bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148934
 09.02.2018
Women who require a shirt with their husbands, I suggest to be called Norse-dependent.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148933
 09.02.2018
The princess doesn’t fuck, she doesn’t eat. He eats those who are going to release. At the end, he receives a ransom. You can’t count the two steps, too.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №148932
 09.02.2018
I say to a worker at work today: Will you sleep with me for a hundred bucks?
She is: No. Are you stupid to ask such questions?
And for two hundred?
She is: No!
I : How much?
She is: five hundred.
I: not a question, only first sign up here that sex is voluntary, and that you will not have any claims.
And then six hundred.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №148931
 09.02.2018
Clearly, Military

>>> To be directly told how "he wanted to insert a penis into the vagina, but got into the anal hole", for example.

Chota remembered:

“Say, Comrade Major, how to find a female genital organ.
I understand the question, I answer. We take a woman, we dress, we put the stomach on the table,
we lubricate the thumb in weapon oil and lead from the neck along the spine down to the second click.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148930
 09.02.2018
It was such a terrible story.
The kids went out to smoke.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148929
 09.02.2018
I have a damn damn uncle now.
— — — —
Isn’t it beautiful? Not just a fucking, but a fucking female! Especially note that the author of the source writes on behalf of a woman. The awareness of the scale is there, shit. But only with individual representatives.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №148928
 09.02.2018
The Holy Chicken

>> A very long time ago a dwarf planet crashed into the Earth, its fragments resulted in the Moon. And the god ruled this planet, when it collapsed, he peeled out like an egg and remained on Earth.

Finally a convincing theory!
From the fact that the god-controlled planet crashed, it follows that God was very drunk - and that explains EVERYTHING!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148927
 09.02.2018
Virtually any primitive tribe welcomed the rituals of initiation—complex, life-threatening trials in which a young man or girl was either considered to be a full-fledged element of society, or inevitably died.
- Will you continue to canoe, or will you call the accounting office and say that the recent operations may partially fail, because they had to flood their collective farms from yesterday's backups?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №148926
 09.02.2018
I have my mother's main memory from Israel - she was hungry and decided to buy a hotdog. asked in English high match - she has ten dollars - she is impressed in Russian - and what is so expensive? Welcome to Israel in Russian.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №148925
 09.02.2018
Yes to! The athletes were divided into dirty and clean. When will we deal with politicians and officials?

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №148924
 09.02.2018
I have a friend, Andrei. He works as a waitress in a restaurant. It tells us what customers are getting.
There is often a police officer there. The waiters do not like to serve him, because he is forever strangled and gives little.
One day, a group of young people came to the restaurant. We went for a walk and ordered the most expensive. And when Andrew brought them the bill, they got the cash, stated that they are not going to pay and can put everyone here.
At this point, the same general, dressed in uniform, comes in and says, “Good, Andrew. Do me as always.”
The crooked instantly hid their quives, quickly paid off and melted.
Since then, the general is the most desirable guest in the restaurant.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №148923
 09.02.2018
Last winter in the tank of the cruiser was placed fuel for 3000, this winter for 4500. The car of 2010.
How old does the crochet grow?? to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №148922
 09.02.2018
In the local network, a colleague sells 2 rarely combined goods: headphones and a home crate.
The first comment under the announcement: "Do headsets and drum cranes go together to listen to heavy music?"

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148921
 09.02.2018
When one grandmother is an agnostic and the other an Orthodox, the child, having talked to them, tells very interesting things:
Long ago, a dwarf planet crashed into the Earth, its fragments became the Moon. And the god ruled this planet, when it collapsed, he peeled out like an egg and remained on Earth. God created the monkey and she became man. Then he gave her a guardian angel to stand behind her shoulder and watch her behavior.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148920
 09.02.2018
Every woman should have a little black dress. I also have a black dress that is small for me.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №148919
 09.02.2018
Permanent fees on “Barsik’s foot freezes” or “Polkan needs a house.” How many children need a home??? How many people are frozen in the country? How long have nine cats’ lives cost more than one human’s?

Strange that you never got in the eye... okay, I will tell you: fees for the treatment of children (who a million, who all 15) are regularly held on the central channels. Welcome, just send a SMS with the amount. Want to save freezing people? Look in the heat tracks, you can take the soup in a thermos, you can have a hangover for heating. You can even ask to volunteer in an elderly home. Listen for the hundredth time to the whispering stories and teachings of the old ladies, bring them sweets for tea. Are you purely theoretical? We have understood. Those who are really busy helping people do not rely on helping animals. He just has no time. It is you, the couch "better would" always have time to stop the one doing what he does wrong and wrong.

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №148918
 09.02.2018
Here is how I was.
If you chew the dog, it cries.
You stop craving, you need more.
You throw, so that she does not dare to scream on the masters - she looks with frightened guilty eyes.
You are hungry, you are crying.

...we didn’t know very soon that the dog was both able to mock and mock.
And it appeared to her not immediately from childhood, when and from which cat she studied - the hell knows it.

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №148917
 09.02.2018
It was by chance not that boy with a pick-up who asked to accompany the girls, and when on the way accidentally turned into a drunken hop company threw the accompanied into the circle of new acquaintances and struck the type of "deuces-something no-one, in me beautiful and kill can." True, the good guys there seemed to be caught - they stumbled over the knight, returned the chosen hat to the girl who stumbled, and even felt that such happiness fell to her. I have no doubt that he also told all his acquaintances how the insidiously abandoned girl tested him on the abilities of Chuck Norris.
What’s bad, two guys will go in for each other, if not quite shit like people. Two girls are also very likely to get in for each other (I know only one ass with the position of "just don't touch me, touch her," and that was naturally overwhelmed in the sight of a lovebobby big baby boy schoolgirl of fifteen years old). A husband's wife or fellow resident protects even from a squad of mints (and even if the mints were called by the neighbors, because the husband ran after her, foolish, with a hammer). But from a guy to wait for help (but not on the basis that the girl is a woman, but on the basis that the girl is close or there is at least an indifferent to him MAN) - I sewed them in advance, he did not sign them in the superhero.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №148916
 09.02.2018
I don’t understand why guys don’t like the layout "should be a defender"? Yes, according to the patriarchal culture (the same in which a woman gives birth to a borch and is completely subordinate to a man) he must bear full responsibility for her, protect from other men, ensure... or how, the rights of the patriarch we want, and the duties we do not want?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №148915
 09.02.2018
who gave birth and raised 99% of the rapists and terrorists

I will reveal to you a secret: it usually takes two to be born, without the male has not yet learned. There are usually two people in the family: the father and the mother. Why is it "not everyone has a father"? Where is he and why does he not raise his children? But the fault of the grandmother, yes.

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