bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №59253
 27.01.2012
I heard a conversation with a girl.
Q: Fale, of course, I called you and fell asleep.
D: Oh, I also shook when I picked up the phone and heard a snort.

[ + 43 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59252
 27.01.2012
All the people who have a computer at home and an inet are soaves.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №59251
 27.01.2012
We, the Kamchadals, remember the cold winters of 91 and 92 years:)when we slept under 3 blankets, and also dressed:) and the light on the schedule included, by areas:)
They sat with candles.
The newspapers printed a lighting schedule.
And the most offensive was when the lights were turned on from 8 a.m. to 12 a.m., and you were in school:( you won't even watch cartoons. This is a difficult childhood. And the toys attached to the ceiling are all stuff :)

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №59250
 27.01.2012
Briefly about the weather

XXX: I still have trouble. Yesterday’s T-shirt was broken.

[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59249
 27.01.2012
There are only three topics, the ability to reason and argue on which automatically deprives the status of a Reasonable Man:

1) "Only in our village are the workers, and in the neighboring all the thieves, and the district center in general has been eaten" (and vice versa);
2) Only the Russian People are the bearers of Spirituality and Intellect! (and vice versa);
All the men weep like horses, and all the women are dumb, lying on the couch and demanding money (and vice versa).

A creature noticed in the ability to seriously scratch such subjects can be thrown into the bioreactor without the slightest risk to society as a whole. This is the way, robots.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №59248
 27.01.2012
XXX is
I decided to look for a job: I read the title of the ad.
XXX is
Schedule of work: part-time employment
HHH
I open.
XXX is
Schedule: 5/2, 8 hours a day
XXX is
I love the Sberbank :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №59247
 27.01.2012
How are you with me in bed?
I like it.
Do you like it or will you tell your friends?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №59246
 27.01.2012
From the ASK:

I read an article in Popular Mechanics.
The structure of the universe
The Modern Model
I am short about what, as Matt wrote.
Only excuses are understood.
There is such a hideout.
They write and write, and then the phrase: but let's explain it in a simple way, and the same stuff is just words in a different order.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №59245
 27.01.2012
rainart: remember, "nihua" is written bluntly, for gloss. “The alien had no hands, no ass, no ass.”

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59244
 27.01.2012
Today I got the phone in the bus when I read the advertisement that the bus can drive pockets and you need to be careful (

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №59243
 27.01.2012
The service "Love Cat" has ended. To extend the service, feed the cat.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №59242
 27.01.2012
and Sasha! IRA has begun to squeeze the nose in our reports!I should kill her...or fuck her...

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №59241
 27.01.2012
Prometheus would rather have given people not fire, but his immortal liver.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №59240
 27.01.2012
There are girls in Russian villages.

When I was a postgraduate student and according to the regulations was obliged to conduct classes with students, in one of the groups in the second grade was a nice girl c unusual for our places named Praskovy. The girl was modest, separated from the rest of the group, without emotions attributed to the fact that her fellow groups irritated her “parash”, mocked on the topic of the mole on the nose and the absence of a kilogram of cosmetics on the face, joked over a self-made leather backpack instead of a major women’s bag.
“Dolce and Gabana.” And I, though almost twice the age, immediately made friends with her. Not in the sense that everyone might have thought of now.
Although, I regret, it was also, the men will understand. In other words, we came together by interest. Under my leadership in a week mastered Basic, a little later
Si, Assembler, practically mastered itself on the Internet.
Radio-controlled aircraft models were made and launched together. We walked along the Volga on the katamaran together. As she herself said, she was the first person who decided to go to Moscow from their Zuaral village to get a higher education.

But this episode shocked me. In the fan of the installation with which I worked, one part was worn out, it was necessary to make a new one. “Drawed” a drawing, went to the workshop for a tribute to the freezer. I could make myself, I know how to work on such machines, but the master will never give his tool into other hands. I don’t give my tools to anyone. The master looked at the drawing, said, “Figure of things,” and so I didn’t.
“Stand over his soul” during work, gave money and asked to run for half a litre of cheap vodka.

In cheap vodka I am not a specialist, if we are going to take something tested in a normal store. I bought the cheapest one in the nearest tent. I brought it to the master who at that time had already made the necessary detail for me. The freezer, seeing the bottle brought by me, burst into a matte on the subject: “which x... you bought this shrimp? You will be in contact with the toilet for a long time. I’m not going to sit here whole day. I’ll put that bottle in your ass. »

Praška was sitting behind the fence, playing with the workers in a domino. Hearing the sounds of the beginning of the conflict, she stood up, approached us, asked what was going on.

I asked for a good vodka, and he brought me this butterfly!
I: - Petrovich, you said cheap, I bought it. You did not give me money for good.
Pope: Give it here. [he pulled out a bottle from Petrovich, whispered, looked, opened, smelled] Okay, understand... we’ll fix it now.

He throws a bottle to the table where the workers drink tea. He gets a couple of cubes of refined sugar from the box, presses them, throws sugar into vodka, wraps the block back. Then this fragile creature turns into Darth Vader from Star Wars, tied his red cushions behind his back, dressed in an oily working coat, gloves and a protective mask that is obviously not in her size. He swirls the throat of a bottle with a speck and, without the demand of a flushing taper, clamps the bottle in the backyard of the taper.
Through blatant manipulations of the controls, unnecessary cuts for this process are removed and the required speed of rotation is set - 1500.
Men threw dominoes, came to see, and Praška explains: if more
The bottle will break, less - the effect will not be achieved. He catches for four minutes, stops the machine, gets a bottle, puts it on the machine. After a minute on the bottom of the bottle precipitation of an unpleasant brown color. The girl opens, smells, a few drops on her palm, licking.
Everything can be drunk. Just pass through the cloth first. and you,
Siroh, learn how to do it, or better not take that shit any more if you do it.
You don’t want to strike people. Probably in the neighboring basement.
Water supply is cultivated and sold in this tent. Let’s take
Go to the department, go to the computer.

P.S It disappeared as suddenly as it appeared. From her little homeland came the news that her father died, left a sick mother with a little sister. At fourth grade, she left the institute, took her papers and went home. To say goodbye only ran, thanked for everything, said that he was going to go to the local school as a teacher of computer science - there are in the shortage. She snorted me into the unshaken cheek and fled behind the doors of our lab. Maybe someday, according to the promising plans of our government, the Internet will still be drawn into this depth and we will meet again on the Internet.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59239
 27.01.2012
and allo! Is it a gorgeous canal?
and yes!
Why does water run out of my crane?
What is the matter?
Well, judging by the January account, it should run Hennessy or a bad end.
and Bailey.

[ + 39 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59238
 27.01.2012
Who asked for help, from the dependence of drops in the nose, buy FLIXONAZE, expensive, but will help if you drop less than a year, so surgery.
P.S I dropped for more than three years, had an operation, nothing terrible).
I want to help a man.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №59237
 27.01.2012
And how did they determine that this was the neutrinos they sent?
They agreed that he would hold the newspaper "Sport" in his hands.
How did they determine that a neutrino is faster than the speed of light?
He had tomorrow’s newspaper in his hands.

[ + 35 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59236
 27.01.2012
In the distant future, the entire text on Wikipedia will be illuminated in blue.
Wassermann will be violet.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №59235
 27.01.2012
3bepek: Yes, in fact, the house only needs a drill and a bunch of drills (coffee mill, mixer, washing machine, blender,...)

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №59234
 27.01.2012
I need a pasha with a cooler.
He flew away. Paša with the cooler is already Carlson.

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