I decided to lose weight and asked my parents to support me morally.
I come home with a note on the refrigerator: “The fat daughter is a shame for the family!“”

Those who are confused with the sides of the moon.
Turn on the table lamp and direct it to your face. Your face is the illuminated side. Now put the lamp behind you so that it shines in your back. Now your face is the unenlightened side. Has it become that shit? possibly. But probably not. So do not confuse the face of the moon (the side it is always turned to us) and the illuminated side of the moon. It is not the same.

The psychological test. On the picture are painted wooden boxes. One of them is illuminated. Question: What do you think is in the box? You invent, and then comes the key to the test: If you chose something of value, you believe in luck. I only thought of a coffee plate. In general, it’s hard not to think about tiles when the box says "TILE".

Men, unlike women, do not have a brain, but a body.

Unfortunately, there are women who do not have a brain.

Clelia: Once, in the distant past, when I was still studying at the university, I encountered a very funny guy. The philosophy was as follows: if a girl on the first (and subsequent) dates orders anything other than a cup of tea, then she is a MERCANTILE STERVE WHO WILL EAT FOR ME. When (without knowing about his wonderful quality) I ordered myself a bunch of snacks and eaten calmly, he looked at me with the sight of the hungry child, whom I struck the last. When they brought the bill, I got my wallet to pay for my portion of the order. Vynosch swelled like a duck, but he didn’t bother. But then, on the way back, he whispered that I first ordered too much, and this humiliated him, and then again humiliated him when I paid my share of the bill, and now I humiliate even more, that I don’t want to apologize, but just crack.

But putting a hamster right in the morning cappuccino is invaluable!

It’s better with a hamster :)

I’m watching a National Geographic documentary and I don’t know what I like about the movie.
I listened.
Soundtrack from Heroes of Might and Magic III.

Imagine how the translators of product descriptions on AliExpress suffer:
Oh my God, this is a crap! How to describe her?
- Per, the "washing net, a very soft net for the body, a woman's shower net"?
and well. And the coat then will be "Natural women, sheep winter fur".
It is genius.

A fucking bunch of people claim that the strongest motivation is in the person who wants to go to the toilet. I do not argue. Only here produces a person with such motivation is basically shit, sorry.

xxx: Remote administration via satellite
XXX: Pain and Suffering
XXX: Pings per second
YYY: Remote administration by phone is even better.
Yyy: Penguins Going for Lunch

xxx: Oh God, now even the staff department is stunned by the horoscopes. There will come a cool special, non-conflict, not an alchemy, and to him HR says: "That's how you are a great specialist, but your Taro natal map does not fall into the coordinate of the energies of Uranus under Capricorn. We will call you back."

No, what a charm. The height is 2 m 1 cm, weighs 110 kg, and this rumble with a shy smile is called Vasya Koshchkin. He is just like a child cartoon hero, if he did not exist, he would have to be invented.

"And a smile, without a doubt..."

Everything is fine here, and spelling, and puncture, and dish!

I move to another department, on the same floor, in another office. Farewell to the girls. Tears, cries, hugs, cries: “Who are you for who you have left us, how are we without you?” In the same spirit. I wrapped up, went out, came to the new office, remembered that there is no place to hang clothes, I return.
Can I hang your clothes in your closet?
No, she died so dead.

>>> Why can’t you wear shorts in summer? The people of the south do not understand, explain.

Don’t try to understand the logic of a man who always walks in clothes with the same set of pockets and thinks everyone should do so.

I regularly read the local news site with users’ comments. Of course, sometimes I also comment on the news. I had to receive responsive comments such as "you are terrible", "you don’t have a man","go to the kitchen" and other humility of nearby comrades trying to devalue someone else’s opinion. I started writing under a male nick. I write the same thing on the same topics. Where are the answers like "you are poor", "you have no sex", "go to make money"? And not them! This is the first time that they were named "the sub-bullist," when she punished a man for a shame against the unknown heroine of the post. So what? Who said there that "in Russia equality, what else do you need"? Just try subscribing to forums not "Sasha", but "Masha", and enjoy the tons of shit that devalues you.

The 85-year-old grandfather does not buy LED bulbs: they serve for ten years. I will not live so long.

In Europe, the most frightening picture for a pack of cigarettes has long been found.
Which one?
– €10

At work, firefighters flooded us with hot water. Now everywhere smells of moisture, old tree and boiled onions
Like my grandmother in the village
Q: Did you have a fire? O_O
xxx: No, the firefighters were just in one building, on the side of us, and the pipe was broken. As a result, we flooded a basement with equipment and goods. From the equipment were only broken comps, but from the goods - seedlings of onion X)

If you smelled like Papa Carlo for the last 3 months, without seeing the light of white, grabbed and reworked the tueva bad stuff for yourself and for that guy, in a burning cottage, a horse racing, stood to death, won gold medals for yourself, the family and the whole great country, and decided, finally, to rest on the weekend... Well, how to rest? So, simply, and quietly: stumble with an interesting book, watch a long-downloaded masterpiece film, drink a bottle of cooked excellent wine - for the sake of all the holy! Do not tempt! Because necessarily at the most inappropriate time will be a alarming phone call, long-forgotten distant relatives will fall on their heads, aliens will arrive, enemies will attack - whatever it takes. Do not believe? And you read that interesting book, and look at the long-downloaded masterpiece film. This plot is not new and is probably there for spending.