Our retiree has just a fairy life: he found himself with his old lady at the broken cork.

A little slower, Frost

A small introduction.

As long as I remember, I spent every summer in the village, helping my grandmother manage the farm. The Internet in those distant times was not yet invented, so free time spent either fishing, or in the forest, or in the company of peers.

Our diversion-intelligence team was engaged... Easier to say, than we were just not engaged, for which we periodically scratched fresh berry flour. But even the punishment could not extinguish the pioneering lights that splashed in children’s asses. Funny and worryless.

In 1983, after I graduated from the fourth grade, when I was on the threshold of eleven years, my friends offered to earn a little in the council house on field work. It was called “going out.”

From the morning, the brigadier (Victor) was engaged in the distribution of the front of work among adults, and then approached us. If there was something, then accompanied by the elderly, our team went to perform the task.The first two days they broke the peas, pulling out the feed, which stood out among the white carpet of the food with purple blades, and then picked up the slices for the spades and the villas.

Driver of Kobe

On the fifth day, after making sure that your submissive servant takes the matter seriously, the brigadier solemnly announced the promotion: I was entrusted to carry bags of commodities from the warehouse to the farm.
Can you handle a horse? Victor has clarified.
When I looked in my eyes, I lied.

The fact that my experience was limited to a child horse catwalk decided not to spread. Everything will be fine, I will do it.
With these thoughts, I reached the farm. There was already waiting for the thoughtful red cabbage Frosia, who with universal pofigism observed a pair of flies gathering on the dungeon in the posture of a confused astronaut.
- She is calm, don't be afraid, - encouraged the zoo technician (Sergei), - but don't chase.

Thank you for the insight, and I thought right away from place to place to fly to the warehouse with a whistle and whistle. Probably this was very eloquently witnessed by my frightened eyes and shaking hands.
“You know,” Sergey breathed, “it’s okay, little, look.

The next twenty minutes were devoted to the basics: how to drive a horse, how to wear a rope, and remarks about the fact that “if you worship, I will tell the brigadier.”
- And now ride, - the zoo technician gently sneezed and smoked.
But I whispered.

This is yes, the goat broke away from meditation and relentlessly moved toward the warehouse! To understand the feelings that upset me at the time, you have to be a little boy who for the first time in his life driven a real live horse.
A mile to the warehouse and back we arrived in about half an hour.

- Don't be afraid, - encouraged Sergei, - hasten her a little, or the babies have already eaten where the combined food.
If you get a little faster, won’t you get tired? I went to the cowboy.
“Pofigu,” Frosia thoughtfully whispered, looking at how the same flies are coupled already in the posture of the godmol.
But then no.

The cockroach flegmatically moved into some kind of slow rise.
“But,” I shouted after the fifth flight.
— But yes, — Frosia according to even faster.
“Young man,” the zoo technician smiled after four hours, “will you go home for lunch?”
Oh yeah, I cried out.
- As long as you get there, you will have to go back, drive, just don't forget to drink, - and, glimpsing, Sergey left for his business.

This is yes! Travelling through the whole village. For the city boy, however, this was not just a reason for pride, it was a moment of highest bliss. I was allowed! Still not believing my luck, I quickly set the route to follow. They were two.

The first - on the so-called Old Street, the second - on the New Street, which appeared in the post-war years. It was good because it ended up a hill of sixty meters high. Along it were also a council, a school, a place to give out dresses for work, a bathroom and a store. The number of spectators will be maximum.

Decided, we go for a new one. The route was like this – kilometers two on the street, we drive to the hill, then, taking the left, we descend, we drive through the crossroads of rural streets. Then, after two hundred meters, on the rather busy road Baranovic - Silence, turn to the right, and we are home.

“But I went,” I cried loudly, shuffling the chiefs.
I remembered that day for a lifetime. I was just scattered by pride, even more! by Sam! and one! Everyone seemed to think:
“This is a good guy, so small, and already riding a horse.
Frosty, don’t we go fast?
“Pofigu,” cried the cockroach, not stopping meditation.
I wonder, I thought, could anything get her out of that state at all?

Be afraid of your thoughts, for they are material. I do not remember who of the ancients spotted this, and there was no time for memories, because the horse suddenly set out to take off.
How is? and simply. Thirty meters to the hill, a motorcycle struck us with a loud thunder. And a miracle happened: Frosia shaken, hit his tail...
“Hana,” a bright lightning flashed the thought.
We have gone! Loudly shooting the first step, the goat ran into the gallop.

Being in a cloud of edible exhaust gases, I weakened the heads for a few seconds, trying to wipe out the tearful eyes. This was enough for Frosia, after eating a snack of surprise, to encounter a bright future, which ended in a break if it was not turned back in time.
Throwing up!
They are ha. by Pofig.
There is no man around! Lunch, where did they go? The witnesses were only three dogs who looked at me with obvious respect.
Throwing up!

We carried out so that the warm air blown out the sores that appeared out of our nose. In a different situation, I would be ashamed, but not now: there was a little more than twenty meters left to the abyss.
Throwing up!
When I realized that it would not be possible to stop the cowboy, I pulled the left leader on me:
Turn around!
They are ha! The Pope!
Shoot the second stage, let’s break!
There is. The third at the same time!

How I didn’t drown, I don’t understand. What was fed Frossa forever remained a mystery, but by the strength and power of the exhaust could be assumed.
Oh my mom!
Do you know what a village rodeo is? This is when the horse, gased like a carrier rocket, made a sharp turn. The wagon in accordance with the laws of physics began to collapse side by side, I was holding on board with all my strength and waited for it, forgive me, I stumbled on the asphalt with my already clean (thanks to the galop) nose. But passed through.

As yet passed! Shooting with such a sound that for a second I stunned even the rumbling chariot, I managed, without allowing the chiefs, to cross my eyelids.
By the way, the described procedure can safely be recommended as an additional stimulant for patients with gastrointestinal tract. I guarantee, it will go through!
- We returned, a little slower, Frosia, a little slower!
They are ha. The Pope!

With what speed our crew, composed of two desperately gased subjects, took off the mountain, I cannot judge. To be honest, it wasn’t before.
Throwing up!
I don't know what this cattle imagined, but it went so that the wind whispered in my ears. I didn’t even notice the first cross. I was surprised by the big neighbor. I still remember his sloppy cheek.
Throwing up!
There were 100 meters left to the next crossing. If this scourge does not stop, we will be beaten down like cream.
Seventy meters. The chiefs are stretched to the limit, but Froze, traditionally, pops up.
Throwing up!
Fifty meters.
Throwing up!

In critical moments a person wakes up such abilities, which in normal life he does not even guess. I never thought I could scream:
WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! to
Yes, so that somewhere in the village a bunch of crows flew frightened, pears were poured from the surrounding apples, and two trucks stopped at the crossroads. But most importantly, Frosia hit the brakes sharply. More than 10 meters...
I missed:
I fell down on my back in fatigue.
- Pofigu, - the goat whirkled relentlessly and began to look at the flies with interest, which were on the dungeon (again!) He was in a position of jumping pressure.

The hands, rubbed by the chiefs, burned, in the ears ringed, in the nose ticked, and in the stomach, forgive me, loudly bursting promising processes.
Little boy, are you okay? The drivers of both cars were already there.
One fixed something in the blur, the other looked me in the face with anxiety:
What happened?
I was scared, and the motorcycle was scared.

Generally speaking, I brought Frosa home under the arms and accompanied by two trucks.
“Look, little girl, don’t fly like that anymore,” the drivers, coming out of the cabins, carefully grabbed my swollen arm and, waving for goodbye, quickly fled behind the crossroads.
Thank you guys for your help.

The cheerful and cold cabbage needed to get drunk, and I needed to be seated in a meditation booth. Therefore, for the next half hour the horse filled his thirst with small throats, and I knew the higher Zen and enlightenment.
About the races I decided not to tell anyone why to upset the people. Everything ends well, doesn’t it?

As it turned out, Frosia was very afraid of cars and sharp sounds. But now, having an invaluable experience, I was calm. The main thing is not to miss the preparation for the launch.
Therefore, it was only necessary to hit the tail, as a second before the horse's mouth was a piece of bread:
Stay quietly, calmly and calmly. Oh, look, again the flies, in the new posture of the hardened drill.

So the next day, Frosey and I were rushing home for lunch. Right now, on the Old Street, far from sin. And then the company began to harvest the seed, and it wasn’t until the sovhose.

In those six days I earned ten rubles forty copies. My first salary at the time was an unprecedented wealth for an eleven-year-old boy. I regret only one thing – I did not keep that calculation sheet, it was small, stupid.

Author: Andrey Avdey

Putin: “There are no toilets in schools, but we spend 100 Mbps of internet there.”
The kids will be fucked in the comments.

I go to the pharmacy, in my hands sand cookie wrapped in paper. While looking at the window, the biscuit cuddle broke off and fell to the floor. Well, as a cultural person, I lean to lift up, so as not to shut up the pharmacy, but here the babysitter is like a garnet: "Don't eat!"

Once, with friends visited the Samara church, examining the icons, in silence, heard the following dialogue between a woman and her child 8 years old:



Why was Jesus hanged on the cross?

for your sins!



I did not hear a word from the pale child anymore.

In the morning, a young man calls:

Do you repair your phones?

What do you have with him?

- Yes, yesterday I arrived normally so well and put a graphic key for something, now I can't remember, I've tried all the options, can you help?

I will try to help bring.

I explain where to find me, we agree that in an hour and a half he will come, about an hour goes by, the same guy calls:

- I won't come, I drank a beer bottle here and immediately remembered the password

We will not rise to the level of our capabilities until we descend to the level of our excuses.

It was long ago. I repaired one computer, which after half an hour of work hanged and did not respond to anything. Diagnosis showed that the hard disk overheated and ceased to react to external stimuli. Well, I change the disk, it remains to rewrite the information from the old one. There were some clever specialized programs on it, for reinstallation of which it was necessary to contact the developer, no contacts, and so on. So I decided to just remove the image of the entire disk. Do you remember half an hour? I need to write one and a half...
The problem was solved in this way - the old disk on the wires was pulled out of the body of the system unit, and a fan was attached to it on two washing rubber and two money rubber, which was also removed from the body. On top was a table lamp (off), with which a polyethylene bag with ice was hanging on the rope, which was able to stack in the freezer. And the process went! The ice gradually melted, it had to be replaced a few times with a new one, along with a bag. Condensate on the bag did not have time to form. The bag was quite intense.
Such designs allowed the disk to work out the required time without failure.

It is funny that in Russia, the Internet in Chinese interpretation is offered by those who in China would have been shot 20 years ago for corruption, and close relatives were billed for ammunition.

Yesterday I went to a food store with a girl. Publicly, with her, I bought myself a pair of socks, a deodorant, blades and a shave foam.

Chess and Mat favorite

In primary school, I had a guy in my class who always offended everyone: the girl pulled her hair, the boys put her legs, etc. I was lucky to sit with him on the same side. In general, many of my things were broken, my hair wiped out, and my bleaches left. I was afraid to complain directly to his mother, because I was quite small. My parents tried to talk to her at first, but she didn’t care. The father, who at the time was working in the police, decided to teach this little bitch boy. One morning he came in a police uniform, took his handcuffs, approached a classmate and said he came to take him to jail because he behaved so disgustingly. After these words, it was already apparent that the classmate would be good to change the pants. But after the dad laid his hand on his shoulder and said, say let's get your hands here, we will wear handcuffs, the classmate cried and promised that he would never behave like this again. My dad didn’t want to go to jail :)

I have to say that since then, in fact, the classmate has stopped offending me and other guys, he did not become an exemplary student, of course, but at least sitting with him was normal. We even became friends later.

xxx: Recently engaged in funerals in Peter, it all came out somewhere 230 t.r. (purchase of place, services, morge, coffee shop, etc.)

Yyy: Was it not cheaper to fly with the deceased to the Maldives to find a crematorium there to disperse his dust over the ocean and rest for a couple of weeks to repair the nerves?

Zzzz: You are a genius!! to

xxx: Can I have a cox of Caribbean and girls behavior not tough?

yyy: There is sugar powder and Gennady, medium behavior. Will you take?

1986 to 1987. I am not in this world yet, but my sister is already in 2 or 3 class. She has a wonderful classy manager who loved the light very much and was on a friendly wave with our mother. Sometimes I even called home, discussed school affairs and talked about life. Therefore, nothing predicted trouble when Nina Alexandrovna (NA) called at 10 p.m. Mom took the phone and immediately turned red, then pale, then red again, said "Thank you" and quietly slipped down the wall. This is what happened.



I asked the whole class to write a book about who my parents are working for. Light, an open soul, wrote (not literally): "My mother works as a master at the site and commands the workers. My dad works on guard. He has not come home for a week. And then he lives at home for a week and is cooking something in the bathroom in a big bidon. He spends a lot of sugar and his mother is upset about it. I don’t know what he is cooking, but the banks with this are in our corridor and they are followed by Uncle Bora and Uncle Sasha. They give me money and then daddy buys me ice cream.”

No one checked the work, because Daddy never got into our school business at all, and Mommy was not before that. Light studied well and my mother did not control the process.



In the court, I will remind you, 1986 was the height of the dry law. And the teacher called her mother to urgently rewrite the work until it fell into the hands of others. Mom woke up Light and she wrote a new work under her dictatorship, which she brought to school in the morning. Dad gave me one of his bottles. And then this story almost repeated with me, but my mom was already rubbed and always asked what topic I was writing, so that God would not reveal some other family secrets.

The story of my friend. He defended the guy in court, but I don’t remember what he was accused of.



The chief indictment witness was in the courtroom, and he was asked if he could identify the accused (my friend’s defendant). He very long and carefully "monitored" all the people in the room in search of the culprit, but could not identify anyone. The friend has already silently celebrated the victory, because if the witness could not identify the accused, it is very likely that all the charges could simply collapse.



As he mentally placed the case in the “WIN” folder, my friend looked at his client, who had just raised his hand to make it easier for the witness to identify him.



Even the judge was aware of what was happening. It was a full “facebook”...

I boast to my three-year-old son that I am a cook and know a lot of different recipes.

He asked if I could cook the cat’s food.

To become a president, your IQ doesn’t matter.
The IQ of your voters matters.

There are such people – oligophrens and idiots. No, they are not stupid people who did not study for some reason. These are people diagnosed with a congenital brain developmental defect. No matter how a person is stressed - he is given little, and yet there are special schools where they are taught. They are not trained to make them smarter, but to instill some socialization skills. In addition, from the words of a friend who is a teacher in one of such schools.
“We communicate with children who are physically 19 years old, and their mental development is 5-7 years old, we teach them patience and the ability to find contact with everyone. And every time there are all kinds of checks, I am a constant participant in them. Another high commission of officials is checking our institution. I and the director go through the classes and other rooms, we are all fine. The commission goes to the lessons, sees the training process. At the end of the trip there is a table where we no longer talk about work. They are cute people, even officials. It’s time to say goodbye and then the chief member of the commission is already out asking a question that probably bothered her very much:
What is the percentage of recovering?
The director is in some shock and does not understand what to answer, so as not to offend the senior bosses and silently turns to me, looking for support. I innerly crack, but out loud: "The best in Moscow!"
This is what you see! – praised us officials, going to their high offices...”

The main danger for the unsustainable child’s psyche is the unsustainable adult.

In the mid-1990s, I am 5-6 years old, I come back from the courtyard from walking. As she walked to her fifth floor, she scratched her hair. I scratched a piece and I wonder where to go? to home? So they offend, because I played and picked up the rope, and I have hair, I am a girl! You can't throw it on the floor, I'm decent, and the rubbish pipeline scared me with its dark odorable substrate, microbes and a heavy screaming door. So I stuck a piece of hair with a rope in the long unworking lock of the tambour door on the 4th floor and happy jumped home.



The next day, the grandmother-neighbor from the fourth on the bench told her that she was damaged, that yesterday she was sick all day, and in the morning in the tambour door she accidentally found a rooster wrapped in hair and immediately understood everything! And when she went to Shurka, all her confirmed that it was a vudu image of the grandmother's head and this conspiracy to death, she also guessed and that two dark men were involved in this. In general, the neighbor has already soaked the entire apartment with a beetle and now the apartment is airing from the eye. By evening, she had already invited the pop to the sanctification.



By the end of the week, the grandmothers confidently told us that in the area there are satanists who are sending spoilers on single retirees, and then they take their apartments, open prithons there or curse the apartment and sell it, and the next tenants also die and again the apartment is returned to satanists and so they survive.



In fact, then I realized that people were not very intelligent and stopped believing in everything mystical.