Tired of horror stories about bloodthirsty aliens, destroying all life on Earth. We can do it without any alien monsters.

It is wrong to think that we are in the Middle Ages.
In the Middle Ages, Russian merchants came to overseas lands, looked at how beautiful and fine they were and thought that it was necessary to do so. There are many historical monuments.
Current figures, coming to overseas lands and seeing how well there is, think that it would be necessary to move their homeland here.

We live in the United States and go to buy a child's hat.

“This,” said the son, throwing his finger into a Canadian hat.

- Such snow in the winter in Russia is worn, the hat is called, and here there is no snow, sure? I will clarify.

“Oh,” he agrees, “a great hat, take it.

Okay, he has to walk.

The next day the child went to school wearing a rain jacket and a shirt.

He returns, I ask, - like a hat, did it have an effect?

He says joyfully.

“I wore it, Jay (a friend, Hindu) looked at me, silently got the cell phone, turned on the loud Russian anthem and you two, with harsh faces, marched through the corridor to the street. The classmates opened their mouths of surprise. He praised the success of the show.

My friend’s salary was reduced to zero. Running to understand. It turned out that the debtor his full weight, birthday on the same day, only the year of birth is different and the registration is different. They got it, the money was returned. A month later, the situation repeats. Once again, they brought everything back. After two months, a friend goes on vacation, receives a vacation on the card, which instantly writes down the bills. They go back to them, again. The money is returned to the debtor. I went on vacation until I got the money back.

What I learned! When I was in the fourth grade, before the summer holidays we gave flowers to the teachers, and I had a huge, expensive bouquet. You should have congratulated the teachers, but... They were cruel and unfair! And I gave the one who really deserved, a cleaner. But next year we didn’t see her. Nine years later, a friend told me that she was his neighbor, and then she left school and started her own business. She said I gave her hope.

Any power irritates you until you are in power.

I take my high school son out of school. He stretched out heavily last summer, grew up with his dad, and now his vortex head, rising above his classmates, is well seen from afar.
I see my son standing surrounded by three girls and telling them something fascinating. They listen to him fascinated and even, in the literal sense of the word, open their mouths. Seeing my car, the son said goodbye to his listeners and approached me.
“Son,” I ask him, “why are your interlocutors not in school shape?”
They are teachers!

Vladimir Vladimirovich, I have a question to you. I just want to warn you, I know what is happening to them.

The Nobel Peace Prize will then regain its long-lost authority when it is awarded to Julian Assange. That is never.

The Relativity of World Perception

Almost 10 years ago I had to work on the Arctic islands with a student. The relationship was purely laborious – a warning for those who read in the hope of a strawberry. A month and a half we wandered in the mud along the coast, digging it and drowning in it, freezing and wet in the sea and under the rains with snow charges. During all this time, they did not see a single person, but there was enough livelihood around: singers, lemings, cheeks, whales and other livelihoods. The student was all waiting for a white bear, but it was unclear whether she wanted to see him to see, or how to be scared and understand what it was like to really be scared. I had a rifle with me, but I had no illusions about it: in order to crush a white bear in a close battle from a two-string, it was necessary to have a very large bowl with God or a squad of war angels, but neither of them I had. But the time passed and the bears walked by.

In mid-August, the sea was completely cleared of the ice, and we started along the coast routes on the inflatable boat. In order not to carry with them excess barracks, the tent was left in the base camp, and lived on the routes in the boat, under the tent. You pull the boat to the shore, put a barrel out of it along the edges on the outside - and you get an apartment size 1.1 to 3.5 m, a good single for two:) In the bedrooms on the inflatable bottom - one pleasure! There were transparent inserts in the tent, so that it was light and everything was visible.
Once after the storm, a little wet, pulled out on the shore between two hills, organized space, ate and slept. I always laid the gun loaded on the inflatable board of the boat, so that my readiness to reflect surprises varied from time to wake up, and to stretch out my hand, that is. 5 minutes for everything.

The night of the polar day, the darkness, the sunshine slightly noises, the bedroom is warm and dry... The student also almost with her head in her bedroom, we lie with a wallet. I stumble.
Suddenly there is a powerful blow to the tendon and almost immediately - the second! The first feeling is an earthquake. The boat moves! I open my eyes. In front of me is a tent on one side, in it a window covered with rain drops, in the window - a bear's face with the expression "What are you doing there?!". Then the mouth moves away, a leg with nails appears and squeezes (from the point of view of the mouse - not very much) along the bow of the tent. The arc breaks, five holes appear in the window. “Oh, you fell, we’re going to get wet now!” I think and beat my hand on the balloon of the boat with all my strength. A loud blow is given, the bear from surprise leaps back and it becomes visible in its entirety. Healthy you fucking! Almost the size of a boat... A gun falls from the balloon when it hits me, I pull it out of the tent and give it a double in the air. The bear jumps a little further and waits for the continuation of the show: it is necessary – three times all touched some elastic alien fist and so many events at once with sound accompaniment. I quickly recharge the trunk, take another couple of bullets in my hands, jump into the swamps and in some cowards jump out of the boat. By the edge of the eye I have time to see: the student sitting in the boat, not getting out of the bedroom and silently and very quietly watching the show from the other side of the barricade. From me, the adrenaline is blowing the fountain: in a bear's cowardice - it's cool even for me. Remembering that the best defense is an offensive, I run on a bear, squeezing on the moist tundra with swamps on a barefoot, shouting something like “Go out, a white goat!” (I am not a mother, next to ladies!). The trunk in his hands, but I don’t shoot... Up to a mile of 20 meters, he sits on the pop and looks at the clown. Five meters from him we could not withstand – I stopped (well, not jumping on it!) and he, on the contrary, stood up (HZ, what to expect from this monkey...). We looked at each other for a few seconds. “Misha, I can’t help you, there’s a student!” I said it out loud because I had to say something. “Okay, I understood it. Let me pretend to be afraid of you, but bear in mind, I am purely so, to take my eyes away.” The bear turned and rushed into the island, and I followed him. He looked around – are you going? I shot in the air. Here he went over to a coward, I ran after him, shooting in the air. After 50 meters, the bullets ended, and I stopped, and the bear did not. He hurried away from the hill. I waited a little while, saw him on the next hill and realized that he left honestly. Wet from the rain, adrenaline and sweat, I went to the boat. The student was sitting in it, not moving, and looking at me. “I’m gone, I can sleep further.” “Will he not come back?” “Who knows, but I hope not.” “Beautiful bear,” she said and went to bed. I went into the bedroom, fixed the tent a little, and thought for a long time until I fell asleep, why did I, an experienced polar, so tremble and strive for that bear while we were chasing him, and the student quietly and calmly looked at it all and didn't even get scared? What am I, a coward?

In the morning, after breakfast, I asked her about her sickness. She looked at me with amazement and said, “You promised my mother that you would return me whole and unharmed, why should I be afraid? I believe in you!” I froze, digesting what I heard. That’s why I was so afraid – no one promised anything for me! And she added, "The more you ran in cowards in the tundra for a bear, anyone would be afraid of you!"

I still don’t know if it was a compliment or if I was really so terrible. And I still try to find before the field work someone who will promise somebody that I will come back. I am so quieter.

Vladimir Vladimirovich, do you not think that we have a problem with the immutability of power?
What is happening in Britain? He has been on the throne for more than 70 years.

A Cossack colleague told me. It was in the early 1900s, her grandmother was born not the first child. After a while, relatives came to visit. One of them saw the child, took the pen and began to snoop with him, and then began to throw him up. After a couple of shots, he fell to the floor. The child died. I broke him a little and that’s it. He did not become an enemy, he also came to visit later. This is how children were treated before.

Morning gymnastics are good – and morning erection is even better!

As a child, I walked around the area. The neighboring street was repaired, and all the old road signs were removed into one pile. We folded two pairs of signs "Entry into the residential zone" / "End of the residential zone" and "Peak passage". The “residential zone” was wrapped with wire to the well-standing lighting pillars at the entrances to our yard, which connects two parallel streets. As we thought, the cars that passed through our courtyard became smaller. The signs of the "Peak Crossing" we made on a narrow street near our yard. Where a pedestrian path crossed her.
18 years have passed. This year the building and the street were renovated. All of our voluntarily installed road signs were replaced with new ones, they were placed on normal columns, painted with reflective paint, and under the signs of the "Peak Transit" the zebra was also drawn.

The fact of Sal. People who eat fat are much less likely to have the desire to explode themselves in the middle of a busy street.

This is a nice child, and I am an adult aunt, I went to the sanatorium with a child for 10 years. In the Sanatorium library was held a literary victory for children. All participants were awarded prizes at the end of the contest, which included: an album, colored pencil, a magnetic with views of mountains and the sea... and balls. Ordinary balls are not inflated.

The children gave their prizes to their parents, they are dissatisfied, because they did not need this victory, they were cut off from their phones, the moms are dissatisfied, because the children are dissatisfied.

Here I say to my son: Do you know that?

I take the ball, blow it up, stretch the hole for air input. The air comes out of the ball with such a loud, penetrating pig whisper.

All the children were resurrected.

The whole sanatorium.

In the evening at dinner, the elderly neighbors at the table (he is a retired general, she is his most intelligent wife) say: a nightmare like today, whispered all day, until the head got sick.

And then my son proudly declares: It is my mother taught everyone!

From Reddit.



What was the worst thing women did on a first date with you?



Yyy: She literally asked what they have the most expensive alcohol here. The waitress exchanged views with me and included the male solidarity. He always said that everything he asked was over. May God bless him wherever he is. I came back to give him tea, but he refused.

We live in America. I cooked some borscht. The child liked.

-And maybe tomorrow I go to school to take it for lunch, only you just pour me a soup, with suspicious enthusiasm asked the son. No problem, they were poured into a plastic box, handed over to school.

He comes from school and is so happy. We ask how things are.

"My friends asked me at lunch what soup it was, I replied that it wasn't soup, just we in Russia love to eat bull blood and started breaking borscht with a spoonful.

- Friends for neighboring tables fled and they were almost tired, he joyfully finished the story.

I start the computer today. And I pay attention to the characteristic sound of Winchester’s heads knocking. Whoever has died in this way will understand. The computer loads from the SSD, and the data is stored on the screws. I gradually sit down, pre-infarct state, the computer starts, the sound does not stop. I feverily check all the disks, they recall. The cognitive dissonance. I’m going to remove the side cover from the system and I see behind the wire hanging from the table, which periodically gets into the power unit fan and the fan spots create this characteristic ringing sound.

Make a fool pray, and he will jump into the pit.