I called once an old acquaintance, asked to help with the selection and bringing into the working state of the gadget as a gift to the son. The choice was between the PSP and the tablet. The son very much wanted a "peach", especially considering that the previous one was sown in school. The issue of hardware security arose, so that the previous experience of loss would not be repeated. Banning is useless, threatening is not good.
There was a Solomon’s solution in the brain attack. The child became the owner of a console of nuclear pink color with a large engraving on the back: "Mom loves you." For a year - no attempt to take the device out of the house, so that "to chase the boys."

The stripper realized that the club was elite when she found a crystal swan in the strings.

When I was 6 years old, my grandmother and I went to the store for food. We approached the shelf, there was a row of several people. One of my aunts said to my grandmother, “What a beautiful granddaughter!” I, not long in the bag, take off my shorts with the cowards and say, “I’m a grandson!“”

I was on a train with a man and his son. He was the brother of a famous Olympic champion and an army athlete. Unpleasant but quite adequate. But here the son... I had the impression that he was just insane. Dad came out, he asked me for something, and in a command tone. I became funny listening to the demands of a ten-year P&D. Then he approached and struck me on the cheek, saying, “When I say it, it must be done.” I took him and pushed him in the face. He normally pushed, so he flew on his shelf and knocked his head at the wall. Until the end of the trip, I looked at me with the sight of oh@e­ enot.

I do not regret.

I started dating a girl, it’s been about a month and that’s what we sit in the evening, watching the series.

I: I argue for a maximum of 7 attempts, guess the number of your sexual partners before me?

D: Let it go

I: (Decided to stick) More than 50 or less than 50

D: more

He who has nothing to be proud of is proud of the past, but not of his own and, moreover, of those who never existed.

Mom wrote today:
"I tell you: runs through the yard, bending the back of a bunch of cats - six pieces. One of them is strangely jumping. I look at it and only after five seconds I realize that the dog is smaller than the same cats. It was just rushing, as a male bass was spreading behind her back: "Anatolius! Anatoly, stay away from cats! I told you for a long time, you will not die by your own death.“”

On June 14, it was 158 years since Alois Alzheimer was born. Of course, nobody remembered...

My father, unfortunately, lies in the hospital, in the department of neurology, and there are footage...

We lie down, we sleep, suddenly an inadequate man falls out of the neighboring chamber, goes to bed on a free bed and cries out on the whole - "fuck me, I'll spit out."

Well, the men and say to him, go mouthy mouthy from here, and he is not in any way, barely pulled out to the fuck to sleep... Next night, about 4, the body falls again, well, the men from the sleep throw him out again with pins and matts mouthy, and his bag with things in the corridor, here the nurse flies and with the words -"men, it's not the one, it's new only put," brings things back... it was shameful for everyone...)

A long time ago, one large company made a New Year corporate, butterfly, sweepstakes, gifts and the main prize of the lottery was a Mercedes. A narrow circle of people knew that the Mercedes would win the company’s owner’s wife and didn’t fret. But history would not have happened if everything went according to plan. The boss’s wife is late to the event and the scheme where she was supposed to get a “random” ticket doesn’t work. The leading announces the winner is a 55-year-old woman, an ordinary accountant, but who has worked in the company for almost 20 years. The woman was incredibly happy with such a gift, recognition of her merits, etc. Thanks to her left, what they did with his wife history does not specify, but the boss all the remaining corporate was darker than the cloud.

XXX: My mother’s older sister married in the summer, my mother’s younger sister took a husband out of the family, my mother was never married, and I don’t even know who my father is. And these people teach me how to find a husband!

Although the roof and went, but strictly on the route and with all the stops.

Sergey here recently went to his passion, they were going to the cinema. Irina, like any decent girl, naturally was not assembled, he had to wait. It is worn around him with clothes, then with shoes, then with a hairdresser. Everything is almost ready, the last strokes. Suddenly brakes next to at full speed, a little bit of the heels on the home tapes did not stumble, and knocks himself on the forehead with the words "Oh, the pad should be changed, or the shaker will be!" Directly into the bathroom. Sergey is such a morphologist, not a moralphagus, of course, but this is somehow too much... From the bathroom, a thunder of minutes for three, then silence. The door opens, Irina comes out with the clothed sleeves of the costume and with the key in her hands. “Sorry,” he says, “I’m just hairing up now and I can go!”

At that moment, Sergey decided for himself that Irina should be married.

The professor at the seminar notices that one of the students is not completely sober. He says to him:
Students, you are drunk. Leave the workshop immediately!
What are you, Professor? I am completely sober!
Are you sober? Then write me the formula for calculating laplasian in toroidal coordinates.
The student goes out to the board and writes a long formula. The professor checks the manual for a long time and ensures that everything is written correctly.
Well, I am impressed! I don’t remember this formula and I can’t remember it with a sober head.
The student:
I was sober and I don’t remember.

If someone tells you that you are a terrible cowboy, but will give you 10,000 rubles for it...

Will you take the money?

Even more would! I am scary, not stupid.

The case was yesterday. In a Turkish hotel, I wake up in the evening and realize that the dinner will soon be over. I quickly get up and go to the dining room asleep. The theme of the dinner was fish and seafood. He gathered shrimp, midi, cancer, calmar. I walk past a pot with fish of different species. Looks like a squeezed. I picked half a red fish. I sit down at the table and eat all this, I get to fish. It seemed to me not very delicious and not salty at all. Well, it was good that there was beer, as it ate, uncomfortable to leave out. I go back, passing by the pot, I realize that other people are choosing a fish and bringing the cook to eat it.

I rented a car in Cyprus. Rental is cheap, 300 euros per month, but a guarantee of 1000. No deposit rental with insurance 900.Ok, I drive carefully, took without insurance. A few days later, I noticed that the bumper was barely worth it. Go look, and there are a couple of cartridges missing, and I just saw them in the kitchen in the box. I’m sorry, I picked up, I’m driving. In a month I return the car, handed over, I make the return at the office. A man runs from the parking lot: "You hit the car, you have a buffer there, don't return the pledge yet." “Well,” I said, “let’s go and see what’s going on there.” He comes for the Turk-Tyrk bumper. There is nothing talking there. Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you (I wanted to say, but didn’t say). He, the type, the machine was wrong. The Peders. Since then, when renting videos, I have taken even the slightest scratches in the act.

If a person assures with warmth that he speaks the pure truth, then this truth is surely deceived.

A friend told me this story:
During a long trip to Germany, he enrolled in a fitness club.
One day after training went to the sauna, dressed up until nothing, sitting enjoying. And here comes an absolutely naked woman, (well don’t run! Then a naked man, and then another woman. The friend accepted the norm, but it takes time to accept this ordinary Russian man from the depths.
The next day he turned the pedals, licking afterwards, when the administrator approached him and said in a quiet voice:
Can you change your shirt?
What is it?
- You have too short sleeves, it looks very challenging!

The rabbi gathered his Jews and told them.
There are two news, good and bad. Which to start?
Obviously with good.
I found a million dollars to build a synagogue.
So what bad?
They are still in your pockets.