I am an expert assessor. There was a funny episode recently:

I came to photograph the apartment to assess under the mortgage of the bank, I walk along the house and look at the tablets, from which to which apartment in the entrance. I needed a square. 10, I see the table - Access 1: square. 1 to 12. Oh, what I need. I got up and I got 12 in my head. These apartments are also on the same floor, so I calmly call myself in the square. 12 is People open the door and I say to them:

I am taking a picture of the apartment.

Come in! ( )

Well, I did everything I needed, all the rooms passed, I photographed everything, at the exit I already ask:

Remember, what is the cost of the contract?

Under what contract?

Do you sell for how much?

We are not selling! ( )

- Wait, did I talk to you that the apartment for the bank needs to be photographed?

It doesn’t eat... (!)

Here are some clarifications, finally found out. I ask :

Why did you let me go at all?

You are so sure to come in!

There are several milestones in family life – this is the day when your wife first said how stupid she was, when she married you, and when you first agreed with her.

Yesterday I went to DNS, found on the shelf a video card without connectors for connecting monitors. At first I did not understand, decided that this is an additional video card for SLI mode, but the seller explained that this is a special model for mining. Honestly I was even confused.)

A young employee complains that the security service missed the password (choosed by the boss who went on vacation).
x: Password is long and non-trivial, can be brutforced for centuries. Is that what they did not like? The guys are very excited!
Password to Studio
x: j3qq4h7h2v2hch4m3hk86m8vw
Y: Young and green.

>In the green borst with straw does not put cabbage.

Do you say the main thing, the borscht should be frozen or so can be eaten?

Soup and milk flour - purely child food, adults usually do not eat it.

Or maybe a fool? In our factory in the dining room half the men take soup or milk flour.

Reminded about the elections.
In the neighboring room lived Bukhari Kolyan, after whose death it turned out that neither relatives nor friends were going to bury him, so all the documents were issued by me, the death certificate was with me. Elections were soon held in the city. I come to the polling station in the morning and see that Knee is on the lists. As a clever woman, I pointed out to my aunt the mistake, went home, brought her a death certificate, so that she could cut out the knee.
Six months later, new elections. I come to the polling station half an hour before the closure, the passport, and Kolyan has already voted!
I was 20 years old. What you didn’t believe in childhood. Even in elections.

I’m never insulting people, even puppets and puddles like you.

“Bazar” by Henry Lion Aldi. The guy gets to the barracks, where things are sold to people. He risks to fall into the abyss there forever, but he is saved by a jacket that he loved very much, long and long wore and happened to have lived in it the brightest moments of his life.

How much does this jacket cost?
Nail, it is I who sell it!

One of the first clandestine rules in the command of the U.S. Marine Corps set for themselves by their commanders sounds like: "Don't lie down, fuck, your guys are cool, they will do their job, don't interfere with them, don't do too much."

Q: It is fun. Previously, they said "Girls will dry on it", and now "Girls will flow on it".
There was no sex in the USSR, so it dried up.

I’m not so worried about telling a lot of crazy jokes, but rather that I can come up with a good half of them or complement them on the go.

The call was now.

Good day! My name is Vadim. We monitor the quality of Internet and television services. There are a lot of complaints about the quality of the internet.

Sorry to interrupt, how many complaints?

Well, a lot...

So how much?

Well 15.

Did you know that this is a private house and there is only one owner?

Sorry... hanging the phone.

At least amused.

If an elephant runs in front of you, go away, you will meet the one from whom it is fleeing.

The lady with the sting:

I looked at the kids at school today when I was taking theirs away. Here in the form (it includes a shirt or shirt necessarily) it is perfectly visible, whose parents are ruined to buy a shell, and who "modern fabrics in the shell do not need". Well, this is a personal affair of everyone, but the third class, especially the girls, and the irritation can start. Learn in advance to give what :) once such principles in the family.

Is it not? Just some of my kids in swimsuits, boy polo shirts, and trickery girl shirts, no one ever bothered. In the list of the 100 best schools of Russia, our school is not in the top ten. In primary school, I remember, at the gathering somehow hinted hard on poplin shirts and classic shirts, but we decided that it was better to read or walk with the children than to have fun with the oak all night.

There is a contactless zoo. (Photo of the cats)
Type - feed the feed, and do not touch the skin?
and UGU. An unprincipled creature.
Just like kids :)
to the point.

here here :

Video to the studio, how you wash the shirt for 7 minutes )) Very looking forward to this twist )

Well, that is, an hour is not a turn, but 5-7 minutes is a turn? Something is wrong with you, seriously.

Theatre costume workers smooth a men’s shirt in 40 seconds. These are the pervers, right?

from recall

On a common ticket, you can ride in a armored wagon in a bunch of wild babouins. From this trip, the son just ate, so he was so happy to see him like him.

xxx: Can you somehow determine by the sound of the keys which password the user enters?
Yyy: If he puts him on the piano, it’s fine.

I don’t understand people who are drunk writing to ex. I’m usually so upset that the only thing I have to write is this will.