bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №153299
 12.11.2019
For about six months, I involuntarily watched the life of the unknown to me Tamara Nikolaevna. She works (and lives) in the Volokolamki-Leningrad region. Her salary is 46 300 r., paid her regularly. Tamar Nikolaevna prefers cash. I didn’t get the prize for the past six months, I didn’t go on vacation. And I know all this because six months ago, Tamara Nikolaevna, when issuing a salary card, VTB Bank indicated my mobile phone. Thank you that she doesn't like to pay by card - otherwise the SMS would come out of the horn of abundance. Although literally the days, Tamara Nikolaevna tried to pay something for the first time in Peterochka for 629.27, but the operation was rejected. And then it is true, where does Tamar Nikolaevna know how much money she has on the account, if she does not receive text messages, nor can she get into the mobile bank. And she had 82 rubles on the card during the misfortunate journey to Fiaterochka. and eight copies.
And you could have blocked the SMS sender if my pay card wasn’t in the same bank. I have an SMS form. I am very uncomfortable looking at Tamara Nikolaevna. I am bored, I went to the department and wrote a statement, I ask, say, Tamara Nikolaevna to separate somehow. But a month passed, and yesterday Tamara Nikolaevna got another salary. Someone with work is stable.
(And I am still silent about Olga Pavlovna and Tinkoff Bank - these letters go to me. Olga Pavlovna issued a credit card from them and does not pay too well, the debt since May is about 38 thousand. Now it is offered to pay at least 5300 r., or there will be sanctions. However, despite all this, recently Olga Pavlovna increased the credit limit to 86,000 r. It is almost like Tambov.
You say protection of personal data.

Irina Rubanova

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №153298
 12.11.2019
There are two classes in Russia: the poor and the poor. With the poor everything is clear, but the poor are those who seem to have wealth, but they have little and little.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №153297
 11.11.2019
I was always worried that my grandmothers were very confident. I’ve always said that if you haven’t called a master, never open the door. Also always the grandmother warned - they will call from the bank, loudly and clearly send this person to the telephone and all. Parents especially warned one more computer people.

A small clarification - my father is negative to the banks, the salary is always received in cash. He never had cards. And yesterday my mom calls and after my warning about new ways of scammers, laughing tells me: they call my father yesterday "from Sberbank", they say you have some suspicious payment from the card passed. My father has no cards. Well he replied to her, “Hospadi, I’m lying there! Are they all sparkly? Well there revived, we stop everything, only the code from the SMS dictated for confirmation. And he, in response, dictates to Beliberto, in short, my mom says that five minutes later, at that end, the tubes did not stand and threw the tube.

This is how I realized that my parents were vigilant. What I wish you!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №153296
 11.11.2019
A true patriot does not sell his country cheaply.

[ + 132 - ] Comment quote №153295
 11.11.2019
The idiots are saving.
The Ministry of Health decides to save money. Because they are foolish, the savings are foolish.
To begin with, they decided that once the doctor is taught twice as much as the nurse, then the doctor will cope with her duties. The nurses were discharged and the doctors were forced to carry out all the documentation alone. As a result, high-quality specialists are busy half the time with what a not-so-high-paid specialist can do.
After that, right as in the children's cartoon about seven caps from one sheep, the fools began to "saving" again. The doctor spends too much time on the reception (moreover, he smells for himself and for the nurse), let’s reduce the reception time. have reduced. Now almost all the time of reception a doctor who has been taught for 6 to 7 years spends on the work of a nurse who is taught twice as much. There is no time to look at the patient. For excessive consultation - punishment, fools are spared. Uzi, Kt, dead only the plate. for free - punishment for the doctor, fools are spared. As a result, the patients who did not receive help should quietly die to the joy of the fools. But the people "why" do not want to die and call an ambulance. And the challenge is a medical brigade, again - a high-paid. The driver, again, is not one of them. come and understand that the patient does not need an ambulance, and no one provides him with a plan. And the emergency is more expensive than the call to the clinic. That is, one challenge would pay for the correct and normal treatment, but the fools will save. Further, the ambulance or leaves the patient at home and he tries to follow the instances further, or, when the consequences of the planned "non-treatment" become... bad, he will be taken to the hospital. There are high-paid specialists, examinations and hospitalizations, where they carry out treatment that they could spend at home for a lot less money. But the fools are saving. And often after the examination they say - you are treated in the clinic and everything goes on in the second, third and so on. and specialists often in the clinic were not bad, but 12 minutes per patient, 10 of which are spent on holy - to fill out medical documentation. This is why fools don’t save money. And the worst thing is that these specialists in a few years will simply not be able to work normally. Here the documentation they fill will learn to the joy of the fools.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №153294
 11.11.2019
To thank a politician for doing something for the money of the people is the same as applauding a ATM for the money given to you.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №153293
 11.11.2019
This story happened when I was nine years old. During the summer holidays, we gathered together in a company of 5-6 people and walked, sometimes getting into all kinds of repairs.



In our village there were two secondary schools and a sanatorium-type school. At the end of this school was a small two-story building, where there was a boiler and laundry room. In that summer there started repairs, as I understand - repairing the boilers. Because they were removed, and the top partially dismantled the brick pipe to the roof level. We went there with the crowd, it was interesting. But there was no one there, and by eternal distortion everything was open.



We went to the roof to see what was going on. I don’t know who, but not me, the “genial” idea came to mind to go down the pipe. Everyone is afraid, but weakness can be refused. In order to be less puzzled, it was decided to climb in shorts. Good below still flowed water, although rusty and stagnant. It was done by everyone in turn. I think you can imagine what we looked like after such a trip))).



Not just Yuri. He was fat, not to say that he was a gyrobasse, but rather bitter. He was afraid to get stuck. And then someone came to mind an even more brilliant idea - to go down the pipe down the head. I’m just sure that this would have been done, but here Juric saved us, he couldn’t stand the ridicule and use in the pipe. And then happened what he feared – he stuck at the level of transition between the first and second floors. First he cried when he flooded, then he started crying, and then he started crying. I understand that at the age of nine all potential astronauts, pilots and representatives of other heroic professions, but still they remain little boys who are afraid to be trapped in a dirty and dark tube.



We called the military council right on the roof and decided to help. In fact, there were two options: throw a rope that we didn’t have, or try to push it. They found some kind of bamboo rod with which the electricians hang the wires, and began to push it from the top. Naturally, we couldn’t do anything, only hurt him, and he started screaming and crying even more. Here we were caught by a guard. I can imagine what impressions he had – a wattage of dirty boys and whispering in the pipe. Oh, we got it then, and there, and at home. Emergency workers were called, who dismantled part of the pipe and released Yurk.



After a few years, he stretched out and lost weight, but the nickname behind him remained - Jurka-pipe cleaner.



I often recall this story when I begin to talk about what kind of children now went, we weren’t. We were like that, we forgot.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №153292
 11.11.2019
I went to the Politics. As it happens before the exam, the stomach turned.

By the smell of shit, I found a toilet in the hallway.

I go in, it smells, it cuts my eyes.

Of the two pushes, one does not work and hangs a paper over it "do not mess."

But to the edge to the edge! Above there is a board, you can see that the shit stopped, and it is also on it!



Fuck, almost 20 years have passed, and it still runs away from this pyramid of shit.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №153291
 11.11.2019
I had so recently in a dream run away from a giant bear, the most terrifying thing was how he whispered loudly, I heard that whisper right behind my back, and at one moment I clung, fell, and he pursued me, still loudly whispering and knitting my teeth. At that moment I woke up, in complete darkness...but the bear was still here, it was said by his terrible whirling which did not happen anywhere, only a couple of seconds later when the brain finally woke up I realized that it was wildly snoring my wife ))))

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №153290
 11.11.2019
We end up celebrating in a small but genuine pathos café, such with hipsters, tofu sausages, smoothies and mohito...

We are already going out, but I notice - behind one table sits a raised girl, surrounded by three (!) A waitress or a guardian.

The girl has a tragedy - came on a date with a guy, who in advance offered to divide the account in half, but after a bit, photos for an Instagram - went to the toilet, and disappeared... Very mysteriously! And his subscriber is no longer a subscriber... And in the coffee shop they are already accustomed to the habits of the hipsters – so they have a very strict policy on paying bills – no passport phones in deposit, or pay, or the police. Washing clothes is for anyone.



And the girl now pay for two. Money is hardly enough for one of them. She roars, the waiters yell, the guard-administrator snoops and flies his fists.

We find out how much debt, the amount for the cafe is really small - in the account of allop ara of liquid salads-smoothies, a couple of pizzas, beer and what a little bit - so we just give the administrator bills, he kicks the waiters - the girl is released from the siege. We are almost out, but the girl is catching us, grumbling of gratitude, vowingly promising to return us the money, this is all... She will call us!

She does not call us her phone number prudently, and does not ask for our number, so we only kindly sneak and hurry to get rid of her.

And here the toona makes a "decisive step" - sharply accelerates, and runs past our company, jumping into the route. The route is leaving, and it shows us the "fax" in the window - only with the index finger.



This is funny and strange. We didn’t ask for money back, we just paid. And even her name was not asked, so once she was released, she was just removed and all.

But whether she thought of something especially erotic and frightened, whether she and her boyfriend have such a way of divorcing others... He runs away immediately, and she then cries with tears.



But to watch her beating us, and then trying to insult us in a strange way, it really was more fun than the comedians from the cafe. A funny end to the weekend.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №153289
 10.11.2019
I work as a sysadmin in a huge company, from Kaliningrad to Sakhalin. And here, connecting to the network on another application, I suddenly at some point realize that:

I connected to the phone via TeamViewer.

- your home laptop in Moscow, from which by RDP ("Remote Desktop") via VPN connected to

- his working computer (also in Moscow), from which via RAdmin (also a program for remote connection) was attached to

home computer of an employee in Chelyabinsk, who needs to connect to

Working computer of the company's unit in Yakutia.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №153288
 10.11.2019
A long time ago, as a student, he worked as a nurse in a military hospital. The team in my department was wonderful, thirty-five women and a boss, named Mahmud Mahmudovich Mahmudov. The times were then difficult, apparently therefore the chief did not refuse to arrange an examination in a regime institution for persons entirely alien to the army, not miserably, naturally, i.e. not by law).

               Once the boss calls to himself, and says, will come to talk people that I have to meet, greet and send to RRS. At the appointed time comes a colourful couple: a man with the appearance of a gorgeous, in a raspberry jacket, with a thick-walled chair on his thick-walled neck, and with a dozen gold seals on his hairy fingers, and his wife, a little woman with sad eyes, dressed in all black, and with a head wrapped in a cloth.

               Who is the patient? The man points his finger to his wife. Go, I say, I will explain what awaits you, and you (husband) sit in the hallway for now. Husband - I will go with you, I will overtake, Ana savesam savesam ne panimaje.

               We sit in the office, I begin to explain, looking at the woman, the essence of the method of rectomanoscopy. You will be inserted, I say, in the rectum, a special tube with an optical system to examine the colon... A man interrupts me – Oh, listen, it’s very dangerous, right? ? to No, I say it is not dangerous. The only thing that can be discomfort from the unusual feeling of a foreign object in the rectum.   Don’t be afraid! This shameful Buddha is unusual for her!  The man said with a whisper and slapped me with his hand on his shoulder. A woman with her eyes...

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №153287
 10.11.2019
Judging by the fact that one can only speak good about the government, it is dead.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №153286
 10.11.2019
I work as an electrician in a factory. In this profession everywhere overdahera interesting moments, but the story about one.

On the first floor of the production there is a modest male toilet for one person. Then someone stole the lamps. The lamp is ordinary, 220V under a 27-cylinder with a power of 40-90W (which set the one and stands). Factory, as if people were stealing. But going over the day to roll a new bulb is still tired (if the bulbs are needed - we would fit, we would give a dozen without any problems).

It was decided to put a 220/36 lowering transformator in front of the bulb and 36-volt bulbs.

Theft continued, but a week later one employee comes to us for consultation: "Please tell me, here I am turning the lamp at home, I turn on the light, and the lamp immediately burns, and so I already burned the lamps."

Good afternoon, how long we have been waiting for you 😉

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №153285
 10.11.2019
It is time for metro stations to return to the names they had before the revolution.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №153284
 10.11.2019
A work colleague told a story about how his first-class son walked home for an hour and a half, although the journey takes only ten minutes. The father began to question the son.

Father: How could you go home for an hour and a half, where were you?? to

I watched the multicolors.

Father: Where is it?? to

In the children’s clinic, there the TVs were hanged.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №153283
 09.11.2019
My wife has a beauty salon. A small one, 10 years old. The wife herself is a master of manicure, does it carefully, and her clients have been visiting her for many years. A few years ago we moved to the suburbs, we live in a collective house like this... I stand on the street, I smoke, a neighbor comes out, a lady aged 27-28. We talked...

What is your wife doing?

It has a small beauty salon.

OOOOO OOOOO! Is the manicure done there?

...?!... Well... of course!

How do I get your wife to make me a manicure?

Come into the salon with her. There is a phone...

“Yes, I don’t want to go to the salons there... Let her take everything she needs from work today and make a manicure at home in the evening! have agreed?

My wife does not work at home. First, she comes home late, and secondly, at home she is resting.

The neighbor silently left... The next day I stood smoking... The neighbor came out.

Why didn’t your wife bring me anything yesterday and make me a manicure?

...!!! I told you that she doesn’t work at home.

I don’t understand – what is the problem? Bring everything you need from work, and I - my neighbor - for the sake of warm relationships, make a manicure?! We can be friends!

My wife is almost 55 years old, and she is the director of a beauty salon... at home she has not been working for a long time! Do you understand?

Will she make me a manicure?

Go to the salon with her.

And the neighbor stopped greeting me too! Strange people! Or are we getting older and no longer understand something in modern relationships?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №153282
 09.11.2019
“A woman must be educated properly,” the taxi driver tells me, “I don’t even allow anyone to tell my granddaughter that she’s beautiful. Although she is pretty cute. No reason. Better not to know. My mother educated my daughter wrongly. Everyone told her not to study, not to work. You have to get married and everything will be fine. She grew up, the fuck knows what. He does not know how to work, he does not know how to work. My husband is waiting. Therefore, a girl should not think from birth that she is beautiful. She needs to think about education and career.



I am silent. I haven’t grown up yet to argue with retirees about how to raise children.



“Why don’t you have a car?” the taxi driver suddenly asked.

I don’t just want to, I answer.

Does my husband have a car? He does not lag behind.

I do not have a husband. Where does his car come from?

Why is she so beautiful and has no husband? He is surprised.

“Because I have education and work, I ironize.



For a while he remained silent. Reloaded on. Then the rest of the road was rough. I fear he never told his granddaughter that she was beautiful.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №153281
 09.11.2019
I went to McDonald’s for coffee this morning. I order in the terminal, a couple approaches the box. The girl makes an order, the man adds, “And Happy Mile!” The further dialogue:



Girl: What else is Happy Mile?

I want a toy.

D: What one?

There are robots.

D: Why are they for you?

M: I like them.

D: And what, now we’re going to buy everything you like?

M: But there’s a great blue robot.



Seeing that in the turn are already beginning to joke about what is happening, someone whispered very loudly, "Let's buy a toy to a man," the girl allowed to take the companion Happy Mile. His eyes were filled with happiness. It was interrupted by the phrase: “Vitya, pay for us!” The man believed in success and asked the treasurer about other toys from the collection, but the girl said, "You have enough of one."

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №153280
 09.11.2019
I take my son from kindergarten. In the car, he asks:

“Daddy, why did you take me out of the garden later?

“No, baby, I’m taking you up at the same time, just getting dark on the street earlier.

Why is?

Autumn is coming and the day is getting shorter.

Why is?

The sun rises later and goes down earlier.

Why is?

Well, see, our planet moves around the Sun on a not quite circular trajectory, that is, at some point it is further away, somewhere closer to the star. Plus, the Earth's own axis of rotation is slightly inclined and at some point less sunlight falls on us and the light day becomes shorter. Do you understand?

That’s why you took me later.

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