Two psychiatrists met, did not see each other from the universe. The first says:
What was your strangest patient?
I had a sick man who lived in a fictional world. He believed that he had an uncle in America who was about to leave him a huge inheritance, and so the patient was constantly waiting for letters from there. He was sitting at home and waiting for letters. I have been treating him for 7 years. And when I was almost healed, this crazy letter came!

A friend of mine got a job in a good company (lucky guy).

The office in which he worked was engaged in the production of high-voltage cables using German technology. And his immediate boss was the real German. So, once this German and a number of Russian specialists were engaged in discussing the problem of the breakdown of the insulation of the cables they produced. The debate was long

and boring. And then one man made a very scientific assumption:

- Probably - he says - when the workers laid the cable, they accidentally knocked a hammer on it (he said it directly). Isolation is damaged.

The German then resurrected:

How did the hammer work? He asks.

The man was embarrassed, and the rest began to explain that it was said to be an untranslatable Russian folklore.

The German answered. I know that word. I thought only electricity could do that. The hammer can do that too.

With children, the first 18 years is scary, then even worse.

Since childhood, my daughter dreamed of becoming a teacher. She was babysitting children from the age of 12, worked as a tutor, later volunteered in schools.
Finally, her dream came true and after graduating from the teaching program of the University of Toronto, she was taken to school, teaching economics in the 12th grade. A couple of months later, she had an open lesson, where the director, the people from the board (analogue to Gorono), the methodists, to determine whether to leave her or not.
She was very nervous and asked me to help make a lesson plan. What we did.
The theme of the lesson was production, consumption and pricing.
We started with an investment of $15. There were 30 people in the class and she bought 30 chewbacks, 50 cents each.
When she came to class, she immediately stated that she had a gum. Now there will be an auction, and the one who wins will have to pay the real money. and so:
“Who is willing to get the gum for free?”
30 hands rose and the first point was placed on the chart on the board: (30,0).
After each increase in the price, the number of wishes decreased, the schedule was replenished with new points, until one guy, Jonathan, rather from principle, bought it for 7 backs, solemnly handed them over, took the purchase and the last point (1,7) adorned the schedule.
This is called the consumer curve (demand). The young teacher explained.
“And now I have good news for everyone except Jonathan. I actually bought gummies for everyone!” - she added, distributed gummies to everyone and immediately regretted it.
“I didn’t leave it to myself! There will be another auction. Who is willing to sell me a gum for $10?” Again, 30 hands rose, and the point (30, 10) appeared on the chart. The price dropped, the number of wishes decreased until the point (0.0) finished the picture.
This is called the supply curve (Supply curve).“She explained.

“Tell me where they cross?”
"At the point (10,0.5)" - the choir said the children, director and methodists of the board, watching all this action with full attention.
“It is right! This means that for 50 cents, the number of people who want to buy gum is equal to the number of people who want to sell it. This is how the market price is formed. That’s exactly what it’s worth!”

After the lesson, the sensitive directors and methodists approached her and confessed:
“Honestly, we have only now understood how the price is formed!”

What does the cat hurt?
He asks what fucking...
What fucking thing?
in general.

I am standing at a stop, waiting for the route. An elderly married couple. Grandpa asks Grandma for money. The grandmother replied that we would come home and eat there. But the grandfather's stubbornness triumphs and the grandmother, giving money, asks her to take. Five minutes later, Grandpa

He comes back, drinking a beer. No whites are seen.

Where are the whites?

There was not enough money for white...

It was in class 6-7. A snowy morning. I go by the town road to school and here a neighbor's buchanka outputs me, stopping right in front of me. Well, I thought, luck, what caring neighbor will take me to school, just a neighbor worked next to the school, and walk far away.

I open the door, sit down, and the neighbor is not driving. It turns out he went out to do something with the car, apparently something broke. When he returned to the car 5-10 minutes later, he only greeted me surprisingly and so they continued in silence. I arrived at school on time.

XX: Grandfather went through the whole war, connected. Medals were in a box. My father was young and played with them. He told me there was an order in the shape of a star. He was silent, he bended the corners of the star and knocked a hammer into the threshold board. Grandfather did not say anything. With a screwdriver he forged, the corners were straightened, the places with the falling enamel paint were subdued... And then in the box they lay.



YYY: Well it is right. The Iron Medal. And for what he fought, out, runs, bats on boxes, bends medals and scores in boards.



zzz: The tear broke through (without sarcasm).

xxx: In the military command I was asked what is different salt from sugar, I replied that salt is a mineral, and sugar is a complex organic compound.

The boys then said that everyone replied that salt is salty and sugar is sweet.



Yyy: In the military command I was asked what is the difference between the moon and the sun, I replied that the moon is a satellite of the earth and the sun is a star... they said that the correct answer was “the moon shines at night and the sun at day...”



Zzzz: But the moon does not shine.



Yyy: For us with you, but for the residents of the Military Committee apparently yes.

A friend told me such a story. She worked in an international company in France, where she met a German. The German asked my friend where she came from. She said it was from Novosibirsk. This was a moral shock for Germany. She could not believe that such a city really exists. It turned out that when she behaved badly as a child, her parents always told her that they would send her to Novosibirsk! And in her head there was a picture that hell and Novosibirsk are the same!

The first employees of the "Sex by Phone" enterprises began to work at a distance.

I immediately warn you: history is not for lovers to laugh. Just a drawing out of life.
St. Petersburg classics – night, street, lighthouse... From Kolomna I return to Kupčino, by phone I order a taxi. The car comes in.
On the Prospect of Fame?
Yes, it is there.
Sit down and we go.
The driver was talking, I didn’t mind. We talked about the weather, about the roads, and then I mentioned the fleet of the fish industry. The driver was also a fisherman.
Where did they work? He asked him.
Mainly the Pacific Ocean, Peruvian and Chile regions.
I worked there too.
and when?
In the eighties. Much was interesting. I remember flying home from Lima in January.
Is it January 85? Arrived in Riga?
Yes, it was so. and what?
We were flying together in that plane.
I remember that return. From the hot January Lima, they flew in t-shirts, attached warm clothes were handed over to the luggage, hoping to change clothes in Sheremetyevo, where passengers passed from plane to airport on a pipe. When they landed in Riga late in the evening instead of Moscow, the first thing they saw was snow flying in the rays of the projectors, and border guards in bodyguards with collars raised above their heads near the stairs. An unforgettable impression for easily dressed people who worked in the tropics for six months. Then there was an uncommonly selfless customs office, a sleepeless night in an empty airport, and a morning long snow road in a bus with frozen glasses. We arrived home a day after the arrival.
While they laughed at the coincidence, they almost arrived. I tried to indicate the road without biting, but the driver interrupted me:
“I know how to walk – here my mother lives in this house, but here I went to this school.
What??? In this?? Can not be! I too!! to
We talked about school, even found common teachers, wished each other all the best, and friendly separated.
If you consider that I have not lived in St. Petersburg for a long time, and only occasionally come to visit relatives, it remains only to wonder how tight the world is.

In ancient Persia, important men discussed their strategic ideas twice. One time drunk, the second time sober. If the ideas seemed good in both cases, they were implemented. Our government should also discuss its ideas with a sober head.

I work for the city. In the morning, three years ago, a colleague picked up several employees on the way to work, and in the evening planted them in the same place. Every employee knows up to a minute how long the car will be and where it will sit.

A couple of weeks ago the first snow fell and a colleague was five minutes late on the usual schedule (strong snowfall with rain, slurry, traffic jams, etc.).

Arriving at the stop where the chief accountant is waiting (a little such a woman, 180/100 +/-) sees that she is bending and crying. Already in the car, she told the story, then with her words:

at the 7. 23 you are not at the stop, well, nothing happens, I wait. In about two minutes I see your car, but you are in the left lane and for some reason you are driving up to the light. I run to you, and your front doors are closed, and I try to open them a few more times. The window opens and a woman is sprinkling me in the eye with a balloon.

Since childhood, my daughter dreamed of becoming a teacher. She was babysitting children from the age of 12, worked as a tutor, later volunteered in schools.

Finally, her dream came true and after graduating from the teaching program of the University of Toronto, she was taken to school, teaching economics in the 12th grade. A couple of months later, she had an open lesson, where the director, the people from the board (analogue to Gorono), the methodists, to determine whether to leave her or not.

She was very nervous and asked me to help make a lesson plan. What we did.

The theme of the lesson was production, consumption and pricing.

We started with an investment of $15. There were 30 people in the class and she bought 30 chewbacks, 50 cents each.

When she came to class, she immediately stated that she had a gum. Now there will be an auction, and the one who wins will have to pay the real money. and so:

“Who is willing to get the gum for free?”

30 hands rose and the first point was placed on the chart on the board: (30, 0).

After each increase in the price, the number of wishes decreased, the schedule was replenished with new points, until one guy, Jonathan, rather from principle, bought it for 7 backs, solemnly handed them over, took the purchase and the last point (1, 7) decorated the schedule.

This is called the consumer curve (demand). The young teacher explained.

“And now I have good news for everyone except Jonathan. I actually bought gummies for everyone!” - she added, distributed gummies to everyone and immediately regretted it.

“I didn’t leave it to myself! There will be another auction. Who is willing to sell me a gum for $10? “” Again, 30 hands rose, and the point (30, 10) appeared on the chart. The price dropped, the number of wishing decreased until the point (0, 0) finished the picture.

This is called the supply curve (Supply curve). “She explained.

“Tell me, where are they crossing?”

“At the point (10, 0 5)" - the choir said the children, the director and the methodists of the board, watching all this action with full attention.

“It is right! This means that for 50 cents, the number of people who want to buy gum is equal to the number of people who want to sell it. This is how the market price is formed. That’s exactly what it’s worth!”

After the lesson, the sensitive directors and methodists approached her and confessed:

“Honestly, we have only now understood how the price is formed!”

Pension Fund of Russia named after Rodion Raskolnikov.

Before the New Year, I was at a visit with my friends. On the table was a red martini, which was recommended to be diluted with cherry juice. tk. Neither we nor friends are enthusiastic about drinking, then about half of Martini remained "for the future".
They met again on New Year’s holidays. The owner began to tell that "Martini, it turns out, is a busted thing - how he does not dilute it, but from one or two small glasses he hits his head only so" and shows the bottle with the juice he diluted.
His wife from the appearance of this "juice" first hangs off her jaw, then she begins to sneeze and with difficulty through laughter pronounces: "This is not a juice, but my mom's tincture of turmeric on alcohol..."

Rosstat: sugar - on 60%, oil - on 25%, flour - on 30%, crops - on 20%, pass - on 15%, gasoline - on 10%...
Let’s put together, summarize, summarize... all exactly, inflation for the year is 3.3%...
After the weather in the elections they will again summarize and summarize... and their eyes are so honest and honest.

I remember the student years. We went with guests like. and drunk. He fell on the PPS. Not as bad guys. not bullied. I think we wanted to fix the statistics.

We were charged with the stolen cell phone. First, we put in a hanged monkey, first pulling out all the ropes from the shoes and jacket (sskka, how I got angry afterwards, because back it wasn't stuck).

I’m sitting at the police station or I don’t know who this comrade police officer was then. A couple of mentions. There are no things naturally. Cell phones were also taken.

I have a Sony Ericson K700. Another model was stolen.

He starts with questions such as:

Is it your phone?

What videos are there?

Is there pornography?

(Everyone had fun on their mobile phones)

What if there was gay porn?

I take it and crack:

“Take what you have!” ? to

Oh yeah! I am puzzled...

On the holidays a friend went on a date with a girl. Further from his words:

The girl is nice, cute. We sit and talk, we joke. Apparently all well. And someday the topic went into the discussion of the signs of the zodiac and fate. In general, I think this is all nonsense. I sit down, drink my tea, and smile occasionally. And here the girl says:

What do you have in your hand? A fitness bracelet? Do you know it is harmful? Do you think he counts your steps and measures your pulse? not eat! He, first, is watching you, and secondly, what you consider a pulse measurement is actually nothing but programming you, that is, your intelligence is no longer entirely yours. Your actions, if you wear them for a long time, are no longer yours. Through this bracelet you are guided by your masters. And if you are still able to resist them, remove it immediately and throw it out!

Of course I refused. Then came the girl’s response:

“You know, I tried to save you, but if you can’t understand it and can’t cope with it, then you’re not me. You understand that it will only get worse.

The girl quickly gathered and left at sunset.