We go to Norway for fishing, the mood is elevated. We pass the north of Sweden, stopped at the gas station to drink coffee, the gas station is quite busy, six people stand in the box office, everyone is decently silent. I took a huge cup of latte in the machine, I am going to arrange in line to pay. Here the glass somehow shakes out, the coffee flies into half the room, well, and unwittingly I get annoyed: -Ssuuk!

I looked at the sides, I think well, they don’t understand Russian. When the cashier screams to me, it is so boldly, through the whole turn: - Don't worry! Heather with him! Get another one for free! There was a guy from Kazakhstan, stumbled, went on. All positive.

I remembered a case from my personal practice when I was still working as an anesthesiologist in a small hospital in the district center. Although the resuscitation department, and the whole service was at a good level.

In small towns, everyone knows each other. My patients have also been seen many times. A young man of fifteen years who loved to drive fast and loud on a motorcycle. But everything quickly ends. There was a serious accident.

The first luck just crashed on its own, did not turn in the turn. No one was hurt anymore.

He never used a helmet. I moved to a friend. The helmet is full. The cranial fracture did not escape, but was brought to consciousness.

The third one crashed 500 meters from the ambulance and the hospital. Shock, because in addition to the skull, the hip bone is half. The upper half stopped thirty meters on asphalt. He was in rescue five minutes after the accident.

A little more interesting. Added spleen and rupture of the liver. But thirty minutes before the reception, a patient with bleeding "stomach cancer" dies, and after him there are four doses of blood, the same group and Rh. Which, accordingly, in a few minutes already drops into what happened. Usually there was no such blood supply.

Operational, long rehabilitation period, which I do not know further, but the combination of all the factors saved the guy's life. I would rather play in the lotto.

Excessively polite rejection is often taken for a timid consent.

I live in my house, in front of the window grows a rabbit, the berries do not fall, so they begin to wander. The cockroaches who eat them get drunk and fall into the snow.
I go, pick them up and take them home until they tremble. It was already hard to collect the buckworms, hanged the feeder. Let them eat.

Scientists have proven that the most stress a woman experiences when her husband lies on the couch and does nothing.

I recently broke the refrigerator. I found a master on the Internet. The dialogue between Me and Master.

What happened to the refrigerator?

I: Well it doesn’t work. Not the ice cream. The lamp does not burn.

Q: And the calendar?

I: And if you want to come to the examination, come.

Within an hour the master comes in and says, “Hello. I will do it now and you will all be happy now and forever.”

Everything was done quickly and quality. He had a sense of humor.)

In the news saw a beautiful story: first showed a aunt, who was riding from the hill on the "vatrushka" and crashed into a tree, then a child, who was also riding from the hill and flew somewhere. And then it was that it was all because of the mountains not equipped for skating, that for skating on the ass the mountains should be prepared and special staff should be on them. And the fault is that the fools cannot control the ass, not the fools themselves, but the mountaineers and the city!



For decades, children have been riding from all the slopes on everything that slipped. If, while riding, you crashed somewhere, you got puzzles from your mother, made conclusions and riding more carefully. If, for example, you jumped on your ass from a mountain and sat down, then the next passenger went into your ass. All this quickly taught not to click the fuck, to move sharply and look at the sides. As a result, the children crowded from the hill and did not get injured. But the years have passed and the adult dudes can’t scroll to avoid getting a shock. And since every fool, a fool, a person who cannot be mistaken and whom everyone ought to blame, he blames the city, the hill, the surrounding, but not himself for his debility.



And then the classic: the debils transferred the responsibility for their debility to others, the media was blown up, and officials, as a result, will be born with a dozen new laws, according to which it will be possible to ride only in a helmet and from certified hills on the passing TO sanches in the daytime with a lunch break. The second Tuesday of the month is a sanitary day. If you ride on a cardboard, then there should be a quality mark of PCT on it. Counterfeiting of counterfeit cards is a fine.

There are people who are better not to see a hundred times than to hear once.

Case in the clinic

A grandmother is sitting in the corridor of the clinic.
A woman in a white coat passes by – not much younger than that grandmother. He passed by and then came back:
Hi to you! What did you come with? I saw you here yesterday.
The old lady extends a leaflet, right? He says:
I am in the seventh room. I stayed here yesterday and it was closed all the time. I sit here today.
The woman in the white coat looks at this poster:
You are in the 507 office. This is 207. Go to the elevator. I will accompany you. It is on the fifth floor.
have gone.
Just very attentive. I just passed by.

The economic rush was so strong that one egg was torn.

I have worked with Chinese for 7 years, I have one Chinese whose family is engaged in tea: they pack and sell them. Once drinking with this Chinese, he told me a story about how they make money on tea. They correctly pick a fairly inexpensive tea, for example, at the price of $10 per 1000 grams, then pack them and pack them in boxes, as the author of the aforementioned TS. Then the price increases in times...up to hundreds of dollars. The Chinese says that many are interested in the price more than the taste characteristics and most buyers can’t even distinguish between the tea for $10 and $1,000. Therefore, whenever I see such boxes of Chinese tea and the high price, I bypass them.



And yes, he also boasted that so they earned on the first X5

N***: today called one of the heads of the department, said that he is extremely dissatisfied with my indicators, but that they are not the worst yet, but if I continue in the same spirit, then I will have to say goodbye to me...

N***: It would be nothing, but I am on vacation for almost a month with subsequent dismissal and I once again understand that it is not in vain to really work hard in a company where someone has worse work performance than I do when I am on vacation.

We came to the movie, a family - Mom(M), Dad and Child(R) sat nearby.

Somewhere in the middle of the film:

R: Enough, I want to go home, let’s go. When will we leave from here?

M: Son, now the advertisement begins, and let’s go.



And the child was waiting for the advertisement)))

My mother is a good retiree. Sometimes it is even too cheerful, and it blows out on others. And I gave her my old laptop so that she could sit on the internet, chat, watch movies, and not try to rebuild furniture in my house or give me a couple of ZUs.



The mother of the cleaner is one of those people who have everything "similarly", so the note was exploited as follows:



Include the root in the router.

Turn the router into the router.

Open and turn on the note.

Check the mail, VC, OK, etc.

Finish the work

Close the cover of the note, cover with a towel.

Remove the note from the rosette.

Remove the router from the router.

Because "if you leave the fork in the socket, there may be a fire."



During the next 30 minutes - 1 hour again becomes boring, it goes to check messages and the cycle is repeated: turn on, check, turn off, cover with a towel.



My warnings that the constant opening-closing of the lid sooner or later will break the veil have led to nothing. Because “an open laptop is a mess.”

Oh well ok. Whether long, short, it happened - the screenshot from the monitor "covered with a towel" and characteristic horizontal stripes appeared on the screen.



As a temporary phenomenon, I put her an old ELT monitor and shuddered on her affairs at sunset, promising to find a suitable donor shelf at home and fix everything in a week or two.



"The monitor with the stripes at the laptop is a mess," my mother thought, sticking to it a beautiful picture with the sea and palm trees, carved from some glossy magazine. (It is beautiful! )



On June 22, at exactly four o’clock, a couple of days later, he calls me to work:



My daughter, the picture at the note is missing.

- I recently connected the second monitor to you, has it disappeared?

– Yes...

What did you do before that?

- Well..I took the scissors and cut off the monitor from the notebook.. it doesn't work anyway, so you don't need it...

Wait a little, I will call back.



I had to rethink what I heard, quickly pass through all the stages of accepting the inevitable.

Re-called my mom, clarified some details, praised that all these manipulations she made with the notepad off (well, right? ))))



So my friends, I didn’t hear. Mom took the Portovsky scissors... and quietly, with a measured crust, cut off the cover from the notepad.. by the slides, by the plastic loop, by the wifay wires... Mom has a strong...

I went to the "place of the accident", determined the main monitor ELT-shny, and the image was found, but an indelible impression on me of all this remained))

Mom is still alive and alive now, but at some times, when she doubts about her rightness, she asks me.

The son in school (third grade) at the painting lesson was told to draw a winter forest. He painted the jungle. When asked what he was listening to when asked to draw a winter forest, he explained that the picture is January, only in the tropics.

Thanks to the Internet, the number of writers and poets is increasing in geometric progression. The headline of readers is beginning to lag behind.

The senior researcher, let’s call him here S.M.S., had the reputation of a gruesome and a mother-in-law. However, he treated me warmly, despite the significant age difference at 19. This, in particular, could be explained by the fact that I quickly understood and accepted his rules of play. So, for example, my appearance in his room was always accompanied by the same ritual. I quietly opened the door and looked carefully into the room. If the S.M. Concentratedly writing or, even more concentratedly, digging something in the probes, I also quietly closed the door and disappeared to better times. If the S.M. I looked relaxed, intentionally loudly opened the door and broke into the room with a scream: “Michalych, where is the tea?” He immediately broke the stool from the chair and began to witch over the cow that had darkened from many years of tea drinking.

Our laboratory is adjacent to the S.M.S. Laboratory. At the time, we were engaged in micromanipulation, which required not only concentration, but also appropriate equipment, such as very heavy and durable tables. It was impossible to buy such tables, so my boss and I designed and ordered from the institute workshops tables cooked from shellers. At the same time, under the noise, we made cabinets of sheet iron. To say that the cabinets are heavy means to underestimate their weight. The cabinets were very heavy. It is time to hang them. It was a difficult task. First, my boss and I both raised the closet to the shoulder level, then my boss moved to the middle of the closet, holding it on his shoulders and with his head bent. At this point, I flew up on an old scattered fence and tried to get the screws in the crushing dumbels. Naturally, the holes in the wall coincided with the holes in the cabinets only in zero approximation and I tried to stretch the iron cabinet in the right direction for the missing fractions of a millimeter. The bullshit was far from the first attempt. We were both wet and angry, although the open door provided some ventilation. Of course, everyone who passed by stopped to admire the spectacle and let go of a complacent commentary such as, “Do you commit adultery? “Then do adultery.”

When I pulled one of the last screws in my exhalation, S.M.S. appeared in the door, and he did not let go of his part of comments. And here I broke. In a few phrases I proclaimed out loudly that I had committed adultery repeatedly with S.M.S. himself. and his closest relatives, and also indicated the main directions in which he should immediately go. S. M. S Khumuro looked at me and, without saying a word, went out.

Soon only the fairy tale, as you know, has an effect, but it is time for me to fix the last screw in the wall. Tired, I went out to the hallway to breathe fresh air and, at the same time, blow a cigarette. I met with S.M. He walked a heavy rolling walk of a heavy man, staying as usual with his eyes on the floor. We settled together and I asked as calmly as possible:

Mikhail, did you get hurt?

Avoid looking me in the eyes, S.M. He said quietly but clearly:

and fucking.

Then he took a pause and repeated louderly:

and fucking. After all, I knew, fucking, that you can’t go up to a man when he works... Where did you use, fucking?

A stone fell from my heart and I said:

“Who is without sin, Michael? And I have, however, fresh tea already made, Indian. Let’s go on a row?

- Oh, you are still divorcing, and I will only turn on the centrifuge to cool down, - and immediately entertained S.M.S. He rushed toward the centrifugal room.

P.S If any of the readers recognized my hero, remember him with a kind word. He was an innocent and just man.

Father Christmas! When I wrote to you that I wanted to become world famous, I didn’t mean international search!! to

I went to work in the electric car this morning.

I forgot my headphones at home, so I dumbly look in the window at the landscapes and catch the car conversations with the edge of my ear.

In front of me sit two women, years edak under 50-55, talking in a hurry. I don’t listen, but here one of them says (hereinafter Z1 and Z2):

Listen to me, fucking, I’m a fool. The holidays will not stop! Every day, a little, but drink.

G2: Oh well okay! He is normal with you: you are not hungry, he does everything at home.

G1: Oh yes of course! Always looking to the left.

He just looks, but does not walk.

Q1: How do you know?

J2 (with sadness but evil): I know!

I go out of the grocery store, summer, sunshine, on the basement sits a woman of unspoiled appearance, a peak on a hectare: "Men give money, - I am silent, I go on, the distance between us increases, the likelihood of receiving cash decreases - a goat, what all the men went, goats, - zero reaction on my part, the distance destroys all hopes, the iron concrete argument goes on, a scream on the whole street - I LOVE YOU"