At the enterprise, a man worked as a tractorist on the K-700 (healthy tractor with large wheels). When the men gathered in the smoker, he came and fired a cigarette with the words: "That's mine in the cabin, and go high."
One day one of the workers goes into the smoking room and begins to feed everyone with cigarettes. Accordingly, the tractorist is like this: "I will take, or I will go high." The guy replies to him, "Of course, take as much as you want, I am not lazy, I slept."

Everyone is very surprised that I do not smoke or drink, they ask why, and I answer, "So it went, brother, I contacted a good company in my youth, and then it went: high school, university, normal work."

My colleague's son was accepted in 1st class. I must say that the school was muddy, and she was very afraid that he would not be taken. When the exam was over and everyone left the classroom, the examiner approached Tane (that was the name of my colleague) and said, “Thinking boy, let’s take it.”

On the way home, she naturally began to ask her son what he was asked about.

Nothing interesting, Mom. I was shown a picture, a screw on it, and underneath it 10 legs are visible. I asked him how many cockroaches were there.

Well, and you what?

I said that it is likely to be 5, but if there are fatalities among them, then there may be different options.

In the era before the mobile phones agreed with the girl on the first date.

In the circle, it doesn’t matter.

I’m still in shock that I’ve been waiting for a girl in the street for over an hour.

But I was more shocked that she came late for more than an hour.

When I was a kid, my mother and I went to kindergarten. There was frost on the street. And suddenly she says to me, stop smiling, teeth crack.

Since then I have not smiled. never ever.

Never look after luck: a ass like a ass.

Do you want to get a lifetime right to visit the Hermitage for free?

cats
One day to Empress Elizabeth Petrovna came rumors that in Kazan moved mice and rats. Having learned that all this was due to local cats, she issued a "Decree on the expulsion to the yard of cats". In the building of the Hermitage, the cats moved together with Catherine II and became "guards of painting galleries".

Since the 18th century, all the four-legged museum workers who entered the service are entered in the special Book of the accounting of palace cats and for 200 years have kept information about the names of all the furry colleagues, their customs and histories of their arrival in the Hermitage.
Currently, more than 50 cats live in the basements of the St. Petersburg Hermitage. Each cat is named by the museum staff. They are considered full-fledged employees of the museum. Their duties include catching rats and charging two-legged colleagues with a good mood. Museum officials call the cats “ermites.” After several years of work, Ermites retires.

The State Hermitage periodically distributes kittens that were born in the walls of the museum. Important conditions for future owners are to be adult and to have their own, not rented housing. They are given a test period of one month to get used to each other. Do you know what the owner gets with a new pet? Certificate of owner of hermitage cat and the right to a lifetime free visit to the State Hermitage.

Putin spoke about a new price reduction for basic necessity products. Last year it reduced the price of vegetable oil from 70 to 110 rubles.

And one day I went to the cafe with a man, and he invited me with the words, "Let's go in." The younger was quite, 18 years probably I was... So at first he couldn’t decide on the order for a very long time, then ordered a bunch of everything, then said no, he didn’t want it and ordered another, then asked me if I would drink coffee, then started rushing on the couch and talking about how uncomfortable to sit here, then looked out the window for a long time, as if I wasn’t around. When they brought the order, my cup of coffee looked very orphaned in the background of his orders. Then, when I saw that I put my hand on my beard and looked forward to it, I asked, “Why don’t you drink your coffee?”“Then I asked him to lead him to the toilet and stand next to him until he did all his business there, and then I asked, “Do you have money for all this?” And with a wide gesture of hand surrounded our table.

It is terrible, yeah?

However, there is one nuance - the man was 4.5 years old from the family.

I have a colleague from the Caucasus and her name corresponds, but when she came to us in the city, for the convenience of her colleagues, she named herself Angela. After some time, I met the guy and thought that this one-time acquaintance was called Vika.

Dating turned out to be not one-off, but to admit that she lied with the name, she could not, because the guy had all his family bothered about a wonderful girl named "Vika".

In the end, she is now married to him and the name Victoria is officially named =)

She regrets nothing and is happy that she named herself by the name she liked when she met.

I met a girl many years ago, and one day in the correspondence she complained to me about life, choosing "deep philosophical" insightful speeches.

At one point in the conversation she wrote to me:

“I was deprived of reality.”



My brain could not read exactly what was written.

In 9th grade, I had a drawing teacher with an old Satan in a shirt. I drawn very carefully and correctly, and she did not put above 4. One day I complained to my mom and she said, “So you’re not doing the job well enough! “To which I replied in my heart, ‘Well, do it, then you are one, prove that you can be better.’

My mother, at the time a professional drawer with more than 30 years of experience, drawing a million projects, decided to educate me... and really drawn a housework for me.

The next day I brought and showed her this house decorated with a gorgeous trio! My mom had no more questions.)

Man can do everything! What scares...

He once held a management position and recruited staff. Working with money, without communicating with customers, but frequent calls between employees. A deaf girl came to the interview, reading on her lips and writing answers on the phone. I took her, told all the staff that the new lady didn’t hear and she needed to write messages. I realized that my guys were the best when they created a shared chat where they were corresponding for lunch. Just so that the deaf girl can participate in conversations at the table.

The Jewish boy is asked:
“You have six apples, if you give half to your brother, how much is left?”
Five and a half.

She was filming in the center of Peter in the winter, in the service team. The frost. I wanted indescribable. I couldn’t wait until they brought the cinema and went to the nearest restaurant. As was, in walens, in a military jacket from секонд-hend, in a hat of uchanke.

I was surprised, but served. I talked to the waitress during the calculation. He laughed and said, “We thought when you just came here that you were either a zombie or a billionaire.”

The media covered the news that in the Russian Federation by 3% in the year car prices increased. Do I understand correctly that with an official inflation rate of almost 9%, it turns out that they have lowered by 6%?

I had a very warm friendship with my husband’s mother. We often go out together or go to the cinema. One day I was driving to the country, and in the traffic jams a man tried to meet me. I removed him, of course, and she said to me, “Well, what are you? A nice man and wealthy, you see. I would meet.” I look at her with the eyes of 5 copies, and here she, knocking herself on the forehead: "Oh, yeah, I forgot."

In Kazakhstan, the Internet is disconnected. Now the citizens of the country do not hold anything at home at all...

In the class I was taught with Vityka. His eyes were irritated by the headstone, because the name is consonant. Zadyra, crazy, loved to be in the center of attention, had a two-three-man. He did not go to school, but studied poorly. The Huligan.

At school, we were fed lunch, but my mom always gave me 20 cents. You could buy a punch or a cake in the cake store, or go to the store and take a glass of delicious grape juice on the second floor of the shopping center. A glass of seeds from the grandmother. You can go home with an empty stomach. The way home seemed more fun.

On that day, I had a little bit of ruble in my pocket. A whole ruble. You could even go to the cinema or go to the neighboring micro-district in a cafe and eat ice cream from the machine.

And here after school I go and meet Vitka, who has not been in school for a week (sick).

We greeted, and I became Vítka complaining about his painful illness, telling about the difficult fate of the sick.

I was naïve and wrapped my ears.

At the end of his tirade, Vitka asked me if I had no money. He needs a ruble.

Truths and untruths ruble he stole from me.

I don’t blame anyone, thank God for the experience that was useful to me.

As soon as the ruble moved from my hands into the hands of a classmate, he, grabbing it, immediately hid and began to whistle with all his strength.

I was so shocked that I felt the unreality of what was happening.

After that, he stopped laughing and got a whole pack of rubles (about 100 pieces) out of his pocket. The same yellow, minted like mine. And he said:

There are so many good fools. How many idiots, so many rubles.

It was very offensive. But since then I have not given money to anyone, even if they are complaining.

Events of 1985, Surgut.