bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135161
 25.10.2016
I bought another wasik.
IG: They are reproducing!
Alex: What is it?? to
IG: the wheels
IG: First you buy an off-road tire, and then suddenly an UAZ appears on it

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №135160
 25.10.2016
Hillary has done well:
Somebody is sucking for her all the time. That is Monica, that is Madonna.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135159
 25.10.2016
Disputes about theft. No need for shootings. You are being pushed to this thought in order to stop further thinking about it. All it takes is to deprive them of the possibility of acting differently than I expect from them, otherwise than what they absorb from the screens. The official in the real sense must be the slave of the people. No any rights. The minimum wage is for both the official and all relatives up to three knees. Find out who has less, deduct from the officials to the required. A good incentive to improve the standard of living. Everything that exists at the time of receipt of powers is frozen precisely until not only the removal of powers but also the assessment of the work done with deduction of funds in the case of unproductive work. No any benefits. The last of all. Going to operation? The official? Until everything goes by, you wait. Comparison of income and expenses every six months. Take a loan for the country? Be kind to pay from your own pocket. Until the loan is paid. Even after removal of powers. Pensions are minimal. Power dictates the image of the altruist, the sacrifice of which is all for the people. You will be like that. All you need is to deprive yourself of the opportunity to be different. At the power? Not a man. Withdrawn from powers? Results and Rehabilitation.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135158
 25.10.2016
xxx: I waste half a day writing beautifully, literally and in colours a letter to the Customer about what to do "this hernia" we will not.
WOW: And the "hernia" takes 10 minutes?
I guess it’s somewhere :))))

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135157
 25.10.2016
Who are we who hate dogs, cars and people? We are the ones who don’t care where they live. We are those who agree with neighbors on repairs, take a vacation and drill, paint, spat in 2 weeks. Not six months, every evening from 20:00 to 1:00. We are the ones who are able to organize leisure for children in sections and circles. And we don’t let them walk around the apartment like a flock of elephants. We are those who respect ourselves and others, thinking about everyone’s comfort. And not selfishly splashing in all directions, with the desire to send in some shorts out of the polar circle. We are those who expect only a small fraction of proper behavior from others.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135156
 24.10.2016
Russian Foreign Ministry: Russia has prepared asymmetric responses to possible US sanctions

The population of Russia: shit to us, guys...

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135155
 24.10.2016
“Ten years ago I saved a drowning man. They pulled him off the shore of the Black Sea. We lived in a university sports camp. The coach approached me and said, “I will tell you about you, Dovlatov, in the evening ambulance.” I was pleased. I liked a gymnast named Ludda. There was no reason to talk to her. Suddenly such luck. We are in the evening ambulance. The coach says, “Dovlatov, a step forward!” Everyone is looking at me. And people in particular. The coach said, “Take care! The stomach runs out, the neck is undeveloped, like an oak, and the comrade saved! "After that I was afraid to look at the People."

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №135154
 24.10.2016
Diamond: what was important for the smartphone before? 3 GB RAM, FullHD screen, etc.
Diamond: and now: there is a connector for headphones and it does not explode

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135153
 24.10.2016
I am 36, my nephew is 7.
I fight with my nephew, we roll on the floor. The grandmother comes into the room, looks at us and says with irony:
Thirty six and seven. Normal temperature of a healthy person.
He breathes and leaves.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135152
 24.10.2016
There are, in particular, three ways to put things in place:
Method of mass sealing - if the suitcase has not entered your compressed bucket for vacation, you need to sit on the suitcase and then it will close.
The method of artistic tetris - things are placed in the suitcase extremely tightly, so that if you repack the first suitcase, there will suddenly be room in it.
And the method of two suitcases is understandable from the name.
However, it has long been noticed that in two suitcases sometimes even less than in one. The fact is that the efficiency of space use is sacrificed to laziness, aesthetics or ergonomics. Especially Lenny.
With the rooms in the apartment the same story.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135151
 24.10.2016
From the self-driving forum. The question of catching crows in the garden is discussed.

"...Crabs when caught sometimes emit the smell of danger..."

The smell of danger is like that.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135150
 24.10.2016
A colleague is late to work, lives in a suburb, it is worth saying that he recently acquired an old field:
Why are you late?
Give them something.
88 years of you.
So go you. First the battery, then the starter, then the reducer shaft broke. Going to church?
Ordering a song?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135149
 24.10.2016
Church Bank "Presvet", is a lochotron "two in one".

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135148
 24.10.2016
xxx: in %organization% in the toilet low washes...
XXX: For whom are they?
XXX: Washing your hands
YYY: Did you not confuse with Beade?
XXX is bad?
yyy: %link to image%
XXX is your mother.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №135147
 24.10.2016
XHH: And there will be more to come, maybe the expenses with the income to compare will be learned. With a fingerprint, this is not done.

WOW: Yes, "this is not done" is a key phrase. Because only a thumbnail of the legislator is lacking: the masters of the country are stubbornly unwilling to light their expenses.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135146
 24.10.2016
The landing module of the Schiaparelli mission "ExoMars-2016" crashed"
I am very worried about Matt Damon. Did he survive such a hard landing? Did you produce enough fertilizer for potatoes?


[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135145
 24.10.2016
I drove out of the village. The desert road is dark. The little girl wakes up, asks for water, then wakes up finally and surprisingly asks why all the houses are turned off.
I laughed: Here is the city boy. I remember, the first night after moving into the city hit just a lot of shining windows. Sometimes I am still dying and admired.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135144
 24.10.2016
Russian actor Nikita Gigurda told NSN that he is officially changing his surname in his passport to escape from the boring image of the "evasive fric".

According to Jigunda, he decided to officially change his surname to Janatan El-Air Bratash Gi Pogorzelski von Han Eden. “These are my family names, and I took Janatan and Bratash in memory of the murdered mummy with whom we joined the European Order of the Rosicruciers,” the actor said.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135143
 24.10.2016
<R-spaw> Let us take a bit of ternary logic, where the outcome of each operation is presented as one of three possible states: "yes", "no" and "guess", add a little quantum uncertainty, so that the output signal always represents a superposition of these three states, and as a result we get a computing system for which answers like "yes" will probably be quite natural.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135142
 24.10.2016
There are a bunch of criminals who make money from crime – drug barricades, for example. And if it is difficult to catch a criminal, to be jailed for non-paying taxes, like one of the famous American mafia - take on experience.

WOW: Yes, the drug barricades are so poor and stupid that they won’t pay 20 tons a year, but they’ll wait for you to grow up and catch them all.
It has long been necessary by law to introduce accounting of expenses on an equal footing with income, and to ask uncomfortable questions when expenses exceed. But they do not do this for decades: stealing will become extremely uncomfortable.

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