Do you admit that you took the house?
“Well, Major, hold up a little. What, are you going to do?
and no. Here is the pass, go from here.
What oooo? You let go?
Wally said! Go to!
...
“Listen, Kohl, you’ve been catching this bear for two years. Why let go? He will open someone else tomorrow.
And I do not believe. I think he has already stumbled. So say my wife, mother, father, and in general all the acquaintances - old politicians have already picked up, they no longer need...

Second course of university. We had exchange students from France. For reference, I didn’t understand a word of French before.



We stand with a friend in the university dining room, in front of two French women. They communicate, they laugh. He barely moves. I want to make a compliment to a French woman, but I don’t know a single word in French. I ask a friend to help me translate the phrase, “You have very beautiful blue eyes.” Well, a friend and helped, translated approximately as follows: "he smoke the rest of the enzimle set newies." Well, I was in bad French and said it to a girl I liked. The girl laughed and said in broken Russian that my friend was a bad joke, and she wrote my phone number on my hand.



Who would know that the girl understands Russian... Well, okay... In the evening after a couple we met in a cafe, I led her to the dormitory. The next day we met again... Then the meetings became regular. They lived together by the end of the year.



After graduating from college, I visited her for almost a month in a small village southwest of Lyon. A typical village, very similar to the Russian... the sidewalk was only on the main street, two-story houses were built almost close to each other. But the overall impression was rather positive, although I expected something different from France. Okay okay...



He lived and worked in Canada for a while. Then returned to Russia. and married. So we live together.



And the phrase I spoke somehow was translated as, “We could spend the night together.”

We play today with a family - I, my wife, two children - in Monopoly. I get a chance card, I take it, I read it out loud: "You win the lottery, you get 1 million." Just going to take a millionaire from the bank, as the wife says, "Show me a card."

We have been married for 20 years, we have two children, a paid mortgage, joint property, investments and more.

And here she suspects me of fraud with toy money))).

In short, for the future of my family, I am calm.

Where is the Sberbank Security Service?

Yesterday I fell asleep in the bus, it seemed like I had travelled through my stop, as if for some reason: "Help!", I flew into the front door. I understand that I was wrong, and I have to go again and go... I manage to jump into the back door and sit in my own place. It was silent in the bus, even the driver turned off the music.

A acquaintance told me. He was on the train SPB - Rostov recently. Smoking in trains is prohibited. He approached the conductor and honestly asked how it was possible to smoke in the tambour.

Buy a lottery ticket and smoke.

And the guard?

Show the ticket and all.

Standing and smoking. The guard passes and makes a comment. He shows a lottery ticket. The guard:

Keep it in your pocket so that we can see it every time.

Okay

told a acquaintance.

He lives on the 7th floor. There is an elevator. One morning, leaving the apartment, a neighbor from his floor saw him and quickly pressed the first floor button in the elevator so that he didn’t have time to go with her to the first floor.

He, not thinking long, broke to the 6th floor, pressed the lift call button there (and the lift when moving down stops on all floors where the buttons on the floor were pressed), and he ran down, pressing the call button on each floor.

Then he waited on the first floor already at the exit of her, kept the door open, and before her very nose closed the door.

Because it is not good to do the ugliness of the neighbors.

He went down and called the elevator. He drove up and stopped on my floor. He stopped and stood with the door closed for a few seconds. Inside the elevator someone knocked so loudly. No, it didn’t break, it just broke. It was immediately clear that the citizen was exactly stressed in order to get better off. I even guessed that the passenger in the elevator was in his pants. And then the doors of the elevator open and right in front of me stands a 45-year-old girl. Really well dressed and just as well looked good. She looked up at me, saw my open eyes and her face instantly became brown. “You go, I’m next,” I said.

I remember when I went to the kindergarten, the teacher started playing words with us.

He calls the letter, and we list that word on the letter.

The line came to the letter M. The children list: mother, baby, butterfly, etc. After a dozen screams, the children's vocabulary has exhausted itself.

Then I remember another word! I am very pleased! I would rather scream at him! In absolute silence I shouted, “Morga!”

After a minute of silence, the teacher says: There is no such word! It does not count!



I was very disappointed. In the evening, my mom said there was a word, but it wasn’t very suitable for children’s play.

As a small organization rendered me a service, I came to the office, paid the manager a service, and there is such a dialogue:

Give it, if anything, call it.

Of course, next time you need it, I will come to you.

- You, in general, men are normal, we can do you for 65% of the cost of everything.

So how about losing yourself?

There is nothing to lose, we have a 100% payment for the bad guys.

I am with a payment check.

In the 1990s, a representative of our television was listening to the seminar. He told, among others, an interesting story about his internship on American TV. The internship was at a small television company in a provincial town. Our interns were surprised by the following event: on a certain day, all the TV journalists went to work instead of the technical staff: each had a workplace, for which a person was prepared in advance. To the surprised Russians, the Americans explained that these are exercises in case of a tech staff strike: so that broadcasting is not interrupted, technicians in this case are replaced by strike breakers - journalists. Our asked if there are opposite actions: when technicians work for journalists, take interviews, make reports, - in case of a strike of creative workers. Now it is time to surprise the Americans. How can journalists strike? They were confused. All of them will be thrown out and others will be recruited. It is difficult to find a good technician, and journalists are a pond of ponds!”

The company in which I work is seasonal, respectively, all tractors / drivers / various workers were sent to winter vacation, and the "intelligence" continues to work. As a rule, the husbands are at home, and the wives leave for a full day in the morning.



I go into the accounting office, I hear the end of the conversation: "Her Cole is such a puppy! And it is not lazy for him to go out at seven in the morning, to spend to the road, to bring the bag, to swallow the pen!”

The women’s group “Oooooh! How cute!”

I: “Well, logically, you have to make sure I’ve gone.”

“Shitnik, ahahahaha... Ha... X... Suwauka”

My colleague and I live next door. The old private sector. And every working day, I first walk five hundred meters to his home, then we go together to work another kilometer and a half. Halfway between us is a two-storey house. All as appropriate, deaf brick fence, garage with automatic door. Until last summer, it was painted light yellow. Then the owner repainted it in gently pink. (No, don’t think, nice colors and no hassle.) It is distinguished, so to speak, from the surroundings. The orientation.

Often, if I was late, my colleague called and asked, "Where are you there, are you sleeping anything else?" Answer: I’m approaching / nearby / I’ve already passed. While he was yellow – “I’m going next to the ‘psycho’.” It became pink – “I go past the pig house...”

Yesterday, after reading the "Pikabutian", I missed the time of departure. Even on the street, it’s hard to go.

I call the phone:

Where are you, are you sleeping?

I'll go to the pork house, I'll be there soon.



Five seconds later, a scream over the fence:

“Your mother, what color do you paint it?”



It was uncomfortable.

The path to ideals is usually paved by the road. Unlike the highway to sin.

Kiev, Friday, evening and the metro. Tired grey faces in the car. At one stop is a middle-aged man. Maybe a little drunk. Stop in the middle of the car:
Hi to you! Good mood and happiness!
The people in the car are silent. I am scared to see what happens next.
At the next stop, the man before leaving:
Goodbye to you! Wonderful evening to all! Love each other!
And went away.
People have begun to smile involuntarily. He raised the mood.

I went to the store. The line in the box is huge. He sneezed loudly and said, “Why did I just eat these rats?” “Get in line,” they replied, “we’re all from Wuhan.”

A friend came from Austria, asking why your bars or bars write "Founded in 2016". It has been produced since 1997. »



In Austria, it is written only when the age exceeds 200 years. One hundred years of business will not surprise anyone!



You know, Michael, in Russia, if a small business has existed for more than three years, it is already a victory, and if 10 years, it is like 200 in Austria!

What color is the crocodile? Ask the teacher in the kindergarten.

The red! Reply to Roma.

Why the red? The teacher is surprised.

The Green! The children scream.

It is outside. I disagree with the novel.

The group shakes.

I listened to the conversation between my mother and daughter on the bus.

D: Mom, I’m probably leaving Pawlik soon.

M : Why?

D: I was tired of cooking him breakfast every morning.

How do I cook your dad’s breakfast every morning?

D: You’re cooking, and I’m a fool!

I once lived in a rich country. I will not say which, I will only say that there is the tallest building in the world and all the highest roads in the world are there too.

And as a result, searching the internet found an advertisement for the casting. A very cool studio was looking for a little Asian girl of three to five years old. I just had a couple of free days and so it was decided to bring there my daughter, who was not sitting at home, and it was useful to air out and show something new.

Send a questionnaire. They called. have agreed. I went to the casting.

A huge studio with pavilions, offices, offices, offices and a lot of people. There were two hundred children, each accompanied by a mother, a sister, a grandmother and a aunt. All the girls are dressed like little princesses in ball and evening dresses, clothed to the blade and with makeup. Such small four-year-old women who behaved maneuverably despite such a young age.

I looked at the girl I was wearing. The shorts. The sandals. The T-shirt. Smoothed only from the stomach and on the head of the tail. A tail that can make dad while mom is at work. Not the best way to compete. There is nothing to lose. Once you have arrived, you have to go to the end. We were given a registration number and my daughter and I went for a walk around the area.

Then I bought ice cream. What was not worth it to do, I understood by wiping out the moustache moustache and wiping out the drops of the separated ice cream from the T-shirt and shorts of my little girl.

When we returned to the line, we were looked at with a smile and regret. Both scattered and scattered.

Their number. We enter the large hall where on one side were the employees of the casting atelier with the most organic cups of coffee. There are cameras, lights and a microphone in the back. Everything is very serious and kind. When the workers saw us there was a break. Then the laughter. The child saw the scattered children's balls and ran to catch them to throw. I immediately went to catch her as I was stopped. Remember how in the cartoon about the mother and her children, they went to a picnic and began to eat someone else’s food, and the girl seeing this also started to eat racing? And here the mother of the martyrs rushed to collect them, enchanted parents grabbed her and watched with delight how their child ate. They also stopped me and told me to let the child get angry and behave naturally. The operators immediately started filming and people at the table made notes.

For several hours, tired, exhausted children came to them, from whom parents demanded to smile at the camera or dance. The children fulfilled their requests, but they were not real.

As a result, I was very grateful, and bingo - We got the role by passing over a hundred competitors!

And further more. The casting manager liked my reaction of stupid surprise that they immediately decided, after a little advice, to record my profile too. I stood up in shorts, shorts and shirts in different poses and said the replicas that I was asked to say. It looked so stubborn that a dull smile did not come down from my face. Later, I was often called to a mass show, and a couple of times I even played an episodic role.

I became interested and asked the casting agency manager to show me my file. Show what they show to customers that they approve.

In fact, this is confidential information. You are already yours. to look.

In my expectation, the description of my role should have been something like “The Impact Man of Asian Appearance.”

"A middle-aged man with a charismatic look" or at least "A man with a dense body structure with a rough voice"

I took a folder and read on it my tag for which I was selected - "Fat Chinese Boy".

Why “great” is understandable. But the “Chinese boy overgrown” is offensive! I am Korean!

and Relax! The manager responded with a smile – Chinese boys are not suitable for the role of Chinese. They are all small, black and with very narrow eyes. And you are so roasted, red, mashalaya!

That’s how I played in a great Chinese movie. The small Chinese.

Observation: the higher the incomes of top managers of state corporations, the deeper the state is in the ass with these corporations over time.