery, a friend asked for a plate of borst. The cook gently puts vegetables in the plate with the bouillon, and asks:

Do you have meat?

- Yes

From this same pot, the cook catches pieces of meat and adds it to the plate.

The curtain.

A couple of years ago, my colleague worked in a company – a system integrator. He participated in a huge and long-playing implementation project, which at the time of his departure was somewhere in the middle of the road.

I sit at work and he gets a call from the company.

Hi Takayto Takayotovich?

and yes. My colleague answered with concern.

- Have you participated in the project to implement the unknown hernia in the company of Roga and Kopita?

and d. Waiting for the thirty-year-old, he moved.

The project is over and we have counted your project prize. Tell me, the details of the card for which you received a salary in our company are still relevant?

and yes. I have not worked with you for a long time!

– It doesn’t matter, we calculated the prize according to the percentage of participation.

For the next few days, the smile did not disappear from his colleague’s face. The amount was not very large, but still pleasant. How did they conduct an accounting payment to a person who is no longer an employee?

A colleague often travels to a small town in the area where he was born and raised. He has a small house there. Takes beer, meat and procrastinates until Sunday evening alone. 7 hours by car in one direction.

He was regularly forced by his aunt to take her with him. Then the daughter of her friend's wedding, then the evening of graduates of the technical school, then another kind of walk with former countrymen. Well, a colleague is quite introverted, loves solitude and peace. Especially on the weekend. He cuts music and chases himself quietly into his own "world of solitude". For a long time, under various pretexts, I refused. And then he had a vacation and he was going to come there for a week, so that he would be sure to rest. But apparently his mother accidentally burned in front of relatives and this aunt fell on his tail. They have been there for 50 years in some poultry factory, where she started working. And she was invited. The colleague laughed, laughed, and decided to drive once so that relatives would not go afterwards. But apparently they somehow did not immediately address and each understood this good gesture in his own way.

And here is Saturday, evening. 7 hours of verbal diarrhea from the aunt behind. You can relax, cook meat, drink beer. What he actually did. At 2 a.m. the phone calls out. Drunk and happy aunt solemnly announces that she is "everything" and ready to go home. A colleague says he is happy for her, wishes her a happy trip home and puts the phone on. A second call is issued. The aunt is no longer very solemnly informing that he had to take her home. A colleague says he did not promise anything like this, but only guaranteed a trip to one end. But if she wants it, then next Saturday he is ready to pick her up. He puts the phone. Then there were 10 more calls from his aunt, his parents, other relatives. But he did not take the phone anymore. Therefore, you should not be forced into introverts. Learn to deal with everything on the shore.

In our country, corrupt people are fighting only when they are attacking even more corrupt.

A former colleague told me.
In the early 1990s, two bandits decided to rob a local town store at night.
The guys turned out to be smart and decided to take down the police dogs from the trail, pouring the washing powder behind them, so as not to smell.
On the white footprint they were found in the morning, still celebrating the successful deed stolen there with the same water.

The wife long screamed at her husband and already wanted to calm down, but then he said to her, "Calm down."

During my turbulent youth, while studying at the institute, I rented a room in a private house in a not very prosperous district of the city from one grandmother. With her in the house still lived her daughter of forty years, with minor mental abnormalities, which appeared after periodically beating her husband-alkasha before. At the time of the attacks, she cried out that everything was “burning”: the TV, the window, me, the grandmother. What this phrase means I don’t know, nobody was interested.

It was winter. Suffering from a cold, I, in order not to go to the shelter by the night past the room, always worsened by this, the daughter of the hostess, decided to squeeze into a paper, in the morning to pack it in an empty pack of cigarettes and, on the way in the morning to the stop, throw it out. Everything went as planned, except that I forgot to throw out this package.

On the evening of the same day, after Friday celebration, my friend and I moved from the cockroach to the stop to catch the wool, as cell phones were just beginning to appear and calling a taxi was not so easy. At 20 meters from the exit to us immediately enters a police box, from where a couple of police boxers come out and ask to provide documents. In general, the scheme is standard - to find a little drunk students (with a lot of drunk foods) and take them, which existed at the time, a shake. Clock them out there, and then, informally fined, expel them. The scheme is flawless and very often practiced at the time. It is impossible to argue or prove anything. And the student is a creature that fears parental anger, dismissal from the institute and even very naive. You don't want to pay - they will only last for a day in a raw and cold shaker with bugs and bumps. It is very boring to be sober.

In general, realizing that it would not be possible to turn away while driving the car to the site, I wanted to put a cigarette and flashbacks in the socks so that it would not be so boring. The car was overcrowded, we were driving in absolute darkness and it was still chilling uncomfortable, so I stopped the light bulbs, and the cigarettes broke out and they went somewhere and while I was looking for them we had already reached our destination. We were quickly pushed out to the reception room and started picking up all the things and checking out.

After removing the jeans, the socket was treacherously melted, lining the square shape of the flashbox. The host sergeant, who saw this, burned his eyes. Immediately stopping the reception and ordering everyone to die, he cried out loudly: "Oh! Vasa, call the understood! We have something interesting here!” The captives did not come, but a crowd of police officers fled, quickly pushing away the other civilians who arrived and circling me. Under the attention of the operator with the camera solemnly opened a box with light bulbs.

It is crazy! Do you wear fireworks in your socks? ! to

I shrugged my shoulders without explaining.

The crowd laughing at the foolish student began to divide.

When they reached the unfortunate pack of cigarettes with a paper, the sergeant, opening it, saw a carefully twisted paper bag. His eyes burned again, estimating the size of the package and mentally simulating new pursuits.

“Oooo! by Vasya! Call the understanders! The sergeant cried out louder.

The crowd of servants of the sergeant gathered almost immediately.

“What is inside? The sergeant asked with tension.

I bowed my head, silently silent. Not to explain...

Carefully, under the eyes of all who gathered, like a bomb, he unpacked a rectangular envelope from an A4 sheet and was extremely confused about the content.

What is it?

and SOPLY.

Why Why?

The nasal.

Shamefully and with horror, he threw the paper two meters away from himself.

What to do with him? He asked a colleague standing next to him.

On to HER! Throw it out to the hares! He was fucking!

A man does not talk about politics. He rests at sea.