When I was a child, I had an adult friend, Aidar, living in my neighboring apartment. Well, as an adult – a year, probably three years older than me. His mother glued some nonsense from clay and practiced urine therapy on Idara, and Idap read the magazines "Coster" and "Young Technician" and inspired by them wrote in notebooks multi-volume novels about pioneers flying in silent space on different planets and spreading communism, heroism and uncomfortable teenage love there. On the cover of these notebooks, Aidar painted huge burning rockets, and it caught me so much that I also wanted to become a serious writer. I couldn’t stand it and I went to write a novel too. First I painted a fine flaming rocket, but the inspiration ended. I thought for a long time how it would be easier for me to send pioneers into space and drag them there into adventures, but I never came up with it. As a result, he randomly combined the names and surnames of the writers from the crusts of the parent books and wrote: "The cosmonauts Ivan Bulgakov, Vladimir Tsvetaev and Nikolai Hemingway overwintered on a distant planet but heard the furious roar of the mutant and sat back and flew." I recently went to my mom, found in my children's stuff, read - in my opinion, a good novel.

A young Georgian woman, Tamara, lived in her hometown and did not go into her mouth: she taught children in school English, thought about marriage, until she was lucky on one of three villages around - she won the lottery American green card.

Not very Tamara and pleased with this - just all her friends filed for the lottery and she filed too, for the company, not believing in luck at all.

Once such a case occurred, she decided to try her fate in a distant country.

When she arrived in the United States, she was lucky again: she quickly found a job as a babysitter in an American family with three pre-school boys. And everything seems to be good - parents are solid and benevolent, the salary is high, only one small "but": children did not know any restrictions, they cannot be punished and even raised their voices, well, of course, they this freedom with pleasure. Surveillance cameras were installed all over the house - the children didn't care, and Tamara felt very uncomfortable at first.

The boys were so disobedient that even the inner locks in the toilets were removed so they didn’t shut up there. What about them? They invented a new entertainment: they waited for Tamara to go to the toilet for their business, and then they all three broke there without knocking and with loud screams! For the first month, the poor woman somehow restrained herself, and then did not endure and remembered all the non-normative Russian words she knew, well in the toilet there was no surveillance camera and, except for the boys, nobody heard her.

This lasted more than half a year. Tamara would be happy to change the place of work, but it is not easy to find a job, and it is not yet known what kind of children will be there, so she tolerated as much as she could.

One Sunday, when the whole family came from the church, the housewife announced to Tamara that she was fired and explained the reason: the children, all three, insult the Russian mat! It turned out that they had a new Russian-speaking parish woman in the church, who heard the children’s conversations and told her parents everything.

“They could hear these words anywhere,” Tamar tried to object.

“No, that woman said that the children with a Georgian accent will be defiled!

For some reason in very expensive cars always sit very unpleasant people. They are unpleasant at least by sitting in very expensive cars.

I rarely communicate with clients, i.e. managers, designers... But there are very attentive customers. For example, a priest from the Catholic Church. One day he called and said he wanted to discuss the details of the order personally. Someone in the office gave him the number. And I have a number with a very easy to remember combination of numbers.

In general, there is a paddle, and from the threshold:

What a phone number! You are the boss!

I pointed my finger up and said:

and no. Our boss is there.

The priest was very respectful and respectful.



The office is on the second floor, and I am on the first.

One day I read the math theses of a comrade who worked all night. I approached him and said, “Friend, you’re tired. You have some epsilons (ε) written on the other side.”

And then he told me that there was another “number 3”

It happened now.

A colleague brought his 5-year-old daughter to work. The whole day she went with the badge from leaflet to cell "Vice Director" and in the evening, apparently, entered the role.

A client enters our office. He asks where the laundry is. The vigilant micro-adjunct of the boss, loudly, childishly ringing and with an expression, like a king's whisper, declares:

The toilet is busy. There is a director!

It was fun. Many employees smiled embarrassed.

A few minutes later, the general comes out of the toilet.

The little voice activated again:

The Director Picked! You can pass! It sounded all over the office, and with a hand movement, as if giving a reverence, the girl pointed to the visitor to the toilet.

The director asked my colleague not to bring the children to work anymore. =) is

When I was a child, I heard that if you throw a petard in the toilet, the neighbors will have a fountain water.

When I was somewhere 13-14 years old, there was not much mind in my head, snow lay on the street, and I had petards "black death" and "corsar", I decided to play the destroyer of legends even before this show began to exist.



I put it in the bathroom to see if it was gone. I remembered, I started washing. The cotton. Toilets and water on the floor. Only the barrel remains and the ring on top, everything on the bottom - in pieces. I picked up the pieces, wiped out everything, I sat in the kitchen.

lived with my father. He comes home, I sit like I don’t know anything. After a while, he goes to the toilet. From there:

So what about the toilet?

I found nothing better:

I do not know! I sat down and he broke.

How can he break?

I don’t know, the toilet has never broken under me before.

He comes back from the store with a new one and says:

- The toilet seller said that he hears about such crashes every day, and you, scuttle, threw the petard there!



20 years have passed and I, in my style of comedy, still deny everything.

In 1992, Arsen Egyiazaran and I played in the Moscow Dynamo chess championship. One day after the tour, they decided to go to the ZŠK, see the books. We walk along the Gogol Boulevard, and here we see: I meet slowly, hand in hand with a big man, a old man in glasses. A familiar face.

This is Botvinnik! I pull a friend’s sleeve.

and exactly! He confirms it.

We start bumping into our pockets in search of paper. The only thing I find is a blank where I re-written the game after the game. It is the course and the result. I forgot to name. Compared to the great champion, I extend a form and ask for an autograph.

Mikhail Moiseevich glanced slightly at the text, hastily turned the form and put an autograph under the result "1: 0" in the column "Signature of the Negroes". He then handed me the relic back and said:

- Now write down the names and say that you won at Botwinnik!

How much you owe the state, it demands more.

and Dad! Knock-knock-knock-knock is delivered from the kitchen.
Murzick is a five-year-old favorite cat of a five-year-old daughter. Their love is mutual. He hardly gets out of his hand. And the cat is always on her hands. I rush to Chad.
Do not worry. We will find. There is nowhere to go, the doors, the windows are closed, there is no place here, there is no place here. How did he disappear?
and disappeared! There was no one right away! ??
It does not happen. Shares will come. Kitty Kitty.
I packed with food. No to! He would have been crying long ago. After ten minutes of searching, I begin to believe in the mystic.
What are these things?! Mindfully tracking the tested space again - I searched everywhere! No, not in the refrigerator. With a feeling of my own stupidity, I open the refrigerator. Oh Oh! Two wild eyes on a wool piece that is in shock! How is?! to
This is so!
After the restoration of events: the cat on the pen.
Dad, can I have an apple?
Maybe just wash. And the pencil too.
The refrigerator opens. Hands are busy. The cat is placed on the shelf. Take an apple. Washing with hands. Handles are wiped out. The Opa! The handles are wiped out, and the cat is not on them!! to

She didn’t want a ice cream. In the freezer would probably not be useful.

In Russia, the one who imports money into the country is called "foreign agent", and the one who exports from the country - "patriot".

If you could have lunch with a famous person, dead or alive, who would you choose?

Yyy : Alive

I recalled here, as in the time of my sleepy childhood, if there was a trouble and some people's artist of the USSR or a politician of the Politburo died, then on television the dictator announced that there were changes in the program and instead of the transmission of "Our garden" and "I serve the Soviet Union" now show a movie with the deceased citizen and tell how he raised the village. And because of all this, I somehow very determinedly began to dream that Schwarzenegger would soon die and show him a movie on television that I had never seen before. However, I thought, if they show Terminator or Commando, which I’ve seen in the video show, it’ll be good too. I even imagined how I turned on the TV, and there a spokesman with grief in the voice: "Today, on the twelfth year of life suddenly died folk actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, in connection with which in the program of the programs there were changes, instead of "Play, harmony beloved" will be shown the film "Conan-destroyer".

To skip one stage of development does not mean to be developed two steps higher. It means being underdeveloped at one stage.

Love from first class.
Shortly before my son went to school, I was recalled from vacation on a ship and I returned to Odessa when he was already in second grade. I had plenty of free time and I was happy to take my son to school, because he was only ten minutes walk from home. On the way we met a classmate of the son, a nice white-haired girl, accompanied by her dad too. Talking to him, we found out that we were colleagues, only he worked on fishing boats and also took his daughter to school for the first time. It was immediately apparent that the children were very happy with each other and we talked, only to make sure they crossed the crosses correctly. Near the school yard they waved our pencil, and we with a new acquaintance went home together, on the way to the cafe to have a coffee. So we took the kids to school until the New Year.
Before the winter holidays in school, as always, arranged a New Year's morning for the children, but in the morning I was in business in the sailing and promised to come to its beginning right to school, which I did, having been late, though, minutes to ten. The morning was already in full swing and I started looking for my own, wondering that I could not see any familiar faces. After ten minutes I couldn’t stand and asked a young woman who was actively working with children, did she not know where the 2nd “B” class was?
This is my second “B”, I’ve been leading it from the first class.
I probably had such a confused look that she even laughed:
Who are you looking for?
I named the name of his son and his little girlfriend. Now it is her turn to be surprised:
There was no such thing in my class. You confuse something, maybe they are studying at a school nearby, in two quarters from us? They have a morning there too.
Considering that if I continue in the same spirit, then, at best, I will make myself laugh, so I thanked her and quickly retreated.
After a little reflection in the fresh air, I decided to go to the neighboring school - well, it was old good times and there was no strict control at the entrance to school.
You have, of course, guessed - all of us were there: and children, and parents!
On the way home, I discovered the truth: it turns out our children did not hope for each other's soul and always tried to stay together longer, and then suddenly such a case turned - they said goodbye to the fathers at another school, pretended to go there, and when we left, took hands and went to their school! I tried to keep a strict look, but in my eyes I began to whisper treacherously and I switched the conversation to another topic.
The next time a friend and I took them to school, we quietly looked around and decided to leave everything as it is, saying goodbye to them near another school and giving them the opportunity to be at least a little without guardianship, although for confidence they followed them invisibly for a long distance, and they walked, holding hands, enthusiastically talking and never looking back.

P.S Forty years have passed since then and nothing has changed: they are still together. Love to you, children!

I decided to travel around the world until I spent all of my savings.
According to my calculations, I will be home somewhere at 19:30.

Our lack of authority is often offset by excess power.

In Volgograd, a monument was opened to a little girl, a schoolgirl who lived in Stalingrad and went to the hospital to wounded fighters, playing them on a trophy accordion.
This girl was awaited by wounded soldiers and was welcomed with applause every time.
The name of the girl is Ala Pakhmutova.

It is Alexander Pakhmutov.

After discussing in committees and committees, unanimously adopted:
"The pauses between the strikes of the knot will continue to be considered spices."

A fool who is willing to admit that he is a fool is probably not the one he pretends to be.