January 10 in Russian. I was late to work for half an hour. He sat for 40 minutes in the department for 11 people in proud solitude. and :-)

Sitting in a beer restaurant. The room is large, the waitress does not come for a long time. It has already been searched, there is no call button on the table. There is a restaurant card. Koresh found out: "Let’s call the bar and call!"
I sent the waitress :)

XX: I work in the Roscosmos. Corruption and Corruption (Corruption and Corruption)
YYY: Here is where you are, the fool.
zzz: shadows he will be offended and fall on your house another project

This holiday was not lucky to fly with a transfer (transfer) in Kiev. The idea is to move to another terminal. I was arranged a circus with a complete check and took all the duty-free alcohol purchased in Moscow. He flew back to Sheremetyevo and waited for half an hour for his bag. I came open, the perfume was pulled out. I do all this: in Europe, and nowhere have I seen such creatures as in Russia and Ukraine. You are burning in hell, shit. And don’t dare, don’t dare, foolish, to say what unbeaten Slavic peoples are brothers.

in contact.
In general so. Two days ago we had a tube on the street. Repairers arrived, began to dig a pit, damaged the high-voltage wire. In Riyadh, the electricity was cut off. They were frightened, buried and left. The electricians came, began to dig, search for this wire, excavated the entire street, accidentally ripped the pipe. They left. As a result, we sit for 2 days without water at all, the street is all rotted and flooded, and there are tables hanging carefully high voltage. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll post photos of the New Year later.

In case of divorce, we will divide everything in half - the mortgage to you, and the apartment to me.

Where are you, the rabbit?? to
XXX here, and what?
Nothing, just nothing
XXX is true?
YYY: exactly...
XXX: Where could I go?
I don’t know, maybe you’re immersed in your world.
XXX - Where to go?
YYY: In the self.
XXX: Do I need to be there?

He: Do you love me?
She is: Yes!
He: And for what?
She: Because you love me.
If I love you, will you also love me?? to
She: No, but I will love you for a while, and then I will destroy you.
He is: O_O

WOW: We take a bilateral scotch, we roll it into a tape of mobius and it... is one-sided!
Q: Have you tried this with a bilateral agreement?

King and Shut · Nautilus Pompilius · B-2 · Splin · Ranets · Ocean Elzi · Mummy Troll · Agatha Christie · Other similar performers...

Let them go with such comparisons in g+op.

Even courtesy is taught!

The Fire

Time of action is the end of the 80s. Moscow Technical University.
An old five-story building in the center of Moscow, near the Clean ponds.
Due to the shortage of space on the roof made a small wooden superstructure
A sixth floor, a house on the house.

At the entrance to the institute, it is supposed to be installed a bodyguard. During the day the brave boys guard, at night the grandmother. On the watch, it is believed, there is a safety and fire alarm control - a panel with two dozen ordinary 25-watt bulbs painted in red with oil paint (USSR, however). The light bulb is constantly burning - everything is fine, it began to blink - either someone entered the window, or a fire in the appropriate room, you need to go check. Explain why in
In the "quiet" situation, it is burning, not turned off: if it burns, it means that the system is fine, otherwise - either the light bulb has overburned, or the electricity has been turned off, according to the official instructions, the watchman must report to the emergency.

As usual, in the night shift the grandmother enters by the rule of "guard sleeps - duty goes". And these ugly bulbs, although low-powered, but many of them, interfere with sleep, shine in the eyes. Therefore, at night, they are slightly twisted out of the bullets so that the basement does not reach contact and it is dark.

Once again, employees from the wooden superstructure, leaving the work, did not turn off the fan standing on the window. At night, the curtains drowned in the blades, and the fan stopped. The engine from overload began to heat, and eventually the plastic body of the fan, and with it, the curtain, burned.

The alarm may have tried to inform the watchman of the smoke in the room, only the bulbs are twisted and the syrene either didn’t work or was turned off for the same reason as the bulbs. But the phone ringed – one of the residents of the local houses saw smoke and decided to report. Where he took the number of the service history is silent, I will only say that once I easily found the number of the reception commission of this institute in the phone directory of 1985. The grandmother walked 5 floors (the elevator does not go to the roof), made sure that there was no fire, and, deciding that it was a joke of students, turned off the phone, so that the sleep was not disturbed.

When the building on the roof engaged in open fire, the very conscious citizen called no longer the guard, but the firefighters. They arrived, they struck up quickly. As a result, of course, explanatory conversations, instruction on safety equipment, etc. The building did not suffer, only removed the remains of this ugly shark from the roof.

And all the comicity and irony of this story lies in the fact that the burned room was a labor protection and fire department.
the safety.

The advice to everyone who puts soup on the plate and goes to the computer: take a spoonful with you. This item will remind you that you are cooking something.

From Twitter:

@gagar1n
I insure against non-payment of insurance and let my insurance company divide by zero!

Give me a kiss,
Child (2,5 years old): not
Father: good girls give a kiss,
No – good girls don’t give!

Parents, please mark your female children with tattoos with the date of birth in a prominent place. This will save you not only your nerves, but also budget money, which will be directed to the maintenance of a simple Soviet man in the colony.

Streetmack: After reviewing all of the X-Files series, I couldn’t figure out where my socks were going from the box. Why are they all different...

XX: Did you have a lot of people at the end?
WOW is different. Someone came and someone left. 7 was constant.
and the norm)
The dog rolled
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
WOW: Someone found a taxi and picked up for us. Until the morning they did not pay attention to her, and from the morning everyone was in shock of where she came from.
Theme : (rofl)
Tag: showed himself
Wait until you meet, you will not be noticed.
Here is the truth of life.

He: Good night
She is a bitch :D

With Dirty:

On the site of the Ministry of Defense, the development of which cost 36 million rubles, were placed such games as "Saper", "Tetris" and "Sea Battle", as well as "Test for military rank", which resembles fraudulent crafts with SMS.

i11ega1> "Saper" for engineering troops, "Marine battle" for the Navy, it remains to find out what kind of troops are needed to train "Tetris".
Gone> i11ega1: is it going?