I don’t remember this story myself, since I was 3 or 4 years old then, so I recall my mother’s words.

One day my mother took me to a logopedist. The logopedist asks me:

How does the cow cry?

My mother says that’s how she formulated her question. Apparently, the word “mocking” would be a too clear hint. Therefore, in full accord with TZ, I replied:

Aaaah aaaah!

The logopedist, strangely enough, remained dissatisfied. I still do not understand why.

One of the most shameful memories that emerge before I fall asleep is about my phenomenal “simplicity” and unthinkability.

5 course of the universe. The Companion. I happen to encounter in the hallway an ex-boyfriend of a former neighbor who practically lived with us in the room and we had a friendly relationship.

He was already released, but came to his friends and hanged in communion. We broke up a couple of duty phrases and here I am purely of politeness (hospade, I thought! ) I say, okay for now. If you want, you can come overnight.

And I went to myself, thinking that he would most likely stay somewhere all night and spend the night there, and I just showed kindness and care.

He stopped sleeping at 10 p.m. Nothing bothered me here. I think, fucking, I’d better not come, but okay. He is lying next to me instead of the next bed. I was a little stressed here. He puts his hand on my hip. I remove his hand from his hip. He puts her on his shoulder. I am cleaning.

In general, the guy quickly realized that I did not call him, turned away and fell asleep. I apologized for the rush in the morning. And I almost cracked my face from shame when it came to me that I invited the guy to stay overnight and... stay overnight.

The irony of fate



The Law of Abomination: As a lockdown, so abnormally good sunny weather!



© Dmitry Sviridov

The stupid...

The 18-year-old student of the Russian University of Transportation Mikhail Akimov was returning home in the area of the CSKA station. It was about two o’clock at night, and suddenly a stranger called him.
They quickly shortened the distance and hit the student in the stomach without warning. After beating and robbery (they took the phone and a bag with documents) tried to leave.

But Misha quickly recovered, he already had an idea. The guy pursued the criminals and asked them to give a mobile phone (mol, it is very needed for studies) in exchange for translation through the Sber app.
One of the fraudsters dictated the mobile number and received 26 thousand. After that the robbers fled, and Akimov recruited the police.

The holder of the number was caught after 6 hours - they turned out to be 20-year-old Arslanbek Ešenaliev from Kyrgyzstan, with him was the second robber (18-year-old Bakbergen Madanbekov). A criminal case was initiated against a couple for theft.

Are we waiting for a widow of laws with orphaned laws at Malakhov?

Judging by the news, Russians are most concerned about sewstream2, spot market, ukro transit, Moldovan energy crisis, shale. Income of 10 to 12 people.

Intoward

I had to lie in the clinic of Svyatoslav Fedorov (MNTK MHG) in 1987, then still new and fashionable. And only when I got there, I immediately heard about a strange enterprise (the head of the administrative and economic part in a modern way).

“Don’t leave food in the cushion,” the nurse whispered to me, “or maybe it may come.”

Yes is. They did not speak out loud. Just a whisper.
- Завхоз this night all night in the basement - quietly discussed on the post.
Well and how?
Everything is OK. He checked, there is no need for deratization.

They knew everything about the entrance.
Where is the entrance? And he is at Svyatoslav Nikolaevich today all day resting in the office.

Judging by the conversations, Vanhos was a person with ghosts.
- Today the check, and let the entrance on the administrative floor sit, does not come out.
Don’t let him go to the food block, we’ll bring him everything ourselves.

And before the discharge, my treating doctor took me to the examination not to the clinic, but to his personal office. In fact, it is not necessary, but it happened. I sit, she looks into my eyes, and here she cries:
The wave has arrived!
I looked around. There was no one at the door. I looked below. And on the threshold sits a gray cat in a black strip. Going on!
Go out, go out of here. Do you see I have a reception? The doctor told him strictly.
Katyara waved dissatisfied, turned and walked through the corridor, raising his tail with a flag and smoothly swinging a thick fist... For a report to the chief, probably.

The Lockdown.
Does the bar work?
This is not a bar, but a veterinary pharmacy. What do you do, cat?

I met a girl. I went to the house, I stood by the entrance (D-girl, I-I)

Let’s go home to me and have a coffee.

I'm already having dinner, I don't want coffee for the night.

D – I have a delicious tea.

I do not drink tea.

D is juice.

I do not, I do not want.

Drink the fucking water!



has entered. Second year of marriage

I went on a day with my husband on the drug market. As I walk past the wedding dress section, my gaze stops at one of them. I imagine myself in this beautiful dress. I whispered my husband’s ear:

“Andrei, let’s get divorced and get married again!

The response followed immediately:

I’t take that risk in your place.

On the same field, the bee finds flowers and honey, and the fly finds dirt and dirt.
The same goes for the Internet: one finds useful knowledge and the other seeks and finds dirt for the soul.

“Don’t fly to Europe.”
The case was this morning. The Munich airport. Nearly simultaneously two flights depart: MAU to Kiev and S7 to Moscow. Back to passport control.
Stand for 40 minutes. But there is a fast line for people with disabilities. And for some reason, it clearly breaks young and healthy people. The border guard did not call them. Guess who? A person of 10 from each of these two flights I exactly counted while the hour was in line. So why?
Why shouldn’t Europeans be ashamed? And in the post-Soviet brains such a primitive trick is the norm. You clock stand, and I'm a "type disabled" will pass without a line. Certificate confirmation does not ask, so can? is shameful. It is offensive. I was ashamed and upset all morning.
He got up early and spent the entire peak hour in Munich traffic. Bicycles, how many of them and how well organized! People massively drive to work on the great because they know that they are considered, respected and they will come alive. Carrying children on wheelchairs to kindergartens. I saw my mom carrying the twins in a special two-seat bicycle chair, which is attached to the front. I saw a wheelchair for a child. This is death on our roads. European style of life and freedom.
I know Munich badly and confused the ranks a couple of times. But they didn’t signal me or shout, “Dude, where are you going? They went!” I was missed with a smile. Aggression, selfishness, the habit of ignoring the rules and thinking only about yourself - all this in the blood of many "post-Soviet". In other words, the mentality. Until it changes, nothing will happen.
Everyone enjoys insulting the president and the authorities, writing problems on them. “This is our country,” many people like to say. Friends, the country is its citizens. We are with you. Yes, we are not lucky with presidents. But looking at how our people take up seats for people with disabilities, do not give way to women in the transport and do not get the entrances in which they live, and still are all the time dissatisfied with everything, I understand: no government will change the country until we change ourselves. You have to start with yourself.
I feel sad every time after Europe. Sometimes from the plane. The example today. I always register in advance for a flight and choose a place near the illuminator. I come, I am busy. This is often the case on our flights. I kindly ask to move. In response to me, as if with a reproach, they pointed to a place near the passage with a trailer: "So this is the same place, sit here, or did you sleep at the window?" I know ours. Going against the rules, people try to expose others as idiots and justify themselves. In any situation.
Culture is about small things. Such as sitting in the seat that you have in the ticket, not the one that you liked more. He said, “Maybe it will break.” It’s as simple as brushing your teeth, washing every day and not wearing one socks for 3 days, especially in the heat, forcing people in public transport to squeeze their noses and go aside.
The president, parliament and financial situation have nothing to do with this. It is not the president who parks on the lawns and watches in the elevators. Not because of poverty after a picnic in parks and forests, people leave a bunch of garbage. Deputies do not hinder collecting garbage in a bag and taking it with you.
I apologize for the emotionality and rude expressions. Some sort of hopelessness. and honestly. At least don’t fly to Europe, so that you don’t get disappointed and don’t feel ashamed. Such thoughts. But now I have arrived, and despite anything, I understand that I adore my country. We just need to re-educate some people. Not all, but many.

Why do prostitutes not go to parliament? Because they are accustomed to fulfilling their commitments.

Today, in order to become a "conspirologist", it is enough to tell people about the real state of affairs and point them to obvious causal relationships.

I watched the oil painting today.

I am standing at the stop, waiting for a colleague, knocking on the phone. Disposition: a woman and a man are sitting on the stop-box, also in the phones, near the garbage two men smoke and talk about themselves.

A guy, a little older than 20 years of age, sits on the bench from the edge and looks at one point. Almost immediately comes a little red plummet, a girl driving. The passenger glass descends, and the girl says, clearly addressing the guy: "Sereja! Oh the serenity! Stop showering, we went home, right?”

I am distracted by the phone (drama!I look at the serenity. The serenity sits like a stone, demonstratively looks to the side, does not react. The girl continues: "And the palm trees are waiting, I almost filled the freezer. I bought the creams.”

Action begins immediately. Both smoking men simultaneously shoot the bulls into the urn, one goes to the car, the other to Seret. The first opens the passenger door, the second grabs Serezhenko by the hand, and the man who was sitting before that nearby begins to help him: grabs under the second hand, the two of them tear the guy off the bench and drag to the car, halfway the smoker No. 1 joins them. I approach to help, but there is no place there, and they do well.

Three under the white scrolls stumble Serezhenko to the car and start to stumble there, while all three on him: "You are completely squeezed? Almost a full fridge! Such things are not abandoned! Live in the car until we stuck you in the trunk! Take the jacket! Yet another cream! Totally a fool?” Serezhenka has a slight shock on his face, he resists, but somehow sluggish. They knock him in the car, close the door, the girl screams “Thank you guys!” and collapses from place. The men look after, one says "I am a fool", the other answers "Yes, younger yet", everyone returns to their places.

Aliens are arriving on Earth. Delegations of different countries, religious leaders gather around and question the aliens about their lives.

When the turn comes to the Pope, he asks, “Do you know of the Savior and Lord our God, Jesus Christ?”

“A, Jesus,” the alien answered. “Of course we know him. He visits us every year to make sure we’re okay.”

Surprised, the Father cried out, “Every year? We have been waiting for his second coming for 2000 years.“”

The stranger sees that the priest begins to get angry and tries to reassure him: “Well, maybe he likes our chocolate more than yours.”

My dad wondered, “Chocolate? What does this have to do here?“”

“Yes the chocolate. When he first visited our planet, we gave him a healthy box of chocolates. Guess, what did you do?”

My mother told me. I am 18 years old, I live in a small town, I finish 1 course, the USSR has just collapsed. That evening, my mother is alone at home, there is a bell at the door. In front of the door is a middle-aged woman with an evil face. He holds the hand of a 16-year-old girl with a clearly noticeable stomach, all pointed, eyes to the floor.

Mom grabs the heart, the breath sparred, in the head immediately the thought about me - "I jumped!!!"

The Woman – Health! Jennie lives here?? to

Mom dyes for a second, exhales, and, not believing her happiness, answers: - No!!! The woman lives on the upper floor!

They buried the virus – they broke up medicine, the economy, education and the remnants of foreign policy.

245 km or shoes without shoes

My friend Andrei, for a month as I was wearing on "bushans", everywhere, on carpets and even on rubber boats. He made a documentary film, somewhere between Yenesay, Angara and Lena.
And, of course, as always, not in time, he had a bad tooth. Shooting the side, I needed to urgently look for a dentist. Andrei looked at the world's most beautiful landscape of green mountains going beyond the horizon, the dental clinic was nowhere to be seen, Andrei burned, and the pain increased. The truck driver, he knew everything here for hundreds of verts, so he said, as he cut off:

- Don't worry, here next to the village there is a good hospital, there is a dentist, 40 kilometers in total.
Nippon for yourself, all!
- According to our standards, with the hand to give, the hour in two should be.

The hospital was a small, one-story, wooden barracks of Soviet construction.
Dentist, thank God, worked that day and his office had a rough, but still alive row on the bench. Andrei found out who was the last, also sat on the shop and courageously waited. From nothing to do, he counted the people before him, multiplied them all by half an hour, there was a lot, very much. After some time, Andrei already knew the whole row by names, who was behind whom and who asked to sleep in the car.
Here, from the street came a man of fifty years, quietly greeted and sat far in the corner. He didn’t ask anything, he didn’t take the line, he just sat aside from everyone.
But here, the door of the office opened, a proud patient came out with a fresh seal and a new man rushed to the door with a corshun. Everyone stumbled, who was hurt to stumble, just stumbled, but the doctor jumped out of the office, guiltyly looked at the dissatisfied line, uncertainly-reconcilingly shrugged his hand and quickly pulled the naked patient to himself.
The revolution was ripe in the corridor, especially our Andrew, because he obviously will not often have to treat his teeth here and fear to spoil the relationship with the doctor, it is not scary.
After half an hour of sluggish rebellion, a clever man finally came out of the door, the doctor led him up to the exit, then stumbled into his office and brought out a beautiful box of champagne:

“Here, take a present from me for my wife – it’s sweet, women love it.

They soon said goodbye and the doctor returned to his suffering rebels:

Well, please come in. Who is next?
What is this...? How is it shameful? Without a turn, he went in, and he also had a champagne! They already got those blades! Sweet to him! You’re waiting here from six in the morning.
"Calm down, comrades, the man came, one can say, with acute pain, two hundred and forty-five kilometers away, and he has yet to return.
This is all with severe pain! You think, two hundred and forty-five, and I was almost three hundred here, and nothing broke up! That’s what, your relatives, why did you all move here for him?
In any case, for the sake of a relative, I’t even think of the turn to move. Here, my daughter came that week, she was also sitting in turn for half a day, you must remember. This is a completely different situation. I couldn’t keep him in line. True, I could not.
Is he your boss or a friend?
He is the same boss for me as I am for him. I have no boss, I am myself. He’s not my friend, yes, my friend. In general, to be honest, the less we see, the better for both of us.
Don’t be angry, comrades, it came out, think that I didn’t put the seal on him, but on myself. So is better?
In other words, to yourself?
“In short, this man is a dentist like me, and his clinic is two hundred and forty-five kilometers away, here we go to each other and treat our teeth. And where else?
There, by the way, are the same poor as you waiting for him now.
Excuse me again. Who is in turn? Please come in...

The manager of the cell operator company brought the dog to the veterinarian:
Her stomach hurts, do something. How much will it cost?
- Yes, without any problems, I will give you a medicine, 500 rubles.
The veterinarian takes the dog, after a couple of hours gives it and handed over the check for payment. The manager is upset:
and 10,000? This for what?
"And at the same time I castrated her, hips her right leg, cut her tail, cut her hair. I thought you would use it all.